Do you think it's ok to 'love your body' whatever shape?

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10 years ago, I went from a size 18 to a size 4. Several things happened.
*I started getting attention from thin women, strangers, who didn't know me, that had never happened before
*I started getting attention from men, not in a platonic way.
*I had one man stop me in a store, say "you look exactly like the type of girl I want, you are my fantasy" I looked at him and said "you don't even know me and I'm married" he said "you're perfect" I pulled out a fat picture and asked "is she perfect?" (the picture looked nothing like me as I was fat and my natural hair color is blonde and I had dyed it deep maroon/purple.) he said "uh, no" I said "too bad, that's me, that's who I am. If you don't like me there, you won't like me now, I am the same person just a different size" and walked away. He just stood there and all his buddies started laughing at him for getting denied. I went home and cried. The truth was I was the same person on the inside, the core me was the same, the package was different and the way I was treated as a thin person was so wildly different that I fell into a depression because I didn't understand why I was so much more "liked" by people at work, my boss, men, women, my husband (until I wasn't). I stayed at that weight for a while, I lifted heavy, I ran long distances, I ate well, one day I reached a size 2, I felt strong, happy, confident, I had gotten used to the attention and being seen. One day, I was putting laundry in the washer and my husband looked at me and said "you know, if you get any more muscular you are going to look like a dude and I am not going to be attracted to you anymore" I had girly hair, I was a 34DDD and a size 2, there was no way I looked like a dude, but that one statement stopped me in my tracks. Instead of saying "**** YOU" and leaving (as that should've been the moment I realized it was all downhill from there) I stopped everything. I got fat again, I started smoking and drinking again and he started smiling again and I became invisible again. I hated myself again, still... whatever.

Fast forward 7 years, 3 kids, 1 divorce (from that guy above - he ended up cheating on me when I was pregnant with our third child and that was what gave me the strength to leave a really bad relationship) and four more years to today, today, I am not a size 4, I am a size 12, in November of last year I was a size 18. It took me 3.5 years post divorce to accept myself for the way I was, to like myself and to appreciate my body. To be grateful for all it had done for me to love every stretch mark, wrinkle, and place that looked okay. I spent a long time studying myself in a mirror. I gave up spanx and promised my body I would never make it be anything it wasn't. I wore clothes that fit and that were comfortable. I decided to only eat food I liked and not because of the health or not healthy benefits it had. It took me 3.5 years to just figure out what I liked to eat after cooking for someone else for 17 years. Turns out, I quite a picky eater, who knew?

I have a long journey ahead of me, but this time, it's just every day. Every day is the first day of reclaiming myself. Every day is slow and the process takes as long as it takes. I am a little bit more visible to the public again, I get more smiles and strangers talk to me more again but this time it doesn't shock me because I know that once your outside is not hiding who you are you become visible. Being fat is not just about dietary choices for a lot of people, it's a layer of protection to keep people away, to in fact, be invisible. Becoming visible is a first time process for a lot of people and if you aren't prepared for it, it can be frightening almost because you know you are the same inside.

One of the women at work asked me a week ago "You look great, are you losing weight for any special reason?" She meant well, it was just a conversational question, but I stopped, looked at her and smiled and I said "Yes, I am, I am doing it for my life" She just looked at me confused and said "Oh, I thought maybe you had an event to go to or something" I just smiled and said "I do" My event is every day, my event is my life. Every day I wake up and begin again because every day something could happen that could change the course of my path and whatever today brings I want to know that I am loving myself and living with no regrets.

So do I think it's okay for obese people to love their body, yes I do, because really that is the first step in the process of understanding who you are and being who you are. Once you accept yourself fully then other people can to and that's where you become visible and that's where you find the strength to create the physical appearance that you want to mirror your internal self. Being fat is so much more than calories in vs. calories out.

Here's an interesting angle:

What if we focused on loving ourselves for what's on the inside instead of outside? I think we are placing too much value on the outside appearance.

