Religion being forced on me will soon ruin my diet...HELP.

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  • Lupercalia
    Lupercalia Posts: 1,857 Member
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    Ramadan will not screw up your metabolism, trust me. I fast daily, eating just two big meals later in the day. I've lost a lot of weight and continue to lose weight doing this. It has not hurt my metabolism one bit.
  • emergencytennis
    emergencytennis Posts: 864 Member
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    I feel very sorry for you, Talim. You have clearly stated the economic bind you are in, and it faces many young adults as they adopt opinions that differ from those of their parents. It must be very hurtful when your mother sets her religion above your own safety and well-being.

    I really, really want to say that you should ask your mother to respect your lack of religion and stand your ground, but it is not me who could be standing in the street with a suitcase. I hope you find a job soon.
  • malibutigger
    malibutigger Posts: 15 Member
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    could you switch day and night so you are asleep when u cant eat and then awake when able to eat?
    pretend to be ill to start with maybe so u have a reason to stay in bed? x
  • Athena53
    Athena53 Posts: 717 Member
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    Do it for your own reasons, make it YOUR choice to do. You're in an untenable position. You could move out and destroy your relationship with your mom and security, or you can change how you're viewing the fasting and make it personal for you...a test of your own will, a payment for temporary living reasons. Try to take the frustration and control out of the situation.

    This. To paraphrase half the motivational speakers I've ever seen, you can't always control what happens to you but you can control how you react to it. Find your own way to work your diet around Ramadan, including ways to go off and get hydration and the occasional snack without causing friction at home. I can see why you're angry that your mother doesn't support your beliefs but expects you to support hers, but try not to let that anger drive your decisions.
  • tinylightsbelow
    tinylightsbelow Posts: 85 Member
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    I totally understand what you are going through, Talim. When I was younger I had similar struggles with my highly controlling father. He and I became different, largely because of my diet (I became a vegan, which he absolutely did not approve of) and the fact that I decided I was not going to follow his chosen career path for me. We had huge fights. He was threatening and had a tendency to smash machinery when he was angry; much like your mom, he threw rather destructive tantrums any time that someone challenged his almighty authority. I remember one evening we had a fight about my veganism and he decided that he would not let me sleep until I admitted 100% that I believed that my moral ideology was wrong and he believed that I was being sincere. He kept me up until 8 AM, not letting me sleep, trying to brainwash me. I finally lied sufficiently and he let me go. It was an incredibly traumatic experience.

    Like you I struggled with finding employment and getting out of the house. I found some family members who would take me but he told them that he would not accept them taking care of me and basically that he would do anything in his power to get me back under his roof -- so I ended up having to move back. I only managed to get free of his grip when I found employment and got married. Quite suddenly, not being bound to him changed the power dynamic, and though he tries to manipulate me still from time to time I am free to do what I want and he will generally avoid, rather than press, our issues.

    My strong suggestion is that you find roommates who your mother does not know, who are not people she could manipulate, and move in with them as soon as you have the financial means. Do whatever you've got to do to stay sane until then. I do not recommend following the fast; lying and sneaking food is fine.
    Ramadan isn't about suffering. It's cleaning your soul, mind and body. No bad thoughts allowed, no jealousy, no anger. People should have only kindness and mercy, and be grateful for everything they have.

    Its a holy month when people get closer to Allah.

    During the break fast, whole family comes together to celebrate. Often friends come over too. Sometimes people go to restaurants that make big breakfasts for their guests. There's a whole ritual about break fast during Ramadan with praying. Sometimes exchange small gifts, often give big gifts to each other the last night of Ramadan. It's family and friends time. Think of Christmas but for a month. Most Muslims are waiting for Ramadan and excited as Christians about Christmas.

    That's why it really hurts to see a young girl so angry and hateful towards such a happy time.
    The problem, though, is that it's not a happy time for her. It's not something she's even allowed to choose.

