Religion being forced on me will soon ruin my diet...HELP.

Yeah..I mean I understand where she's coming from. I really do. But I wish it didn't have to pretty much tear the family apart when someone strays from the religion.

Exactly. I have some friends who are as extreme and they don't even pray or read the Quran, but they still try (in a non-muslim country) to convert everybody to Islam, thinking that they will save their souls and go to heaven this way. And this represents Islam in the wrong way. This is exactly the opposite of what Allah wants us to do.

You know how I converted to Islam?

My husband was a born muslim (pakistani) and I was trying to learn about Islam so it can improve our relationship, and when he saw me studying about it he says to me "look, I can explain what I do and why I do it (prayers, fasting etc), but Islam is a difficult religion, and also I don't want you to change your ways just for me. In fact, I will even take you to church every Sunday, fast with you according to your religion, and even celebrate with you Easter and Christmas, even if it's against my own religion, because I respect you and your background".

That alone, made me want to study more about Islam and here I am now.

You don't force the religion, you just lead the example for others to follow (if they want), this is what my friends and your mother don't understand.

Yeah..and I really do respect other religious people, so long as they don't try to force their beliefs on me. Growing up in a Muslim family and having had the religion forced on me a lot has kind of made me hate Muslims. But really, I kind of just hate religion and the people who try to force it on others, which in my experience has proven to mostly be other Muslims.

I also hate people who force anybody to do anything. One thing I've learned from this though is, you shouldn't let anything or anybody ruin your judgment. Do whatever makes you happy, and whatever you think is right. It's your life.

I understand it's not what she hoped for. Sadly I believe my relationship with her will end when I decide to move out. She told me if I don't come back to the religion some day, she will pretty much disown me and never talk to me again, because she chooses following God over me. So...I'll lose her eventually. And that's gunna suck. But it's inevitable.

she's not choosing to follow God over you, that's the problem. Maybe she thinks that's what she's doing, but it's a major sin to disown your children (or cut off any other family member). Reading what you've said about her, she's committing all kinds of major sins ...choosing to "not believe" that Allah made a concession for menstruating women is an extremely grave matter in particular. But also not praying, forcing you to fast (which is essentially forcing you to commit minor shirk)... If she is genuinely motivated by religion, then getting her on a course to learn what Islam really teaches would be a good plan.... but if she was really motivated by wanting to please Allah, then wouldn't she already have done that?

so it honestly seems far more like a control issue. And I think if she's going to disown you and never speak to you again over this, it could easily still happen if you did choose to be Muslim, e.g. if you married someone she didn't approve of, or decided to become a shia (if she's sunni, or sunni if she's shia), and say you'd chosen to be Muslim, and refused to fast when you have your period... sounds like she'd still try to force you.... so it's about control, not religion. And unfortunately when very controlling people lose control over those close to them, they do tend to cut them off completely. That's just how they are. So what I'm saying is even if you'd chosen to be Muslim, this probably would still happen sooner or later, and she's the one in the wrong. If/when that happens, then leave a way for her to get in contact with you again, because she may get to a point in her life when she realises how badly she's screwed up and what she's lost. And stay in contact with other family members who are willing to stay in contact, especially siblings, because they will probably go through the same thing at some point in the future.

You've had plenty of advice about dealing with your mother, regaining your own life etc. so I won't add to that. But one thing I've not seen.....


Make sure you continue to track what you're eating (whatever time that is ) and keep within your calorie allowance for the day. Whenever there are questions about "carbs after 6pm" (or whatever) people always point out "the body doesn't care what time of day it is". I know its difficult because a lot of the food is high calorie, but as long as you keep to your limit you should be OK.

I think part of the problem is you are panicking. You've had some good suggestions in this thread, you know you have options. So, take a deep breath. Write down some of the suggestions you are going to try. Imagine what a day using those solutions would look like, and let yourself feel positive about how well that could work. Visualization is a great tool for helping you focus on positives, stay calm, and work through problems.

Also to help you cope I'd suggest you try positive self talk. I'm seeing a lot of "yes, but" type replies and I think that is contributing to your feeling trapped in your circumstances. Try rewording how you are thinking about the problem and the suggestions.
When you find yourself thinking a "yes, but", instead say "That is useful, I may be able to do that. I think my mom (or XYZ) may be a challenge, but I can try it. I will try it on Monday." Notice how this is still acknowledging how you feel, but puts more emphasis on the part of thinking the suggestion could work.

You can also use this to help break off negative thoughts. If you catch yourself stressing about your situation or repeating an argument with your mom in your mind over and over, tell yourself no, you don't need to feel bad/stressed/upset by this, you are going to let it go. Making a concious choice to not worry actually helps you not worry.

I know, the above sounds a bit strange, and may even feel weird to do at first, but I found it a big help for my PTSD after a house fire.

You are in a tough, and I imagine stressful, situation. I've seen family friends go though it. It's not easy when the parents are religious but the child isn't, or vice versa. I'm sure you'll get through it and in time your mom will understand this isn't a phase you'll get past.

kinda off topic, but just wanted to throw out there that i'm very glad to see there isnt any Muslim bashing going on. very cool.

and on topic. i'm Muslim and will be starting the fast next week. its all about calories in vs out. if you decide to listen to your mum and fast, then its just about portion control. normally people will eat a small snack some dates and a drink to break fast and then pray, and then after that eat. this sort of suppresses the binging. well i just hope you are very careful when making your choice, because religion aside, its your mum. i'd feel too guilty about sneaking foods in and tricking my mum but thats just me.

Well I've done the sneaking food thing for the past 2 or 3 years now so I'm kind of used to it. I just don't think it's fair to be forced to fast when I'm not even Muslim.

Her house. Her rules.
Don't like them? move out.

You sound like a complainer rather than a doer.