Hating myself.

I really feel for you, from the bottom of my heart. I have been there - packing on weight (partly due to health issues, other other part from holing myself up in my apt and eating family size meals to myself and laziness). I spent countless days crying to myself, feeling miserable and lonely, and just fat. But that never does anyone any good.

IMO - you need to tell your hubby straight up that your lifestyle is hurting you. And it clearly is if you feel this way about yourself. I agree with the suggestions to get help, because if you don't fix what's broken in your head, your body will never follow.

Also, set small goals to get started: make healthier food choices. As far as hubby goes, let him whine and complain that you aren't eating the greasy/calorie-laden foods he wants. Unless he is literally tying you down and force-feeding you, you can't blame him for what you are eating. Go for short walks, get outside and get some sun. It will help keep your head clear and give you some "me time" that you desperately need. Use this time to set more small goals for yourself and do some positive self talk to boost your self esteem. Maybe enlist the help of a friend or co-worker to go walk with you. Even a 20 minute walk on your lunch break will do wonders for you.

You have to get started somewhere, and that will require you unlocking the bedroom door and getting outside. You can do this if you want it, but it will take dedication and perseverance. Nothing worth having is ever easy. :flowerforyou:

Hey girl! ((hugs)) You can do this!

Today please get outta the house - walk around the block - sniff nature, see the beauty in the world around you.

Try not to think about yesterday, focus on today and tomorrow.

As far as your life and emotional eating - (I so could have written the same blog post myself ;.... so you're not alone) - maybe consider writing down what you're struggling with. Sit with those feelings so you fully feel them - then go shred your journal page and be done with it.

Onwards and upwards.

YOU GOTS THIS!

Thank you for posting so honestly about your experience. I have been there myself, so many times in my life. The only upside of those times was that they motivated me to do *something* to change, and it's been a work in progress since then, with some things working better than others.

One thing that really helped me was to look at my eating as though I had signed up for some new course or something. Originally I committed to myself that I would simply track everything I ate, and do so honestly. That's all. Not to change anything, not to deny myself anything, just to write everything down faithfully. After doing this for a short while and getting used to the mentality of "studying" myself in this way, the harsh self-judgement passed, and I was able to look at myself more objectively. From there, I found that I was willing to make changes about what I ate, but it felt more like experimenting, to see if I could remove something without it being really stressful, etc. Once I was out of that self-judgement phase, this was much easier to do, and the changes quickly started to add up to progress, which in itself motivated me to keep going. Doing this in a way that removed the self-judgement was the key that made the process work for me this time around. I didn't realize that at the time, but now I can see it and how important that it was.

Going out for food all the time is difficult. I found that I could manage this somewhat by looking up menus online and making my food choices beforehand, but that wasn't always possible. Ultimately I had to reduce dining out significantly in order to be able to eat enough food to feel satisfied without totally overloading on the calories. (Managing my intake does not work if I am hungry all the time - that just makes me feel worse, and more likely to binge.)

In terms of snacking, something that worked for me was to plan my healthy snacks, and have them ready and waiting for when my wife would bring something to snack on in front of the TV. That way I could give in to the impulse to snack, but with better choices, and also often having built it into my plan for the day. (Apples and carrots are great for this, the latter with some hummus for flavour is a very good choice.)

I continue to use this site for maintaining healthy food intake, and it remains very valuable to me.

I really hope something you read here clicks with you and helps you make the changes you need to feel better.

Please don't hate yourself, you're a wonderful person and mum who has managed to lose so much weight! You should be proud of yourself. And these things can happen, you just need to pick yourself up again. You can do it. Make small goals! We're all rooting for you!

Do you want your children to hate themselves when they grow up?? Do u want them to feel that self-loathing that we all have felt?? NO! And if YOU don't STAND UP RIGHT NOW and start setting the examples regardless of what anyone has to say they will grow up to hate themselves too! Stop it you are a STRONG< COURAGEOUS MOTHER WIFE AND WOMAN! Start leading by example and understand that not only will they learn to be just like you but they will also carry your example throughout life. Show them how important it is to care for themselves by you taking care of YOU. I know you don't want to die any sooner than we already are...you need as many days as you can squeeze out of life AND ENJOY EACH ONE with your family. I'm going to add you and we can motivate each other! My daughter is 8 and already overweight but she and I together have made changes for the better...and we wont stop until we reach our goals. LOVE&LIGHT TO YOU!

