"Stop losing weight!" Uggggh.

sweetpea129 · May 2013

So, yesterday my parents & sister had a talk with me. They told me its time for me to stop losing weight & they are worrying I'm going too far?! They asked me how much more I plan to lose & I said that my goal is about another 15-20 lbs. They were not happy & saying I'm looking too thin & gaunt. It really pissed me off.

For reference, I'm 5'5 & 158 lbs!! I wear a size 8! Far from "overdoing" it!! I know a big part is that they've always known me as morbidly obese, they've never seen me like this. My sister is freaking 5'6 & 135 lbs so I don't get it?! I try to ignore them but it really starts pissing me off.

Anyone relate? What do you say?

hkmurphy83 · May 2013

First of all, AWESOME weight loss so far! You are inspiring!

Second of all, yes, I've had some "You can stop now!" comments from people, and it annoys the bejeepers out of me. But like you, I know what I'm doing is healthy, and I can still continue to lose in a healthy manner. Just ignore them. You know their hearts are in the right place. And for those that are just jealous....haters are going to hate!

Keep up the good work.

staceypunk · May 2013

I am getting those kind of remarks from family and many friends as well. I think that they are hearing how obsessed I am with it all and that is the concerning part for them, so it seems less healthy because it's always on my mind and I have to try so hard? I dunno. It's just my personality to obsess over something so if it weren't counting calories and exercising, it would be something else (like paying down debt or becoming a parent, both of which I rocked as well!).

I think a lot of people think that we are just trying to get as skinny as possible. It's a huge assumption. I'm trying to shape my body into a lean, tight nice looking package and to be as strong as I can be.

MinnieInMaine · May 2013

i've had a few people say that to me as well and the funny part is that two of them were guys and very into fitness. Everyone has their opinions and you have to do what's right for you. I'm pretty sure what you said is right because I think it's where the comments from my folks come from - they had gotten so used to seeing you heavy that the new you seems "too skinny". It could also have to do with how you're dressing. I don't know about you but I know I hid as much as my body as I could before with longer sleeves, baggy clothes, long pants...but now I'm not as shy about wearing a bathing suit or tank tops or shorts.

It's kind of like when you see someone with a new haircut but can't quite figure out why they look different - did they get new glasses, a new outfit? Eventually they will get used to it and it won't be a big deal.

Try not to mention the weight loss to them too much and if they ask if you've lost more just give a generic answer like "not really" or "this new outift is just slimming" and/or change the subject altogether.

P.S. It may help to come up with some concrete medical related answers. Don't lie but if you have been to your doc in the past year, just relay what he/she may have said about your weight. For instance, mine was happy with my progress and agreed that I should lose another 20 or so pounds to get within the healthy BMI range for my height.

SonicDeathMonkey80 · May 2013

Overweight has somehow become equated with being "healthy" these days. I blame the fat acceptance movement.

crista_b · May 2013

First, congrats on the loss so far!

Second, I think it's partly the idea that you mentioned where they're used to seeing you as overweight. I think for some people it's just such a difference that they think that you're doing something wrong.

It can sometimes be a jealousy thing too. People see how great you've done and are doing, and they get a little subconscious jealousy telling them that you're the one who's wrong.

Your goal weight is fine. Keep up the good work! :drinker:

confetti_blind · May 2013

I completely relate to this, grrrrrrrr.

I went to my fiance's parents house this weekend and had to endure an awkward conversation with his parents about 'not taing it too far' and how I don't look like me anymore and how my face is 'too thin'. It was embarrassing and I didn't know how to respond at all...

But what I really, really, really wanted to say to his family was this: "You are too fat. You are obese. Perhaps even morbidly obese. You wouldn't have the back problems, high blood pressure and other health complaints which you constantly winge about if you didn't eat so damn much. Lose some weight. You don't look like you anymore. You look like a fat pig."

I hate how people think they have the right to comment on other people's weight loss, body image and goals.

FJcntdwn2sknyluv · May 2013

I've had the same thing, my Sister this weekend was like 'I'm watching you, your didn't eat much at dinner' ... I was like 'what?' 'I ate 7 hot wings, salad and 2pieces of pizza!".. she had 2 bites of salad and 4 hot-wings... who's not eating!...

Keep on with what makes you happy, I caulk it up to jealousy ..

And congrats on the weight loss!

KateRunsColorado · May 2013

I always just tell people what the healthy weight range is according to BMI, and how to relates to my goals.

For example, "According to the BMI, I can still lose another 15 lbs and be at a healthy weight range for my height."

A lot of people don't realize what a healthy weight looks like. If you have something to back it up, then it might make them understand more.

staplebug · May 2013

I'm exactly where you are right now, 5'5" and about the same weight. Do they not realize that this is not yet in the healthy BMI range? Losing another 20 pounds is not dangerous at all.

