You'd be so pretty....if you lost weight.

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Replies

  • Altruista75
    Altruista75 Posts: 409 Member
    I've heard this so many times in my life! Such a back-handed compliment if you ask me!
  • nicolecassandra
    nicolecassandra Posts: 109
    Take it as constructive criticism. He is your dad, he knows you better, he knows that whatever he say, it won't be offensive (his thinking). So if he tells you that you need to lose weight, take it positively and start losing weight. It's how you take it. You're pretty.
  • teamstanish
    teamstanish Posts: 274 Member
    My grandma used to tell me I'd be pretty "if I tried harder"...thanks
  • koootenay
    koootenay Posts: 126 Member
    Something that actually motivated me was my grandmother saying, "You are fat" right to my face. Now this was a few years ago but it changed the way i saw things. I never paid any attention to what i ate or how I looked before. My mother of course got upset and i guess had a chat with her.. but that next day she told me to not listen to her and that i could eat what i wanted and that i was beautiful. They were both right! I was always the fat kid in school, and i did eat whatever i wanted. I had no limits from my parents. And i believe after that day was the adult in me coming out and saying, grow up and pay attention to your body and start caring for yourself.
  • Ashley_Panda
    Ashley_Panda Posts: 1,404 Member
    All the time.
  • EyeLikeTacos
    EyeLikeTacos Posts: 324 Member
    I have never said this line directly to a girl...but I have

    Thought when seeing some with a cute face and an out of shape body...or
    I have said this or heard it said to/from male friends when we are talking about a girl that is cute but heavy.
  • zyxst
    zyxst Posts: 9,149 Member
    I don't mean to step over any lines, but I prefer larger framed ladies to rail thin ones.
    "You would have had the girls in high school if you weren't so big."

    As if that was my goal in school - thanks.

    And guess what? There are ladies out there who like the big and burly type!

    How you guys, doin'? :smooched:
  • mytime1986
    mytime1986 Posts: 117
    Yes, My ex husband, my aunts and mom and grandma and also my ex boyfriend have said it to me!! I hate the way it makes me feel. Like I am not good enough as a person that I have to be skinny for them to like / love me!
  • AngieM76
    AngieM76 Posts: 622 Member
    I hear "oh you have such a pretty face"
  • drvvork
    drvvork Posts: 1,162
    Aw yes... "You have such a beautiful smile" is what I would hear. I never heard anything from my parents but "you look nice". But once I lost my weight in high school I heard "You need to eat something!" Parents and friends mean well, I guess. LOL
  • EyeLikeTacos
    EyeLikeTacos Posts: 324 Member
    Reverse of this...

    When I was in highschool... I weighed 130 lbs....I couldn't gain weight for nothing.

    Girls would tell me I was "cute"...they would date me if I were bigger..... :*(
  • GeekyGirlLyn
    GeekyGirlLyn Posts: 238 Member
    Yeah, heard it tons. Youd be so pretty if you weighed less, if you lost weight in your face. Etc etc. So pretty if....if...if...no wonder I dont believe Im pretty. People think theyre being nice but geez.
  • westva2nc
    westva2nc Posts: 25
    Is this a dad line? Cuz my dad told me this for years.

    Dads: do not ever, ever ever, say this to your daughter. mmkaythxbai

    I think it IS very much a Dad line:) My dad said it to me for years. And he's not the only one to have said it to me. If I had a dime for every time I heard "she'd be so pretty if she'd just lose weight"...why couldn't it be "she's just pretty"...without all the other crap after it?
    I hope my husband never says this to my daughter:(
  • srcardinal10
    srcardinal10 Posts: 387 Member
    Yes. It hurt(s) my feelings in a way that only anyone else who has experienced this would understand. It honestly makes me feel worthless. :(

    EDIT: For all those saying is this a dad line -- my father has NEVER given me a backwards compliment about my weight or the way I look ever. My nickname is beautiful sister and my baby sister's (she's barely 13 so this started when she was about 4 and I was 16) nickname is pretty girl. Our ringtones on his phone happen to be "pretty girl rock." My father is quite encouraging in us loving ourselves and having positive images of who we are inside and out.
  • csnyder0007
    csnyder0007 Posts: 26 Member
    When I was in my early twenties, active duty military, I was quite fit (again, active duty military, and had coal black hair, and the same dark skin I have now. Looking back I was a really good looking young man although I didn't know it at the time.

    A few years ago I had a girlfriend who found a pic of my younger brother and I taken while I was home on leave. I was about 90 lbs heavier than when the pic was taken.

    She wouldn't put up any pics of me in her house except that one. She liked to show off what her boyfriend "used to look like."

    I can recall quite clearly her telling me how impressed her sister was with the picture of her younger man stuck to her fridge. And how she told her sister "yeah, he doesn't look like that now."

