Cheating vs. Flirting (what's the difference)
Gymrat2003
Posts: 8 Member
I recently found out that my girlfriend was getting a little too friendly on FB with one of her friends. I kept seeing the same guy commenting on all of her posts and vice versa. These were not the normal nice pic/ nice post comments. They were always very flirty with hearts, smiley faces, winks etc. When I asked her about it she said that he was just an online friend. I later found out that he was much more than an online friend. They had actually exchanged numbers and were talking & texting each other. When I found out the truth they were talking about meeting one weekend. She said that they never met but at this point I really don't know what to believe. It would've been hard for them to meet because he lives in Kentucky. We've been very rocky every since. I feel like I always have to check behind her to see if she's lying to me now.
My question is this is this cheating or just flirting and when is the line crossed?
My question is this is this cheating or just flirting and when is the line crossed?
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Replies
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I really do define cheating in the traditional sense of physical intimacy, but some people believe there's such a thing as emotional cheating. Really the fact that she hid it from you and lied to you when it obviously made you uncomfortable is what I would focus and harp on. Of course the flirting bothered you, but personally the lying and secret keeping would bother me more.0
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In my opinion, if you are flirting with someone with the intention of taking it further it's cheating but just playful flirtation where both parties know that nothing will ever come from it is ok.0
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This is the behavior that leads to cheating. The dishonesty alone is a HUGE red flag.0
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I agree with the above poster. I would be more upset about the lying and hiding things. What else is she lying about you know? I define cheating as being physical or the thought of being physical with someone that isn't your significant other. But everyone definition is different. Hope things work out for you, with or without her!0
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I really do define cheating in the traditional sense of physical intimacy, but some people believe there's such a thing as emotional cheating. Really the fact that she hid it from you and lied to you when it obviously made you uncomfortable is what I would focus and harp on. Of course the flirting bothered you, but personally the lying and secret keeping would bother me more.
THIS. MisterDerping gives an excellent response. Lying is the deal breaker. My husband knows he can sleep with other women, maintain a friendship, etc., if he wants to, as long as full disclosure is practiced and I know about it. But lie to me, you're gone.0 -
IMO if I would hide it from my husband it is a no no. I think cheating is physical intimacy but I think that cheating would have happened had they met. I personally am very flirtatious but my husband knows i am and I have never done anything I would feel the need to hide from him.0
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I agree with robdel302. The dishonestly is the big issue here...generally speaking that means she had something to hide. Also, she KNEW you would disapprove. She must be lacking something in her relationship with you to make her want to flirt or even think about meeting up with someone. If this was an old friend that she was close with it may be excusable but, its shady!0
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I agree with the above poster. I would be more upset about the lying and hiding things. What else is she lying about you know? I define cheating as being physical or the thought of being physical with someone that isn't your significant other. But everyone definition is different. Hope things work out for you, with or without her!
agreed.0 -
To me, even if it is not cheating perse, Anything that my boyfriend is LYING about is inappropriate. If you cannot be honest and say "we talk and text and might meet and catch up one weekend." then the intent is disrespectful to whoever you are with.
That is my opinion, anyway! I am always honest and expect my man to be, too. And depending on the extent, it can be emotional cheating. However, I do have a few male friends who like to compliment me and we sorta flirt on FB or other social networks, but I am not hiding anything and my boyfriend knows this.
My boyfriend has taken things too far in the past, after which he knew how I felt about it and stopped. ONE time something went further than flirting (thinking of meeting up for dinner, etc), I was honest and told him I was having doubts about our relationship. We worked it out because I was HONEST (although after 6 years, things are still rocky with us.)0 -
It sounds like emotional cheating. If you tell her you're uncomfortable with how close she is to this guy and she doesn't listen at all, she isn't taking your feelings into consideration. The fact that she is hiding her talks with him shows she feels guilty or knows what she is doing is crossing some sort of line. Try talking with her, go on a date and focus on each other and discuss it. Open up! If she listens and wants to change that's good. She may not realize her actions are hurting you. However, like said as soon as she started hiding it it meant she knew it was wrong. With women, physical cheating often starts with emotional cheating. Maybe she feels something is lacking and is trying to fill the gap. Which is wrong, she needs to tell you if she feels emotionally deprived or wants to talk more or whatever her reasoning is. Physical or emotional cheating is not ok, although emotional cheating is not as easy to spot or as black and white.0
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In my humble opinion, cheating can be classified as anything you would not do in front of your significant other without shame or embarrassment for either of you. Also, if its something you feel the need to lie about, its probably something you (or in this case she) shouldn't be doing.0
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Eh, I consider cheating doing anything with someone that I would feel the need to hide from my partner, but that doesn't mean that that's something another couple has to live by. Some couples flirt outside of their relationship to keep it fresh! Tyra once said on her own, "My man can look at whoever he wants, but he comes home and only puts it down with me" <<or something to that effect. For some people, that's good enough!
