I need your opinion on how to respond to a text...
Replies
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I got through 2 responses before I had to write this. WHY THE EFF DO YOU WANT THAT STUPID DRAMA IN YOUR LIFE??? Seriously man, you sound like a highschool girl who's bf is the head of the cheerleading squad. Women are crazy (ask me, i'm a woman) and this woman sounds like she's bat *kitten* crazy. Stop it! walk away! Find a decent female friend that ONLY wants to be your female friend! Stop with the drama, or just sleep with her.
^^^^THIS!!!! and DON'T deal with it by texting anyway. if you're going to continue this so-called friendship, things like this need to be discussed in person. from experience, things get misconstrued etc and it just leads to a bigger mess!!!0 -
Uh...you sound jealous. Like, boyfriend jealous. Maybe you don't *intend* to do anything, but I think this is headed down a bad path.
sounds like this
But if your pissed that she ditched you then tell her why
Tell her she should just be straight up and honest if she doesnt want to do something or wants go do something else... then say so.
Instead of saying some bull**** about chores.0 -
Sounds like she just wants some strange, isn't getting it from you, so she moved on to another friend. Good for you with sticking to your morals.0
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#1) I find it strange that she is hanging out with all these guys friends when she is married... her husband is ok with this?
#2) Just be straight up honest with her and say "I'm a little upset that you told me you had chores and couldn't hang out but then come to find out you were hanging out with this other guy all day. I'm confused as to why you couldn't just tell me you had other plans, I wouldn't have cared."0 -
First Say:
YOU AIN'T GOTTA LIE CRAIG!!!
Just be straight up honest with her and say "I'm a little upset that you told me you had chores and couldn't hang out but then come to find out you were hanging out with this other guy all day. I'm confused as to why you couldn't just tell me you had other plans, I wouldn't have cared."0 -
I heart OP.
Carry on.0 -
I heart OP.
Carry on.
Lucky dude...
Hey - you're OK. Tell her how you feel, admit to feeking the way you did. Own your feelings. Be confident. You got it man, it happens. Beyond that - start going to yoga...0 -
Uh...you sound jealous. Like, boyfriend jealous. Maybe you don't *intend* to do anything, but I think this is headed down a bad path.
Agreed! And if there's "sexual tension" going on, if you don't want to end up in an affair with her, you need to stop seeing her. If she goes out with other men, obviously she's not faithful and looking to get into "trouble", if you know what I mean. Bad, just bad.0 -
I heart OP.
Carry on.
Lucky dude...
Hey - you're OK. Tell her how you feel, admit to feeking the way you did. Own your feelings. Be confident. You got it man, it happens. Beyond that - start going to yoga...
I heart you too.0 -
so where is her husband in all this lol just saying..smh
Mostly likely he's busy at the gentleman's club.
Sounds about right. A husband who cares isn't a husband who let's their wife hang with single men...just sayin'.0 -
so where is her husband in all this lol just saying..smh
Mostly likely he's busy at the gentleman's club.
Sounds about right. A husband who cares isn't a husband who let's their wife hang with single men...just sayin'.
he could also be deployed or something I see a lot of army wifes put themselves in this situation its sad but true0 -
Respond with "I was preoccupied. I hope you are well."
If there is too much "sexual tension" and drama in this friendship, let it go. You don't have to ignore her or be rude to her, but I don't think it is in your best interest to be initiating conversations and outings.0 -
Find yourself someone single and stay away from her. Why isn't she hanging out with her husband? You have trouble on the horizon but just don't see it0
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Damn! Just call her husband and talk to him about her to see what's going on! No one probably knows her better than him. Maybe he can help you out with this.
Winner Winner!0 -
So I have a friend that I always get into fights and arguments with. She always turns it around and makes me out to be the bad guy/ a-hole. I think we fight so much because there's some sexual tension between us. She's married and of course doesn't want to cheat on her husband. And I have no wish to have or be apart of an extra-marital affair. I have never made a move on her, etc.
Anyway, we will occasionally hang out or go out to dinner together for our cheat meal. Lately we haven't been hanging out a lot, even though I've made time for her and tried to get her to get out of the house to have some fun.
