Critical Spouse?!!!

I know everyon's first response is "divorce". However, you married the guy for a reason right? Please get some couseling. He may not realize the depth of pain that he is causing you until he has someone else point it out for him. That being said, you can't let it go on forever. If couseling does not help, or the situation gets worse or physical, please get yourself out.

I hope you get what you need, and what is best for you and your family. Good luck!

Don't let him get to you, every time he says something mean, turn it around and let it fuel to become more determined to do this. You need to love yourself and put yourself first for once and don't listen to negative people. When you feel like you want to eat , go look in the mirror , look yourself in the eye and tell yourself i am worthy and i deserve to look and feel awesome. Then go and work off that anger in a workout. You can do this. Do your best and forget the rest!!!!!!!

Bump!

If he has never been overweight or struggled with food, then he honestly does not know what it's like.
Not making excuses for him. Just the truth.

On the other hand.... he sounds like a d*ck. Not that I need to tell you that.
He will continue to bully you until you stand up to him.
I'm not saying you should leave him. That's your decision.
But you have nothing to prove to him. Stop looking for his approval.
If you make progress, then celebrate it here and with other real life friends that will applaud you.
Him telling you to step on the scale is just demeaning in my opinion.
If he says mean things, tell him he's not allowed to speak to you that way. Stop talking to him about your weight loss at all.
This is about you, not him. He should be supportive in a loving way. He's an adult so he should know this.
Once you begin to truly do this for yourself and not care what he thinks, you will begin to see progress.
The desire to eat in secret will go away and you won't seek out his approval.

Do this for you. You can do it. I believe in you.

I haven't read all 3 pages yet but I like this response the most. Yes, hubby is an *ss. Aren't we all about some things?

My hubby of 23 years took a similar approach. He did not have a weight problem all of his life like I did. I was overweight as a child but I lost it as a young adult. he married a healthy, average sized woman. After marriage, i slowly began to balloon.

He began with quietly pointing out that I was mindlessly eating. i kept on. He then began asking if I really needed seconds. I put more on my plate. He then took to saying it in front of others which just embarrassed me and I ate more. My responses escalated his behavior. NEITHER of us was right! HE was honestly worried about my health since both of our parents have a multitude of health issues stemming form obesity. He is a bit of a control freak so I decided he was just being controlling, which is partially true! LOL

This went on for many years, with me thinking even if I lose weight, he will find something else to complain about. So why bother losing weight? As we aged, he began to have some weight issues and was able to get it under control quickly. Which made him really believe I wasn't trying. Now, he isn't as able to control it (which I LOVE)!! I began sabotaging him on purpose by buying things he couldn't resist and I could! See the dynamic here?

About 4 years ago, he finally did something helpful and caring. For Christmas, he bought me personal training sessions for 4 months. And I lost weight. We had many more frank discussions and talked more openly about the whole food issue. I kept it up for a year then gained it all back. He didn't start the criticism back but I knew he was disappointed.

After my dad died, he bought me moe sessions with a strength coach this time. I am finally ready to do it. FOR ME!! Seeing my dad in a wheelchair at the end. Knowing his condition, ALL OF IT, was caused from obesity really woke me up.

My husband, who is just a critical person by nature, is know my biggest cheerleader. He thinks I should do it his way and I just shrug and say nope, this is what I am doing. he cannot argue witht he results so he just tells me I look great! Once he saw me truly making an effort AND having his own struggles, he was more undersrtanding. It doesn't excuse his behavior but mine wasn't stellar either!

Add me as a friend. I can sympathize! Unless there are other problems, divorce is NOT the answer. We have a great marriage except for that one hiccup. ALot of it is understaning where your spouse is coming from. Mine truly was worried about my health. He just needs to learn how to postively communicate. I don't really think he will ever do that well!!

I have not read through all the responses, so someone may have already said this, but have you told him how you feel? Have you sat down with him and in a non-hysterical way explained to him that it really hurts your feelings and puts you down when he says those things? I know it seems very elementary, but maybe he doesn't know that it hurts you as much as it does. He could be trying to joke or at least not thinking that it stabs you that bad.

If you have already had this talk with him and he still continues to put you down, despite telling him how you feel, then you need to take action. I wouldn't jump to divorce or anything like that, but show him you're not going to let him say those things to you. Every time he starts to say something like that, walk out of the room. Stop sharing your progress with him, and instead share it with a friend for support. Any time he says something negative, just say "That was rude and hurtful" and go take a walk or use it for fuel through a workout. Eventually he will understand that he can't say those things.

