I need your opinion on how to respond to a text...

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Replies

  • BeachIron
    BeachIron Posts: 6,490 Member
    Somewhere right now, there is a 13 year old girl and 6 of her friends who are looking at a text from a boy and not spending this much time overanalyzing it
  • missbp
    missbp Posts: 601 Member
    Any other options?? Opinions?? Help??

    Your friend seems like the type of girl who needs a lot of attention. Do you know it her husband has issues with the friendship she has with you? You are a nice looking guy. I can see why she likes keeping you around. And even though you are not willing to engage in an affair with her, I am sure you can see how even a friendship like the one you have with her, might not be entirely innocent. The way you felt by her betrayal is pretty indicative of that.

    I say, be polite. . . but don't respond to her texts and keep your in person conversations with her to hi and bye. Let her string other guys along and focus your time and energy on people who are worthy of your companionship.

    Good luck!
    MB
  • devil_in_a_blue_dress
    devil_in_a_blue_dress Posts: 5,214 Member
    Fact: guys don't have female friends unless they're attracted to them. IMHO, as others have said, this is a dangerous situation and you totally need to be honest with yourself and let go.

    ^^ Total myth. My best friend of 16 years (we're 31 now) is a straight male. We've talked about having sex in the past - we both agree that it would just be weird.
  • Caged_Heat
    Caged_Heat Posts: 1,031 Member
    Somewhere right now, there is a 13 year old girl and 6 of her friends who are looking at a text from a boy and not spending this much time overanalyzing it
    Bingo

    Let me guess... "But I really like her..." Waaaaaa!
  • LonLB
    LonLB Posts: 1,126 Member
    Fact: guys don't have female friends unless they're attracted to them. IMHO, as others have said, this is a dangerous situation and you totally need to be honest with yourself and let go.

    ^^ Total myth. My best friend of 16 years (we're 31 now) is a straight male. We've talked about having sex in the past - we both agree that it would just be weird.


    Sure doesn't sound like you have disproved this as a myth.
  • CM9178
    CM9178 Posts: 1,251 Member
    I have a couple male friends but I would never hang out with them without my husband around, period. And I wouldn't put up with him hanging out with female friends without me. If your spouse feels the need to hang out with people of the opposite sex, without you, then there is a problem in your marriage. Yes, you can be friends with people of the opposite sex, but there is a line..this girl sounds like she is constantly spending time with random guy friends without her husband. HUGE RED FLAG.
    My husband has always said - and I agree 100% - a guy cannot be friends only with a girl - if he is "friends" with a girl - he wants to get in her pants. Coming from a guy - I believe him totally.
  • NormInv
    NormInv Posts: 3,303 Member
    tl;dr but response to EVERY email ever sent is:

    when you gonna let me tap dat!
  • CM9178
    CM9178 Posts: 1,251 Member
    Fact: guys don't have female friends unless they're attracted to them.
    Agreed 150%. My husband says this all the time. Or the guy is gay.
  • NormInv
    NormInv Posts: 3,303 Member
    Fact: guys don't have female friends unless they're attracted to them.
    Agreed 150%. My husband says this all the time. Or the guy is gay.

    OMG I am attracted to too many women. Or....
  • CrazyTrackLady
    CrazyTrackLady Posts: 1,337 Member
    Damn! Just call her husband and talk to him about her to see what's going on! No one probably knows her better than him. Maybe he can help you out with this.

    I see what you did there -- brilliant.
  • CrazyTrackLady
    CrazyTrackLady Posts: 1,337 Member
    Fact: guys don't have female friends unless they're attracted to them.
    Agreed 150%. My husband says this all the time. Or the guy is gay.

    I've always wanted a gay male friend to hang out with. Stereotypes aside, I'd like someone to honestly tell me if my *kitten* looks too big, and help me be snarky with people.
  • Maribel_1986
    Maribel_1986 Posts: 457 Member
    First - she is married to someone else and is not your girlfriend.

