MY HUBBY LIKES ME FAT....SABOTAGING
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Sometimes it's a fear of losing you to someone "better", whatever their definition is of "better". My girlfriend had the same issue with her husband and she told him that he stuck by her when she was over weight and she wouldn't leave him when she's not. You really just need to sit him down and have a talk with him to find out what his motivation is.
Wait,,, What???? I want to know more about this situation?? your girlfriend has a husband? or what happend if she stood by him but yet now has a boyfriend? Jerry,Jerry,Jerry.
"Girlfriend" sometimes means "female friend". Calm down.0 -
What if you worked one brownie bite into your calories for tomorrow, thanked him and sent the rest to work with him. Yes, I agree a talk might be in order, but you have to remember that there are no "bad" foods. If he continues and it really is hindering your weight loss, then just flush whatever he brings home or throw it away. My children keep treats in my home and if I really want some, I work it in, otherwise I assume it's not worth my time to worry about.
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I'm with the gents. Unless hubby has been telling you you don't need to lose weight, until you actually TALK TO YOUR HUSBAND, you can't just assume the worst. And women wonder why men think that we're playing mind games with them? Because we ALWAYS ARE.
/rant
^ two thumbs up!!!!
And I'm also with @textmessage. Is someone force feeding you? No. So the only person that is sabotaging you is you.0 -
Don't give in is great but you really need for him to understand how you feel about these unhealthy treats he brings you. My I suggest trying to sit down with him and letting him know that you are wanting to continue losing weight to become health, more fit and feel good about yourself. And most of all stress to him thank you like it when he treats you to these yummy treats but to try in the future to maybe bring home your favorite fruit, maybe even flowers, etc.At first I just brushed it off, but now with the brownie bites calling me every time I walk by, I'm POd! I've worked really hard, physically, mentally and emotionally! I will not give in!!!!!
Let he know how much he is loved and your weight loss will not effect that love and infact it will enhance how you feel about him and he towards you.
Good luck0 -
I think you should just ask him if he prefers you as you were or if he doesn't mind you being slim and healthy looking as he does.
If he perfered you like before, just tell him that you are doing this for yourself, your health and all the reasons why you are doing it. Tell him how he can HELP you instead of doing what he's doing and that his help as your life partner is important to you. Just let him know that you will acheive your weight loss and health goals and that he should respect that and be proud of you.
If he doesn't mind your weight loss, again, tell him how you feel about what he does with the food and tell him how he can help you acheive your goals!
Best of luck to you!0 -
Sometimes it's a fear of losing you to someone "better", whatever their definition is of "better". My girlfriend had the same issue with her husband and she told him that he stuck by her when she was over weight and she wouldn't leave him when she's not. You really just need to sit him down and have a talk with him to find out what his motivation is.
Wait,,, What???? I want to know more about this situation?? your girlfriend has a husband? or what happend if she stood by him but yet now has a boyfriend? Jerry,Jerry,Jerry.
I don't know their situation and maybe it was worded wrong, but it doesn't warrant so many question marks. Some people are polyamorous. It's really not that big of a deal.0 -
First I would throw the brownie bites away! Then I would have a serious talk with him. Losing weight isn't just to be skinnier, it's to be healthier. As your husband, it's important that he supports you.0
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Ok, committed male here. I think you ladies need some perspective.
It may very well be that your husband is insecure, or he likes you thick. I'm not him, so I can't say for sure.
But I strongly suspect the reason is far more mundane: he's trying to please you in the way he's been trained to do so for the last N years of his marriage.
If you have habitually been comforted by those kinds of foods in the past, he is quite likely just robotically doing what he's always done in the process of thinking about you.
If this is the case, stop getting angry about perceived "sabotage", and just make it EXTRAORDINARILY CLEAR in no uncertain terms that buying healthy food would make you substantially happier than buying you what he has been.
If that doesn't work, then yes, maybe he's being am insecure ****.
damned if you do and damned if you don't, you poor blokes can't win LOL0 -
Sometimes it's a fear of losing you to someone "better", whatever their definition is of "better". My girlfriend had the same issue with her husband and she told him that he stuck by her when she was over weight and she wouldn't leave him when she's not. You really just need to sit him down and have a talk with him to find out what his motivation is.
Wait,,, What???? I want to know more about this situation?? your girlfriend has a husband? or what happend if she stood by him but yet now has a boyfriend? Jerry,Jerry,Jerry.
"Girlfriend" sometimes means "female friend". Calm down.
Dohh your right, saw the dude in the profile pic, but when i opened it , it is a female, My apologies, Perfect example of how oblivious men can be.0 -
I've been married for over 22 years and have been overweight for the majority. My husband is fit, in the Air Force and runs and trains for 1/2 marathons. He ran four 1/2 marathons (13.1 miles each) in 120 days! I've lost about 20lbs from exercising and changing my eating habits. Hubby is deliberately going out and buying all of my old favorite foods like, Swedish Fish, Oreos, MdDonalds, ice cream and today 32 brownie bites! I'm trying my best not to take one bite of those brownie bites!!!!! Why would a spouse, not want their spouse to lose weight??????
