Eloping, incredibly romantic or incredibly selfish?

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  • AZKristi
    AZKristi Posts: 1,801 Member
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    Your immediate families would probably want to share that day with you. That doesn't mean you are responsible for footing the bill. If you want an inexpensive ceremony in a Las Vegas Chapel or to get married at the local courthouse, do it. Just let your closest family know when and where so they can participate if they would like. You can have a picnic in a park afterwards or no party at all. If they don't like it, they don't have to come, but at least they have the chance to participate. If a church wedding is important, you can still have a ceremony in a church with your immediate family - no need to shell out money for all the *stuff* that other people insist on. If your families insist on a big fancy wedding, let them pay for it.
  • SocialSocks
    SocialSocks Posts: 9
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    I kind of get how you are feeling. We went to three big weddings while we were planning our own and I finally realized it wasn't for me.

    We were going to elope because my older sibs had already done the big wedding thing, but my husband is an only child, so we ended up flying our parents down to California (where we were living at the time). We had a small ceremony in a chapel and dinner at a really nice restaurant. We invited a few of our local friends so were 15 people in all. It was pretty much perfect. Looking back, I'm pretty sure I would have regretted not including my parents, and I wish now that I'd brought my sibs down too.

    So like someone else said, there is a third option -- Maybe chose something in between? And I agree with taking your time. I met my husband at 23, married at 26, and still sometimes wonder if we rushed things / were too young.
  • etoiles_argentees
    etoiles_argentees Posts: 2,827 Member
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    ooOo... i want to elope under a waterfall in Costa Rica.
  • rachel4304
    rachel4304 Posts: 115 Member
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    We got hitched in Vegas.

    If family is a concern, invite them -- at their own expense. :) My family flew out for the occasion.
  • Barbellerella
    Barbellerella Posts: 1,838 Member
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    Do what makes you happy. I was 18 when I got married, and while most people thought we were crazy, we're still married and happy 15 years later. If u want something small, go for it Just make sure any family who wants to be involved, has the opportunity =)
  • 1ConcreteGirl
    1ConcreteGirl Posts: 3,677 Member
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    Incredibly practical.

    The idea of planning a wedding makes my head hurt.
  • tweety612013
    tweety612013 Posts: 24
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    My husband and I eloped 43 years ago. It was a spur of the moment decision, and we drove to Reno, NV as you didn't have to have a license or all that back then and we only had been dating for 3 months but we knew it was the right thing to do. My Mom was a little upset that she didn't get to plan a wedding, but I never wanted a big wedding anyway. We planned on having a reception when we got back and my Mom and Dad had a wedding shower for us because we were broke and didn't really have anything. It all turned out and everyone was fine with it. If it is what you want to do, it is your wedding and I agree, why spend all that money when you could use it to put a down payment on a house or whatever. And yes I find it romantic not selfish.
  • FearAndTrembling
    FearAndTrembling Posts: 54
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    What's selfish is requiring all these people to come to your wedding. Eloping is much less selfish. Thought wedding receptions are usually fun.
  • atrebor18
    atrebor18 Posts: 235 Member
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    I love mfp, your advice is amazing! =) I want to marry because I know in my heart he is the one and considering our Christian beliefs we take it seriously. Once we finalize a plan I want to talk to my pastor about pre-marital counseling to confirm our belief/future together, I think having a small ceremony/dinner and inviting family sounds good. I'm sure our parents would do whatever they can to be there and everyone will understand the decision because of finances/time/etc. The idea of having a party/reception after is great, we could plan a small local gathering for friends near here to celebrate a few months after.
  • tinak33
    tinak33 Posts: 9,883 Member
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    I am getting married on Friday. Its incredibly small. I actually invited people via text. hahaha Most of my family won't be there, and yes, I got the phone calls about it.
    But they understood my reasons and wished me well. :smile:

    There are about 10 of us at city hall for the short ceremony and then we are walking to a local spot for dinner. Maybe about 13 people at the dinner.

    I found a white summer dress at the mall and am pairing it with turquoise accessories. :smile:

    Small, intimate, and inexpensive.

