Terrified of the gym
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Terrified is not thinking that somebody may disapprove of you at the gym. Terrified is when the doctor tells you that your beloved husband's blood sugar is 511 and he has to get on daily insulin injections or be dead in 5 years. Terrified is when you have shingles involving the face and have lesions on the eyeball, and you're told that if it develops further you may well lose the sight in that eye. This while your face is so swollen you cannot see out of your right eye for three days, your skin feels like it's on fire, with acid dripping into your eye, and a crawling itch under the skin that won't go away even if you scratch till you draw blood...and this goes on night and day, 24/7, for eight months. That's terrifed. Trust me on this, I've been there.
You cannot quantify subjective human misery by comparing experiences. I am sorry you seem to have had some troubles in your life, but that does not invalidate OP's problems.
Thank you Bumble. I'm sorry about all those awful problems too, sounds horrendous.0 -
Ok, this is going to sound harsh, but this is tough love, so try to no get defensive, ok?
GET OVER YOURSELF. Seriously! What makes you think everyone is going to be staring at YOU at the gym? Are you THAT smoking hot that nobody can keep their eyes off you? Or THAT ugly? Or uncoordinated? Or (insert whatever adjective)? Why are you so special that everyone is going to be staring and judging you? Do you see them staring at anybody else? No. I know you don't, because gym people just don't behave that way. You're just another gal trying to get fit. They will glance at you, then get back to watching themselves in the mirror to check on their form. That's how it is. You are just another girl at the gym. You're not special. Nobody will care about you. (and that is a good thing!)
It is all in your head. Don't tell me "you just don't understand", either. You don't know me, how do you know for sure that I don't? I have dealt with some pretty crippling self-consciousness myself, and I am here to tell you the only way to combat it is to grit your teeth and just suck it up.
That all being said, you may not be ready for a gym. if you can't even bear to have a trainer, someone you PAY to help you teach you some good weights and watch you for form, you might be better off working out at home until you're emotionally ready enough to work out in the company of other people.
Try Jillian Michael's 30 Day Shred, it was really helpful for me. It will get you stronger and better balanced, so when you do feel ready to do a plank in a class, you won't feel so shaky.0 -
^thisWhat you're saying has no basis on reality what so ever. You're right, it is all mental.
Do you go around laughing at people in the gym, or people who have gained weight back? When you see a trainer working with someone do you think to yourself, "that person is slow?" When you see someone who can't keep up with a class, do you make fun of them and watch them?
MOre than likely, your answer to all those questions are "NO." So why do you think other people do it to you??? They don't, they don't care at all more than likely. A quote i like, "If you knew how little people thought of you you'd probably be offended." People have other things to worry about besides watching or saying negative things at a person at the gym.
here is part of a quote from my webpage
http://physiquelore.com/site-news/self-consciousness/Can you imagine a 350lbs guy doing bench press on a swiss ball with his shirt sliding off him showing off his stomach? That was me. I knew people where thinking, “Wtf is he doing?” possibly even laughing at me. Also my cousin would bring over some hot girls sometimes. They would see a fat guy on a treadmill. I am sure they were laughing too. Guess what? No one is laughing now. If I did let the thoughts of other people get to me. I would still be 400lbs.
It sounds like you have certain belief systems, and it wouldn't hurt to try and challenge those beliefs. Go workout, then look around between sets. You have to ask yourself, is what you are thinking actually happening? I would put money it's not. Once you can disprove old belief systems, you can develop new beliefs based around facts, not your own mental state. There are a lot of mental self help improvement books out there. You may find good information to help you change your beliefs so you can live and feel better about being you.0 -
I used to be the same way and you know what helps? Going first thing in the morning! It's usually less busy at 5 AM and the people that are there are very involved in their routine and not paying attention to anyone else. Or at the very least I'm not paying attention to anyone else and I don't see anyone paying attention to me when I do glance around. I find that when I go to the gym after work there is a lot of people just standing about chatting and that makes my brain start running. I agree with maybe meeting with a trainer even if its only once, they will show you the ropes and help you build confidence in your workout. Or, find a friend to go with you. Just having someone you know there will help as well
There is something very exhilarating about weight lifting and lets be honest everyone should do it! Good luck! 0 -
I would say your first step is to work on the anxiety by seeking the help of a professional. Excercise is one of the best things a person with anxiety issues can do to help control it, but if you can't set foot in the gym or even exercise at home, you aren't going to get anywhere. In addition to treatment for your anxiety, I would also recommend adding some yoga and meditation/relaxation into your day at home. I do some giuded yoga dvds before bed that focus on relaxation and breathing to help guide my mind and body away from the things that stress me out.
Once you do have your anxiety under control whether it be by psyhco therapy, medication, relaxation and meditation or a combination, I'd recomend choosing an activity known for confidence building like heavy lifting, boxing or martial arts.0 -
Please don't take this the wrong way, but the level of anxiety you describe sounds like it might be interfering with your life, which is a sufficient reason to talk to a therapist. And yeah, working out at home might be a good idea for a while, until you get a handle on this.