My first thought was...
Maybe he's trying to be sweet by buying your favorites and just maybe it has nothing to do with him wanting to prevent you from losing weight???
My husband buys me candy, ice cream, etc. all the time, but he is very supportive of my goals and is happy that I am losing body fat. He's not trying to sabotage me, he's trying to be nice by giving me some things he knows I like. And it hasn't affected my weight loss anyway. These things can fit into your diary if you want them to.0 -
Step back for a minute and look at yourself from where I see you... you are so strong!!! Some women would be like, my husband bought brownie bites so I'll eat all of them tonight and start over tomorrow - but not you! You are awesome. You have self control and right now I can tell you are going to get what you want because you want it enough to have posted this. There is always something to derail a day. If it isn't a husband it's the doughnuts a coworker brought to work, drinks with friends, a potluck, whatever! The temptation is there and you are sticking to your guns. You are a rockstar! I hope you see that
You're right!!! There's always something!0 -
have you asked him to not buy those things for awhile? Than him for his thoughtfulness first, then let him know you want to avoid treats for awhile as you get into a new healthy lifestyle.
I honestly don't think men think that intently about motives. My husband brings me treats like that because he knows i love Swedish Fish and Trade Joe dark chocolate- that's his only reason.
I have a few bites, go for an extra bike ride. then give the rest to the kids.0 -
Sometimes it's a fear of losing you to someone "better", whatever their definition is of "better". My girlfriend had the same issue with her husband and she told him that he stuck by her when she was over weight and she wouldn't leave him when she's not. You really just need to sit him down and have a talk with him to find out what his motivation is.
Wait,,, What???? I want to know more about this situation?? your girlfriend has a husband? or what happend if she stood by him but yet now has a boyfriend? Jerry,Jerry,Jerry.
I don't know their situation and maybe it was worded wrong, but it doesn't warrant so many question marks. Some people are polyamorous. It's really not that big of a deal.
LOL, now there is a limit on Question Marks? I like questions. I like question marks. ????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????0 -
Okay, he's bringing stuff home but is he demanding you eat it? If that were the case, I would consider that control.
I have a husband that knows I love food, and when I first started losing weight he would bring home little trinkets he knew that I would enjoy. Not simply to sabotage me, that was just the normal way of showing me he was thinking of me. Oh hey, I saw this deliciousness in the grocery and I thought you'd like it. Now, after I told him that he couldn't do that anymore because delicious foods are something I can't always say no to he stopped.
There's not always a bad motive to their moves, they are just sometimes ignorant of (what we think are obvious) facts. You're losing weight but maybe he doesn't grasp why you have to say no to things you like all of the time.
After that long of being married I hope you can open up the lines of communication without any fighting over such a small, easily fixed issue.
I haven't been buying sweet like I use to so, maybe the household is feeling deprived...lol0 -
Maybe because this is what made you happy in the past. Tell him you want to be healthy like him. That you would love to run together etc and could he help you with this. Then drop in that because he exercises so much due to work and men tend to lose it quicker you have to be careful with what you eat so could he stop bringing home so much food. I am sure he does not mean it and if you explain he will get it.0
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Very well spoken and I would venture to guess you are absolutely right.Ok, committed male here. I think you ladies need some perspective.
It may very well be that your husband is insecure, or he likes you thick. I'm not him, so I can't say for sure.
But I strongly suspect the reason is far more mundane: he's trying to please you in the way he's been trained to do so for the last N years of his marriage.
If you have habitually been comforted by those kinds of foods in the past, he is quite likely just robotically doing what he's always done in the process of thinking about you.
If this is the case, stop getting angry about perceived "sabotage", and just make it EXTRAORDINARILY CLEAR in no uncertain terms that buying healthy food would make you substantially happier than buying you what he has been.
If that doesn't work, then yes, maybe he's being am insecure ****.0 -
Ok, committed male here. I think you ladies need some perspective.
It may very well be that your husband is insecure, or he likes you thick. I'm not him, so I can't say for sure.
But I strongly suspect the reason is far more mundane: he's trying to please you in the way he's been trained to do so for the last N years of his marriage.
If you have habitually been comforted by those kinds of foods in the past, he is quite likely just robotically doing what he's always done in the process of thinking about you.
If this is the case, stop getting angry about perceived "sabotage", and just make it EXTRAORDINARILY CLEAR in no uncertain terms that buying healthy food would make you substantially happier than buying you what he has been.
If that doesn't work, then yes, maybe he's being am insecure ****.
Thanks for commenting... I guess I can't change over 20 years of bad eating habits in two months!0 -
Ok, committed male here. I think you ladies need some perspective.
It may very well be that your husband is insecure, or he likes you thick. I'm not him, so I can't say for sure.
But I strongly suspect the reason is far more mundane: he's trying to please you in the way he's been trained to do so for the last N years of his marriage.