Oh hun. Life gets us down and ya'll know what? We get back up again. I'm here if you be needin support.

Don't Hate yourself. I know it is so easy to say those words, but it is true you have to love you. All of you! Accept who you are right now. I had to learn this too! It was the hardest part of the journey for me! Then work towards a healthier version of this person. You are very worth the time, and effort. Ask your husband for positive help, by ensuring you have an hour a day for you to work on you. That means he keeps kids, animals, and distractions away from you. I was told it takes 15 to 20 times of you doing something in order for it to become routine. For me this means I go directly to the gym after work (if I don't I won't get my exercise in cause I forget about me at home) I also think of my time at the gym as my release. I have a high Stress job, and who's life at home is not stressful? At the gym I put on the headphones and just go. I don't think about anything but how I am moving, and I let go!!! Food is just fuel, and while we should enjoy it, we should not obsess over it. I can not, and don't diet!!! I altered my lifestyle, and my choices. I don't cheat (implies I'm being bad) I splurge b/c I deserve it! Try for 80/20! 80% good choices, and 20% pleasure choices. Seek help from someone(professional) It is not normal to be sad all the time with periods of happiness. It should be the opposite!! Happy with a small bought of sadness occasionally! The only person who can make the change is YOU!!!!! Let me share my Mantra that helps me, and the way I now look at my life.... "HEAL is the biggest part of Healthy!"

I'm done. I hate myself so much right now and absolutely disgust myself. I was doing so well with eating healthy, losing weight, being active. Then our life just took a horrible turn and I literally holed myself up in my room and don't want to be seen by anyone anymore. I am embarrassed by how I look and am embarrassed for my kids. I have no excuse for myself. I just quit caring. Today, I looked in a full length mirror and about made myself throw up. The sad part, is I gained all my weight back and then some. It all seemed to come back straight to my upper stomach and I feel like I look preggo (which I'm not), but I can't suck it in anymore. Just needing some advice to get back into things again. I'm afraid to go out of the house anymore and with summer here, that's just not an option with my kiddos. I'm a snacker, and emotional eater, etc. I was doing so well with healthier snacks, but now that I've fallen into bad habits again, it seems I'm hungrier now. The worst part is my husband has gained more back than I have all he ever wants to do is go to eat, or eat crappy foods. I don't want to make him made and cranky, so I give in, and always feel absolutely horrible after. It's taken a toll on our relationship as we hardly talk anymore and I try to avoid him so I don't have to even talk about it anymore (we have the discussion almost daily). How do I get past the point of feeling disgusted and worthless? I'm just trying to reach out for some advice....sorry for rambling on.

Please don't be so hard on yourself...try to suggest ideas to get you two out of the house even if it's walking to a local restaurant to eat, at least you would have taken advantage of a nice walk. Or perhaps both of you go bike riding, still try to do things together but not focusing on food. I think if you just sit down with him and let him know how miserable you feel about yourself and that you want and need his support to help you get back on track then it might do some good. It would be good if you two could lose weight together.
I am also an emotional eater but have learned to avoid eating when i'm stressed out or feeling very anxious about something and so forth.
If you would like a support of a friend oh here please count me in...and the first step is reaching out to others for support and help!

Do this for you and no one else. If your husband wants to do it with you, great. If not, do it anyway. Not easy, I know! Trust me, battling with your husband over this can eat at your marriage. Yes, we should be concerned for our loved ones health, and their poor health affects us too, but I have learned you can't change someone til they are ready. I KNOW what I speak of.

My husband will not commit to a healthy weight loss & exercise program. Type 2 diabetic insulin dependent w/high BP, high cholesterol, cardiac stent in place, numerous hospitalizations and he sleeps with a machine for apnea. At one point, he was on about 12 meds. And he knows I fear an early death for him. But the tension re: getting him on board was destroying my marriage, so I gave up. Oh, he knows it still bothers me, but he's not ready & I can't force it.

