negative comments from friends are starting to suck!!

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  • sjeanpayd
    sjeanpayd Posts: 8 Member
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    Your weight loss is an awesome accomplishment. How you see yourself that is the most important feedback. Unfortunately, this society is not friendly to eating healthy and being a sensible weight. That attitude seems to be in the minority in our culture. That's why MFP is so helpful, finding like minded folks who can give you the feedback that is positive. Keep up the good work. Those negative people are not your friends, they may be jealous of your weight loss and are making those comments to make themselves feel better at your expense.
  • energyofasloth
    energyofasloth Posts: 7 Member
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    Hey thanks for posting this and reminding me that I am not alone in this experience. I have recently lost 107 pounds and still have 50 more to lose to be in a healthy weight range, yet I have heard comments like these including that "I might want to quit losing weight because I might get conceited" aka better to stay obese, is what I got from that. I was deeply hurt and offended by these comments and I had to find peace within my own head by concluding that people are uncomfortable with change, or have their own fears and that I need to just stay true to knowing what is right for me. Doesn't mean I didn't struggle with being kindly to people who made these comments afterwards, but I did make some peace in my own head which at the end of my day is all that really matters. But yeah, the comments suck but that is on their side of the street so why should we carry the discomfort of a poorly spoken communication when it's their stuff. Ain't nobody got no time for this! I'm too busy minding MY OWN business....
  • ev0318
    ev0318 Posts: 3
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    YOU are the person you're doing this for!

    It does suck to hear all of these things from friends, family, co-workers etc. I'm still 80 lbs. away from my goal weight, but I already get rude comments from people and people trying to shove food down my throat.

    Here's the thing... when people see you taking control and doing what you want with your life it makes them uncomfortable and it really shows just how ugly people can be. Jealousy is a crappy thing.
  • dctexas65
    dctexas65 Posts: 22 Member
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    you need to quit losing weight *My Dr. doesn't think so or My Dr. says I only have 200 more pounds to go*
    you look sick *I sure hope not, still waiting on those test results*
    you have lost too much *What? I have only lost 10 pounds?*
    your no fun now that your skinny *That's not what my new friends said to me yesterday*
    we are going to plump you back up *Lord I hope not, all those foods you eat make me sick now*

    Seriously...just come back with some stupid comment that makes them look as stupid as they sound, I know you cant avoid all of them. Just try to ignore them.
  • Oishii
    Oishii Posts: 2,675 Member
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    Funny how people say "you're too skinny" "you don't need to lose anymore weight" but when we were heavier they failed to say, "you're too fat", "you need to lose weight".

    My parents are like this. They only tell me I was big when I've lost a bit of weight. However, when I dropped below my goal weight they threatened to force feed me! I wonder, perhaps, if there is a certain natural fear of a starving child that is stronger than a (debatably) logical fear of the outcomes of over eating.

    I think, however, that we should be careful in threads like this not to assume that everyone says such things out of jealousy or because they have become accustomed to everyone being fat. There IS such a thing as being too thin, even if no ED is present, and for some people a thread like this validates their dangerous behaviour.
  • Th3stral
    Th3stral Posts: 93 Member
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    Massive congrats on the 65lb! Often it's not about what people ARE saying, it's about what they AREN'T saying. Translation guide provided:

    you need to quit losing weight - you are making me look fat/your making me feel guilty for not making any effort with myself
    you look sick - your making me sick because your succeeding and I'm not
    you have lost too much - I could never have the will power or control to loose that much, you have more application than I do
    your no fun now that your skinny - I'm not fit enough to keep up with you
    we are going to plump you back up, etc. comments from everyone!! - so I look and feel better about myself

    I genuinely feel and appreciate both the severity and need for help for those people who suffer eating disorders. It's just such a shame than unaffected people get hinted, suggested and outright accused (like its something to be ashamed of?) of having a problem with food when it's just individuals projecting their own feelings of failure onto others. If you start getting these comments it's worth talking to your doctor, dietitian or personal trainer to check your on the right path with a healthy goal and keep chugging on and ignoring it.
  • casy84
    casy84 Posts: 290 Member
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    People just aren't used to seeing you at this weight anymore. It will take them a while to get used to it.
    Then the comments will stop. Just focus on you, and remember why your doing this. (-:

    You're right! I got bad comments at first, but after a while they stopped. I just ignored them and moved on with my plans. I don't live my life to please others and make them feel good about themselfes.
  • ngoziyvette
    ngoziyvette Posts: 9 Member
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    I know how you feel. When I lost weight in the past I was asked if I was anorexic. I look thinner in clothes than I really am so nobody can really see it. When I tell people that I want to lost weight now I get the "you'll look anorexic" comments. I make sure that they know I don't appreciate those comments and that I think they're unacceptable. Normally they get it but if not, I kick them to the curb!