    Second - she didn't invite you because she didn't want you there.

    Third - get over it,

    I had a guy friend just like you an you know what happened between us? We are no longer friends because I do not do clingy... and if a friend gets mad because I go out with other friends I have no time for that.

    Should she have told you the truth about the golf tournament? yeah maybe but maybe she did have plans to do chores and errands and maybe her plans chagned.

    But really just get over it.

    OMG! I could not have said it better!!! :flowerforyou: There is nothing wrong with spending some time together but seriously you are just a jealous guy... I can only imagine what you would be like in a relationship. You need to just lay off and hang out with other people. Honestly for all you know she noticed that you were interested in her as more than just friends and she decided to not spend time with you anymore
  • iluvfood1
    iluvfood1 Posts: 5
    It seems like you are taking it more seriously than she is. You should tell her the truth. If she continue to not take the blame make you out to be the bad guy. Then you need to make the decision of whether or not you want to continue putting up with it. Then if you decide to put up with it then don't let stuff like that get to you.
  • amandapye78
    amandapye78 Posts: 820 Member
    what pisses me off is that told me she had chores to do so she can't hang out, and then goes and hangs out and doesn't even include me. Along with that she never texts me first, comes up to me at the gym (it's apparently my job to initiate conversation), etc.

    Alllll right so she's too busy doing chores but has time to do all that?? So I said screw it. I'm going to ignore her all week

    You're secretly a girl?


    It is completely disloyal to my sex but I agree with this.. This sounds awfully girly.. like a 15 yr old girl
  • amandapye78
    amandapye78 Posts: 820 Member
    Fact: guys don't have female friends unless they're attracted to them. IMHO, as others have said, this is a dangerous situation and you totally need to be honest with yourself and let go.

    ^^ Total myth. My best friend of 16 years (we're 31 now) is a straight male. We've talked about having sex in the past - we both agree that it would just be weird.


    Sure doesn't sound like you have disproved this as a myth.


    haha I agree with this guy. I have never been close friends with a guy who didn't eventually confess to being sexually attracted to me
  • LonLB
    LonLB Posts: 1,126 Member
    Fact: guys don't have female friends unless they're attracted to them. IMHO, as others have said, this is a dangerous situation and you totally need to be honest with yourself and let go.

    ^^ Total myth. My best friend of 16 years (we're 31 now) is a straight male. We've talked about having sex in the past - we both agree that it would just be weird.


    Sure doesn't sound like you have disproved this as a myth.


    haha I agree with this guy. I have never been close friends with a guy who didn't eventually confess to being sexually attracted to me


    That's because it happens ZERO percent of the time.
  • CM9178
    CM9178 Posts: 1,251 Member
    Fact: guys don't have female friends unless they're attracted to them. IMHO, as others have said, this is a dangerous situation and you totally need to be honest with yourself and let go.

    ^^ Total myth. My best friend of 16 years (we're 31 now) is a straight male. We've talked about having sex in the past - we both agree that it would just be weird.


    Sure doesn't sound like you have disproved this as a myth.


    haha I agree with this guy. I have never been close friends with a guy who didn't eventually confess to being sexually attracted to me


    That's because it happens ZERO percent of the time.

    THANK YOU. Total truth.
  • JUDDDing
    JUDDDing Posts: 1,367 Member
    I have a couple male friends but I would never hang out with them without my husband around, period. And I wouldn't put up with him hanging out with female friends without me. If your spouse feels the need to hang out with people of the opposite sex, without you, then there is a problem in your marriage.

    This strikes me as totally insecure. If I had to write off the possibility of friendship with 50% of the world (or be constantly chaperoned) - I would never have gotten married.

    Happily, I've been married for 18 years and, apparently miraculously, managed not to have sex with anyone but my wife.
  • metaphoria
    metaphoria Posts: 1,432 Member
    Somewhere right now, there is a 13 year old girl and 6 of her friends who are looking at a text from a boy and not spending this much time overanalyzing it

    Good-night nurse, THIS!