This^0 -
Terrified is not thinking that somebody may disapprove of you at the gym. Terrified is when the doctor tells you that your beloved husband's blood sugar is 511 and he has to get on daily insulin injections or be dead in 5 years. Terrified is when you have shingles involving the face and have lesions on the eyeball, and you're told that if it develops further you may well lose the sight in that eye. This while your face is so swollen you cannot see out of your right eye for three days, your skin feels like it's on fire, with acid dripping into your eye, and a crawling itch under the skin that won't go away even if you scratch till you draw blood...and this goes on night and day, 24/7, for eight months. That's terrifed. Trust me on this, I've been there.
You cannot quantify subjective human misery by comparing experiences. I am sorry you seem to have had some troubles in your life, but that does not invalidate OP's problems.
bravo...
QFT0 -
You've identified the problem. This IS mental. In order to overcome that, you have to face it and work through it. You have to find positive thoughts about all of it and learn to let that lead you. You have to talk yourself into how wonderful you already are and how helpful the productive and process will be. You have to practice weeding out the unproductive negative thoughts. You need a new set of lenses to which to see the experiences through. It's an adventure. It's there to help shape you and help you be your best. At the same time, you also have to learn to appreciate the body you already have. There are always goals to work towards, but that doesn't mean you don't already rock just like you are. The more positive you are about yourself where you are now, the better. Why? Because none of us are airbrushed magazine models. We can mold and shape our bodies but are also rooted in our own genetic shapes. Often women underestimate just how beautiful variety really is. Just how beautiful we are. You have power now. Start learning to see that and use that to drive the rest of your goals. You will be much happier in the long run.
Wise words!0 -
Hi hun,
I know exactly how you feel, or at least as close as anyone else will get. I have an anxiety disorder that is fuelled by the fear of failure and people judging me. I can't even study in my uni library because I think people who are further through their degree then I am will be sat there laughing because I don't know as much as them. However, 2 of my good friends go to the uni gym and they have both assured me that they don't pay any attention to what other people are doing in their, this has given me the confidence to go and talk to someone about membership and I'm going to join at the beginning of next month (when I have money) so I can get fit in the relative anonimity of the gym rather than run past people I know looking all sweaty and red. Also, when talking to other people I know I have been told "anyone looking at you and judging you for trying to get fit is a d*ck" Hopefully I'll be able to keep this in mind when I first start. I'm also going to book an induction so that someone who knows what they're doing can show me how to use the equipment so I feel like slightly less of a noob. If you can afford it maybe have a few sessions with a personal trainer so you learn how to do things right, also, classes such as zumba are often free or offered at a discount for gym members and in them people can't really judge you as their hot, sweaty and out of breath themselves.0 -
....... as their hot, sweaty and out of breath themselves.
What amazes me is how many people in gyms are neither hot, sweaty OR out of breath. By the time I am done, I am all 3. But I look around and none of them look like they have done much of anything. My only conclusion is that they are in such great shape that they simply don't show any signs of having exercised.0 -
....... as their hot, sweaty and out of breath themselves.
What amazes me is how many people in gyms are neither hot, sweaty OR out of breath. By the time I am done, I am all 3. But I look around and none of them look like they have done much of anything. My only conclusion is that they are in such great shape that they simply don't show any signs of having exercised.
That's cause you have people in the gym that aren't getting serious work in. They're just in there going through the motions.0 -
Ok, this is going to sound harsh, but this is tough love, so try to no get defensive, ok?
GET OVER YOURSELF. Seriously! What makes you think everyone is going to be staring at YOU at the gym? Are you THAT smoking hot that nobody can keep their eyes off you? Or THAT ugly? Or uncoordinated? Or (insert whatever adjective)? Why are you so special that everyone is going to be staring and judging you? Do you see them staring at anybody else? No. I know you don't, because gym people just don't behave that way. You're just another gal trying to get fit. They will glance at you, then get back to watching themselves in the mirror to check on their form. That's how it is. You are just another girl at the gym. You're not special. Nobody will care about you. (and that is a good thing!)
It is all in your head. Don't tell me "you just don't understand", either. You don't know me, how do you know for sure that I don't? I have dealt with some pretty crippling self-consciousness myself, and I am here to tell you the only way to combat it is to grit your teeth and just suck it up.
That all being said, you may not be ready for a gym. if you can't even bear to have a trainer, someone you PAY to help you teach you some good weights and watch you for form, you might be better off working out at home until you're emotionally ready enough to work out in the company of other people.
Try Jillian Michael's 30 Day Shred, it was really helpful for me. It will get you stronger and better balanced, so when you do feel ready to do a plank in a class, you won't feel so shaky.
Telling someone with an anxiety disorder to GET OVER themselves is like trying to tell someone who is afraid of mice to get real. Irrational fears are just as debilitating as rational ones....perhaps even moreso.
