Religion being forced on me will soon ruin my diet...HELP.

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  • chatogal
    chatogal Posts: 436 Member
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    Hello Talim,

    I work with a lot of muslim people so understand a little of your dilemma thru discussion with them. For your mother it is probably a question of honour and I expect she is feeling quite devastated at your relevation of being an atheist. My instinct would be to advise you to go along with the fasting. Plenty of people manage their weight loss with intermittant fasting and as long as you dont "overfeast" (which I understand is a great temptation to do as the feasting food is so yummy) and keep some kind of exercise regime going (difficult as you are also not allowed to drink anything during daylight hours) you should be just fine.

    You mention you are currently not working, any chance of turning your life around so that you mostly sleep during the day?

    Anyway good luck with your choices. Remember your mother loves you and she also loves her traditions and religions

    Take care
  • neandermagnon
    neandermagnon Posts: 7,436 Member
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    remind her that you only get rewards for religious acts if it's done for the intention of pleasing Allah... if she forces you to fast you'd be doing it for the intention of pleasing her, which is minor shirk, which is a very grave sin (worse than not fasting)

    also show her the bit in the Qur'an that says "there is no compulsion in religion" (i.e. you can't force someone to be a Muslim, or practice Islam)

    Failing that, find a way to be out of the house each day, so she won't know if you're eating or not.
    I would but I'm scared how she'll react. She might yell at me and be all "oh so you'll read the Quran to try to prove me wrong but not for your own good?" or some stupid crap like that and I'd really just rather avoid any more confrontation with her...

    yeah I totally get you re not wanting confrontation, but she should know already that she can't force you to do anything religious, and even if she does it'll be meaningless as far as Allah is concerned.

    also maybe this is a control thing as much as it's a religious thing, if she's a controlling person maybe she can't handle you deciding to do things that she doesn't like, especially with religion. Is she very religious or is it more of a cultural thing in your family? If she's very religious then she'll be concerned for your soul, but if reminded that you fasting to please her is minor shirk and worse than not fasting, she should accept that (albeit reluctantly) - if it's a cultural thing then IMO it sounds like it's a control issue, i.e. why can't you just be like how she wants you to be, and that would be a lot more difficult to deal with, because you're dealing with an overly controlling person, not someone who's scared for your soul but otherwise has your best interests at heart.

    I don't really know what to advise re dealing with parents. But even from an Islamic point of view, you can't force someone to practice any aspect of Islam. Though if she is very religious then this will be very upsetting for her because she'll be worrying that you're going to burn in hell.
    I think it's a bit of both. She's not very religious herself. She doesn't pray at all or read Quran much anymore, but fasts, and tries to force that on everyone(even my Atheist father). But it could also be a cultural thing because all my uncles and aunts and their kids fast and I dunno, maybe she's just worried what they'll think if they see me not fasting. She's a very controlling person outside of religion though.

    it sounds like a cultural thing, because not praying = not practicing. If she cared that much about the actual religion, she would pray. And yes she probably is worried about what the family etc might say. and if she's very controlling generally, then this definitely sounds like a control issue, not a religious one.

    can your father stand up for you about this, or are they completely separated/not talking to each other? if they're separated can you go stay with your father? or is your father still living with her and just fasting to keep her quiet? (sorry that's not clear at all)
  • xoTalim
    xoTalim Posts: 212 Member
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    What about school? Have you completed a college or university degree? Could you get a student loan & move out that way?

    (You know who you should actually write to about the bigger issues, who *completely* understands and would probably write back - Irshad Manji.)
    No idea who that is. :P

    And I did complete a short course a few months ago to be a medical receptionist but I haven't found work for that yet.
  • SiempreBella
    SiempreBella Posts: 125 Member
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    Ohhh, you can also buy a small plant and hide your food under the plant also. like have different layers and stuff.
  • anemoneprose
    anemoneprose Posts: 1,805 Member
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    I dunno, to me it sounds like a personality thing, using the tools of religion.
  • xoTalim
    xoTalim Posts: 212 Member
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    So here's the story. My family is Muslim. I'm not. Ramadan is starting next week, which is the month where you fast everyday from sunrise to sunset. No food or drink during that time. So, up until last year, my mom thought I was still Muslim, so I pretended to fast while secretly having a snack or two throughout the day.

