MY HUBBY LIKES ME FAT....SABOTAGING

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  • Railr0aderTony
    Railr0aderTony Posts: 6,803 Member
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    Here is a stretch, Maybe he loves you and wants you to be happy and thinks these are the things you love and so he buys them. Us men are not mind readers by any stretch so he might not even know you do not want that kind of thing anymore. You need to just talk to him instead of telling everyone but him.
  • bonniecarbs
    bonniecarbs Posts: 446 Member
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    a very dear friend lost 120 pounds and her boyfriend wanted the weight right back on her. He lost interest because she was slim. He's been outta her life for a year - and she is still slim!!
  • laele75
    laele75 Posts: 283 Member
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    I'm with the gents. Unless hubby has been telling you you don't need to lose weight, until you actually TALK TO YOUR HUSBAND, you can't just assume the worst. And women wonder why men think that we're playing mind games with them? Because we ALWAYS ARE.

    /rant
  • spade117
    spade117 Posts: 2,466 Member
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    Divorce.
  • SinomenJen
    SinomenJen Posts: 262 Member
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    I have a great husband, but sometimes he is TOTALLY oblivious! Are you sure he is not just doing what he normally does? Or as my hubby thought proccess went something like "she has done so well she deserves a treat!
    Before you watch the video earl has to die and rent the burning bed, I would talk to him and see where he is coming from, explain how you would love his help on your health journey, you know what he is like wayyyy better than any of us, and know if this is a nasty thing, or a good man doing something unintemtionally!
  • 1brokegal44
    1brokegal44 Posts: 562 Member
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    Is it possible the goodies are for him? If he's a runner with no body image issues, that could be. My husband buys that crap for himself all the time. It's not sabotage (at least for us). Of course there are spouses who feel threatened or insecure when the other starts losing weight. Talk to him. If it's too big of a temptation to have that stuff around, ask him to stop, or take it to work, etc. If he has ulterior motives then you can work from there. But don't let it get you down and don't give up on yourself.
  • Sweets1954
    Sweets1954 Posts: 506 Member
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    Sometimes it's a fear of losing you to someone "better", whatever their definition is of "better". My girlfriend had the same issue with her husband and she told him that he stuck by her when she was over weight and she wouldn't leave him when she's not. You really just need to sit him down and have a talk with him to find out what his motivation is.
  • gen1917
    gen1917 Posts: 5 Member
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    When my husband has done this in the past it's exactly because of what the men are saying here. . . he's used to me being happy when I see these things. Be gentle. . . imagine if you made him something special, his favorite, and he became angry with you over it. I don't know about you, but I'd be devastated. If he really is trying to be kind, it's a great chance to show him what kindness and love look like to you now. Maybe even drop hints about fresh fruits and healthy snacks - or a chance to get out and walk (either together or alone, whichever feels like a treat).
  • holothuroidea
    holothuroidea Posts: 772 Member
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    Have you tried talking to him about it? See, the awesome thing about men is that they are also people who understand words.
  • Railr0aderTony
    Railr0aderTony Posts: 6,803 Member
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    Sometimes it's a fear of losing you to someone "better", whatever their definition is of "better". My girlfriend had the same issue with her husband and she told him that he stuck by her when she was over weight and she wouldn't leave him when she's not. You really just need to sit him down and have a talk with him to find out what his motivation is.

    Wait,,, What???? I want to know more about this situation?? your girlfriend has a husband? or what happend if she stood by him but yet now has a boyfriend? Jerry,Jerry,Jerry.
  • cubbies77
    cubbies77 Posts: 607 Member
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    Sometimes it's a fear of losing you to someone "better", whatever their definition is of "better". My girlfriend had the same issue with her husband and she told him that he stuck by her when she was over weight and she wouldn't leave him when she's not. You really just need to sit him down and have a talk with him to find out what his motivation is.

    Wait,,, What???? I want to know more about this situation?? your girlfriend has a husband? or what happend if she stood by him but yet now has a boyfriend? Jerry,Jerry,Jerry.

    "Girlfriend" sometimes means "female friend". Calm down.
  • Oncebittentwiceshy38
    Oncebittentwiceshy38 Posts: 127 Member
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    What if you worked one brownie bite into your calories for tomorrow, thanked him and sent the rest to work with him. Yes, I agree a talk might be in order, but you have to remember that there are no "bad" foods. If he continues and it really is hindering your weight loss, then just flush whatever he brings home or throw it away. My children keep treats in my home and if I really want some, I work it in, otherwise I assume it's not worth my time to worry about. :)
  • PikaKnight
    PikaKnight Posts: 34,971 Member
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    I'm with the gents. Unless hubby has been telling you you don't need to lose weight, until you actually TALK TO YOUR HUSBAND, you can't just assume the worst. And women wonder why men think that we're playing mind games with them? Because we ALWAYS ARE.

    /rant


    ^ two thumbs up!!!!