    Not having the option to drink water between 4 AM and 10 PM over a 30-day period, including during your menstrual cycle, does not sound like a sign of happiness and family bonding to me. It sounds like something you should enter into ONLY if you are personally going to get something out of it.

    "My house, my rules" is not an appropriate thing to say when the control of the parent is such that the son/daughter is forced into a situation that they cannot control and may compromise their health. She has said herself that she does not yet have the means to leave the home. People should NOT have to choose between homelessness and religious ceremonies they don't believe in. If her mother had any respect for her at all, she would understand that the key to preserving her relationship with her daughter and coming close to that idyllic image you painted of family bonding would be to offer her some acceptance despite her differences. Parents should not act as judges, juries and executioners towards their children; they have a responsibility to do what is BEST for their kids so that they grow up happy and fulfilled.
  • ellehoosen20
    ellehoosen20 Posts: 11
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    Im so sorry that islam is being forced upon you.
    as a muslim, its totally wrong to force anyone to do anything, and even the quran says "let there be no compulsion in religion".
    surely you're old enough to make your own choices in life and do as you please.
    the problem is probably because your mother follows islam on a cultural level, since forcing people to do things is actually against the religion.
    anyway, just let her know exactly how you feel. dont lie as it might hurt her even more.

    fasting wont 'ruin' your diet. many people actually engage in intermittent fasting to help with weight loss or when working out.
    you just have to plan what to eat and when if fasting and your diet wont be ruined.
    this page is excellent = http://www.leangains.com/2010/10/top-ten-fasting-myths-debunked.html

    maybe fast with the intention of doing so for health reasons, since many non muslims do for such reasons.
    your mum will never know and it could help with weight loss if you tailor your diet correctly.
    all the best!
  • healthygreek
    healthygreek Posts: 2,137 Member
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    Do not move out without a job. Do your best and bide your time. When you can support yourself you will no longer be controlled by her. Coming from a similar family type situation I can tell u it's wonderful when you're out on your own.
  • stargazer008
    stargazer008 Posts: 531
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    You might as well use Ramadan to intermittent fast which has many benefits.
  • fat2slim24
    fat2slim24 Posts: 5
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    I feel your pain. I thought the Koran said to you your religion and to me mine. I know atheism is not a religion, it's just the point that many holy books tell you to accept people. Anyway, is there anyway you can keep yourself busy during that time? Get out of the house or maybe spend time with friends so she doesn't know. If that doesn't work, don't throw off your matabolism. It will reverse your hard work. Try snacking discreetly through out the day or tell her you are going for a walk and take that time to eat out
  • MyJourney1960
    MyJourney1960 Posts: 1,133 Member
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    listen - *this* year, you will have to abide by your mother's rules. I don't think it will ruin it that much. I work with many who keep ramadan and they don't ruin their diets or metabolism.

    But now, you have ~365 days (or however long until the next ramadan, i know the time of year fluccuates because it's a different calendar) to start your own life.

    Start by getting a job, any job. if you need further schooling to get a better job, then do that. start saving up the best you can. I'm sorry that your family will not support your beliefs (i *understand* where they are coming from but I know how frustrating it is).

    I was raised in a religious jewish home, and even though i felt from a young age that this isn't MY belief, i was told to do what i'm told. that the belief will come. to try harder. etc. and i did - i thought i was a freak because i didn't believe and everyone else did.

    when i had a child, i raised him in a religious home, less strict. and when he was 14, 15, he told me he doesn't want to be religious and explained why. i listend to him. i told him he has to respect the home and respect others, so he can eat on a fast day but not in front of others, or he can use his computer on the Sabbath but quietly. Today i also don't follow the "rules" the same way my parents raised me but I am respectful of others. Like my father will ask me "how was the fast" after a fast day and I will say "fine" (I actually don't fast because of medical reasons but I don't even tell him that).

    I hope you will find a way to make your own life.

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