    Now she knows I'm not Muslim, and is forcing me to fast this year for Ramadan, even though I don't believe in it, and because I know it's totally gunna screw up my metabolism. Eating nothing all day and then having one HUGE meal at the end of it is just..not good. I'm 20 years old but she's forcing me by basically saying she'll kick me out if I don't. I don't have a job right now or the money to be living on my own.

    Another thing is that, if I'm not eating all day, I'll likely end up binging at the end of the day when I finally DO get to eat. I'm gunna try the whole sneaking snacks thing again but it's just really frustrating that she's still forcing it on me. She thinks me being Atheist is just a phase I'll grow out of, and refuses to accept it. Even though I've considered myself Atheist for the past like..5 years now.

    I just don't know what to do. There's no reasoning with this woman. I tried to and it ended with me crying for a good half hour and hyperventilating. She is SO hard to deal with.

    Any suggestions would be great. I really don't know what to do. :(

    i'm sure it's against the principles of their religion to force somebody who isn't Muslim to go along with the fast. Maybe a religious leader could talk to her? sounds bad. Try to get a job and move out. Do you live in the USA or abroad?
    I dunno..the only religious leaders I know here are ones that know my uncles and I'm scared they might tell my uncles I'm Atheist and then a bunch of stuff will happen because of them knowing.

    And I live in Canada.
  • xoTalim
    xoTalim Posts: 212 Member
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    remind her that you only get rewards for religious acts if it's done for the intention of pleasing Allah... if she forces you to fast you'd be doing it for the intention of pleasing her, which is minor shirk, which is a very grave sin (worse than not fasting)

    also show her the bit in the Qur'an that says "there is no compulsion in religion" (i.e. you can't force someone to be a Muslim, or practice Islam)

    Failing that, find a way to be out of the house each day, so she won't know if you're eating or not.
    I would but I'm scared how she'll react. She might yell at me and be all "oh so you'll read the Quran to try to prove me wrong but not for your own good?" or some stupid crap like that and I'd really just rather avoid any more confrontation with her...

    yeah I totally get you re not wanting confrontation, but she should know already that she can't force you to do anything religious, and even if she does it'll be meaningless as far as Allah is concerned.

    also maybe this is a control thing as much as it's a religious thing, if she's a controlling person maybe she can't handle you deciding to do things that she doesn't like, especially with religion. Is she very religious or is it more of a cultural thing in your family? If she's very religious then she'll be concerned for your soul, but if reminded that you fasting to please her is minor shirk and worse than not fasting, she should accept that (albeit reluctantly) - if it's a cultural thing then IMO it sounds like it's a control issue, i.e. why can't you just be like how she wants you to be, and that would be a lot more difficult to deal with, because you're dealing with an overly controlling person, not someone who's scared for your soul but otherwise has your best interests at heart.

    I don't really know what to advise re dealing with parents. But even from an Islamic point of view, you can't force someone to practice any aspect of Islam. Though if she is very religious then this will be very upsetting for her because she'll be worrying that you're going to burn in hell.
    I think it's a bit of both. She's not very religious herself. She doesn't pray at all or read Quran much anymore, but fasts, and tries to force that on everyone(even my Atheist father). But it could also be a cultural thing because all my uncles and aunts and their kids fast and I dunno, maybe she's just worried what they'll think if they see me not fasting. She's a very controlling person outside of religion though.

    it sounds like a cultural thing, because not praying = not practicing. If she cared that much about the actual religion, she would pray. And yes she probably is worried about what the family etc might say. and if she's very controlling generally, then this definitely sounds like a control issue, not a religious one.

    can your father stand up for you about this, or are they completely separated/not talking to each other? if they're separated can you go stay with your father? or is your father still living with her and just fasting to keep her quiet? (sorry that's not clear at all)
    My father was living on his own until recently. She had kicked him out for not converting to Islam when they got married. But he's recently lost his eye sight and can't live by himself anymore, so he had to move back here.
  • anemoneprose
    anemoneprose Posts: 1,805 Member
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    What about school? Have you completed a college or university degree? Could you get a student loan & move out that way?

    (You know who you should actually write to about the bigger issues, who *completely* understands and would probably write back - Irshad Manji.)
    No idea who that is. :P

    And I did complete a short course a few months ago to be a medical receptionist but I haven't found work for that yet.

