The Silent Treatment: Does it work?

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  • usernameMAMA
    usernameMAMA Posts: 681 Member
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    It's emotionally abusive and no one deserves it.

    And for the person who said they use it on their kids, that was one of my mother's parenting techniques. It didn't work out so well. Pretending like you don't care at all about your kids or what they say or want is very harmful. Silence should never be punishment.

    I think you should probably rethink your relationship and your method of dealing with problems.
    My kids know how much they mean to me, so don't get slating me as a parent you don't know me or my children, shouting never works with my two they just hear noise, this works for us as a family and the silent treatment lasts 10 mins max, don't judge others on your own relationship with your mother.

    I feel sorry for your kids. :frown:

    Don't be they have a lovely life, but I think I feel for you go speak to your mother ????

    Mommy issues and internet parenting expert...great combo. :) You do what works for you, it may or may not be someone else's cup of tea but I can think of a lot worse emotional abuse than the silent treatment.
  • msbanana
    msbanana Posts: 793 Member
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    It's emotionally abusive and no one deserves it.

    I think you should probably rethink your relationship and your method of dealing with problems.

    Agreed- My boyfriend pulls this crap. It does ZERO good. It solves nothing. You want to "drive home a point" you need to make your point first. The silent treatment is passive agressive bs for people that can't deal with their emotions.
  • chelsifina
    chelsifina Posts: 346 Member
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    I think the silent treatment is essentially manipulative and passive aggressive. If it works, it means that you have just raised the anxiety level in another person to such a degree that they submit, whether or not its in their or the relationships best interest. Why would I want to do that to someone I love? I think its an aggressive act where the essential motivation is to "win" and have the other person "lose". If that's the dynamic in the relationship, then count me out.

    If I lose my cool and get angry, I will be quiet until I can figure out what to say, then I try to speak directly, clearly, and compassionately until we are both happy again. I can't imagine just trying to hurt another person until I get my way....where is the joy in that? When my husband understands where I am coming from, values me and my feelings - even if we disagree - then its all good from there.

    Leave the dominance/submission stuff for the bedroom.
  • DopeItUp
    DopeItUp Posts: 18,771 Member
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    Silent treatment? I didn't think this forum allowed 15 year olds to join.
  • JoelleAnn78
    JoelleAnn78 Posts: 1,492 Member
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    If I ever resort to the silent treatment it means I don't care enough about you to treat you like a human and talk to you in a reasonable way.

    And, if you give me the silent treatment, I will assume the same is true. I will tell you how I feel and we will never have that happen again or we will not be in a "relationship" any longer.

    As an adult, I don't have time for petty bullsh!t. Let's just work it out or part ways.
  • usernameMAMA
    usernameMAMA Posts: 681 Member
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    by all means use the silent treatment, and "cutting off" will surely be effective, particularly on a SO predisposed to cheat.

    First of all, how can you be "predisposed" to cheat? You can be predisposed to diabetes. Predisposed to heart disease. But I refuse to believe you can predisposed to a behavior like that.

    Any cutting off NEVER solves anything.. That's a different thread lol

    ^I was thinking the exact same thing! If you're "predisposed" to cheat then your SO should RUN, no need to be silent about it...
  • oregonzoo
    oregonzoo Posts: 4,251 Member
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    Personally I HATE it.
    It's not a way I chose to resolve conflict and NOTHING will make me angry and hurt faster.

    Do it to me long enough in a friendship and you'll find I stopped caring that I don't hear from you.

    My fiance does this as well and I hate hate hate it for how passive agrressive it is. Can't we just fight and get to the good part of fighting?
  • traceytwink
    traceytwink Posts: 538 Member
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    Don't be they have a lovely life, but I think I feel for you go speak to your mother ????

    You know what else works great? Whispering..

    They can't hear you scream dinner's ready but whisper you brought home chocolate cake and they're beside themselves trying to find you
    Lol this is so true if I whisper does anyone want a piece of chocolate they drop everything, wish my hearing was that good bet I've missed out on loads of that stuff ????
  • Alwayssohungry
    Alwayssohungry Posts: 369 Member
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    Not with me. I like silence; I find it peaceful. Most of the time I only speak when there is something to be said. Someone not talking to me isn't going to bother me. My boyfriend however hates silence. It unnerves him and brings up negative emotions. Given him the "silent treatment" would be bad/potentially damaging.

    Same here !
  • iAMsmiling
    iAMsmiling Posts: 2,394 Member
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    I love the silent treatment. It's peaceful around here when my wife uses it.
    I just wish I could get the kids to use it on me too.

    Seriously, if you're going to pout you should go sit in a corner until you're ready to hang with the adults.
  • ldrosophila
    ldrosophila Posts: 7,512 Member
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    No keeps me from hurting the other person though
  • My0WNinspiration
    My0WNinspiration Posts: 1,146 Member
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    It doesn't work with me....I'll just find someone else to talk too.
  • tehboxingkitteh
    tehboxingkitteh Posts: 1,574 Member
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    My grandma was deaf... does that mean my grandpa lived a life full of happiness?
  • Contrarian
    Contrarian Posts: 8,138 Member
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    I prefer the Honest, Calm and Logical Treatment.
  • sullus
    sullus Posts: 2,839 Member
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    Doesnt work for me.

    My husband acts like nothings wrong when Im quiet and will go on about his day. And I'd never use it on my daughter because talking works with her. He is as non observant as they come and if i dont lay out the details and explain to him everything, he'll think everythings just peachy lol.

    If talking decides not to work one day for my daughter I ever so gently lean close to her ear and calmly say "You have 5 minutes to redirect your attitude or there will be consequences" and she about craps herself every time and straightens her little butt right up.

    No. Truth be told, sometimes the silent treatment is the nicest thing you can do to us. He's being appreciative, not oblivious.
  • ks4e
    ks4e Posts: 374 Member
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    I prefer the Honest, Calm and Logical Treatment.

    Yup!

    I find the silent treatment a bit immature. Adults can handle a good discussion. Or a good yelling/screaming match. LOL
  • Allie_71
    Allie_71 Posts: 1,063 Member
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    I can understand being quiet when you want to collect your thoughts or be in your own head for a while. Not everyone wants to talk it out all the time, but as far as using silence as a tool to be passive aggressive? I'd like to think that as adults, we're a little past that.

    IMHO, emotional games are useless, manipulative, and stupid.

    Use your words.
  • RideOn66
    RideOn66 Posts: 12 Member
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    Silence is golden.
  • Blacklance36
    Blacklance36 Posts: 755 Member
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    by all means use the silent treatment, and "cutting off" will surely be effective, particularly on a SO predisposed to cheat.

    Silence is not the way to go but I would rather that than the confrontation tactic a lot of woman use.

    Cut me off at your own peril. Thats a weapon to only be used only as a last resort. Its like a nucular weapon. Sex is a base need to men like food and water.
    This would be a deal breaker for me. Its over....
  • Alliwan
    Alliwan Posts: 1,245 Member
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    Silence is golden.

    and duct tape is silver...