Getting divorced?

Surround yourself with like-minded individuals in your area. Join clubs or fitness groups in your area to take your mind of what is going on. Those people will motivate you and keep you accountable if you decide to slip up.

Best idea mentioned! I think anyone who became morbidly obese (myself included) had a very unhealthy relationship with food. It is our addiction and we have "triggers" just like a real addict has them. For you, it's when you are feeling perhaps lonely, losing control of a situation or just sad. Learn your triggers and perhaps it will help you gain power over them.

*hugs*

Is there also a ladies group in your area that is dealing with Divorce? That might also be an outlet to let off some steam.

Try to stay busy, take your emotions out in exercise............. I know it is easier said than done but I would try it if I were you!!! Hope it gets better for you, Prayers coming your way.

Pour those eating emotions into working out and do not keep your trigger foods in the house. Since you're only shopping for you now, let him starve if he isn't willing to prepare his food separately. Keep plenty of healthy munchies like carrots, fruit, broccoli, hummus, yogurt, etc. so you don't feel deprived.

:flowerforyou: :brokenheart: :brokenheart: :flowerforyou:

I can not imagine the pain & stress you are going thru...here's a cyber {{{Hug}}} and a link that "may" be of help to encourage you in this time of pain and frustration. You will be in my thoughts and prayers:flowerforyou:

12 Depression Busters for Divorce
http://www.beliefnet.com/Health/12-Depression-Busters-for-Divorce.aspx


Words of encouragement/inspiration on your weight-loss issues as well as life in general dearheart :flowerforyou:

David Viscott: You must begin to think of yourself as becoming the person you want to be.

Eleanor Roosevelt: You must do the thing you think you cannot do.

George Bernard Shaw: You see things; and you say "Why?" But I dream things that never were; and I say "Why not?"

Ralph Marston: Your goals, minus your doubts, equal your reality.

George S. Patton: You're never beaten until you admit it.

Lee Iacocca: You've got to say, I think that if I keep working at this and want it badly enough I can have it. It's called perseverance.

Unknown Author: You don't drown by falling in the water. You drown by staying there.

Unknown Author: You don't realize how strong a person really is until you see them at their weakest moment.

Goethe: Take care of your body with steadfast fidelity. The soul must see through these eyes alone, and if they are dim, the whole world is clouded.

Harold Wilkins: The world of achievement has always belonged to the optimist.

Heraclitus: There is nothing permanent except change.

Swedish Proverb: Those who wish to sing, always find a song.

Elie Wiesel: Ultimately, the only power to which man should aspire is that which he exercises over himself.

Martin Luther King, Jr.: We must accept finite disappointment, but we must never lose infinite hope.

Harriet Beecher Stowe: When you get into a tight place and everything goes against you, till it seems as though you could not hold on a minute longer, never give up then, for that is just the place and time that the tide will turn.

Quintus Horatius Flaccus Horace: Who has courage to say no again and again to desires, to despise the objects of ambition, who is a whole in himself, smoothed and rounded.

Samuel Johnson: The chains of habit are generally too small to be felt until they are too strong to be broken.

Marvin Phillips: The difference between try and triumph is just a little umph!

Plato: The first and the best victory is to conquer self.

Vincent Lombardi: The good Lord gave you a body that can stand most anything. It's your mind you have to convince.

Leigh Hunt: The groundwork of all happiness is health.

Anthony Robbins: The higher your energy level, the more efficient your body. The more efficient your body, the better you feel and the more you will use your talent to produce outstanding results.

Roger Bannister: The man who can drive himself further once the effort gets painful is the man who will win.

Author unknown: The road to success is dotted with many tempting parking places.

Thomas Jefferson: The sovereign invigorator of the body is exercise, and of all the exercises walking is the best.

Carl Sandburg: The time for action is now. It's never too late to do something.

Rohn: Take care of your body. It's the only place you have to live.

Thomas Fuller: That which is bitter to endure may be sweet to remember.

Samuel Johnson: The chains of habit are generally too small to be felt until they are too strong to be broken.

Marvin Phillips: The difference between try and triumph is just a little umph!

Plato: The first and the best victory is to conquer self.

Vincent Lombardi: The good Lord gave you a body that can stand most anything. It's your mind you have to convince.

Benjamin Franklin: You may delay, but time will not.

Much of this advice really is disturbing.

The notion of "getting revenge" by getting hot?

I saw this topic on a Dr. Phil episode a while back. He says "everybody starts working out loses the weight AFTER the divorce. Maybe if they tried that hard during the marriage there wouldn't have been a divorce!"