Bottom line: do it, with or without your husband. And don't let his lack of commitment deter you from your goals, or somehow be an excuse as to why your aren't reaching yours. It would be great if he was 100% with you and doing it with you, but unfortunately, sometimes we have do go it alone. But you are so worth it. Do not hate yourself, just start afresh and new.

Maybe share my husband's story with yours? Just a thought. Let him know what might be in his future if he doesn't change. Gently, of course.

Much luck to you!

I'm done. I hate myself so much right now and absolutely disgust myself. I was doing so well with eating healthy, losing weight, being active. Then our life just took a horrible turn and I literally holed myself up in my room and don't want to be seen by anyone anymore. I am embarrassed by how I look and am embarrassed for my kids. I have no excuse for myself. I just quit caring. Today, I looked in a full length mirror and about made myself throw up. The sad part, is I gained all my weight back and then some. It all seemed to come back straight to my upper stomach and I feel like I look preggo (which I'm not), but I can't suck it in anymore. Just needing some advice to get back into things again. I'm afraid to go out of the house anymore and with summer here, that's just not an option with my kiddos. I'm a snacker, and emotional eater, etc. I was doing so well with healthier snacks, but now that I've fallen into bad habits again, it seems I'm hungrier now. The worst part is my husband has gained more back than I have all he ever wants to do is go to eat, or eat crappy foods. I don't want to make him made and cranky, so I give in, and always feel absolutely horrible after. It's taken a toll on our relationship as we hardly talk anymore and I try to avoid him so I don't have to even talk about it anymore (we have the discussion almost daily). How do I get past the point of feeling disgusted and worthless? I'm just trying to reach out for some advice....sorry for rambling on.

The first thing you need to do is breath. Try closing your eyes and just breathing. It sounds stupid but it really helps. It seems like there is a lot going wrong in your life. More than you are even writing/admitting. And It sounds like you feel out of control. The worst thing to do is stress out and binge because this is going to create a vicious cycle that you won't be able to control. I know, because it's hard for me to ration food because I binge when I am depressed. I know what that is like. But it's not going to help. You need to fix what s wrong. And this maybe talking to your husband, if he is your husband he must listen. If you ever need support or someone to talk to, friend me and shoot me a message.

You are not disguising and worthless, you are strong and beautiful! and I know it's hard to get back up and try again, but you must. It's hard-- trust me, I know but it's worth it! You can be happy

We all will fall(fail), that is a given. Some harder and farther than others. All you can do is start again with a new mindset. Just take it one step at a time. I feel the most important step is the first one...no matter how many times you have to take it. You can do it.

When I started my changes little more than a year ago, I was MISERABLE with hate for myself. I hated how I looked, hated how I felt, felt like I was an embarrassment to my kids and husband, didn't deserve to find or be happy and dying wasn't going to happen fast enough. What happened? I got mad. Pissed. LIVID. I was mad at myself for becoming so worthless, pissed that I wasn't getting hep from my doctor like I thought I should (still feel he should have helped more but...), and LIVID that he actually told me I wanted to die and would NEVER do anything to try and lose weight.

I did research
I made a plan
I put it in to action
I have lost 74lbs to date

Not quite so cut and dry since there were PLENTY of mornngs I wanted to just give up and crawl right back in bed, but I didn't. I created a drill seargeant alter ego in my brain that would quite literally remind me of how pathetic I was and who had no issues calling me (or myself as it were) ridiculous names. It may sound harsh to think of such an approach but it worked for me. You need to find what will work for you.

What won't work is continueing to let your husband talk you in to eating poorly. The foods you are eating are more than likely the cause of your increased hunger. If feeling sorry for yourself can be turned around to make yourse;f drill you into doing what is right, then take that route. Also, if the hubs won't jump on board then travel the road without him for now. Maybe when he starts to see that you are serious, he will also begin more serious changes.

Most imprtantly, stop giving up on you!

Oh and don't eat yellow snow, that's also good advice and I didn't see it in any of these replies.

Hee hee

You can't do anything but start again, right now.

Decide that you are NOT disgusting and worthless.