Getting fed up with bad forum etiquette
Replies
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First off, I'm still a newbie on MFP.
TL;DR
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I broadly agree with the OP's post.
I frequent "Fitness & Exercise" because that's what I know and I may be able to answer a question for someone. I attempt to be helpful and sincere in everything I write (unless it's obviously a joke thread). If I see a topic that has fail written all over it and nothing I say will help because no one will be receptive to it, then I stay out of it. Example "OMG I eat 800 cals and things aren't working......", if you respond with the correct answer, which is to find out your TDEE and eat at a sensible deficit to your TDEE, will that advice sink and and be welcomed? No. Unfortunately, you will be told you are mean and nasty and a bully and they are going to quit, etc, etc, etc. I tried it when I first joined, thinking that helpful advice might be considered at least. Now I know better.
Some people see the same thing posted over and over and post advice which may be true, but post it in an unhelpful way. As in, "you effing dummy don't you know that only idiots are doing this, do this instead". I try to avoid making this kind of reply. People aren't born knowing things, they must learn them. And internet warrior "experts" had to learn them too at one point (although they have probably chosen to forget this fact). Unfortunately, well intentioned and well phrased advice will still be ignored by a person who will not listen. It's an intractable problem.
There's a lot of wrong in the world and there are a tonne of pointless disagreements on the interent. I think a modicum of courtesy, an open mind and an open ear go a long way. In life and on a forum.0 -
Long post is long
You're certainly entitled to your own opinion, and if you think this forum is ill-mannered I can see how that would be frustrating. However I would like to point out something that, to me at least, is a warning sign.
It looks like you haven't even been a member for a full month yet. If after a month you're already 'fed up', how can you expect to overcome all the difficulties with getting in shape and being healthy? Those things aren't easy either, and the world is full to the brim with people who'll tell you this and this miracle cure will help you drop 200 lbs and pick up Adriana Lima as a concubine in 37 seconds, or people who are bitter that they couldn't get in shape and will try to cut you down and tell you how you can't succeed.
If I were you, I'd think long and hard about just what is worth getting up in arms about, and what you should just rise above and ignore.
Good luck to you, either way.
^This is a very good point.0 -
STOP FEEDING THE TROLLS!0
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Well put, and thank you. Sadly though, there will always be people who like to stir up others.1
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First off, I'm still a newbie on MFP.
TL;DR
LOL0 -
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Here they come!!!
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Stick around, it will change.
We are still riding the wave of people who joined to fulfill a New Year's Resolution and haven't given up yet, and some of the people who joined in April or May have just finally heard about it from their friend who lost 10-20 pounds between January and April.
A lot of people will get more serious about MFP through the summer and drop out by Fall. Then you'll see a subtle change in the forums.
Says the person who joined four days ago
Hahahaha. Didn't notice that before. Maybe this is another account of theirs?0 -
Stick around, it will change.
We are still riding the wave of people who joined to fulfill a New Year's Resolution and haven't given up yet, and some of the people who joined in April or May have just finally heard about it from their friend who lost 10-20 pounds between January and April.
A lot of people will get more serious about MFP through the summer and drop out by Fall. Then you'll see a subtle change in the forums.
Says the person who joined four days ago
Been on the site for 3 years...got a new email and started a new account.
Thanks for sharing.0 -
STOP FEEDING THE TROLLS!
LOL0 -
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OP - good point.
I try to share what is working for me, give such advice as my advanced years consider appropriate (considering the questions asked) and try to throw in a little humour where I can - because its a long haul and we don't want to obsess about every calorie of lettuce.
I know what is working for me, I know there are things I wouldn't do because they're just not for me (like swimming - because I can't). But that doesn't mean they won't work for others, so I wouldn't say to anyone that is bad advice.
There are some whose attitude is "my way is the only way". I don't believe their way is the only way, but I would never say they couldn't follow that path because that's their choice. I just wish they could put their points across more reasonably sometimes.
Stick with us:flowerforyou:0 -
if i lost 1 lb for everytime i heard that
For real!0 -
OP, the forums are what they are. If it bothers you that much I'd suggest getting a supportive friends list and staying away from the forums altogether. Net scolding isn't going to change the way the forum denizens behave.
