How do you explain death to a child?

When they were very young I told them that the people we love go on living forever in our hearts and in our memories. That we are healthy and plan to be around with them as they grow up and for a very long time after that. I never went into a long story but added more and asked more about their feelings as they grew older. BTW my husband and I have 4 nearly grown up children. Death is one of the tougher parenting discussions and trust me most tough issues come up at the strangest times and usually unexpected. :flowerforyou:

When I was young, the Lion King had just come out and I was very much in love with it. Around this time, my great grandmother died. She was the first person in my life that had died - my first personal experience of death. My mother told me that my great-grandmother was a star now - just like they had mentioned in the Lion King. I saw some people mentioned this already, but it worked for me at that age.

At this age, children are not going to grasp the bigger meaning of death. So giving them a sort of security that those who are gone are still there in some way, it's almost sure to be a comfort.

Babys dont need honesty , they need reassurement. Think this, if you die, how would u want your baby to deal with it the first years. Do you want him to think you are away and there is no way to reach you , or do you want him to be able to talk to you / (spirit ) when he needs , until he can make it on his own ? Last post , best of luck.

i told my kids that some people believe in heaven, some in ghosts, some in reincarnation and some in nothing. noboy knows for sure, so what do they like to think might happen?

then i explained how magical science is. that their cells were born in the hearts of stars, billions of years ago, and when they die their cells will go back to the cycle, become a tree or an eagle... maybe one day part of them will be a diamond. nothing really ends.

that we miss the people who are gone, but it all flows in a cycle. if nobody ever died there would be no room for new people to be born. if you want a long, healthy life you can help that to happen by eating well and crossing the road with care.

the main thing is this:

if you seem unafraid, if you talk of it calmly, if your child sees in your face that everything is ok then they will believe it.

I have not read all the posts and to be honest I find comfort in my religious beliefs but I feel it is my job as a parent to present my child with all the facts and ideas. It may help that there are many theory's as to what happens. I think it is also important to reassure them that it is natural and not a "bad" thing.
Not sure if I was helpful?

Along with the "Raising Freethinkers" book suggestion, "Parenting Beyond Belief" is also very good.

It's hard. No way around it. Harder still for us non-believers because we don't have the luxury of saying someone's gone to a better place.

There one thing I'm thinking that you could try, depending on how you think your child would respond to it.

You can say that death is a part of life. All things die and as tragic as it is life wouldn't be as beautiful without death. The fact that our lives are temporary makes them so very special. It means we have to really make the most of the time we have and appreciate the people in our lives while they're there. Give him an example of a toy he loves but rarely plays with, now tell him you're going to take the toy away forever. He really wants to play with that toy now, doesn't he? That is what makes the temporary nature of our lives so special. If we existed forever things wouldn't really matter so much now would they?

Just a thought. Nothing makes it easy. But it's obvious you're doing the best you can. Good luck to you.

I like this, combined with the whole "circle of life" part on how we come back to make more things in life beautiful. I think it's a good way to explain to a child in such a way that it isn't frightening. No matter what you say, I'm sure you'll work through it. You're clearly a good mom and your little guy trusts in you to be honest with him. Those are very important positives, regardless how negative the situation might appear.

Mufasa: Everything you see exists together in a delicate balance. As king, you need to understand that balance and respect all the creatures, from the crawling ant to the leaping antelope.
Young Simba: But, Dad, don't we eat the antelope?
Mufasa: Yes, Simba, but let me explain. When we die, our bodies become the grass, and the antelope eat the grass. And so we are all connected in the great Circle of Life.

english is my second language im portuguese, baby is what we call a kid until he is like 6

My wife and I are atheist. The kids are kind of christian.

We are kind of a darker family. I mean, our household is full of optimism. Really happy family.. but we are dark in the sense that we just kind of talk about death equal to birth. Explain that we all are born, and we all will die. They have a game of identifying which musicians are dead and alive. My son was floored that queen's Freddie Mercury is dead. My kids are 3,5 and 9. The 3 year old doesn't inquire much, but when she does we just explain it. She doesn't understand it. We just always just to make it a natural thing, a thing not to be scared of, but a thing to live every day to its fullest.

I also explain we need death to get the outdated ideologies out. I explain we live forever through our memories. That I pass onto them a piece of me, etc. And that we all live forever and are all connected by this. They don't get it mostly, but as long as we keep this up and open this communication up, we can pass on our wisdom.

First, just answer only what he asks. Kids have a great way of asking exactly what they want to know. Don't bog him down with details, simply answer his question. Secondly, buy him a small pet, like a fish or a hamster and wait for nature to take it's course. And yes, I am completely serious. My 5 year old knows because of living on a farm, and it is easier to explain and accept when it is animals and not people. (S/N: farm kids learn about sex sooner for the same reasons.)

Litraure s often a great way to talk to children about death and dying, as it allows for discussion. More so, it usually is written in a less in-your-face kind of way, to help young children deal with such a difficult subject. Below were the top 5 recommended by Yahoo. Some of these have more religious overtones, others don't. but sometimes regardless of your beliefs, Heaven is a nice notion to suggest kids. As children get older they can either accept or reject that notion, but for small children, it often brings peace and comfort. These were the top 5 books on death and dying geared towards younger children:

Top Five Children's Books About Death and Dying

1. Water Bugs and Dragonflies: Explaining Death to Young Children, A Coloring Book written by Doris Stickney and illustrated by Robin Henderson Nordstrom
This beautifully written book talks about death and what might lie beyond without being overly religious. Using dragonfly larvae and dragonflies as an analogy about what happens when we leave our known world and venture into the unknown this book gives just enough information about what happens when we die without making death something to fear. Children and adults will find comfort in the authors comforting words and beautiful black and white illustrations that are meant to be colored by the reader. Water Bugs and Dragonflies: Explaining Death to Young Children, A Coloring Book is available from Amazon www.amazon.com and retails for $6.50.