So last weekend I had the weekend off and she had Sunday off. I texted her on Saturday seeing if she wanted to hang out, go shooting, or do something else fun. She said she would be too busy doing things around the house and running errands. Ok, no biggie, we're all busy with day to day chores.
But then Sunday night rolls around and I see on her instagram that she had gone to a golf tournament with this guy and a group of his friends. I'm pretty pissed at this. Then I see on Monday that after the golf tournament they had gone somewhere else together. I don't care that she's hanging out with another friend, I mean we all have multiple friends, what pisses me off is that told me she had chores to do so she can't hang out, and then goes and hangs out and doesn't even include me. Along with that she never texts me first, comes up to me at the gym (it's apparently my job to initiate conversation), etc.
Alllll right so she's too busy doing chores but has time to do all that?? So I said screw it. I'm going to ignore her all week - we see each other at the gym everyday and I always stop by to chit chat.
So today I'm doing abs and she comes over my way and I look away/start doing another set. When she's finished stretching I'm in the middle of a set of crunches, she gives me a little wave and I just kind of nod my head to acknowledge her wave.
Now she just texted me saying, "I would have spoken to you today but my gosh you looked upset so I left you alone. What's wrong?"
What should I respond with? I'm still really upset with her... I can ignore her, text her something curt like "Nothing.", something nonchalant, or explain why I looked mad (because of her) - but the caveat with this response is that I don't really want to explain it, we've been through this type of thing before and I always end up being the **** or she finds no fault of her own - in which case I look like a **** for starting yet another fight.
Any other options?? Opinions?? Help??
Walk away...drop the phone, and slowly walk away...AWAY from the WHOLE Relationship!!!You are in wayyy to deep; YOU are jealous of her new relationships. So she lied, so what...HEY YOU are a Single guy, a SINGLE Man, biatching over another man's woman..HIS WIFE, I Bet He thinks you are NOT Straight! You setting Yourself up for BIG Trouble, she clearly knows how you feel (the sexual tension) and she is "working it", she also loves DRAMA...as soon as she is "Scorned" watch out! DUDE, YOU are a Single Man, find some SINGLE women to be friends with and spend your time with...do you enjoy playing in Somebody else's Garden? Plant YOUR own DUDE! WOW, when it hits the fan, you won't have a defense!
You do NOT owe her an explanation; but if she come in your face in person...just tell her that you are hangin out with other friends, then MOVE ON. DANG Dude, you come off as a WEAK Man...you just waiting for something bad to go down in her relationship so you can pounce on her at a weak moment; ARE you a scavenger, a Buzzard? Get YOUR Own Woman, in fact, why don't you have your own woman, is THIS Relationship taking up all of your free time? MOVE ON, Just MOVE ON, Fast!0 -
Personally... I'm wondering where her husband is in all of this???
She seems to do a LOT with other guys but doesn't involve her husband... Even in the event he's like deployed or an over-the-road driver or something like that, she seems to do a lot more with men than makes me comfortable.
Leads me to think she might want something more than you are willing to give (i.e. extra-marital). Your best bet is to move on. Don't put yourself in a circumstance any longer that may lead you to go against your principles.
If you dont move on: This. wont. end. well0 -
Personally... I'm wondering where her husband is in all of this???
She seems to do a LOT with other guys but doesn't involve her husband... Even in the event he's like deployed or an over-the-road driver or something like that, she seems to do a lot more with men than makes me comfortable.
Leads me to think she might want something more than you are willing to give (i.e. extra-marital). Your best bet is to move on. Don't put yourself in a circumstance any longer that may lead you to go against your principles.
If you dont move on: This. wont. end. well
I was thinking along these lines as well anyway you look at it its immoral and going to hurt everyone involved0 -
Be honest and upfront, but also realize that maybe you're too invested in what she's doing with her life on the side..
I mean- it's not okay for a friend to lie about why they can't hang out.. but in the end, she is just that- a friend... not a girlfriend.