Rage quitting is also an option.0 -
Here they come!!!0
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If your having trouble on the forums, I've heard Jesus can help.....0
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I stopped reading after the first point. I got fed up with the self righteousness.
Me too. Someone has to learn how the internets work. Take what you want and leave the rest OP...0 -
I came in here prepared for another 'People are being mean!' post.
I was pleasantly surprised. The only thing I would add is this:
8) Don't take any of this too personally. If someone made a joke at your expense it's not the end of the world. Brush it off and go about your business with dignity. Everybody here with over 200 posts (some maybe less) has had a joke made at their expense. The truth is their still breathing and still moving closer to their goals.
9) DON'T BE TOO PROUD TO ADMIT WHEN YOU'VE MADE A MISTAKE- I see so many people caught up and being 'right' on the forums that they absolutely REFUSE to learn anything. I type before I think, I misinterpret data, I make jokes that are offensive, and sometimes I cross the lines. But at the end of the day I learn things on these boards because I work at staying humble.
Hey you everybody else, you're doing real good and I'mma let you finish, but PlayerHatinDoGooder had the best response of all time. All time!
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I think thats well said, unfortunately you can't control how people are. You can, however control who you interact with0
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You make a few good points, but there's no changing other people. The only thing you can do, or any of us can do, is grow a thicker skin and not let silly words on a computer screen get us too upset.
A few of us do get to meet each other or develop internet friendship bonds with people on our friends list, but for the most part, all we are to each other are some random words on a screen, a few oddly angled selfless, and funny gifs. Nothing more.
Letting a few words on a computer screen upset us isn't a good use of energy.
Personally, I don't want it to change. The silly battles make for great daytime entertainment.0 -
Way to waste your time and indignation. Somewhere someone is experimenting on fluffy animals, kids are being beaten and people are starving (granted, some of those starving people ARE here). Etcetera, etcetera.0
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You make a few good points, but there's no changing other people. The only thing you can do, or any of us can do, is grow a thicker skin and not let silly words on a computer screen get us too upset.
A few of us do get to meet each other or develop internet friendship bonds with people on our friends list, but for the most part, all we are to each other are some random words on a screen, a few oddly angled selfless, and funny gifs. Nothing more.
Letting a few words on a computer screen upset us isn't a good use of energy.
Personally, I don't want it to change. The silly battles make for great daytime entertainment.
I was going to comment until I found that Ginger said everything I planned to say!! So, I am QFT!!!!0 -
This is what happens when no forum moderators are around.0
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I'm a big fan of "If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say it at all." Literally. Some posts on here are just too stupid to respond to. So I don't. A lot of other people don't have that willpower.
A fan, but not a proponent, apparently.0 -
I'm always intrigued by message board complaints about rudeness. Invariably, the rude people prove the OP point. It's not "the Internet", which of course is not a place but just a conduit, it's the anonymity. Same principle that applies to people flipping you off on the highway at 70 mph who are less inclined to do so at a stop light.
Imagine if instead of posting on a board we were all sitting around in a room talking. It would go way differently.
Maybe I'm not mature enough yet for these types of relationships but I'm WAY worse to my friends IRL than I am to anyone here on the forums.
If we were sitting in a room talking, I'd be bored and focusing on getting drunk, so I think the main difference is that this way I'm able to stay within my calories for the day.0 -
OP you're considerably more articulate than most of the people who start these threads. I agree with most of your points. But you're not likely to change the way people behave. The best thing you can do is to behave the way you think everyone should, enjoy the funny gifs, and don't take anything too personally (especially me, because I love the gifs. It's a sickness, really).1 -
9) DON'T BE TOO PROUD TO ADMIT WHEN YOU'VE MADE A MISTAKE- I see so many people caught up and being 'right' on the forums that they absolutely REFUSE to learn anything. I type before I think, I misinterpret data, I make jokes that are offensive, and sometimes I cross the lines. But at the end of the day I learn things on these boards because I work at staying humble.
This really needs to be repeated. I have learned so much from these forums and solid information can come from some of the snarkiest people around. We all make mistakes, but if you are humble and willing to listen you WILL learn so much here.0 -
tl;dr
This is one of the nicest forums I have been a member of. People just need to quit being such babies
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I have a personal policy of getting in on every whiny thread about how mean people are.
I'm sort of out of things to contribute to these threads, so I'm here just so I don't break my streak.
Please, continue.0
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