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Irshad_Manji

    Does the college you attended have any kind of contact with employers, or a career counselling centre?
  • mahanaibu
    mahanaibu Posts: 505 Member
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    It's a tough one. You might try a heart-to-heart with your mom, saying, yes, you might be right that I will return to Islam, but right now, though I respect the religion I was raised in, the most important thing for me is to get healthy and lose this week. What can we work out that will show you that I am respecting the religion while still making it possible for me to continue with my weight loss?

    Otherwise, you will have to sneak. Maybe by spending the days looking very hard for a job! and taking quick side trips to grab something to eat. Or buy protein bars that will hold off your hunger, or almonds, in the couple of days you have leftm and hide them well for the month. But it's better to go out rather than eat food during a time that the rest of your family is abstaining for religious reasons.
  • sofiachohdary
    sofiachohdary Posts: 74
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    remind her that you only get rewards for religious acts if it's done for the intention of pleasing Allah... if she forces you to fast you'd be doing it for the intention of pleasing her, which is minor shirk, which is a very grave sin (worse than not fasting)

    also show her the bit in the Qur'an that says "there is no compulsion in religion" (i.e. you can't force someone to be a Muslim, or practice Islam)

    Failing that, find a way to be out of the house each day, so she won't know if you're eating or not.

    This.

    I'm also a Muslim (converted from Orthodox Christian 3-4 years ago), and I totally agree, if your mother is forcing you to Islam, then your mother is not a proper Muslim.

    Another thing to add here, is that during Ramadan, my stomach shrinks (both outside and inside) and not only I don't feel bloated anymore, it really helps with weight loss as after a few days I don't feel eating a lot of stuff. If you are going through Ramadan, drink plenty of water before you eat in the night, and have a huge breakfast in the morning (try to include milk, lots of water, fruits, and yoghurt).

    Whenever you feel like binging, take one big glass of milk. That stops my hunger and prevents me from midnight snacking.
  • HollisGrant
    HollisGrant Posts: 2,022 Member
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    I don't think Allah would approve of your mother forcing you to fast and then kicking you out into the street if you don't. Can you try having a relative explain to her that she is actually going against her own religion with her actions? So that it isn't coming from you.
    None of my other Muslim family members know I'm Atheist. If they knew, they'd shun me like they did when my gay cousin came out to the family. I'd get my brother, who is Muslim, to talk to her, but he's overseas right now and will be until after Ramadan.

    So let them shun you. Be yourself in life and let people get over it. Better not to pretend. Eventually it will backfire on you.
  • xoTalim
    xoTalim Posts: 212 Member
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    Hello Talim,

    I work with a lot of muslim people so understand a little of your dilemma thru discussion with them. For your mother it is probably a question of honour and I expect she is feeling quite devastated at your relevation of being an atheist. My instinct would be to advise you to go along with the fasting. Plenty of people manage their weight loss with intermittant fasting and as long as you dont "overfeast" (which I understand is a great temptation to do as the feasting food is so yummy) and keep some kind of exercise regime going (difficult as you are also not allowed to drink anything during daylight hours) you should be just fine.

    You mention you are currently not working, any chance of turning your life around so that you mostly sleep during the day?

    Anyway good luck with your choices. Remember your mother loves you and she also loves her traditions and religions

    Take care
    My sleep schedule is kinda messed up right now to the point where I'm waking up past noon so I guess that does kinda help but I still really hate fasting because I get so thirsty and I won't be able to exercise because I can't drink. :(
  • xoTalim
    xoTalim Posts: 212 Member
    Options
    What about school? Have you completed a college or university degree? Could you get a student loan & move out that way?

    (You know who you should actually write to about the bigger issues, who *completely* understands and would probably write back - Irshad Manji.)
    No idea who that is. :P

    And I did complete a short course a few months ago to be a medical receptionist but I haven't found work for that yet.