Congrats, by the way, you are looking great!

tbodega · May 2013

So, yesterday my parents & sister had a talk with me. They told me its time for me to stop losing weight & they are worrying I'm going too far?! They asked me how much more I plan to lose & I said that my goal is about another 15-20 lbs. They were not happy & saying I'm looking too thin & gaunt. It really pissed me off.

For reference, I'm 5'5 & 158 lbs!! I wear a size 8! Far from "overdoing" it!! I know a big part is that they've always known me as morbidly obese, they've never seen me like this. My sister is freaking 5'6 & 135 lbs so I don't get it?! I try to ignore them but it really starts pissing me off.

Anyone relate? What do you say?

I can absolutely relate to this! Especially at work where people feel like saying such ridiculous things are part of "small talk" and they never seem to look at themselves.

It got so bad that I recently cut off someone that I was cool with because they always made smartass comments about my food logging, choice of working out, "weird foods that I eat" , or how much weight I have lost.

juliegrey1 · May 2013

Well done you!5 ft 5 and 158 is fab yeah you can afford to loose another few pounds,its just they are not used to seeing you lookin so thin so they are worried!well done to you thats a huge achievement!!!!!

SarahBeth0625 · May 2013

I get those kinds of comments too!! Or, "you can stop working out now.."

Uh no!! Even doctors recommend 30 minutes of cardio daily, which is what I get. It's all about health for me and continued maintenance. Sure, some of it is because I want to look good, but I'm no longer losing weight, I am keeping my muscles and continuing to become stronger.

People are stupid!

MaydayParadeGirl · May 2013

I disagree with everyone telling you that they are jealous, they're your family and they are worried about you. However you need to m ake sure that they understand that this isn't going to go to far. Show them the fact that you are getting yourself to healthy body weight for your height and age, because you really can't argue with facts without sounding silly. Explain to them that you LIKE what you see when you look in the mirror and maybe even go as far as to show them what somenoe who is unhealthy ACTUALLY looks like? They are just seeing you as how you have always been and they are worried. You're never going to get your parents to stop worrying, it's who they are and what they do, but you need to educate them and explain to them that whether they like it or not you are doing this and you are doing it in a healthy way, that you arent' taking it too far

mmddwechanged · May 2013

I can relate. I had a talk with my mother before I started. She actually complained that someone had said something like this to her. I told her that she has done this to me time and time again. Once it even propelled me to gain all the weight back. I said that it is no ones business, that it is hurtful and a bunch of other strong words. She still makes comments and I am especially upset when she makes comments in front of my daughter. But I don't feel bad giving her an icey state when she does. She knows what she is doing. So, basically, I have made it very clear that this in unacceptable behaviour. The women in my family are all overweight with the exception of my children.

I am also very careful to keep my nose out of my children's eating habits. They both make very heathy choices and enjoy treats in moderation without my help.

sweetpea129 · May 2013

Thanks for all the replies!

I did being up BMI to try to shut them up but they don't believe in BMI. I actually don't really either as I know I'm not overweight. Just wish they would mind their business!

Rockstar_JILL · May 2013

I hear this too, at times. it is usually from overweight people that don't look after themselves. They are either just jealous or just never knew me when I used to be thinner. They are used to seeing me a certain way and they think I look too thin now. Actually according to my BMI, I am still considered "overweight" even though I don't look it. My goal is to just get inside the upper range of weight for my BMI. I am almost there. I figure my body will stop when it is ready to stop. I feel good, and am fit and healthy, so I just dont' listen to them.

crista_b · May 2013

I always just tell people what the healthy weight range is according to BMI, and how to relates to my goals.

For example, "According to the BMI, I can still lose another 15 lbs and be at a healthy weight range for my height."

A lot of people don't realize what a healthy weight looks like. If you have something to back it up, then it might make them understand more.

This is a good idea to back yourself up if they try to say something and won't let you just ignore it. You can also show them pictures of people on mybodygallery.com who are your height and shape and at your goal weight.

If they still don't like this and continue, you may just be stuck with the passive response of "I appreciate your concern" and dropping it.

wendybird5 · May 2013

I'm the same measurements as you and get the same comments, not from family, but from co-workers who also like to warn me I'm going to get fat any time they see me eat a cookie.

It probably is largely due to them being so used to how big you once were. My dad lost a lot of weight and at first it freaked me out because he looked almost sickly to me because seeing him so thin was so strange for me. So don't take it personally.

As long as your doctor says you're healthy, you are doing good. And you should say the same to your family.

KGill67 · May 2013

A lot of people don't realize what a healthy weight looks like. If you have something to back it up, then it might make them understand more.