    And I'm also with @textmessage. Is someone force feeding you? No. So the only person that is sabotaging you is you.
  • bettyann55
    bettyann55 Posts: 87 Member
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    At first I just brushed it off, but now with the brownie bites calling me every time I walk by, I'm POd! I've worked really hard, physically, mentally and emotionally! I will not give in!!!!!
    Don't give in is great but you really need for him to understand how you feel about these unhealthy treats he brings you. My I suggest trying to sit down with him and letting him know that you are wanting to continue losing weight to become health, more fit and feel good about yourself. And most of all stress to him thank you like it when he treats you to these yummy treats but to try in the future to maybe bring home your favorite fruit, maybe even flowers, etc.
    Let he know how much he is loved and your weight loss will not effect that love and infact it will enhance how you feel about him and he towards you.
    Good luck
  • virginiejaubin
    virginiejaubin Posts: 497 Member
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    I think you should just ask him if he prefers you as you were or if he doesn't mind you being slim and healthy looking as he does.

    If he perfered you like before, just tell him that you are doing this for yourself, your health and all the reasons why you are doing it. Tell him how he can HELP you instead of doing what he's doing and that his help as your life partner is important to you. Just let him know that you will acheive your weight loss and health goals and that he should respect that and be proud of you.

    If he doesn't mind your weight loss, again, tell him how you feel about what he does with the food and tell him how he can help you acheive your goals!

    Best of luck to you!
  • holothuroidea
    holothuroidea Posts: 772 Member
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    Sometimes it's a fear of losing you to someone "better", whatever their definition is of "better". My girlfriend had the same issue with her husband and she told him that he stuck by her when she was over weight and she wouldn't leave him when she's not. You really just need to sit him down and have a talk with him to find out what his motivation is.

    Wait,,, What???? I want to know more about this situation?? your girlfriend has a husband? or what happend if she stood by him but yet now has a boyfriend? Jerry,Jerry,Jerry.

    I don't know their situation and maybe it was worded wrong, but it doesn't warrant so many question marks. Some people are polyamorous. It's really not that big of a deal.
  • Tiff050709
    Tiff050709 Posts: 497 Member
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    First I would throw the brownie bites away! Then I would have a serious talk with him. Losing weight isn't just to be skinnier, it's to be healthier. As your husband, it's important that he supports you.
  • Mads1997
    Mads1997 Posts: 1,494 Member
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    Ok, committed male here. I think you ladies need some perspective.

    It may very well be that your husband is insecure, or he likes you thick. I'm not him, so I can't say for sure.

    But I strongly suspect the reason is far more mundane: he's trying to please you in the way he's been trained to do so for the last N years of his marriage.

    If you have habitually been comforted by those kinds of foods in the past, he is quite likely just robotically doing what he's always done in the process of thinking about you.

    If this is the case, stop getting angry about perceived "sabotage", and just make it EXTRAORDINARILY CLEAR in no uncertain terms that buying healthy food would make you substantially happier than buying you what he has been.

    If that doesn't work, then yes, maybe he's being am insecure ****.

    damned if you do and damned if you don't, you poor blokes can't win LOL
  • Railr0aderTony
    Railr0aderTony Posts: 6,803 Member
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    Sometimes it's a fear of losing you to someone "better", whatever their definition is of "better". My girlfriend had the same issue with her husband and she told him that he stuck by her when she was over weight and she wouldn't leave him when she's not. You really just need to sit him down and have a talk with him to find out what his motivation is.

    Wait,,, What???? I want to know more about this situation?? your girlfriend has a husband? or what happend if she stood by him but yet now has a boyfriend? Jerry,Jerry,Jerry.

    "Girlfriend" sometimes means "female friend". Calm down.

    Dohh your right, saw the dude in the profile pic, but when i opened it , it is a female, My apologies, Perfect example of how oblivious men can be.
  • Lyadeia
    Lyadeia Posts: 4,603 Member
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    I've been married for over 22 years and have been overweight for the majority. My husband is fit, in the Air Force and runs and trains for 1/2 marathons. He ran four 1/2 marathons (13.1 miles each) in 120 days! I've lost about 20lbs from exercising and changing my eating habits. Hubby is deliberately going out and buying all of my old favorite foods like, Swedish Fish, Oreos, MdDonalds, ice cream and today 32 brownie bites! I'm trying my best not to take one bite of those brownie bites!!!!! Why would a spouse, not want their spouse to lose weight??????

    My first thought was...

    Maybe he's trying to be sweet by buying your favorites and just maybe it has nothing to do with him wanting to prevent you from losing weight???

    My husband buys me candy, ice cream, etc. all the time, but he is very supportive of my goals and is happy that I am losing body fat. He's not trying to sabotage me, he's trying to be nice by giving me some things he knows I like. And it hasn't affected my weight loss anyway. These things can fit into your diary if you want them to.

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