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    I need your opinion on how to respond to a text...

    Posts: 444 Member
    edited January 25 in Chit-Chat
    So I have a friend that I always get into fights and arguments with. She always turns it around and makes me out to be the bad guy/ a-hole. I think we fight so much because there's some sexual tension between us. She's married and of course doesn't want to cheat on her husband. And I have no wish to have or be apart of an extra-marital affair. I have never made a move on her, etc.

    Anyway, we will occasionally hang out or go out to dinner together for our cheat meal. Lately we haven't been hanging out a lot, even though I've made time for her and tried to get her to get out of the house to have some fun.
    So last weekend I had the weekend off and she had Sunday off. I texted her on Saturday seeing if she wanted to hang out, go shooting, or do something else fun. She said she would be too busy doing things around the house and running errands. Ok, no biggie, we're all busy with day to day chores.

    But then Sunday night rolls around and I see on her instagram that she had gone to a golf tournament with this guy and a group of his friends. I'm pretty pissed at this. Then I see on Monday that after the golf tournament they had gone somewhere else together. I don't care that she's hanging out with another friend, I mean we all have multiple friends, what pisses me off is that told me she had chores to do so she can't hang out, and then goes and hangs out and doesn't even include me. Along with that she never texts me first, comes up to me at the gym (it's apparently my job to initiate conversation), etc.

    Alllll right so she's too busy doing chores but has time to do all that?? So I said screw it. I'm going to ignore her all week - we see each other at the gym everyday and I always stop by to chit chat.
    So today I'm doing abs and she comes over my way and I look away/start doing another set. When she's finished stretching I'm in the middle of a set of crunches, she gives me a little wave and I just kind of nod my head to acknowledge her wave.

    Now she just texted me saying, "I would have spoken to you today but my gosh you looked upset so I left you alone. What's wrong?"

    What should I respond with? I'm still really upset with her... I can ignore her, text her something curt like "Nothing.", something nonchalant, or explain why I looked mad (because of her) - but the caveat with this response is that I don't really want to explain it, we've been through this type of thing before and I always end up being the **** or she finds no fault of her own - in which case I look like a **** for starting yet another fight.

    Any other options?? Opinions?? Help??

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    Replies

    • Posts: 1,628 Member
      Ummmm to be honest it seems like she wants something that you're not giving her, and if you continue not giving it she's going elsewhere to get it?

      Kudos to you for sticking to your principles though.
    • Posts: 2,757 Member
      So the woman you want to cheat on her husband with you is cheating on you with her guy friends? Stop. Just stop.
    • Posts: 201 Member
      If if were me, I wouldn't bother.

      But here are a couple...

      "Nothing is wrong, I'm busy with chores, I mean golfing, I mean chores."

      "I was upset because you ditched me for golfing. I'm over it now, let's go get coffee."
    • Posts: 3,488 Member
      IMHO, whole "Nothing" route is so high school(in fact, very mean-girl high school).

      Why not be honest but still keep it chill.:

      "So, yeah, maybe I got a little snarked last weekend when I found out you did this golf tournament thing with some dude after I'd checked in to see if you wanted to hang and you said you had to errands and stuff. It's no big deal or anything, but it did kinda feel like you blew me off."
    • Posts: 1,893 Member
      I think you are being overly sensitive. Perhaps she told you she was doing chores because she didn't want to hurt your feelings, or the golf tournament came up at the last minute or something. Deciding you are going to ignore her for a week? WTF?? How about just talking to her and working it out? Or don't. It sounds like a recipe for disaster anyways.
    • Posts: 259 Member
      You should break up with her... she's obviously not as interested as you are.
    • Posts: 1,956 Member
      If if were me, I wouldn't bother.

      But here are a couple...

      "Nothing is wrong, I'm busy with chores, I mean golfing, I mean chores."


      this. :tongue:
    • Posts: 444 Member
      So the woman you want to cheat on her husband with you is cheating on you with her guy friends? Stop. Just stop.

      You clearly missed the part where I said that I've never made a move on her and that I have no intention in the world of being involved in an extra-marital affair.
    • Posts: 2,250 Member
      Uh...you sound jealous. Like, boyfriend jealous. Maybe you don't *intend* to do anything, but I think this is headed down a bad path.
    • Posts: 340
      Man up an tell her..

      Or castrate and just text some pansy excuse about it being your 'manly time of the month'


      Either way, your making a mountain out of a molehill, she wants from you what you arnt giving her, maybe shes gone looking elsewhere.

      What im finding interesting is your reaction to her going out with some other bloke an his mates, whilst i understand shes fobbed you off with chore excuses.... i still dont see why this is such a big issue? Your comming across as a jealous petulant man child
    • Posts: 3,347 Member
      it might be time to stop hanging out with her honestly it sounds like you are both setting yourself up for something bad to happen
    • Posts: 503
      So the woman you want to cheat on her husband with you is cheating on you with her guy friends? Stop. Just stop.

