How much is "too" much?
Replies
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I thought the wedding couple was supposed to cover rehearsal costs. I agree with everyone else, if she wants you to take photos then ask her to pay your food bill. Your covering your room, just say you can't afford to go to eat at those places but if she wants pics she can cover for you. I had my moms friend do our wedding photos, she offered. My mom told her we couldn't afford to fly her out, she said she would buy her own ticket and do the photos as our gift. But we paid for her food and room for her! There is always a happy medium, it's better to tell her now if you have an issue than after the wedding when nobody can change what happened.0
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In my little world, the couple or the bride's family pays for the wedding and the reception. The couple or the groom's family pays for a rehearsal dinner - not the guests. I know a lot of couples are doing these destination weddings, but they can't really expect their friends to pay for all of that. And, it sounds like she's had a couple of "princess moments" already.0
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I'm not sure how to phrase this politely so I will just say it. She sounds pretty toxic. I mean, she's aware your husband isn't well, she's aware of how much a photographer costs and yet expects you to do it for free, rich as her future husband may be she's aware the value of a dollar and yet expects her guests to fork out so much.... And now you say you've baked cake for her? I have a feeling that I've had friends similar to her before. Always close when they need a favour and then far away when I'm in trouble. If it were me, I wouldn't even go to the wedding at this point.0
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Another thought who does she expect to pay for the printing of the pictures?0
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If you can't do it, you can't do it. I personally wouldn't expect my friends to fork out that much money, especially for a rehearsal dinner.
My rehearsal dinner was a cookout at the apartment complex I lived at. We provided the burgers, dogs, chips, salads, dessert and bottled water. If they wanted extras, they were welcomed to bring it, especially the alcohol. Total cost for that: $100 for all the food for 25 people.
If I ever get married, my rehearsal dinner will be a beer, porn, snuggie party. Bring your own snuggie.
What kind of porn it matters?
What kind do you like? I was planning on everybody writing down their preferences then we can draw them out of a hat and enjoy. Hopefully the more sick stuff comes after a few beers so we can all have a good laugh.
LOL @ sick stuff0 -
Another thought who does she expect to pay for the printing of the pictures?
No printing. She gets a cd after editing.
Oh! So there's more of my time.0 -
If you can't do it, you can't do it. I personally wouldn't expect my friends to fork out that much money, especially for a rehearsal dinner.
My rehearsal dinner was a cookout at the apartment complex I lived at. We provided the burgers, dogs, chips, salads, dessert and bottled water. If they wanted extras, they were welcomed to bring it, especially the alcohol. Total cost for that: $100 for all the food for 25 people.
If I ever get married, my rehearsal dinner will be a beer, porn, snuggie party. Bring your own snuggie.
What kind of porn it matters?
What kind do you like? I was planning on everybody writing down their preferences then we can draw them out of a hat and enjoy. Hopefully the more sick stuff comes after a few beers so we can all have a good laugh.
LOL @ sick stuff
I'm keeping my fingers crossed that nobody wants Two Girls, One Cup.0 -
In my little world, the couple or the bride's family pays for the wedding and the reception. The couple or the groom's family pays for a rehearsal dinner - not the guests. I know a lot of couples are doing these destination weddings, but they can't really expect their friends to pay for all of that. And, it sounds like she's had a couple of "princess moments" already.
This!0 -
I'm keeping my fingers crossed that nobody wants Two Girls, One Cup.0
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If you've done favors for her before, you're doing the photography for free, and you're taking the time to edit the photos for her instead of just giving her the raw photos, I think she should compensate you some.
I guess the question is, what events would you have gone to if you weren't her photographer? Those would be the events that I think she should at least help you and your husband out with. Maybe pay half?0 -
If you've done favors for her before, you're doing the photography for free, and you're taking the time to edit the photos for her instead of just giving her the raw photos, I think she should compensate you some.
I guess the question is, what events would you have gone to if you weren't her photographer? Those would be the events that I think she should at least help you and your husband out with. Maybe pay half?
HA! funny you mention this!
My husband is MAJOR into RC helicopters, and the biggest worldwide funfly is that same weekend, and we always meet up with friends there and spend the weekend having a great time, and I do the photography hobby there, as well, for my own fun, and also, the pilots there use the pics as they want, maybe for promo shots with their sponsors, or for Facebook use.0 -
A mutual friend of ours says that this is her "princess moment", and we should just do what she wants... but I really didn't expect to be paying $1000 for a weekend. This is my friend's 2nd marriage, and her fiance's 3rd, and I don't want to sound like I'm cheap, but I just can't afford the extras for that weekend.
Would you guys say something to your friend? Or would you do what our friend says, and let her have her princess moment?
Oh god. Her 'princess moment'?! That is ridiculous. Is she 5? Is she in fact marrying into royalty?
You have your budget, so you stick to it! It isn't worth you being stressed over finances because they have gotten sucked in by the wedding industry. In your shoes, I would be declining the extras - after all you only accepted an invitation for the wedding. I'd go as far as to not buy a present either - in my book if you have a destination wedding, the only gift is that people manage to take the time and money to come along!