Healthy people have a balance between social, physical, emotional and mental health. If we work on adjusting and getting those into homeostasis, then I say things will all balance out in the end.

I believe that extremes (morbid obesity and anorexia) are not caused by someone's eating habits. They are caused by the mental/emotional imbalances and struggles of that person. Based on what is going on inside, they affect the outside (physical) health.

Let's face it -- it's not about what you're eating or not eating, it's about the underlying issues that keep you in that destructive, unhealthy state. The ONLY way to get back into balance is by dealing with the internal struggles that got you there in the first place.

Some people overeat/under eat because they are unhappy, or maybe their lives are spinning out of control, and the only thing they CAN control is the food they consume.

Some people overeat/under eat because they are masking emotional scars from childhood - again, the lack of control over the way they were raised (abuse, molestation, neglect, etc).

ONLY when those issues are dealt with will the healing begin. It's never about the food, it's about the underlying issues that have driven people to over or under consumption.

^^^This

Different people have different priorities. If 'love your body' means idealize something that is obviously not ideal in order to mask a feeling of inadequacy, then no, I don't think people should delude themselves. However, if someone's body or health just isn't a priority for him or her, I don't think that's a sufficient basis for evaluating him or her as a person. Really, I'd rather see emotionally and spiritually healthy people walking around in the world than perfect physical specimens.

I just finished listening to a guided meditation. In part, the meditator was told to imagine her/himself "as a mountain, dignified." In meditation, it doesn't matter what you look like. What counts is the quality of your effort. Your body has dignity. When you're done you can decide what action, if any, you will take as to your body in the material world.

I don't believe in judging someone because of their weight. The exception is when they aren't fat because of a medical or genetic condition yet keep insisting that there's nothing they can do and claim that everyone else is persecuting them and the solution is for society to change, not them.

I'm curious to know what everyone thinks of the statements below. Do you agree with the perceptions out there?

If you're morbidly obese, you MUST be very lazy.

If you're extremely scary skinny, you MUST be very driven.

It fascinates me how we can all jump to certain conclusions just based on physical appearance.

If you're morbidly obese (and it's not due to a medical or genetic condition) I assume that weigh loss is not a priority, or you lack resources (time, education, support). Even though I understand the difficulty I myself do not want to be morbidly obese.

I do not assume that "scary skinny" (whatever that means) people are driven. The very thinnest people I see are usually 1) very young and naturally thin, or 2) very obsessive about weight gain (I wish I was a little more like that myself) or 3) on drugs that keep their weight down. I have also met a few people who all their lives have been blessed with the ability to eat anything they please while staying rail thin. Life is unfair.

I think you should love YOURSELF no matter what. That being said if you love yourself, you should take care of your body and do what's best for it. Do not "settle" with your body just like you wouldn't in a relationship (i'd hope )

It is perfectly possible to be "conscious of your health" and still love your body. I'm extremely health-conscious but I still focus on body positivity.

Of course I think obese people should take control of their health, but it doesn't mean they should love themselves any less in the process. In fact, they should take control of their health BECAUSE they love themselves. "I love my body, so I'm going to treat it well like it deserves."

If you don't love yourself at any size, you will NOT start loving yourself once you lose weight. I learned that the hard way. I know MANY people (including myself) who were miserable in their body, lost weight, and surprise, were still miserable. It's about attitude and self-image, not weight. Learn to love yourself and the rest will follow.

I completely agree with this.

I also want to mention that judging runs both ways. The thin, healthy and fit society may judge the obese and overweight but the same is true with the overweight/obese judging thin & healthy people.

Yes, just because society does not love you, does not mean you don't love yourself....I hate when i hear weight loss leads to better self esteem. That's for some, my self esteem is not from my size, clothing, or hair. I love every aspect me, every flaw. I honestly don't understand self esteem issues. Even my decision to lose weight I had nothing to do with self esteem..I wanted to lose it for me. So feeling like if you're fat hate yourself until you look better is shallow.....

