Can you believe your significant other?

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TX_Aggie_Dad
TX_Aggie_Dad Posts: 173
in Motivation and Support
This is a follow-up to a great thread on how your significant other views your weight loss:

http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/1011191-significant-other-s-thoughts-on-your-weight-loss

Like every other man on the planet, I've found myself caught in the "Do I look fat?" line of questioning from a significant other. Men have been taught that the answer to this question is always "No, you look great!". I could definitely see where a spouse could say "I like you just the way you are" because we know that is the kind/nice answer and we know that pointing out our spouse's flaws doesn't typically help things. I think the reality, if we are REALLY being honest with ourselves is that most people have something they'd change about their spouse. It might be minor (mine is I wish my wife would put her shoes in the closet as opposed to leaving them in the living room) or more significant (I wish my spouse would lose 20,30, 100 lbs because I don't find them physically attractive anymore). I could see where spouses might say the nice thing to avoid conflict but then the other spouse doesn't realize how their weight gain might be a bigger deal. Stereotypes would say that men are more likely to have a problem with their spouse being overweight but in today's society it seems we all could lose some weight so maybe the situation is changing. I'm interested in thoughts from the gallery as to whether you truly believe your spouse when they give you feedback on weight loss, working out, etc.

For me, I find that my wife says that I'm doing a good job. Her feedback is motivating, but I also always think that she'd be less like to give me the brutal truth.
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Replies

  • MarianneC93
    MarianneC93 Posts: 60 Member
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    My partner is amazing. I lost my first stone last week and when I went to see him (I hadn't seen him for a week) he went, how much weight have you lost? Because you look great but I can't see with all of these clothes in the way! :D

    And now he's joined MFP and got himself a gym membership too! I'm so proud of him. When I eat badly he picks me up on it, and I've nagged him about the gym for the last week and he's finally done it :) All about support. Not being nasty but being motivational, honest, and helpful!
  • SailorSunira
    SailorSunira Posts: 8 Member
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    I believe my husband because he tells the truth. Now, he isn't "brutal" with me but he will be honest. This is easier to do, for the both of us, because I provide a safe space in which he can provide that feedback. He only provides it if I ask, and he is specific about where my weight gain or weight loss is making an impact on my body. That's all I really need anyway. "You're getting chunkier" doesn't really help anyone but "You appear to have put on some extra inches on your arms, want to focus a little more on toning your muscles and maybe eat lighter for a couple weeks?" is a totally acceptable observation and helpful suggestion to me. I am also okay with receiving that kind of critical observation. I think I'm lucky to be married to an honest but also tactful man.
  • fitnh
    fitnh Posts: 238 Member
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    This thread was hard to read....mine, offers up nothing :(
  • georgann1114
    georgann1114 Posts: 30 Member
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    Ya mine either! LOL
  • m0jk
    m0jk Posts: 133
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    Mines really supportive like for example right at this moment hes sitting infront of me eating my ben & jerrys ice cream describing how good every spoonful is :tongue:
  • _SusieQ_
    _SusieQ_ Posts: 2,964 Member
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    Honestly, I get a lot more support AND feedback from my friends vs the hubs.

    The boyfriend on the other hand is really great about letting me know that I look good and am changing.
  • zyxst
    zyxst Posts: 9,136 Member
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    My husband is too busy eating the other half of my dessert. :laugh:

    He's honest, but not cruel, and only when I ask about how I look. Mostly it's from me finding a new look (did you know *everyone* has hip bones?) and asking him if he sees it as well.
  • 3foldchord
    3foldchord Posts: 2,918 Member
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    I don't ask my husband if I look fat. Or look like I have lost weight, etc. not only should men know not to answer, women should know not to ask men.

    I did ask him test my bum to see if all those squats are making it better... But I already knew how he feels about my bum, so it was a question for fun and "flirting".

    We don't talk about my working out or fat loss, but his actions say he notices and approves, that's good enough for me.
  • lithezebra
    lithezebra Posts: 3,670 Member
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    Mine has called me "beautiful" from day 1, when I was heavier than I am now, and hasn't wavered since then. I don't see any reason not to believe him.
  • luckydays27
    luckydays27 Posts: 552 Member
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    MIne tells me all the time that I am beautiful and that he thinks I look great. But he said that when I was 30 lbs heavier too. He tells me that he loves me no matter what I weight and that my weight loss is about me and not what he wants.

    I love that man.

    I will point out that he needs to lose a few as well. I have asked him to join me at the gym or ride his bike while i am walking on the treadmill but he is not interested/motivated to do it.

    I dont tell him he should lose weight or anything. I try to encourage him but he is not interested in hearing it so I let it go. Its easier than having the conversation turn into a fight. I love him exactly as he is but do prefer that he lose weight. Not from a looks perspective but because I dont want him dying of a heart attack any time soon. I think there are "other" aspects of our life that could get even better if we were both thinner/more fit but those "other" areas are pretty awesome anyway so I may not be able to handle it if we were both fit.
  • Bearbrat
    Bearbrat Posts: 230
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    Yea, I can believe him. I don't "set him up" by asking a question then expecting him to lie to make me feel better. I truly want the honest answer, otherwise why ask? He's not mean or cruel when he answers, he's honest and I love that about him :heart:
  • luckydays27
    luckydays27 Posts: 552 Member
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    Honestly, I get a lot more support AND feedback from my friends vs the hubs.

    The boyfriend on the other hand is really great about letting me know that I look good and am changing.

    LOL, at least someone tells you that you look good, even if its not your husband.
  • skullshank
    skullshank Posts: 4,323 Member
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    my wife and i have this really cool 'best friend' thing goin on.
    it means i can be honest with her and she can be honest with me.

    that said, the answer to "do i look fat?" is always YES.

    insecurity keeps her home...with me....in the basement.

    tumblr_m6zf3jTW1d1qcsbwv.gif
  • CrankMeUp
    CrankMeUp Posts: 2,860 Member
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    my wife and i have this really cool 'best friend' thing goin on.
    it means i can be honest with her and she can be honest with me.

    that said, the answer to "do i look fat?" is always YES.

    insecurity keeps her home...with me....in the basement.

    tumblr_m6zf3jTW1d1qcsbwv.gif


    'cept when you visit me.


    do i look fat?
  • skullshank
    skullshank Posts: 4,323 Member
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    'cept when you visit me.


    do i look fat?

    tumblr_m7drnbo5UA1r2acrxo1_400.gif
  • AllTehBeers
    AllTehBeers Posts: 5,030 Member
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    The number one thing that makes you look fat?

    Being Fat.
  • GiveMeCoffee
    GiveMeCoffee Posts: 3,556 Member
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    My husband is brutally honest if I ask, so I trust what he says. If I ask Do I look fat in this he will give me the answer Yes you look fat and it's not the pants. Which I love because when he says Hey your arms are thinning out or wow your belly isn't so big anymore, I can actually believe it.

    I don't need anyone to sugar coat it for me, I know I'm fat but working on that!
  • soopahfreak
    soopahfreak Posts: 5 Member
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    LOL!!!:laugh:
  • perfkdrug
    perfkdrug Posts: 24
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    why would you ever ask anyone if you look good / look slim etc?
    you're putting them on the spot and that is terrible

    if you truly look good, or slimmer or whatever then someone will notice and say something unprompted.
  • sabified
    sabified Posts: 1,051 Member
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    my SO gets mad at me- he compliments me all the time, to the point where it's not that I don't believe him, it's just that I know it's what he's going to say. I do trust him, and don't think he's just trying to be nice... but really...

    This is said without having read anything in either thread and not really knowing the direction of either convo.

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