I wouldn't recommend you say something other than 'We are looking forward to attending and being part of your wedding' though. If pressed, just say that you have financial constraints.0 -
Another thought who does she expect to pay for the printing of the pictures?
No printing. She gets a cd after editing.
Oh! So there's more of my time.
Wait, you are going to edit the photos as well? :noway:
She is taking the p*ss, big time. And the only way to stop someone taking the p*ss is to say No.
You don't have to be mean about it, you just say 'Hey, I would love to take your photos but hubby shouldn't be on a boat so soon after surgery & we really can't afford the tickets.'
If she is a best friend, she'll offer to pay for you both.0 -
I cater weddings all the time. I just made a $6,000 wedding cake. This price is penny's in a bucket for wealthy folks.
Weddings are expensive, most ppl don't take in account their guest finances when planning.
This is the thing with ppl with money, they will take a free ride from anyone who is willing to give it. That's how they stay on top.
I know plenty of ppl with money that could care less how much you have to go out of your way to please them0 -
In my little world, the couple or the bride's family pays for the wedding and the reception. The couple or the groom's family pays for a rehearsal dinner - not the guests. I know a lot of couples are doing these destination weddings, but they can't really expect their friends to pay for all of that. And, it sounds like she's had a couple of "princess moments" already.
THIS exactly. Guests and the bridal party should NOT be paying for the rehearsal dinner or reception. Absolutely NOT.
Travel expenses, hotel rooms, and dresses/suits for the bridal party are more ambiguous and vary from wedding to wedding but this is why I would never have a destination wedding because I can't imagine asking a hundred people to take several days of vacation time and spend that much just to watch me get married and have a party.
You're dropping 1000?? Only way I'd spend that much to go somewhere would be if it were something of MY choosing....like Vegas or New Orleans or a cruise.0 -
My best friend is getting married to a guy who's pretty well off, monetary wise, and they're getting married out of state in a couple of weeks. She asked me to take pictures before and after the wedding because the photographer that the package pays for only covers ceremony photos, and nothing else. I agreed without a problem, but I didn't know that the cost of the weekend was going to be so extravagant.
We just booked our hotel rooms for it, which, the "wedding rate" is still $200 a night for a cheap room, after putting in cost for the resort fee, daily parking rate, and taxes. We're staying for 2 nights.
I just found out we'll be doing a Riverboat Cruise as part of the rehearsal dinner the night before, and that's $100 a person, plus, dinner after the wedding is averaging about $100 a person, too (separate tabs). And, there was mention of barhopping afterwards, so that's more money.
My husband and I are on very limited income, especially since he's got to have an unexpected hernia surgery next week. I told my friend that we wouldn't be participating in the cruise, not only because of the cost, but also because my husband shouldn't be on a boat so soon after surgery. (We found out that there's a hospital close by the hotel, though, just in case he should need medical attention for any reason.)
A mutual friend of ours says that this is her "princess moment", and we should just do what she wants... but I really didn't expect to be paying $1000 for a weekend. This is my friend's 2nd marriage, and her fiance's 3rd, and I don't want to sound like I'm cheap, but I just can't afford the extras for that weekend.
Would you guys say something to your friend? Or would you do what our friend says, and let her have her princess moment?
Pirncess moment? This girl and I wouldn't get along because I'd tell her off like the c unt she is if she tried tellin me something like that. You dont have to go. I PROMISE she will get over it.0 -
What kind of things does this "friend" do for you? Things that might balance out providing free upscale cakes, free wedding photography, or that kind of thing?
It really sounds like your friend is a "taker" who uses people -- especially you.
I was almost on board with the whole free photography thing until you said that this is her second wedding and his third. She is a grown up and needs to pay for her own wedding, including the rehearsal dinner and the reception dinner.
My advice to you is to back out of the whole deal. The whole thing sounds like a miserable train wreck anyway.0 -
What kind of things does this "friend" do for you? Things that might balance out providing free upscale cakes, free wedding photography, or that kind of thing?
It really sounds like your friend is a "taker" who uses people -- especially you.
I was almost on board with the whole free photography thing until you said that this is her second wedding and his third. She is a grown up and needs to pay for her own wedding, including the rehearsal dinner and the reception dinner.
My advice to you is to back out of the whole deal. The whole thing sounds like a miserable train wreck anyway.
Honestly... the more I think about it, the more I can't figure what she's really done for me. I'm always making cakes or cupcakes for birthday parties (no payment), always at parties early to help her set up... but I don't have parties like that, so she doesn't help.
I think what I will do is nicely say that we can't do the Riverboat cruise, not only due to money, but really, my husband shouldn't be on the boat. We will do our own, cheaper dinner that night, and after the wedding, do appetizers or something at the restaurant, and then later that night, go out and find cheaper dinner somewhere else.
I guess in all reality, my pride is what's holding me back. I don't want to embarrass myself by not participating, but I don't want to financially struggle in the upcoming month since my husband's income is nil (he hasn't been at his job long enough to get short term disability or sick pay). And what it all boils down to: I'm too damn nice and need to finally grow a backbone.0 -
I think you are right to tell her that you just can't afford all the extras - that is life. You don't need to go into debt so she can have her "princess day". You aren't required to do that.0
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