I believe the OP does need to seek therapy and, perhaps, consider medication. But this is a personal decision.0 -
You can lose weight without going to the gym. I lost 26 kg at the ripe old age of 50 and have kept it off for 10 years. I suggest joining a walking club. Today I walked 15 miles with the club. When I checked my poedmeter I had burned 1397 kg. It definitely tones your bottom and your legs and adds to your social life by walking with like minded people. Try it.0
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They won't think anything at all, the only time anyone will notice you is if you're using a machine they want to be using. Gyms are not noted for being social places, and the people who use them tend to be focused tightly on what they're doing not on what you're doing.Thanks for the help. I guess I know you're right. But surely the people who work in the gym have seen people like me so many times... There must be a "type" that walks through the door and they just think "She'll never be back". That's what I think everyone is thinking.0 -
I've been thinking this lately... how I can't believe I was intimidated by the gym and its members. I know people look at me "that" way, not because I'm loud, don't put back weights, but I can sense I make them feel uncomfortable because I train intensely. I've also seen people copy the same circuit I was doing after a while. It made me have an *AHA* moment.
I was just like the other people being scared of looking dumb, not being as strong as the other guys, etc. I realize now that I'm on the other side of the coin most people in the gym aren't douches. They are there, but most people are courteous, helpful, and really won't judge you one way or the other... because we all started somewhere.0 -
It's definitely mental. Similarly, I always felt that sweating wasn't a spectator sport, especially as I sweat ALOT. This time last year I couldn't manage 20 minutes on the x-trainer without wanting to throw up and I was in baggy clothes to hide my blob. Now I'm in leggings (although some may disagree if I should be) doing 90 mins and only notice others if they're on the machine I want to use.
If you are convinced that you need to use a gym (there are other options) then try going at an off peak time first, when there aren't so many people around and get a feel for it.
As many have said, others really do not give a monkeys about other people as they are there for their own reasons and focus. There really are all shapes and sizes, as well as some people who have been different shapes and sizes themselves., but you're only going to find that out by going in the first place.
If you want to get over your anxieties then you are going to have to confront them. If you don't, then you won't. Simple. I'm on meds for anxiety attacks but for pretty different reasons so my experience is only semi-relevant to you0 -
Gyms really scared me too (kinda ironic since I use to work in one when i was a teen).
I just found I hit that point where I wasn't getting the results I was hoping for just by working out at home.
There's a women's fitness club in town and I decided to get a tour of it one day on a semi whim (I was feeling frustrated and like I may not hit a NSV that I'm aiming for for July - loosing a pant size).
Most gyms will offer a trial membership - be it a few visits, or a week, etc. The gym was great and a staff member basically guided me through everything my first visit and I've been going regularly for over a week now.
I still feel slightly uncomfortable being one of the heavier members, but I know that one of the staff members there has been where I am and is always there to offer encouragement or even a friendly hi when I get there and that helps a lot.
Yes at times people in a gym tend to watch, but then I also watch what others are doing and sometimes see something that I think is neat and want to try. I don't really watch and critique their physical shape, so I like to think that they don't critique mine.
It's not easy, but I'm sure if you give it a chance, you will enjoy it and feel good about going.
Hope that helps some 0 -
I've been on myfitnesspal a year next month and lost 30lbs without stepping into the gym, 147lbs to 117lbs.
i went to zumba classes, kettlercise classes, exercise bike at home, davina dvds, kettleworx dvds and xtrain fit dvds.
but just last week, i signed up to the gym, its a only ladies gym but its got exactly what i want.. ive got confidence in
myself to workout in public by my fitness getting better and better in the last year..try a find a only ladies gym in your area?0 -
A lot of good has already been said here, so I won't repeat the same points.
But how about you consider "reframing" your expectations? If you're new to working out, it's not really *reasonable* to expect that you're going to be perfect at every move, right? NO ONE would expect you to know how to do anything perfectly, it's something we learn over time and practice.
I've been lifting weights since I was in high school, on and off, but I'm pretty comfortable in a weight room. I had been running around doing a routine for MONTHS and one day, one of the trainers notices me and tells me he likes what he sees me doing, but then gives me pointers and corrects a lift I thought I had been doing properly for months. MONTHS. I felt a bit like an idiot at the time, but was so glad he was kind enough to help me out and teach me the right adjustments to make.
Don't expect perfection right out of the gate and you might be happier. Maybe start off setting smaller goals - learning a particular set of exercises and slowly perfecting them over time. After all, we're always going to try to get better, right?0 -
So work out at home?
THIS! Who says we must go to a gym to get fit? Buy some weights and lift at home. If you can't afford real weights, buy two water jugs and use those. I think one one gallon jug weights 8 lbs, but I could be wrong there. When the water jugs get too easy, start filling it up with heavier stuff, like sand. Or lift bowling balls.
Use chairs for vertical push ups. Climb the stairs in your home, if you have them (I did 100 flights of stairs yesterday just going up and down into the basement. WALK the neighborhood.
I really don't buy the whole "I need a gym to work out" hype -- as I do not belong to one (I teach Zumba at one, but other that that, my entire workout program is either at home or out in the neighborhood)
I've joined a dance studio and will be taking lap dancing and pole dancing lessons shortly. No prying eyes, no men allowed. Just women encouraging other women to release their inner sexy. They even have a "negative thoughts jar" where women who say something negative and derogatory about themselves have to put a dollar in the jar.
Be creative and just use what you have in the house. It's doable.0
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