10 years ago, I went from a size 18 to a size 4. Several things happened.
*I started getting attention from thin women, strangers, who didn't know me, that had never happened before
*I started getting attention from men, not in a platonic way.
*I had one man stop me in a store, say "you look exactly like the type of girl I want, you are my fantasy" I looked at him and said "you don't even know me and I'm married" he said "you're perfect" I pulled out a fat picture and asked "is she perfect?" (the picture looked nothing like me as I was fat and my natural hair color is blonde and I had dyed it deep maroon/purple.) he said "uh, no" I said "too bad, that's me, that's who I am. If you don't like me there, you won't like me now, I am the same person just a different size" and walked away. He just stood there and all his buddies started laughing at him for getting denied. I went home and cried. The truth was I was the same person on the inside, the core me was the same, the package was different and the way I was treated as a thin person was so wildly different that I fell into a depression because I didn't understand why I was so much more "liked" by people at work, my boss, men, women, my husband (until I wasn't). I stayed at that weight for a while, I lifted heavy, I ran long distances, I ate well, one day I reached a size 2, I felt strong, happy, confident, I had gotten used to the attention and being seen. One day, I was putting laundry in the washer and my husband looked at me and said "you know, if you get any more muscular you are going to look like a dude and I am not going to be attracted to you anymore" I had girly hair, I was a 34DDD and a size 2, there was no way I looked like a dude, but that one statement stopped me in my tracks. Instead of saying "**** YOU" and leaving (as that should've been the moment I realized it was all downhill from there) I stopped everything. I got fat again, I started smoking and drinking again and he started smiling again and I became invisible again. I hated myself again, still... whatever.

Fast forward 7 years, 3 kids, 1 divorce (from that guy above - he ended up cheating on me when I was pregnant with our third child and that was what gave me the strength to leave a really bad relationship) and four more years to today, today, I am not a size 4, I am a size 12, in November of last year I was a size 18. It took me 3.5 years post divorce to accept myself for the way I was, to like myself and to appreciate my body. To be grateful for all it had done for me to love every stretch mark, wrinkle, and place that looked okay. I spent a long time studying myself in a mirror. I gave up spanx and promised my body I would never make it be anything it wasn't. I wore clothes that fit and that were comfortable. I decided to only eat food I liked and not because of the health or not healthy benefits it had. It took me 3.5 years to just figure out what I liked to eat after cooking for someone else for 17 years. Turns out, I quite a picky eater, who knew?

I have a long journey ahead of me, but this time, it's just every day. Every day is the first day of reclaiming myself. Every day is slow and the process takes as long as it takes. I am a little bit more visible to the public again, I get more smiles and strangers talk to me more again but this time it doesn't shock me because I know that once your outside is not hiding who you are you become visible. Being fat is not just about dietary choices for a lot of people, it's a layer of protection to keep people away, to in fact, be invisible. Becoming visible is a first time process for a lot of people and if you aren't prepared for it, it can be frightening almost because you know you are the same inside.

One of the women at work asked me a week ago "You look great, are you losing weight for any special reason?" She meant well, it was just a conversational question, but I stopped, looked at her and smiled and I said "Yes, I am, I am doing it for my life" She just looked at me confused and said "Oh, I thought maybe you had an event to go to or something" I just smiled and said "I do" My event is every day, my event is my life. Every day I wake up and begin again because every day something could happen that could change the course of my path and whatever today brings I want to know that I am loving myself and living with no regrets.

So do I think it's okay for obese people to love their body, yes I do, because really that is the first step in the process of understanding who you are and being who you are. Once you accept yourself fully then other people can to and that's where you become visible and that's where you find the strength to create the physical appearance that you want to mirror your internal self. Being fat is so much more than calories in vs. calories out.

Thank you for sharing your story. Your personality and outlooks are motivating and encouraging! Strong woman!! Go you!!

I love myself, but I do not love my body because I know I am not as healthy as I could be. That being said I love myself enough to fix it, so I will one day love my body.

You should love yourself, always. No matter your size or shape.