If talking, communicating, etc. doesn't work then I would seek professional help. But all along the way, use your friends to lean on instead of primarily leaning on him for support, since he's not giving you the encouragement you need. If you don't have physical friends for support (no shame, I don't have many friends here either) then you can definitely use the people here on MFP for support. We'll support you and give you the encouragement you need

Well no wonder you're an emotional eater! If my husband even looked funny at what I was eating, I'd knock his tooth out with a Louisville slugger! You should NOT put up with that crap. This situation can only escalate from here. I'm sorry you have to deal with this.

Ironic that verbal abuse can justify using physical abuse against the "abuser".

I genuinely think that he is not husband material and if someone was superficial enough to say those things then I would walk out on him. He could be positive and encouraging instead, and only if he takes his own advice on health. I've seen too many ugly, fat, old, hairy men who are unnecessarily judgmental about women's looks, and generally these repulsive specimens are best left alone so they can mope about all women and wonder why nobody comes near them with a 10-foot pole.

As a former fat chick, if someone put me down then it would not inspire me to be healthy. It would have inspired me to stuff my face on sweets and hide out from the world. I lost 50 pounds because nobody told me to lose weight other than my doctor; no family said anything beyond positive encouragement, and I was absolutely sick of looking in the mirror.

When the conversation starts going in that direction, just END IT. If he starts being critical, just tell him "I am not going to have this conversation with you again. I am doing this for me." And then don't. And then believe it. You are doing it for you - if he is not supportive, don't give him fodder to be critical.

Hello,

I am new around here. I joined MFP because I wanted to meet others "like me". I exercise pretty consistently, however, i am an emotional eater and have trouble with binge eating. When I am depressed, stressed, or lonely I eat WAY more than i should to basically self medicate. I do it in private so that nobody sees. BUT, it shows all over my body .... as my husband reminds me DAILY.

My husband constantly picks on me about my weight and it crushes me. He does not understand my struggle and basically makes fun of me, calls me terrible names, and critiques any and everything he sees me eat.....hence the eating in secret. He doesn't understand how food could actually be a problem for anyone and thinks it should be an easy fix.

He is supposed to be my best friend and my partner in this ... but he is so MEAN. Any time I tell him about any progress that I have made (as small as it may be), he'll tell me to get on the scale and "prove it".

It's SO discouraging.

Anybody else dealing with anything similar? Binge eating? Critical spouse?!

i can't even think of anything coherant to say.... this just makes my blood boil. seriously. please, please, please do not take this abuse from anyone, not even the father of your child/children. think and act rationally and work on your *self love*. he is not showing you support or love.

Good for you for seeing the relationship for what it is. If you are still willing to stay in that relationship, continue to work on yourself and hopefully one day soon he will see that he does indeed need help. If he doesn't see that then you will know when it is time to go. Do not allow him to bring you down any longer regardless of what happens. Good luck to you.

The way he is behaving is wrong and cruel but unless you have lots of other issues I guess you're not going to be dumping him any time soon. Try to talk to him if you can but if that doesn't work then try just ignoring it. The one way you will stop your hubby behaving this way is to succeed in your own goals.

Wait until that weight starts dropping off and see how he changes his tune. At the moment he doesn't believe in you and thinks he has heard it all before so PROVE HIM WRONG!!!

Your body is for you, not him, deal with your weight for you, not him. Care about what you think and stay positive. Relying on him to make you feel good is likely to put you in to a downward spiral and you don't need that.

If you need folks to celebrate your victories with you, even the small ones, then come on here!!

What a charming fellow.

Sarcasm alert.

Why would you allow him to speak to you like that?

My thoughts:

YOU can't control how other people speak to you, you can only control how you react to it. If he spoke to me like that I would poke his eyes out with a dull toothpick, NOW. When I was younger I would have not said a word and thought I deserved his words.

Well no wonder you're an emotional eater! If my husband even looked funny at what I was eating, I'd knock his tooth out with a Louisville slugger! You should NOT put up with that crap. This situation can only escalate from here. I'm sorry you have to deal with this.

Ironic that verbal abuse can justify using physical abuse against the "abuser".

I'm going to go out on a limb and say that she was probably not seriously threatening to knock out his tooth with a Louisville slugger.

I think I might be domestically violent if my husband acted like a huge douche like that. You're post made me very angry for you and I rarely get angry. Now I've got those pesky stress hormones coursing through my bloodstream and just lost five minutes off my lifespan. (my fault, not yours)

I'm sorry your guy is like that but my advice (what I would do in your position) is probably farther than you're willing to go.