1 more thing: take everything 1 day, 1 small step at a time. Today is what we are promised and we just try to be our best for it. 1 good choice, even if it is the teeniest of tiniest pushes you in the right direction. My eating habits can REALLY SUCK, not to mention I was an insanely picky eater (still am, but it has improved.) I started with Leslie Sansone's walking DVD you can even watch a few on YouTube. Then I got a juicer b/c I was a fruit/veggie hater. These 2 small steps have changed my life. I was very stubborn to branching out further, but I took teeny tiny leaps of faith and I now strut my stuff in Zumba. What I love about it is no matter what your weight/dance level, there are PLENTY of others in there just like you. We're like a bunch of good friends letting lose. May not have the steps perfectly, but the important part is we try. You keep trying and before you know it, you will reach your destination! Good luck!!!!!
And one day, you will bring him to tears because 1) he is an idiot for leaving someone amazing, and you're on a journey to being even more amazing! he better watch out! :bigsmile:

Here is what I would do when faced with this situation: use it as an opportunity to focus on you, and you only for once (and kiddos of course if you have them) Having been in a stressful marriage I know that hard to put yourself first. Now you have a chance to work on yourself mentally and physically without distraction. Plus it always helps to be looking good a few months down the road, show what he lost

I'd probably buy a hanging punching bag and either (depending on whether I thought the soon-to-be-former spouse deserved it or not)

1) Hit the bag and envision ex's face on it when I got sad/depressed
2) Hit the bag and envision the heavier me that I want to trim down when I got sad/depressed (you know - punching the fat 'cause I want it to leave, not because I hate myself, just to be clear)

Either way, you get extra exercise and probably get past the need to emotionally eat. And if you still emotionally eat, well, you got some exercise to offset it.

*Hugs* I have been there! I lost a bunch of weight post pregnancy then me and my son's dad decided to give it "one more try," and all it did was stress me out and I gained back all the weight I had lost (not counting the baby and water weight). I was the one who ended it though, I couldn't handle the stress. It still took a while for the divorce to be final but I at least maintained my weight and stopped gaining. I didn't decide to finally buckle down until a few months ago and this app has helped a lot! Find something good in you that you like about you. Surround yourself with friends that will help you feel better. If you don't have any find some rather it's online or through groups like meetup.com (friends, not a dating site). If anything just think of the sexy beast he'll miss out on when you are where you want and looking like you want.

Try to be strong, if you do start to feel down try to find something that will make you feel better but doesn't include eating. Even if you slide a little just know that you can recover, you won't all of a sudden gain weight forever because you ate a little while feeling blue. If you get in the habit though it can be really hard to break! It took me two years and even then I am not completely done with the "emotional eating." I just control it a lot better and when I do give in it has nothing to do with the ex.

Also, don't take any advice from Dr. Phil. He's a tv personality. Anyone who divorces simply because their spouse gained some weight probably shouldn't have gotten married in the first place. There are usually other reasons behind it, not JUST that.

Ok first get the guy out of the house, don't care if hasn't found a place or you are dividing thing and figuring how who get what. He can go stay with friends/family until he finds a place and you can divide things while apart. If something is extremely important to him and refused to leave without it. He can get a truck and a storage unit if he is that concerned. I was in a relationship that was not healthy and when it ended we continued to live in the same house until he could find a place and the landlord would take him off the lease. Worse decision every, it does not help. I am an emotional eater and I suffered from PTSD AND with the stress of him still in the house made it worse. Get them out of the house and save your sanity

I just read your profile info.
You're 29 and have been married a year?
It seems a shame.
Why does he want to leave?
Have you considered counseling?

Put the frustration towards the gym ! You can do it!!

Unfortunately during times like this clarity is usually not found easily.


Don't do ANYTHING for revenge or out of spite. Don't do anything to try and "show" him. Do not make his choice to leave the mariage about you not being worthy. That is not the case.

I wish you all the best in a difficult time.

Find good friends to talk to, focus/pray/meditate to bring calm and understanding.

Keep the faith.

This is EXCELLENT advice! AND a HOT man wearing a kilt gave it to you! That's pretty awesome!

Besides what he said, my advice is to just hang in there. Make healthy choices because they are what is best for you. You matter. Your well being is the most important thing. Wishing you happiness and success in achieving all of your goals.

MB

Telling you that is nasty. If you guys were together for almost 7 years then he had plenty of time to tell you that he didn't want to get married and he could have left. It would have been easier then doing it now after you guys got married.

Marriage seemed to "mess up," my son's dad too, the idea of it. We were together for just a little over a year and it was either get married or have a long distance relationship for a while (both military) so we went with it. However, if I had any idea what his issues were with the concept of marriage I never would have done so. Things were great for a little while but then he started to treat me like stereotypical married lady instead of bothering to get to know me. I think be married scared him.

I hope that you can get rid of him soon and move on with life!