MY HUBBY LIKES ME FAT....SABOTAGING

My first thought would be because he is insecure.

Maybe it's a control issue. He might feel threatened by your weight loss and what that might represent, that you might grow as a person and branch out in life. Maybe he thinks other guys might look at you. Have you asked him why?

At any rate, it isn't respectful of him to buy all that junk food when you've made a commitment to get healthier. Good luck.

My first husband passed away 9 years ago but I still remember the sabotaging. He would complain about my weight and when I would diet he would bring home all the goodies I loved, especially dark chocolate items, I figured out with him it was a control issue as well as his insecurity about me finding someone else if I got in his words "skinny". It could be anything just ask him if he is afraid of losing you if you lose the weight and look like a teenager again! lol

Maybe he is afraid he would lose something more, you.
Don't stop losing weight---reassure him that you love him but that you expect that he will support your health goals.

At first I just brushed it off, but now with the brownie bites calling me every time I walk by, I'm POd! I've worked really hard, physically, mentally and emotionally! I will not give in!!!!!

I would scoop up all those brownie bites and put them in the trash or make them "disappear." He's healthy. You have a right to be healthy, too.

Okay, he's bringing stuff home but is he demanding you eat it? If that were the case, I would consider that control.

I have a husband that knows I love food, and when I first started losing weight he would bring home little trinkets he knew that I would enjoy. Not simply to sabotage me, that was just the normal way of showing me he was thinking of me. Oh hey, I saw this deliciousness in the grocery and I thought you'd like it. Now, after I told him that he couldn't do that anymore because delicious foods are something I can't always say no to he stopped.

There's not always a bad motive to their moves, they are just sometimes ignorant of (what we think are obvious) facts. You're losing weight but maybe he doesn't grasp why you have to say no to things you like all of the time.

After that long of being married I hope you can open up the lines of communication without any fighting over such a small, easily fixed issue.

Ok, committed male here. I think you ladies need some perspective.

It may very well be that your husband is insecure, or he likes you thick. I'm not him, so I can't say for sure.

But I strongly suspect the reason is far more mundane: he's trying to please you in the way he's been trained to do so for the last N years of his marriage.

If you have habitually been comforted by those kinds of foods in the past, he is quite likely just robotically doing what he's always done in the process of thinking about you.

If this is the case, stop getting angry about perceived "sabotage", and just make it EXTRAORDINARILY CLEAR in no uncertain terms that buying healthy food would make you substantially happier than buying you what he has been.

If that doesn't work, then yes, maybe he's being am insecure ****.

Definitely agree.

Just don't eat them.

Then, either your house will fill up with old, uneaten swedish fish and brownie bites - or he'll get the message.

Either way - you'll be just fine. :flowerforyou:

Maybe he just doesn't understand what it is like for you. Try nicely telling him.

My story may shed some light:

I was told by my doctor to go gluten-free to see if this would help my page-long laundry list of complaints/symptoms, physical aches, pains and problems. I had been gluten-free for 5 weeks and hadn't had a single gluten item. NOT ONE. Well, hubby comes home with a dozen donuts and made sure to get my favorites. He brought them out and handed them to me with a big smile on his face as a gift to me. This is something he never does! LOL

I went absolutely bullistic. I had explained that I was trying Gluten-free and that I was keeping a diary of my symptoms. He knew that but he didn't realize that it meant...NO wheat, rye, barley at all. NONE. He thought it was a "most of the time" thing.

If these types of treats are trigger food for you, as in you can't control portions, then explain it to him. Explain exactly what you would like him to do to provide support.

I also want to add that my DH wants me to shed some pounds but doesn't want me to "go crazy." He is also very clear that he loves me just as I am. We've agreed to healthy. Improving my health and well-being. I'll decide what determines "healthy" when I get there.

Wishing you good favor as you work through this!

To me, sabotage would be something like tying you up and force-feeding you. Otherwise, just don't eat what he's bringing home. Maybe talking to him about his purchases is something you should do? It's not like you barely know each other and can't have a serious conversation.

a very dear friend lost 120 pounds and her boyfriend wanted the weight right back on her. He lost interest because she was slim. He's been outta her life for a year - and she is still slim!!

Divorce.

Is it possible the goodies are for him? If he's a runner with no body image issues, that could be. My husband buys that crap for himself all the time. It's not sabotage (at least for us). Of course there are spouses who feel threatened or insecure when the other starts losing weight. Talk to him. If it's too big of a temptation to have that stuff around, ask him to stop, or take it to work, etc. If he has ulterior motives then you can work from there. But don't let it get you down and don't give up on yourself.

When my husband has done this in the past it's exactly because of what the men are saying here. . . he's used to me being happy when I see these things. Be gentle. . . imagine if you made him something special, his favorite, and he became angry with you over it. I don't know about you, but I'd be devastated. If he really is trying to be kind, it's a great chance to show him what kindness and love look like to you now. Maybe even drop hints about fresh fruits and healthy snacks - or a chance to get out and walk (either together or alone, whichever feels like a treat).

Sometimes it's a fear of losing you to someone "better", whatever their definition is of "better". My girlfriend had the same issue with her husband and she told him that he stuck by her when she was over weight and she wouldn't leave him when she's not. You really just need to sit him down and have a talk with him to find out what his motivation is.

Wait,,, What???? I want to know more about this situation?? your girlfriend has a husband? or what happend if she stood by him but yet now has a boyfriend? Jerry,Jerry,Jerry.