    We might do something bigger at a later date. Regardless, its our decision. :flowerforyou:

    Do what is right for you. If you feel strongly that family should be there, then have family there. If you don't care, then elope.
  • DiamondRubyMom
    DiamondRubyMom Posts: 147 Member
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    I had a big wedding and I loved it. But I don't think it is necessary. I had a friend do a destination wedding. Now that is selfish. Nothing like require someone to join you on a cruise and then ignore them the whole time because it's you honeymoon. As for being too young. You're not too young. I would recommend inviting immediate family but that is just me. You can always have a bbq later and invite anyone else you want.
  • bananalins77
    bananalins77 Posts: 13 Member
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    Go girl! We were engaged for 1 year and that whole year I was stressed trying to figure out what we wanted in a wedding and how we were going to afford it. My fiance and I couldn't agree on anything. I didn't want to start our marriage in debt. Also, I had never cared about a wedding per se, I just wanted to be married to the man I loved and a wedding was like a huge mountain in the way . Finally I said i wanted to elope but as we thought about it, realized my and his parents might want to come. We ended up picking a church and telling our close family and friends that we'd be getting married in 3 weeks there and would love them to come if they could make it. We hosted a dinner for just them (20 people) afterwards. Also, his parents helped us tremendously with the cost. Family does want to see you married, but it's expensive for them too (travel, gifts, clothes, time off work). So sometimes they might be happy if you elope as well. It might depend. :) Good luck! (we've been married 6 years)
  • jmn654
    jmn654 Posts: 1 Member
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    Speaking from a parents point of view - don't elope - parents want to be there to see their child marry their dream partner. They watched everything you did until this point. Leaving them out of the biggest day of their child's life would be a stab in the heart, I know it would be for me. Keep it small, intimate and beautiful. 'don't spend a bundle but don't save money on people by eliminating them. I think down the road you will regret it - maybe about the time your own possible child is to the marriage marker
  • ktsmom430
    ktsmom430 Posts: 1,100 Member
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    I enjoyed reading the comments on this by young people. It is encouraging to see that young people still elope. It is nice to see that not everyone is having extravagant weddings and destination weddings.

    I do not think it is selfish at all. What an incredibly romantic way to begin your lives together. Beautiful!
  • RoseRoiz
    RoseRoiz Posts: 95
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    You do not have to spend and arm and a leg to get married! Do something small, I did I had my maid of honor,, one maid and the flower girl. My husband had the best man, another guy and the ring boy. My dress was made by someone we have known , and we got married in a church. My friend was our photograper and we had a small get together and for the Honeymoon we went to Dineyland!! We got married on June 8, 1985 and still going strong! Some couples spend thousands of $$$ and they get divorce and file for bankruptcy that is so stupid! Good luck!
  • FATJAKE5
    FATJAKE5 Posts: 162
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    It really depends on the type of relationship you have with your family, and I mean mom and dad. My wife would have been devastated. It won't hurt to talk to them about it, because it is one of those things that can never be un-done.
  • BeachIron
    BeachIron Posts: 6,490 Member
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    Do what you and your fiance really want to do. If you are close with your families though respect their feelings, but don't let them dictate.

    You only have 3 or 4 weddings in life, you might as well make the most of the ceremonies. :wink:
  • Alex_is_Hawks
    Alex_is_Hawks Posts: 3,499 Member
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    Do what makes you happy.

    Im not going to comment on your age because its up to you. At that age i was in NO way ready for marriage but my friends were and still going strong most of them.

    If it were me i would elope and that is non negotiable .... I have my reasons
  • ViviLane
    ViviLane Posts: 28 Member
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    At 22, I may have been asking the same question! I'm a little older now, and require little to no input from my family on my life decisions. From the sound of it, the wedding would be to satisfy the family, not you. NOT COOL!

    If you feel that marriage is what you both want, and you want to elope, do it. You two are the only participants that have to sleep with each other for the rest of your lives. So I say, your families will get over it, and if they don't, give them the number to a local therapist so they can figure out why they are so wrapped up in your life. Now if you still live at home with the parents...then yes, you need to tell them your plans. This is the only time I believe a person should divulge their plans to their family

    But I would have to say, 22 is still an age of thinking we know it all, but don't know squat. Not to say this your situation, but I'm sure you will not be the same woman at 29 that you are at 22...I don't believe half of the crap that I did when I was 22, or even like the same kinds of guys I was soooo in love with at the time lol.

    Good luck girlie! :)
  • ViviLane
    ViviLane Posts: 28 Member
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    You only have 3 or 4 weddings in life, you might as well make the most of the ceremonies. :wink:
    [/quote

    Ahahahaha! Especially if you live in California!

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