Very good point. When I watch TV shows from the 70s, I always notice that everyone looks so trim - but that was the norm, and those people were at a healthy weight. Does anyone remember "The Odd Couple"? Oscar was supposed to be the stereotypical flabby former jock - but by today's standards, he looks normal, and Felix looks unhealthily thin. We really have grown accustomed to seeing people carrying around an extra 10 - 20 pounds.

kw85296 · May 2013

Congrats on the weight loss! Your goal of another 15 - 20 pounds is not unrealistic at all. It is well within the recommended weight range for your height. If this brought you down to a size 6 instead of 8 that too would not be unrealistic. I would try to play down your continuing healthy eating plan and if they say anything more maybe you could pull up a healthy weight chart for your age and show them that is all you are trying to achieve. (P.s. I am 5' 4 1/2" and weigh 127)

dannyXoxo · May 2013

I know exactly how you feel.... My family if pretty over weight and ever since I started losing they say I'm getting too thin and muscular and suggest I stop caring about what I eat and such. I don't let it phase me, in fact I see it as motivation to get as fit and healthy as I possibly can just to prove them wrong (and hopefully get them interested in a healthier lifestyle). There will always be ppl who will not understand what your trying to do and assume that what you are doing is either unhealthy or 'pointless' as some of my family has said BUT you just gotta remember why you started exercising and being healthy in the first place regardless of what anyone says. Kudos to you for still sticking it out despite the negative feedback from friends... Once you reach your goals and show them how much more happier and healthier you are I'm sure they'll agree and stand by your decision. Goodluck

BobbyDaniel · May 2013

Like everyone else, GREAT JOB! Be proud of what you have accomplished!
As for the "stop losing weight", I started hearing that after I lost 10 pounds and my BMI was still in the "obese" category! Almost 2 years later I still have people around me complaining about me "losing too much weight" and I'm the healthiest and most fit I've ever been, I've run 2 marathons for pete's sake!
Do what you have to do, try not to discuss it or talk to them about it if possible and don't give up on your goal, you are doing great!

Therealobi1 · May 2013

i agree that its just because they are used to seeing you at a certain weight, anything else your family gets concerned your not eating.
i have been told not too lose anymore, but i am still overweight. I just tell them that i still have wobbly bits i need to lose.

bjmarsh14 · May 2013

I am 5'6 and last summer I was 158-160. For our height that is pushing being overweight. It's right at the line anyway. Right now I weigh 136-138 and feel great about myself! Feel free to look at my pictures for reference of how that looks. My boyfriend tells me now that I am too skinny and have lost my butt which it has shrunk but I will never lose it!! I hate that other people are telling me I'm "skinny" I do not like that term at all because when people say you're getting too skinny I think of being actually thin with no muscle (which is not me at all). Just do what makes you happy, HEALTHY and feel good about yourself because they aren't the ones that have to look at your body the way you do everyday.

MyJourney1960 · May 2013

First - wow! congratulations on your journey!

and second - make a game out of it. reward yourself with a non-food reward for every time your family tells you to stop dieting. Or make a bet to yourself ("I bet sis will start with the 'stop dieting' within 143 seconds"). IOW -let it flow over you, ignore them.

binglebandit · May 2013

I'll admit, I used to be one of those people who thought everyone trying to lose weight was going to get too skinny. A large part of this was because I had no idea what a "healthy" weight looked like. I was also really used to what my friends/family looked like before and I was concerned they'd go too far. It was never jealousy, kind of more just a fear of the unknown. Now that I'm going through this process myself I feel that I can relate a lot more to what they went through and I feel bad about the assumptions I had about people losing weight in the past. I'm sure your family just means well and they want you to be healthy, they just don't know what that means. It's good you shared your goal with them and let them know you just want to get to a healthy body weight. Just try to educate them the best you can, and hopefully they'll come around eventually. Once they're used to the new you, they'll probably forget their worries. Just keep doing what makes you happy, it's your body, and you're aiming to live a long healthy life. Nothing wrong with that.

SarahBeth0625 · May 2013

I am 5'7 and 124-125 lbs (maintaining) and still in the normal BMI range.

lynn1982 · May 2013

I heard this too when I was still 7 pounds away from the top of my healthy BMI range. (I then went through some stuff and gained 10 pounds...still trying to get back there...ugh.) They just care about you and are probably worried that you're losing in an unhealthy manner because they probably don't understand. Just explain to them that you are indeed being healthy about losing weight - for me, I was adamant that I wasn't "losing weight," but instead I was "becoming healthy." That was something my family understood.

ryry_ · May 2013

I think some family members get in the mode that it is their duty to accept you no matter what, and so they overcorrect and try to stop you. I think them trying to stop you is a misguided attempt to say they accept you how you are and you don't have to lose weight.

puppy_amor · May 2013

I totally relate to where you are coming from. My dad and relatives always say stuff like this to me. "A little bit of excess is normal" is what my dad says. I think that they don't get it because no one in my family is really focused on fitness and being athletic. They all think that losing weight means I am going to become anorexic or something. I have tried to change their focus to my goal of being strong and athletic rather than "skinny" but they never really understand.

"Stop losing weight!" Uggggh.

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