I'd shrug it off & let her know you felt a little weird that she went golfing after texting you about chores- but that it's fine & you just need to get over it. lol0 -
"Nothing is wrong, I'm busy with chores, I mean golfing, I mean chores."
yeah, this!0 -
In my opinion, when you said there was sexual tension, that should have told you all you need to know. End it. That sexual tentions, at the very least will make the friendship awkward (sounds like it has). At the worst, it becomes a train wreck. I am ok with opposite sex friendships....until there is sexual tension. Nothing good come after that.0
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I So Agree!!! I'm not going to ask my husband if its okay to hang with my friends!! Just like he doesn't ask if he can hang with his friends!It's not okay with her to be such close friends with a man who isn't her husband. She shouldn't be "hanging out" with you at all, nor her other male friends, unless her husband is there. Seriously. What are y'all thinking?
Really?! So, if I get married I have to cut out of my life all of my male friends and stop hanging out with them unless my husband is also with me?! Really?!
I happen to think that the OP and his friend may be treading on some thinning ice given the apparent sexual tension, but to assert that married women shouldn't hang out with male friends without their husbands being present? In what century are we living?!
Yeah, me three.
I don't get the "you can't be friends with the opposite sex if you're dating or married" thing on MFP.
But it comes up a lot.0 -
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she's married and unavailable . if there's so much sexual tension then it's not right you're "friends" .
sorry bit the situation sounds a bit trifling to me , regardless if what the text says or doesn't say you should just move on and let this sketchy sounding friendship go.0 -
Damn! Just call her husband and talk to him about her to see what's going on! No one probably knows her better than him. Maybe he can help you out with this.
LOL
I think you should go and visit her husband and tell him that you're mad at HIS wife for hanging out with other guys instead of you. But wait until someone is around with a camcorder. I'll want to see what happens once it's posted to youtube.
This!! Me too0 -
I So Agree!!! I'm not going to ask my husband if its okay to hang with my friends!! Just like he doesn't ask if he can hang with his friends!It's not okay with her to be such close friends with a man who isn't her husband. She shouldn't be "hanging out" with you at all, nor her other male friends, unless her husband is there. Seriously. What are y'all thinking?
Really?! So, if I get married I have to cut out of my life all of my male friends and stop hanging out with them unless my husband is also with me?! Really?!
I happen to think that the OP and his friend may be treading on some thinning ice given the apparent sexual tension, but to assert that married women shouldn't hang out with male friends without their husbands being present? In what century are we living?!
Yeah, me three.
I don't get the "you can't be friends with the opposite sex if you're dating or married" thing on MFP.
But it comes up a lot.
having opposite sex friends is fine this situation has crossed the line.0 -
So the woman you want to cheat on her husband with you is cheating on you with her guy friends? Stop. Just stop.
LOL UM YES0 -
She is married. End of story.
Rings don't plug holes.
Sorry I don't actually think that. Just trollin'.0 -
She is married. End of story.
Rings don't plug holes.
This^^^^^^^^^^^
HAHAHAHAHAHA0 -
Sounds like your in love with her. You really need to admit to yourself where you are at emotionally with this, break it off and move on since she's married.
Yes. And don't listen to all that say you are being "girly" or "whiney" - guys are entitled to feelings, too.0 -
"So, yeah, maybe I got a little snarked last weekend when I found out you did this golf tournament thing with some dude after I'd checked in to see if you wanted to hang and you said you had to errands and stuff. It's no big deal or anything, but it did kinda feel like you blew me off."
This and and then accept the limited role you have in her life and go forth and live your own life. Friends drift away from each other. No harm, no foul. Besides, you say you and she snark at each other. That doesn't sound like a very healthy friendship to me. Get friends you don't need to fight with.
I had/have a good friend and co-author wherein we snarked at each other because of a combination of attraction and lack of chemistry between us. (Neither of us was dating anyone.) We travelled together and people would mistake us for brother and sister because that's how we behaved. Luckily, he moved out of state. In some ways this left me freer to meet my husband. He and I were great co-authors, we're good professional colleagues, we can talk on the phone on occasion, but our relationship has reached its appropriate level -- distant and not reliant on each other. He and I weren't meant to be reliant on each other but at a distance we are better able to have the limited friendship that is good for both of us.0
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