Critical Spouse?!!!

christabelle0605
christabelle0605 Posts: 2 Member
in Motivation and Support
Hello,

I am new around here. I joined MFP because I wanted to meet others "like me". I exercise pretty consistently, however, i am an emotional eater and have trouble with binge eating. When I am depressed, stressed, or lonely I eat WAY more than i should to basically self medicate. I do it in private so that nobody sees. BUT, it shows all over my body .... as my husband reminds me DAILY.

My husband constantly picks on me about my weight and it crushes me. He does not understand my struggle and basically makes fun of me, calls me terrible names, and critiques any and everything he sees me eat.....hence the eating in secret. He doesn't understand how food could actually be a problem for anyone and thinks it should be an easy fix.

He is supposed to be my best friend and my partner in this ... but he is so MEAN. Any time I tell him about any progress that I have made (as small as it may be), he'll tell me to get on the scale and "prove it".

It's SO discouraging.

Anybody else dealing with anything similar? Binge eating? Critical spouse?!
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Replies

  • fysty75
    fysty75 Posts: 88 Member
    I am so sorry to hear you are going through that! Feel free to add me if you want. I am an emotional eater too especially when I'm bored.
  • laserturkey
    laserturkey Posts: 1,680 Member
    My first marriage was to a psychologically abusive person. You deserve a partner who will be supportive and build you up instead of tearing you down.
  • spade117
    spade117 Posts: 2,466 Member
    Divorce.
  • seths_milf
    seths_milf Posts: 56 Member
    My husband tends to be the same way. No sure why men do this, but would like to know lol. :noway:
  • angelique_redhead
    angelique_redhead Posts: 782 Member
    You're still with this verbally abusive jerk WHY? With his verbal abuse it sounds like you're just gong to eat more and more due to depression and stress. *HUGS*
  • sheldonz42
    sheldonz42 Posts: 233 Member
    It probably won't help, but you could tell him that his attacks only add to the problem and that it would be more help to support you rather than drive you to emotions that make you eat at present.
  • halflife1978
    halflife1978 Posts: 47 Member
    Relationship counseling.

    Now.

    YESTERDAY.

    There is something going on that is much bigger than a diet issue.
  • plzlbsbegone
    plzlbsbegone Posts: 233
    I am so sorry! I can sympathize, I had an emotionally abusive boyfriend at one point in my life, but it was much easier for me to get out of. Have you told him how it makes you feel? How it only makes the problem worse? You need to talk to him! Also, try to find and outlet for your emotions. Get out of the house, take a walk, take some time to reflect. Remind your husband of the golden rule "If you don't have anything nice to say, keep your
    mouth shut!" :grumble:
  • BorntoROAR
    BorntoROAR Posts: 91 Member
    I'm an emotional eater too!! However, I don't have a critical spouse. And since I joined MFP, I have not emotionally overate.

    If I were you, I would not share anything about your progress with your husband. Get your support HERE!! I've heard once that your teach people how to treat you. Do not allow him to be critical. Don't give him the opportunity to say things like that to you. When he says something rude, tell him that you don't appreciate his negative attitude to your lifestyle change, and walk away. What you do...don't cry...BE STRONG...and don't let him talk to you like that. You don't deserve to be demeaned like that BY ANYONE!!!!!!!!

    Good luck and add me as a friend, if you would like! :)
  • missymakayla
    missymakayla Posts: 309 Member
    I don't really know much about your life, but are you and your husband happy? I really can't see my husband teasing me, or stating issues about me being overweight, that is not right.... You need to really talk to him about this, tell him how you feel, Good Luck!!!!
  • innakarpyuk
    innakarpyuk Posts: 10 Member
    i am sorry you are feeling your husband against you. has he done anything to encourage you? is he in shape? does he want to workout with you? Did you tell him that you need his support more than anyones'. I am sure he loves you, just dosn't realize how his words are effecting you.
  • laurenmcallister
    laurenmcallister Posts: 37 Member
    If you can't leave his butt for good (which it sure sounds like you should consider), book yourself in a 3 week nutrition holiday vacation (Biggest Loser has one, but there are many private ones which may be healthier) on his credit card.

    Then, call and let him know you'll be back in three weeks.

    Three weeks of criticism-free habit building will seem like heaven.
  • redhead1910
    redhead1910 Posts: 304 Member
    This post made me really sad. You don't deserve to be married to someone who treats you like that and belittles you. Maybe you should give him a taste of his own medicine and see how much he likes it.
  • Fozzi43
    Fozzi43 Posts: 2,984 Member
    He sounds wonderful:noway:

    He sounds like he's given you a complex about enjoying food..I really despise people who think it funny to belittle their partner. I'd not tell him anything..and when he's mean just say " I can lose weight but you can't change your ugly heart"

    *kitten*.
  • JenAndSome
    JenAndSome Posts: 1,893 Member
    I'd say it's beyond having a critical spouse. From the way it is described it sounds like your husband is borderline (if not there) verbally abusing you. How dare he cut you down like that constantly and no wonder you are an emotional eater. I agree that you need relationship counseling and if he won't go with you, you should go alone. You deserve better. You are making the effort, so good for you.
  • laughingdani
    laughingdani Posts: 2,275 Member
    If he has never been overweight or struggled with food, then he honestly does not know what it's like.
    Not making excuses for him. Just the truth.

    On the other hand.... he sounds like a d*ck. Not that I need to tell you that.
    He will continue to bully you until you stand up to him.
    I'm not saying you should leave him. That's your decision.
    But you have nothing to prove to him. Stop looking for his approval.
    If you make progress, then celebrate it here and with other real life friends that will applaud you.
    Him telling you to step on the scale is just demeaning in my opinion.
    If he says mean things, tell him he's not allowed to speak to you that way. Stop talking to him about your weight loss at all.
    This is about you, not him. He should be supportive in a loving way. He's an adult so he should know this.
    Once you begin to truly do this for yourself and not care what he thinks, you will begin to see progress.
    The desire to eat in secret will go away and you won't seek out his approval.