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Irshad_Manji

    Does the college you attended have any kind of contact with employers, or a career counselling centre?
    I think so. I can call them soon and ask if they know of any clinics currently hiring.
  • Megan101792
    Megan101792 Posts: 3,194 Member
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    If you are afraid of your metabolism getting screwed up, take cinnamon or raspberry ketones. Trust me, they work to keep your metabolism stable. My mom uses them with her diabetes and it helps her maintain a steady blood sugar throughout the day. If your mom is really strict and you don't want to get caught or make her unhappy and have to wait until sundown, then I would suggest eating a protein based meal and eat very slowly... It will fill you up if you take thirty minutes to eat it, since it takes your stomach 20 minutes before it even realizes it is full. And then drink lots of water. Instead of thinking it's bad, which I do realize it is being forced on you (my mom is a bible thumper who thinks I'm the incarnation of the devil for telling her I'm an agnostic atheist), think of it as a diet fasting. I fast on my program that I am in. It stucks, but you might actually lose weight if you follow strict guidelines when you do eat. Mornings, I would do egg whites and oatmeal. Nights, chicken or anything with protein.
  • xoTalim
    xoTalim Posts: 212 Member
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    It's a tough one. You might try a heart-to-heart with your mom, saying, yes, you might be right that I will return to Islam, but right now, though I respect the religion I was raised in, the most important thing for me is to get healthy and lose this week. What can we work out that will show you that I am respecting the religion while still making it possible for me to continue with my weight loss?

    Otherwise, you will have to sneak. Maybe by spending the days looking very hard for a job! and taking quick side trips to grab something to eat. Or buy protein bars that will hold off your hunger, or almonds, in the couple of days you have leftm and hide them well for the month. But it's better to go out rather than eat food during a time that the rest of your family is abstaining for religious reasons.
    I tried to reason with her by asking if I could maybe fast but just give up food and not water, so at least I'd be able to get some exercise in. But she said no to that. :\
  • xoTalim
    xoTalim Posts: 212 Member
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    I don't think Allah would approve of your mother forcing you to fast and then kicking you out into the street if you don't. Can you try having a relative explain to her that she is actually going against her own religion with her actions? So that it isn't coming from you.
    None of my other Muslim family members know I'm Atheist. If they knew, they'd shun me like they did when my gay cousin came out to the family. I'd get my brother, who is Muslim, to talk to her, but he's overseas right now and will be until after Ramadan.

    So let them shun you. Be yourself in life and let people get over it. Better not to pretend. Eventually it will backfire on you.
    I'm prepared for them to shun me. But I'd rather they not do that until after I've moved out and don't have to deal with them anymore.
  • Darius66
    Darius66 Posts: 62 Member
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    Call social services and claim you are being held hostage with no food or water for hours. :)
  • xoTalim
    xoTalim Posts: 212 Member
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    If you are afraid of your metabolism getting screwed up, take cinnamon or raspberry ketones. Trust me, they work to keep your metabolism stable. My mom uses them with her diabetes and it helps her maintain a steady blood sugar throughout the day. If your mom is really strict and you don't want to get caught or make her unhappy and have to wait until sundown, then I would suggest eating a protein based meal and eat very slowly... It will fill you up if you take thirty minutes to eat it, since it takes your stomach 20 minutes before it even realizes it is full. And then drink lots of water. Instead of thinking it's bad, which I do realize it is being forced on you (my mom is a bible thumper who thinks I'm the incarnation of the devil for telling her I'm an agnostic atheist), think of it as a diet fasting. I fast on my program that I am in. It stucks, but you might actually lose weight if you follow strict guidelines when you do eat. Mornings, I would do egg whites and oatmeal. Nights, chicken or anything with protein.
    Alright. I'll look up good meals to have when fasting and see what I can find. Thanks. (:
  • xoTalim
    xoTalim Posts: 212 Member
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    Call social services and claim you are being held hostage with no food or water for hours. :)
    HAH. If only. :P
  • majasmi
    majasmi Posts: 133 Member
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    kinda off topic, but just wanted to throw out there that i'm very glad to see there isnt any Muslim bashing going on. very cool. :)

    and on topic. i'm Muslim and will be starting the fast next week. its all about calories in vs out. if you decide to listen to your mum and fast, then its just about portion control. normally people will eat a small snack some dates and a drink to break fast and then pray, and then after that eat. this sort of suppresses the binging. well i just hope you are very careful when making your choice, because religion aside, its your mum. i'd feel too guilty about sneaking foods in and tricking my mum :( but thats just me.

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