Critical Spouse?!!!

christabelle0605 · May 2013

Hello,

I am new around here. I joined MFP because I wanted to meet others "like me". I exercise pretty consistently, however, i am an emotional eater and have trouble with binge eating. When I am depressed, stressed, or lonely I eat WAY more than i should to basically self medicate. I do it in private so that nobody sees. BUT, it shows all over my body .... as my husband reminds me DAILY.

My husband constantly picks on me about my weight and it crushes me. He does not understand my struggle and basically makes fun of me, calls me terrible names, and critiques any and everything he sees me eat.....hence the eating in secret. He doesn't understand how food could actually be a problem for anyone and thinks it should be an easy fix.

He is supposed to be my best friend and my partner in this ... but he is so MEAN. Any time I tell him about any progress that I have made (as small as it may be), he'll tell me to get on the scale and "prove it".

It's SO discouraging.

Anybody else dealing with anything similar? Binge eating? Critical spouse?!

fysty75 · May 2013

I am so sorry to hear you are going through that! Feel free to add me if you want. I am an emotional eater too especially when I'm bored.

laserturkey · May 2013

My first marriage was to a psychologically abusive person. You deserve a partner who will be supportive and build you up instead of tearing you down.

spade117 · May 2013

Divorce.

seths_milf · May 2013

My husband tends to be the same way. No sure why men do this, but would like to know lol. :noway:

angelique_redhead · May 2013

You're still with this verbally abusive jerk WHY? With his verbal abuse it sounds like you're just gong to eat more and more due to depression and stress. *HUGS*

sheldonz42 · May 2013

It probably won't help, but you could tell him that his attacks only add to the problem and that it would be more help to support you rather than drive you to emotions that make you eat at present.

halflife1978 · May 2013

Relationship counseling.

Now.

YESTERDAY.

There is something going on that is much bigger than a diet issue.

plzlbsbegone · May 2013

I am so sorry! I can sympathize, I had an emotionally abusive boyfriend at one point in my life, but it was much easier for me to get out of. Have you told him how it makes you feel? How it only makes the problem worse? You need to talk to him! Also, try to find and outlet for your emotions. Get out of the house, take a walk, take some time to reflect. Remind your husband of the golden rule "If you don't have anything nice to say, keep your

mouth shut!" :grumble:

BorntoROAR · May 2013

I'm an emotional eater too!! However, I don't have a critical spouse. And since I joined MFP, I have not emotionally overate.

If I were you, I would not share anything about your progress with your husband. Get your support HERE!! I've heard once that your teach people how to treat you. Do not allow him to be critical. Don't give him the opportunity to say things like that to you. When he says something rude, tell him that you don't appreciate his negative attitude to your lifestyle change, and walk away. What you do...don't cry...BE STRONG...and don't let him talk to you like that. You don't deserve to be demeaned like that BY ANYONE!!!!!!!!

Good luck and add me as a friend, if you would like!

missymakayla · May 2013

I don't really know much about your life, but are you and your husband happy? I really can't see my husband teasing me, or stating issues about me being overweight, that is not right.... You need to really talk to him about this, tell him how you feel, Good Luck!!!!

innakarpyuk · May 2013

i am sorry you are feeling your husband against you. has he done anything to encourage you? is he in shape? does he want to workout with you? Did you tell him that you need his support more than anyones'. I am sure he loves you, just dosn't realize how his words are effecting you.

laurenmcallister · May 2013

If you can't leave his butt for good (which it sure sounds like you should consider), book yourself in a 3 week nutrition holiday vacation (Biggest Loser has one, but there are many private ones which may be healthier) on his credit card.

Then, call and let him know you'll be back in three weeks.

Three weeks of criticism-free habit building will seem like heaven.

redhead1910 · May 2013

This post made me really sad. You don't deserve to be married to someone who treats you like that and belittles you. Maybe you should give him a taste of his own medicine and see how much he likes it.

Fozzi43 · May 2013

He sounds wonderful:noway:

He sounds like he's given you a complex about enjoying food..I really despise people who think it funny to belittle their partner. I'd not tell him anything..and when he's mean just say " I can lose weight but you can't change your ugly heart"

*kitten*.

JenAndSome · May 2013

I'd say it's beyond having a critical spouse. From the way it is described it sounds like your husband is borderline (if not there) verbally abusing you. How dare he cut you down like that constantly and no wonder you are an emotional eater. I agree that you need relationship counseling and if he won't go with you, you should go alone. You deserve better. You are making the effort, so good for you.

laughingdani · May 2013

If he has never been overweight or struggled with food, then he honestly does not know what it's like.
Not making excuses for him. Just the truth.

On the other hand.... he sounds like a d*ck. Not that I need to tell you that.
He will continue to bully you until you stand up to him.
I'm not saying you should leave him. That's your decision.
But you have nothing to prove to him. Stop looking for his approval.
If you make progress, then celebrate it here and with other real life friends that will applaud you.
Him telling you to step on the scale is just demeaning in my opinion.
If he says mean things, tell him he's not allowed to speak to you that way. Stop talking to him about your weight loss at all.
This is about you, not him. He should be supportive in a loving way. He's an adult so he should know this.
Once you begin to truly do this for yourself and not care what he thinks, you will begin to see progress.
The desire to eat in secret will go away and you won't seek out his approval.

Do this for you. You can do it. I believe in you.

allylbrown · May 2013

Sorry to hear that you are going through this, First and foremost know that this is his issue NOT yours. Even though it is hurtful (and I know it is) he is using this to control you and somehow you can not allow it to discourage you. You need to do this for you. With that said, you do seem to need some counseling bc he has issues. He is prob insecure himself and is going to be worse as he sees you become successful and lose the wt. hate to tell ya that but he thrives on keeping you down. Lots of men do, it is a way for them to control you and make them feel better about themselves. Good luck. Relationships r tough

Jackson4590 · May 2013

No man should be abusive like that you've described but as a man it is incredibly frustrating to hear a wife complain about her weight and then continue to eat and not push herself when she exercises. Men and women think differently. Women generally like to talk out problems and men like to act upon them and find solutions. As a man, when I said "I need to lose weight/bulk up/etc" you (hopefully) start planning right then and there and stick to it. I'm saying he shouldn't be abusive and it sounds like you have deeper issues than weight loss. But if it is only weight loss sit down with him and explain that it is a long process and ask for his help in a constructive way. My wife has me remind her when she is eating too many cookies or snacks and I think it helps a lot. We often eat and don't consciously think about it so helpful(!) reminders can be good for you.

NutellaAddict · May 2013

Sounds like a winner.

Candi_land · May 2013

Divorce the d1ck douche and punch him in the face, preferably with the scale.

Critical Spouse?!!!

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