If YOU feel like you were disrespected, voice your opinions in a mature way. Make boundaries/standards for your relationship. If she can't respect the expectations you have, or lies about them, then perhaps you need to rethink your relationship status....
But the lying, hiding and attempting to meet without saying anything....oh she was in it for the D. For sure.0 -
In my humble opinion, cheating can be classified as anything you would not do in front of your significant other without shame or embarrassment for either of you. Also, if its something you feel the need to lie about, its probably something you (or in this case she) shouldn't be doing.
Yep, this.0 -
I guess it depends on what you both want out of the relationship.
Our finding (married perspective) is that to have private areas outside the view of the other partner for these kinds of social interactions allows no accountability.
I wanted to commit to someone who was comfortable with some boundaries that would make each of us feel safe. I choose to primarily connect cross gender only with people who I am friends with husband and wife, do not private message often with those people, and do not text as a form of regular communication cross gender unless it's related to scheduling or details. Those boundaries make us both feel valued, honored, and safe. So often I hear "Don't you trust me? You know I love you!" That's not really the issue. The issue is making the other person feel secure, whatever it takes. To honor and prefer them above all else, and to communicate that you are their "one and only"...that is important to us. We've been married for 20+ years. We've had to readjust as things like social media came along.
When social media is interfering with healthy boundaries, it is something easy to make mutual changes for the strengthening of the primary relationship. We feel it is best to maintain open facebook accounts, phones accessibl...unless it's close to Christmas. We don't check on one another regularly, but if there was a felt need, it would not be a problem. There's just too much room for failure if you want a long-term relationship commitment.0 -
It's all a matter of perspective. If YOU feel like she is betraying your trust, then it's safe to say that by your standards, she is cheating on you.0
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Nope. You will always be looking over your shoulder wondering.
Once doubt has been placed in your mind, it will always be there.
I don't know why you think they will prolly never meet because of distance.
Its a possibility, If he has the money to send for her. Especially if she wants to go.
In my mind if a girl is in love w/you there will be no secret texting or exchanging #'s ever.
Im a Right winged dater tho and Im extreme w/dating, Loyal to a fault.
In my experience, there is no distance that will keep me away from someone that Im into.
The fact that she kept it from you is a Red Flag.0 -
get rid of her0
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If you have to hide it, your guilty. IMO
If I caught my husband doing the same, i'd go white girl crazy on him. Especially if he hid it.0 -
Flirting is approaching the line, cheating is crossing it. Only you can decide what "the line" is. Profound I know, but for me it really is that simple.0
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In my humble opinion, cheating can be classified as anything you would not do in front of your significant other without shame or embarrassment for either of you. Also, if its something you feel the need to lie about, its probably something you (or in this case she) shouldn't be doing.
Yep, this.
Ditto!0 -
You don't look outside a relationship when you're happy.
Period.
It doesn't happen.
Clearly, she's not seeing in you everything that she needs, and that has her looking elsewhere. I know, that's hard to hear... but honestly, if she's looking around while still in a relationship with you... is that really the kind of person you want to be with?0 -
If you have to hide it, your guilty. IMO
If I caught my husband doing the same, i'd go white girl crazy on him. Especially if he hid it.
White girl crazy. That is awesome. LOL I'd do the same thing, though.
To OP: The flirting is one thing; the intent to meet is something totally different. That's the behavior that could lead to cheating...and it's wrong.0 -
Would also like to add its a shame that there are so many relationships where ppl, forget why they got together in the first place.
It seems so desperate to me that someone would stray in such a disrespectful way.
Coming from a single woman, Its hard to meet new ppl, and get into a relationship these days. Especially w/quality ppl.
So many couples take their relationships for granted.
If I had a man, Id adore thee hell out of him, he would feel like a King. I would never put doubts in his mind0 -
I think regardless of what you want to label it ("cheating" versus "flirting"), if it makes you uncomfortable or uneasy, then it's inappropriate and needs to be addressed.0
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She is an insatiable, attention greedy, skank. Break-Up with her. She does not have good intentions.0
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I agree with most of the other posters. It's conspicuous that she hid it from you. :S0
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The lying and hiding, texting with possible plans to meet??? Huge red flag, don't put it down to nothing....if it makes you uncomfortable and doubtful of her it needs to be talked about. I flirt, all the time...so does my husband, but it's never hidden and there's a line that never gets crossed. Trust yourself and tell her it's not ok.0
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First let me say I am so sorry you are going through this, you were disrespected, lied to by a person you love, and you are obviously struggling.
With that said, I think you already know what you should do or you would never have posted the question. The fact that you are looking over your shoulder now, says it all. Once the trust is broken, RARELY can you get it back. It's possible, but not often.
Speaking from experience, I am sorry!0 -
There's a lot of truth to what people are saying. She lied because she knew it was wrong. Have some self respect and break up with her. You deserve better and you'll find better. Once the trust is gone, it's over. She won't be happy with you second guessing her and you won't be happy worrying.0
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Um. How is this a question?
Eatin' ain't cheatin'.0
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