    Do this for you. You can do it. I believe in you.
  • allylbrown
    allylbrown Posts: 71
    Sorry to hear that you are going through this, First and foremost know that this is his issue NOT yours. Even though it is hurtful (and I know it is) he is using this to control you and somehow you can not allow it to discourage you. You need to do this for you. With that said, you do seem to need some counseling bc he has issues. He is prob insecure himself and is going to be worse as he sees you become successful and lose the wt. hate to tell ya that but he thrives on keeping you down. Lots of men do, it is a way for them to control you and make them feel better about themselves. Good luck. Relationships r tough
  • Jackson4590
    Jackson4590 Posts: 145 Member
    No man should be abusive like that you've described but as a man it is incredibly frustrating to hear a wife complain about her weight and then continue to eat and not push herself when she exercises. Men and women think differently. Women generally like to talk out problems and men like to act upon them and find solutions. As a man, when I said "I need to lose weight/bulk up/etc" you (hopefully) start planning right then and there and stick to it. I'm saying he shouldn't be abusive and it sounds like you have deeper issues than weight loss. But if it is only weight loss sit down with him and explain that it is a long process and ask for his help in a constructive way. My wife has me remind her when she is eating too many cookies or snacks and I think it helps a lot. We often eat and don't consciously think about it so helpful(!) reminders can be good for you.
  • NutellaAddict
    NutellaAddict Posts: 1,258 Member
    Sounds like a winner.
  • Candi_land
    Candi_land Posts: 1,311 Member
    Divorce the d1ck douche and punch him in the face, preferably with the scale.
  • erickirb
    erickirb Posts: 12,294 Member
    My husband tends to be the same way. No sure why men do this, but would like to know lol. :noway:

    Real Men don't do this.
  • SophieMiriam
    SophieMiriam Posts: 5
    Could the two of you go to marriage therapy or a counselor or something to get a neutral third party involved?
  • LishieFruit89
    LishieFruit89 Posts: 1,956 Member
    Your husband is an *kitten*
  • SmartAlec03211988
    SmartAlec03211988 Posts: 1,896 Member
    What a charming fellow.

    Sarcasm alert.

    Why would you allow him to speak to you like that?
  • ElizabethK90
    ElizabethK90 Posts: 1 Member
    Christabelle0,

    I completely understand where you are coming from. I have been struggling lately myself with "eating for a fix". I was realizing that I was eating just because it felt good and I was conditioning myself to think I would feel better afterwards. I'm sorry that you're husband isn't being encouraging. That's a bummer. But despite the discouragement you feel, continue to push on. Sometimes it can be more important to feel the accomplishment and drive to do it for yourself than for making someone else happy or to make them proud. I always fail when it comes to that. For me I have started to set small goals for myself. Such as no sweets or junk food for one week. I only made it one day without and then I broke it the next day, but just going one day without made me feel accomplished. So, try that...maybe just one day at a time or a week at a time. It's a habit, binge eating/overeating/emotional eating. Conquer that habit! You can do it. :) Try removing what gets in your way. Such as food sitting out, etc. Sometimes out of sight out of mind works for me.

    Also, don't be discouraged by your husbands negative words. I know it can be really frustrating and saddening but if you stay strong and not let your frustration with him become an outburst of anger he will one day realize his actions towards you. The key is patience and treating him with kindness and respect regardless of how negative he seems. It sounds wrong but it really does work. Sometimes husbands don't realize that their words can be so cutting. And sometimes as wives it's very easy to be too emotional. Trust me I have been there.

    Sorry for this novel of a response but hopefully it's a tiny bit encouraging! May you have a wonderful day!

    ~Elizabeth
  • DontStopB_Leakin
    DontStopB_Leakin Posts: 3,863 Member
    My husband tends to be the same way. No sure why men do this, but would like to know lol. :noway:

    Real Men don't do this.
    This. My husband has never been anything but supportive and encouraging. Even when he was dealing with his own jealousy issues, he never once stooped to such a low; not even close.

    It sounds like there's a myriad of issues going on. Maybe counseling will help. If it doesn't, divorce.
  • jess7386
    jess7386 Posts: 477 Member
    My husband tends to be the same way. No sure why men do this, but would like to know lol. :noway:

    Real Men don't do this.

    Agree. I'm not a divorce advocate, but if somebody is so psychologically abusive, you'd be best served to at least get some professional help to deal with these issues - both alone and with your husband. Remember that your self-worth is not based on what any other human being thinks of you. Do this for you, and stop attempting to find validation with him because it sounds like you will never get it. I think you have some big choices to make & I wish you the best.
  • SlimmingSarah2012
    SlimmingSarah2012 Posts: 53
    Use those "critical" comments to your advantage and prove that you CAN...forgive him for not supporting you but don't let him take any of the credit. Know that you and you alone made it happen against all odds.

    Maybe also evaluate whether you want said husband in your life anymore, who needs negative people like that in their lives? Nobody!
  • paday
    paday Posts: 24 Member
    Well no wonder you're an emotional eater! If my husband even looked funny at what I was eating, I'd knock his tooth out with a Louisville slugger! You should NOT put up with that crap. This situation can only escalate from here. I'm sorry you have to deal with this.
  • Ashshell
    Ashshell Posts: 185
    He is emotionally abusive and this is not even close to normal. It sounds like he has his own issues and likes to bring you down. My suggestion is marriage counseling and also individual counseling for both of you. I'm sorry you are dealing with this. Struggling with food related issues is difficult enough without having the one you love constantly judging you.

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