    Get a hobby so you're too busy to text all the stinkin time.
  • sarahtonin015
    sarahtonin015 Posts: 193
    I had to go back and re-read the beginning of your original post to remind myself that YOU'RE not the one married to her. :huh: Sure doesn't sound like it at parts.

    Overreaction on your part aside, you definitely dug yourself into a hole by randomly feeling the need to throw in there that you two have "sexual tension". Good luck getting anyone here to believe you now that you DON'T want to murder her vagina. Lol.
  • slkehl
    slkehl Posts: 3,801 Member
    TL;DR but my advice when it comes to texting is always pick up the damn phone and have a real conversation.
  • slkehl
    slkehl Posts: 3,801 Member
    Fact: guys don't have female friends unless they're attracted to them.
    Agreed 150%. My husband says this all the time. Or the guy is gay.

    I'm finding out this to be true more and more. It sucks. I'll think I've found a good friend only to find out he has ulterior motives. No more hanging out with guys one on one as "friends" for me.
  • SarahDavs
    SarahDavs Posts: 161 Member
    A lot of overly possessive people in this thread, and OUTDATED expectations of gender roles... which is really depressing.

    To the OP, don't play games. If you value your friendship don't "punish" her by ignoring for a week, that's playing games. Just tell her it upset you that she lied about hanging out to do something with someone else. This isn't about "manning up" <--irritating phrase, this is about being a real person and true friend. Real friends don't play games.
  • sangeyvang
    sangeyvang Posts: 182
    sounds like you guys are dating, just not having the sex.

    but good luck...

    i wonder if her husband feels the same way you do?
  • mego07
    mego07 Posts: 234 Member
    I think it's time for you both to be grownups about the situation and have the uncomfortable talk and apologize on both ends. You also need to realize she is the one married. She has a whole other life that does not involve you but does very much involve her husband and if she has kids. If you have sexual feelings and emotional feeling and want to keep to you morals and not cause an affair, you may want to take a big step back and move on. It is only going to end in a bigger heart break on your end.
  • fionarama
    fionarama Posts: 788 Member
    You really shouldn't be texting someone else's wife at all in my book. I'd be totally p'ed off if a girl texted my husband wanting to "hang out". You don't hang out with other people's wives.
    You're obviously emotionally involved otherwise you wouldn't care less.
    Find a single girl to hang out with and leave other people's wives alone.
    She probably has decided for herself that the is fine with being friendly at the gym, values your friendship, but maybe she realised it wasn't cool to actually have dinner out and hang out with you.
    Normally if you text a married person on a Sunday you'd expect both husband and wife to come out.
    Just move on man.
  • PlayerHatinDogooder
    PlayerHatinDogooder Posts: 1,018 Member
    I'm just having a very hard time believing OP is a dude after reading this.
  • Justjamie0418
    Justjamie0418 Posts: 1,065 Member
    Just wondering what her husband is thinking. Maybe I'm possessive but if my wife was constantly going out with other guys I dunno just doesn't seem right to me.


    I wouldn't want my husband hanging out with women without me all the time. I don't understand where her husband is in all of this ...

    Well we know he doesnt golf, or workout.....

    Video games maybe??
  • smantha32
    smantha32 Posts: 6,990 Member
    I think you are being overly sensitive. Perhaps she told you she was doing chores because she didn't want to hurt your feelings, or the golf tournament came up at the last minute or something. Deciding you are going to ignore her for a week? WTF?? How about just talking to her and working it out? Or don't. It sounds like a recipe for disaster anyways.

    I disagree. I think she's a liar and not a good friend.

    I'd start putting some distance in here and hang out with friends who actually care.
  • smantha32
    smantha32 Posts: 6,990 Member
    Man up an tell her..


    Definitely this. She's a crappy friend, but don't pretend nothing's wrong and let her off the hook. :flowerforyou:

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