    I can honestly say that when she told me that story was the moment I fell out of love with her and started planning the breakup.
  • Arch_Singh
    Arch_Singh Posts: 1 Member
    Oh, I've had a similar one... You are such a pretty girl... and would be even more prettier if you lost some weight.
  • missybct
    missybct Posts: 321 Member
    Ha, I've had this over the years. I went on a date with a guy who knew my size and had seen up to date pictures (genuinely) and then proclaimed over pasta that if I lost a few stone (ha, I was smaller then - about a UK size 16!) I'd have flocks of men coming for me.

    I don't want flocks of men. Men that are bound by these ideation's that a woman is instantly more attractive if she lost weight are not the men I want to meet. Sure, at that point (and certainly now) I needed to lose weight, but I was young and confident and didn't really think it mattered. It didn't, because I wasn't that big and I walked everywhere/swam, just my portions were skewered and drank too much. Am I confident now? More so recently.

    I used to get wound up by the fact I never got asked out in clubs or bars; then I observed one night sober (rare) and noticed how terribly cringeworthy it was to watch. I don't want to be a carbon copy.

    ----

    Recently someone said it to me again, and I said quite sweetly and politely - "I'm sorry, I didn't realise you were perfect" - he scoffed at me and called me fat in varying levels of abuse and I finished off with "I can change my weight, I've lost 30lbs so far - you can't change the ugly person inside"

    I felt very naughty but liberated ;)
  • Kacey11312
    Kacey11312 Posts: 55
    Yup and "you're pretty for a big girl". "You should try to look more like her" (Ex) "It'd be nice if your body was as nice as your face"
    I've heard that a few dozen times in my life.
    My comeback?

    "I may be fat but you're ugly and I can lose weight". :bigsmile:
  • Behavior_Modification
    Behavior_Modification Posts: 24,482 Member
    I grew up on that line! :grumble:

    Parents: PLEASE make sure your daughter knows she's pretty no matter what her size is!
    It is very important. I'm in my 30s now and it still haunts me.
  • wisteria55
    wisteria55 Posts: 42 Member
    My ex mother in law use to tell me that "for a woman as big as you are, you look good in your clothes"...should have asked her if she wanted to see me out of them.....hence the ex....divorced from her son...he was a jerk too....
  • susanonamission
    susanonamission Posts: 3 Member
    you are pretty - thanks for sharing I had to put up with coments like that from my EX father-inlaw lol.
  • meeper123
    meeper123 Posts: 3,347 Member
    when I was 230 yes a lot I got the you have such a pretty face comment a lot as well
  • 2ht2hand1e
    2ht2hand1e Posts: 116 Member
    My ex told me that I would be pretty if I lost my stomach. I did just that and then I lost him :)
  • Silvervixen79
    Silvervixen79 Posts: 116 Member
    Dad's can be cruel without realising it. Even when I was 13, a competitive gymnast and only 90 lbs, my dad still cracked jokes at me saying 'youve got your grandmothers legs - tree trunks' .. it has stuck with me all these years and Ive never, no matter what weight I am at the time, been comfortable enough to wear a short skirt.
  • Kacey11312
    Kacey11312 Posts: 55

    I can honestly say that when she told me that story was the moment I fell out of love with her and started planning the breakup.

    Ouch. That hurt my heart. You deserve much better than someone that would treat you so unfairly. I know she wasn't perfect. Geez. Some people...
  • Kacey11312
    Kacey11312 Posts: 55
    My ex told me that I would be pretty if I lost my stomach. I did just that and then I lost him :)

    :drinker: I'll drink to that! Good for you!
  • VorJoshigan
    VorJoshigan Posts: 1,106 Member
    I've only gotten "you ain't never gon' be purty"

    I just nodded and smiled.

    Oh - I have gotten "You carry your weight really well" from a personal trainer after I told her my weight.
  • juliedodson1981
    juliedodson1981 Posts: 6
    I cant believe some people could be so mean. My dad use to tell me when I asked if I was pretty, He replied," pretty ugly."
  • casy84
    casy84 Posts: 290 Member
    My face looked better when it was rounder :(. I do happen to think like that about some girls, but I was never that rude to say it. I don't think it's nice to make comments like that about somebody.
  • 4n6babe
    4n6babe Posts: 33 Member
    "You have such a pretty face" <--- ALL THE TIME

    Back-handed compliments are the worst, worst, WORST kind of insults. I'm hard enough on myself, and having someone say something like that use to cause me so much dismay and I would repeat their comment(s) in my head for days/weeks and get really down on myself. I was made fun of through childhood for being overweight and its extremely difficult to rise above everyone's negativity and learn to love yourself..

    After a lot of hard work with learning to love myself more (still an ongoing process) regardless of what anyone else says, and with making sure I only keep people around in my life who love me for me no matter what I do with my body, I find it easier to brush these types of comments off. Especially if they are made by a complete stranger who doesn't even know the first thing about me.

    Interestingly enough, when a few guys I use to date found out I was working out and trying more seriously to lose weight, they were actually "concerned" because they LIKED my huge behind LOL.

    I just tell myself that someone who really loves me will love me no matter what size I am and if they have a problem with whatever I'm doing/not doing, they can **** off.

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