Husband needs to exercise...just a rant.

Is this what marriage is these days? Tricking each other into doing things?

Don't treat your husband like a child with the constant nagging or using sex as a carrot on a stick. He's a grown man. He can handle (and, frankly, he deserves) a grown-up conversation. Sit him down, look him in the eye, and say "I love you. I want better for you. It would make me really happy if you would start working out with me." And leave it at that. It has to be his decision, or it will never happen. Men don't like being told what to do. They're like people that way.

Yeah, you're my internet love.

A.C.E. Certified Personal/Group FitnessTrainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition

How old are the kids? Maybe something to try would be to get the whole family involved, weather is getting nice, go on family walks, play basketball, softball, kickball, badminton anything outside that would make him sweat. I know a lot of guys who kick it into gear when their kids start challenging them and saying they could beat them. Pride and ego are two things that most guys love to have stroked and not damaged.

Q

My wife is also over weight but the fact is I love her to the ends of the earth. For years I tried everything I could think of the get her to exercise and eat better. I had to realize that she is who she is and I can either accept her or I can leave the relationship. I had to ask myself, if her weight and poor health an overriding factor in us being together; it was not. My happiness does not depend on her weight.
Almost certainly, your husband is not going to lose weight, he is going to be this way for the rest of his life. There is nothing you can do about it. Now, why did you marry him? Probably, not because he was trim athlete. Probably, because he has qualities and character beyond his weight. Focus there. Your happiness does not depend upon his weight.

A spouse's poor health does affect your happiness. Would you be happier on a beach soaking up the sun or in a hospital wondering if your spouse is going to survive the heart attack? (Not saying its a reason for divorce... but happiness is very much tied to a spouse's well being)

My wife is also over weight but the fact is I love her to the ends of the earth. For years I tried everything I could think of the get her to exercise and eat better. I had to realize that she is who she is and I can either accept her or I can leave the relationship. I had to ask myself, if her weight and poor health an overriding factor in us being together; it was not. My happiness does not depend on her weight.
Almost certainly, your husband is not going to lose weight, he is going to be this way for the rest of his life. There is nothing you can do about it. Now, why did you marry him? Probably, not because he was trim athlete. Probably, because he has qualities and character beyond his weight. Focus there. Your happiness does not depend upon his weight.

A spouse's poor health does affect your happiness. Would you be happier on a beach soaking up the sun or in a hospital wondering if your spouse is going to survive the heart attack? (Not saying its a reason for divorce... but happiness is very much tied to a spouse's well being)

I agree. It is perfectly fine to love your spouse for who they are on the inside. But when you are watching them struggle, like the OP is, then it affects you. Unless you are just completely void of all emotions. Which she is showing that she is obviously concerned for his well being, not just the number on the scale, and not the spare tire he may or may not have.

I have to agree that the life insurance policy seems like good idea. But just that. Maybe it would be a wake up call, maybe not. I dont like the new home and car ads laying around. That kind of seems like (just to me) like you would have given up on him. Which may or may not push him. But it can also hurt him. OP, you know your husband better than anyone, you would know how he would take something like this.

I am actually ALL FOR the "reward" system. If anything you both are burning some calories that way. And it might spruce things up a bit. Use some new things as "rewards". Maybe some toys, maybe some RP ideas. Write a bunch of ideas on notecards and throw them in a hat. When he reaches a goal, pluck one out. Im sure you have some goals OP. When you hit one, pluck one of the ideas out. People love sex, so why not use it? And as he gets in better shape, his attitude might improve, as well as his stamina, and maybe some more interesting ideas can go into the hat. Healthy sex life is important, so there you go. Another goal reached.

I have to agree that the life insurance policy seems like good idea. But just that. Maybe it would be a wake up call, maybe not. I dont like the new home and car ads laying around. That kind of seems like (just to me) like you would have given up on him. Which may or may not push him. But it can also hurt him. OP, you know your husband better than anyone, you would know how he would take something like this.

I am actually ALL FOR the "reward" system. If anything you both are burning some calories that way. And it might spruce things up a bit. Use some new things as "rewards". Maybe some toys, maybe some RP ideas. Write a bunch of ideas on notecards and throw them in a hat. When he reaches a goal, pluck one out. Im sure you have some goals OP. When you hit one, pluck one of the ideas out. People love sex, so why not use it? And as he gets in better shape, his attitude might improve, as well as his stamina, and maybe some more interesting ideas can go into the hat. Healthy sex life is important, so there you go. Another goal reached.

That sounds more like punishment, not reward. You are punishing the one you love for not meeting "your" goals. You are not rewarding them for meeting their goals. The OP's husband is not perfect here and I certainly feel for the OP frustration wise but telling some to hold back on sex as a "reward" is wrong.

And like you I don't really know the relationship you have your better half but how anyone could anyone think their spouse buying an insurance policy on them is a good thing and will make them feel better about themselves?

A married couple should for the most part already have some type of life insurance and if they don't, it should be something discussed by both, not used as a weapon to scare a spouse into doing something.

I don't have a solution for him. But I have one FOR YOU.

Stop making yourself miserable by worrying about things you have no control over.

Peace.