    I understand why they say that though. I have a very slim frame but there's a lot of fat on top of it. When I lose weight I look way different than I did before and the dramatic change makes it look like I starved myself. If they met me after the weight loss they wouldn't think twice about it.
  • Fuzzith
    Fuzzith Posts: 6 Member
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    Funny how people say "you're too skinny" "you don't need to lose anymore weight" but when we were heavier they failed to say, "you're too fat", "you need to lose weight".

    So true! Many good comments on this thread, there should be a "like" button. Congrats on the weight loss! :smile:
  • NewMnky1
    NewMnky1 Posts: 264
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    I offered to share part of my lunch yesterday with my brother and he said "I can't eat part of your lunch, you only eat like 200 calories in a day" Really???
    Went to see a dear family member two weeks ago that I hadn't seen since last Oct and was really excited to show her my success and when we got off the plane and they greeted us I got "Oh my god, what is the matter with you" Again Really????
    I appreciate my weight loss is a bit dramatic and I do look a lot different, but by no means do I starve myself or am sick. I worked hard and continue to work hard at being healthy.
    I think people forget what "normal" or healthy weight and food intake really is because we are so used to either seeing that person obese or used to the portion sizes of food in take out orders or restaurants.
    Just keep in mind that you are doing this for you and why you are doing it and it won't be as hard to hear.
  • mkcmurphy
    mkcmurphy Posts: 437 Member
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    It's just hard for people to imagine you any smaller. It reminds me of a "how to paint" book my mom gave me as a kid. They showed the different steps to creating the painting, and every page I'd be like, that's an awesome painting. Then I'd turn the page and see the progress of the next step, and I was like, "I didn't think it could look any better, but this is awesome,". Then I'd turn the page again and find there were still more steps and every time it got more awesome, but I couldn't even conceive of what more could be done to it and every page I thought that was the finished product. You look so different already, they can't even conceive of you getting smaller, but they'll ooh and ahh when you get there.

    Wonderfully put!
  • TotalPackageLive
    TotalPackageLive Posts: 20 Member
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    Ask them if it's OK for you to continuously criticize them as well.

    Eat that!
  • 65svtfastback
    65svtfastback Posts: 45 Member
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    WOW!! just got on this morning....did not expect 3 pages of comments!!

    Thanks for all of the support!! I am really fine, just had a bad day yesterday and got set off when my 68 year old overweight receptionist made a comment and pissed me off and put me a little over the edge.

    I know most of my friends are just adjusting and getting used to it. They truly are good friends and would not trade them for anything (the ones that give me the most **** are the same ones that pushed me to make some changes)....I honestly cannot say I have never given them any **** over anything and deep down I know they are supportive :). I was always kind of a ringleader when it came to partying and now that has stopped....I still have fun, but I am no longer showing up with coolers of beer and food every other day lol. The co-workers I could really care less what they think, like I said yesterday I was having an abnormally bad day and vented a bit on here.

    I'm very much a suck it up buttercup kind of guy and that's exactly what I did last night!!! Did a 5 mile run on the hottest most humid day of the year (106 heat index), then jumped on the motorcycle for a nice ride!!
  • daria225
    daria225 Posts: 15 Member
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    First of all, let me say....Great job!

    I think what's going on is a little bit of jealousy. When people see your success in weight loss and lifestyle change, they tend to get jealous of the fact that they can't or choose not to take charge of their health the way you do. That sort of jealousy tends to come out in teasing and negative comments, ones that could potentially derail you. People who are insecure with themselves, more often than not, tend to make negative comments towards those they envy in order to beat them down so they can feel like they are bigger than you.

    My way of handling people like that is to take their negative comments and use them to empower myself. Show them how HEALTHY you are, not how skinny you are. Yes, it may show itself in a smaller waistline but it's the lifestyle that truly matters. Exercise and good foods are amazing healers for the body.

    Keep up the amazing work, you're an inspiration!

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