I Lost A Person, But I Found Myself: Leaky's Story

I have been putting this off entirely too long, but I'm finally ready. I finally consider myself a "success."

I had always been "chubby" my adult life, but I was always too lazy to do anything about it. Then, during my pregnancy, I went from chubby to downright fat. The day I gave birth, I was 298 lbs. My son only accounted for 10 of those lbs. I decided that day that I would shed the weight, once and for all.


(April 2009. The day I gave birth. 298 lbs)

I initially didn't have a plan. I simply just started eating less. Sandwiches instead of frozen pizza. Cereal instead of a box of frozen waffles. Diet soda instead of cases of regular soda. Simple changes. I easily got down to 210 by the time my son was 7 months old.


(December 2009. 212 lbs)

And then I stalled. I was back down to my pre-pregnancy weight, and the lack of a structured diet just wasn't cutting it anymore. I finally cracked and joined Weight Watchers in February of 2010.

Now, I'm not going to rant on Weight Watchers. It helped me to lose 40 lbs, and definitely set me on the right course. I learned to make much better choices, and started weighing and "tracking" my food intake. However, it also set me on the path of a very damaging relationship with food. During the week, I was consuming less than 1200 calories a day, and then I would proceed to binge on anything I deemed "forbidden" on the weekends. However, I didn't care as I was losing weight at a 2 lb a week clip. By July of 2010, I had hit 170 lbs.



(October 2010. 169 lbs)


And then I stalled. At this point, I was eating approximately 900 calories a day. I was miserable. The particular WW meeting I attended made no mention of exercise. It wasn't about becoming healthy and strong, it was simply about becoming skinny. I was technically a healthy BMI, and I should have been happy, but the lack of strength training had drained me of LBM, and had left loose skin and flab in it's wake. I hated what I saw in the mirror. Yet I still didn't do anything to fix it. I finally quit WW in July 2011.

By November of 2011, I was tired of starving. I upped myself to "maintenance" calories (about 1500 a day...lololololol), and promptly gained 12 lbs back in three months. I had destroyed my metabolism so badly that I was GAINING on 1500 calories a day. I was beyond miserable. I continued to eat more and more, and ended up gaining another 8 lbs. In March of 2012, I started tracking my intake again, and fell back down the 170 by May 2012. And once again, the scale wouldn't move.

I stumbled upon MFP in July 2012. I scoped it out, and figured it certainly couldn't hurt, so I signed up. I set my goal to 155 lbs (the weight I was when I was figure skating), and set my goal to lose a pound a week. 1600 calories a day...I thought I had died and gone to diet heaven.


(July 2012. 170 lbs. First week of MFP.)

I also, finally, started exercising. I started with 30DS (be quiet, we all have to start somewhere), and committed to it. I finished it midway through August, and I couldn't have been more proud of myself. I moved on to other DVDs, and slowly incorporated some running using C25K. I dropped down to 158 lbs by September 2012.


(September 2012. 158 lbs.)

I finally hit goal weight in November 2012. But I was still unsatisfied with my appearance. I had leaned out some, but my bodyfat was still hovering around 25%. I started doing some research, and after seeing the beyond amazing progress of some lovely ladies on here (Sarauk2sf and Yanicka, I'm lookin' at you two), I decided to start Stronglifts 5x5 in December 2012.

And that was my light bulb moment. The scale didn't move much, but the inches just dropped off. I went down to a size 10 pants (which was my original goal). And then, two months later, I dropped to a size 8 pants (even though I weighed the same). And while I was losing inches, I was slowly gaining a new found confidence in my body. It was becoming strong, and it was showing. I was finding muscles I never knew I had. I loved the way I looked in clothes, and was slowly beginning to at least *like* the way I looked without them (I was still hung up on the mass amount of stretch marks, though the loose skin was slowly, but surely tightening up). I was finally starting to shed the fat in my head, not just on my body.


(January 2013. 156 lbs)

2 months later, and here we are. I'm now 151.8 lbs, at approximately 20% body fat, and a size 6 pants/size 4 dress. I'm strong, I'm lean, and I have an undeniable confidence in myself that I never thought I was capable of having. I not only love who I am on the inside, but who I am on the outside. I can finally look in the mirror and notice my strengths, not my flaws, first. I owe my both my mental and physical strength to my growing love of strength training, and the wonderful friends I have met along the way.

Oh, and I eat. A LOT. I'm now consuming between 1800-2500 calories a day...and that's to lose weight.



(Taken yesterday, 4/22/2013. 151.8 lbs)

I still have stretch marks. I always will. There's a minor amount of loose skin around my C-section scar. It might always be there. But I don't care. I'm done hiding behind them like they're a mark of shame. I have abs to show off. I HAVE ABS. I never thought I'd say that. I bought a string bikini, and I rock the hell out of it, stretch marks and all. I finally see myself through my husband's eyes - beautiful, strong, and confident - as opposed to the warped image that I saw before.

There are no after pics, because there is no finish line. I will never stop getting stronger or faster. I will never stop trying to see what new things I'm capable of. And I will never, ever, abuse my body in such a horrific way again. It's the only one I've got, so I'm going to make damn sure I treat it with the respect it deserves.

I finally see myself as a success, and that feeling of accomplishment and pride is worth every tear shed along the way. I have lost a person, but I have gained an inner strength and confidence that I never knew I had.


*Stats*

Height - 5'10"
Starting Weight - 288 lbs
Starting BF% - Likely between 50-60%
Starting Dress Size - 20

Current Weight - 151.8 lbs
Current BF% - Approximately 20%
Current Dress size - 4


DON'T STOP BELIEVIN'.