If you have habitually been comforted by those kinds of foods in the past, he is quite likely just robotically doing what he's always done in the process of thinking about you.
If this is the case, stop getting angry about perceived "sabotage", and just make it EXTRAORDINARILY CLEAR in no uncertain terms that buying healthy food would make you substantially happier than buying you what he has been.
If that doesn't work, then yes, maybe he's being am insecure ****.
Thanks for commenting... I guess I can't change over 20 years of bad eating habits in two months!
No you can't. Also, you have to take into account that men do not think about food the way most women do. Women are taught all these things are bad and can make us fat. Men rarely put that much thought process about what they put in their mouths. Especially active ones who don't have to worry about it.
Even more than 20 years of bad eating habits, you cannot change a lifetime of eating habits in two months. Especially if you don't talk to the man about it at all. It just won't happen.0 -
Maybe he just doesn't understand what it is like for you. Try nicely telling him.
My story may shed some light:
I was told by my doctor to go gluten-free to see if this would help my page-long laundry list of complaints/symptoms, physical aches, pains and problems. I had been gluten-free for 5 weeks and hadn't had a single gluten item. NOT ONE. Well, hubby comes home with a dozen donuts and made sure to get my favorites. He brought them out and handed them to me with a big smile on his face as a gift to me. This is something he never does! LOL
I went absolutely bullistic. I had explained that I was trying Gluten-free and that I was keeping a diary of my symptoms. He knew that but he didn't realize that it meant...NO wheat, rye, barley at all. NONE. He thought it was a "most of the time" thing.
If these types of treats are trigger food for you, as in you can't control portions, then explain it to him. Explain exactly what you would like him to do to provide support.
I also want to add that my DH wants me to shed some pounds but doesn't want me to "go crazy." He is also very clear that he loves me just as I am. We've agreed to healthy. Improving my health and well-being. I'll decide what determines "healthy" when I get there.
Wishing you good favor as you work through this!
Brownies are one of those things that I just can't eat one, so your advice is very helpful!0 -
Did you ask him? After 22 years can't you just ask why he's doing something? "Hey, I'm trying to lose weight, please stop buying brownie bites."
If that doesn't work ask him WHY he won't stop.
If he says he prefers you fat, stress that you are concerned with your health and that he should be understanding and love you no matter what.0 -
What does it say about your relationship in the first place that the first thing you think is 'sabotage' rather than he's trying to make you happy? He wants you to have the treats he knows you like, because he probably assumes you can control yourself. Christ...0
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I say we go kick his *kitten*.
or...
what she said.My first thought would be because he is insecure.0 -
Is it possible the goodies are for him? If he's a runner with no body image issues, that could be. My husband buys that crap for himself all the time. It's not sabotage (at least for us). Of course there are spouses who feel threatened or insecure when the other starts losing weight. Talk to him. If it's too big of a temptation to have that stuff around, ask him to stop, or take it to work, etc. If he has ulterior motives then you can work from there. But don't let it get you down and don't give up on yourself.
You're right...I have to have more willpower. Everyone else in my house is slim, involved in some activity and they enjoy their treats.0 -
Talk to him, lovingly, and find out what is going on. He loves you the way you are and likes to indulge you. He'll probably love you thinner too. It sounds like your husband has never needed to watch what he eats.0
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He doesn't prefer you fat. I have had the same issue at home. It's two things. Insecurity and control. Sometimes, subconsiously they are afraid if you start to look good, you'll look for something better and leave. Get to the bottom of that NOW! I have tried all sorts of tricks and none of them work.
I have taken what he has bought and thrown out little by little to make it look like I'm eating it, but that really doesn't work. Just throw the whole thing away.
He needs to learn new skills of showing how he cares for you. He has been doing this 22 years and it's very hard for men to change their habits towards their wives.
I have learned to say nothing and just throw it away. Don't worry about the money, your health is more important. If they are for him, put them in his car. Good Luck to you!0 -
does your husband eat the goodies or just bring them for you?0
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Did you ask him? After 22 years can't you just ask why he's doing something? "Hey, I'm trying to lose weight, please stop buying brownie bites."
If that doesn't work ask him WHY he won't stop.
If he says he prefers you fat, stress that you are concerned with your health and that he should be understanding and love you no matter what.
We've talked about it extensively. I've been a yo yo dieter for 34 years, so he probably doesn't believe me when I tell him don't bring home those goodies.0 -
does your husband eat the goodies or just bring them for you?
He eats them, but ask if I want some.0 -
Make him keep them in his car.....Convince yourself that they don't taste that good anyway. Keep stuff in the house that HE likes and YOU don't! This way he has something he can eat that you really don't like.
Or Throw it away -- and tell him very calmly. I'm sorry but I'll be throwing these things away from now on. If you want to eat them you'll need to keep them in the car.0 -
does your husband eat the goodies or just bring them for you?
He eats them, but ask if I want some.
You should tell him to never think about you when it comes to food you enjoy. That'll solve the problem.0
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