      He said he doesn't want to be part of an affair. Married men and women can have friends of the opposite sex. I have a few. I think he is more hurt on a blown off friend level if anythibg.
    • Posts: 3,347 Member
      Uh...you sound jealous. Like, boyfriend jealous. Maybe you don't *intend* to do anything, but I think this is headed down a bad path.

      kinda got that vibe too
    • Posts: 2,757 Member
      show previous quotes

      He said he doesn't want to be part of an affair. Married men and women can have friends of the opposite sex. I have a few. I think he is more hurt on a blown off friend level if anythibg.

      He said a lot yet he doesn't know how to respond to a text? He needs to admit something to himself.
    • Posts: 520 Member
      She doesn't want you, bro.

      Move on


      Edit: If, by some chance she does want whatever it is that you want, be prepared for a **** storm. Things like this never end well.
    • Posts: 2,835 Member
      Uh...you sound jealous. Like, boyfriend jealous. Maybe you don't *intend* to do anything, but I think this is headed down a bad path.

      This. Sorry, but from personal experience I can see nothing good coming from this. Stop hanging out with her. End it. It's for the best.
    • Posts: 684 Member
      It already sounds like the fling has started. I know that's not the case, but c'mon, She makes an excuse, you ignore her basically at the gym. Grow up a little. Either her or both has feelings for the other, stop hanging out with each other before one, two or all three involved get hurt.
    • Posts: 737 Member
      Uh...you sound jealous. Like, boyfriend jealous. Maybe you don't *intend* to do anything, but I think this is headed down a bad path.

      BUMP
    • Posts: 520 Member
      show previous quotes

      You clearly missed the part where I said that I've never made a move on her and that I have no intention in the world of being involved in an extra-marital affair.

      Er, you sound a little too...butt-hurt and jealous for that to be true.
    • Posts: 684 Member
      show previous quotes

      Er, you sound a little too...butt-hurt and jealous for that to be true.

      Yep!!!^^
    • Posts: 33 Member
      But then Sunday night rolls around and I see on her instagram that she had gone to a golf tournament with this guy and a group of his friends. I'm pretty pissed at this. Then I see on Monday that after the golf tournament they had gone somewhere else together. I don't care that she's hanging out with another friend, I mean we all have multiple friends...

      My granddaughter has the exact same conversations with her friends. I thought I would be done hearing these conversations once she was out of high school but apparently people still do this as adults. Who knew? What is this instagram thing?
    • Posts: 3,499 Member
      it sounds like the treatment every girlfriend of my guy friends gives them...

      aka...you may not want something out of this relationship but she's treating you like her boyfriend...

      personally...i'd run....i'd run far and fast and far away...


      but that's me...so...

      now you have my opinion. take it or leave it.
    • Posts: 216 Member
      Ummmm to be honest it seems like she wants something that you're not giving her, and if you continue not giving it she's going elsewhere to get it?

      Kudos to you for sticking to your principles though.

      This..
    • Posts: 3
      this is a married women. she is not available for a "relationship". you need to look else where for a better class of person. say hello at the gym, be nice. but leave it at the gym.
    • Posts: 216 Member
      it might be time to stop hanging out with her honestly it sounds like you are both setting yourself up for something bad to happen

      & this...
    • Posts: 81 Member
      i've felt this way before, with one of my friends (thats a girl) and i would go out of my way to hang out with her blablabla and shed have random excuses and then id see on her fcbk that she went out or whatever.

      i pretty much stopped talking to her. i felt like i was put on the backburner. we were like BESTIES but i refuse to be on the backburner when shes being *besties* with someone else. ya know what i mean. lifes too short to be feelin like **** cause someone isnt holding you to the same standard you hold them
    • Posts: 543 Member
      Sorry fella. she sounds complicated. I would be up front with her. Give her the real reason why your mad. it sucks to get ditched. *thumbs down* Id be friends if you lived in MN. im a badass and dont stand up my friends.
    • Posts: 118 Member
      so where is her husband in all this lol just saying..smh
    • Posts: 543 Member
      i've felt this way before, with one of my friends (thats a girl) and i would go out of my way to hang out with her blablabla and shed have random excuses and then id see on her fcbk that she went out or whatever.

      i pretty much stopped talking to her. i felt like i was put on the backburner. we were like BESTIES but i refuse to be on the backburner when shes being *besties* with someone else. ya know what i mean. lifes too short to be feelin like **** cause someone isnt holding you to the same standard you hold them

      I've had friends like this too - sometimes they come back around. people go through phases.
    • Posts: 266 Member
      Talk about overthinking the whole thing. CHILL OUT.
    This discussion has been closed.

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