2. Gentle Willow: A Story For Children About Dying written by Joyce C. Mills and illustrated by Cary Pillo
This book is written to help children who are dying and their loved ones cope with their impending death. It describes death as a transformation rather than an end. In Gentle Willow a squirrel named Amanda notices her friend willow, a tree, isn't looking very well. She calls in the tree wizards who make Willow feel a little better and more comfortable even though they have to admit that they can't cure her. At first Amanda is angry about losing her friend until the tree wizards explain about memories and how she will always have those of her special friend. The story ends with Amanda comforting her friend and explaining about how death is like the transformation of a caterpillar into a cocoon. The heartfelt text of this book is illustrated with beautiful and comforting watercolor illustrations. Gentle Willow: A Story For Children About Dying is available from Amazon and retails for $9.95.

3. The Next Place written and illustrated by Warren Hanson
The Next Place is a perfect book to read to children who are wondering what happens when a loved one dies. Using beautiful illustrations and moving prose this book explains what the next place is like without being overly religious or scary. The place where our body goes after we die is described as a beautiful and peaceful place where all of our hurts are gone. The Next Place is written for children however in my opinion its a comforting book to share with anyone who is facing death or has had a loved one pass away. The Next Place is available from Amazon and retails for $11.53.


4. The Fall Of Freddie The Leaf written by Leo Buscaglia Ph.D
The Fall of Freddie The Leaf is a great way to talk about the seasons of our lives with children and how at some point each one of us will leave our familiar lives and pass on to another place. Some of us while we are fresh and green, others when they are old and withered. It explains that our passing is just another phase of our lives and how we are all part of something bigger and will live on in the memories of our loved ones. Written in simple language the message of this book is easy to understand and the illustrations are beautiful and really capture the essence of the text. The Fall of Freddie The Leaf is available from Amazon and retails for $11.24 .

5. What's Heaven written by Maria Shriver and illustrated by Sandra Speidel
What's Heaven is written by journalist Maria Shriver in response to her own daughters questions about what happens when a loved one dies. She lovingly answers questions such as why she is so sad, what heaven is, the difference between our bodies and souls and how our loved ones live on through us. The book is beautifully written in simple text that young children can understand and illustrated with lovely pastel drawings. What's Heaven is one of those books that children will want to hear over and over again. What's Heaven is available from Amazon and retails for $10.20 .

The death of a loved one is never an easy subject to talk about no matter how old you are, hopefully my top five books about death and dying will make talking to children about death a little easier for parents and caregivers.

I'm an atheist also, but I want my children to be able to learn and explore and decide for themselves what is right for them, so I do probably have an influence from my being an atheist, but I do not indoctrinate them to be atheists, just as I would not do if I was religious in some way. I came to my atheism on my own and they deserve the same.

A really excellent book is: "Raising Freethinkers" by Dale McGowan.

First off, I take my kids to Science World since the preschool years (it's an interactive science museum), so that brings up lots of opportunities and ways to talk about death (since there is a lot of stuff about the natural life cycles as well as info about dinosaurs and extinction.

I told my children that death is a natural part of life. Everyone is born and everyone eventually dies. Hopefully, in the best circumstances, people do not die until they are very old and have lived a long life. Because they are children, I told them that people can live to be around 100 years old (because that is such a big number for them). I talked about how long 100 years is and we talked about life and everything a person can do and experience in 100 years. I told them that when it is their time to die, they will have lived a long and happy life and will be at peace with saying good bye. I told them they would have children and grandchildren and maybe even great grandchildren and nieces and nephews that will continue on, after they are gone, and that they will always live on in people's memories, the impact they had on the world and in the stories that people tell about them. I talked about how they will go back into the earth and all the ways they will be part of the earth. This is when getting out some good, and amazing science info is very helpful and makes it an amazing, learning process. I told them that parents usually die before the children because they are older, but that I won't die until they are all grown up, and old themselves and are parents or grandparents even. But, I talked about how life is uncertain and sometimes there is tragedy and people die sooner than they should. They have friends that lost their mother already. I told them that it is sad when that happens, but the people we lose live on in our hearts and memories and become part of the earth again. That even though it is painful and sad and tragic, everyone can handle pain and suffering and will eventually heal and be able to continue on with their own lives, remembering the person, missing them, but not feeling the pain as deeply. But, I explained it is better not to live in fear of things like that.

I think that about sums it up.

Oh, I also tell them that people have a lot of different beliefs about what happens after death. I tell them a little bit about that. And I say that I do not believe those things, but no one really knows, so they can take their time to learn and explore and decide for themselves what they believe. And I told them it is a sensitive and personal topic and we should be kind and respectful of what other people believe (their friends believe their mom is an angel).

this is just beautiful. thank you. i may be pushing 30 but i still have fears of death myself...and no kiddies yet...so this gives me not only a perspective for future kiddos but for myself as well. xoxoxoxo.