Crying today..... Advice needed. So sad!

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Replies

  • Mia_RagazzaTosta
    Mia_RagazzaTosta Posts: 4,885 Member
    Having lost 2 German Shepherds over the last few years I completely understand your grief and sadness. They are family after all. I hope the excellent advice provided by others here is helpful to you. Best wishes in this difficult time!

    "There is a sacredness in tears. They are not the mark of weakness, but of power. They speak more eloquently than ten thousand tongues. They are the messengers of overwhelming grief, of deep contrition, and of unspeakable love..." Washington Irving

    When that time comes for my Shepherd, I'll be an absolute disaster. He is the best dog ever.

    Lisa, I'm so sorry for what you're going through. I'm sure your pup knows just how much she's loved.
  • Mia_RagazzaTosta
    Mia_RagazzaTosta Posts: 4,885 Member
    Thanks so much everyone for your kind words. I just told one of my friends the news and she is very upset with me for not immediately pursuing chemo. The vet said it could be 2,000-5,000 dollars and this may or may not even extend her life. I can't make a complete decision until I speak to an oncologist which will hopefully be next week. She just kept saying "What is WRONG with you for not starting chemo? I'm so glad I'm not like you. My animals will always come first." Sorry but as much as I love my dog, I do NOT want her to suffer at all.

    Gee, thanks. Now I feel even worse.:cry:

    Your "friend" is way out of line.


    ...and needs a good throat punch :flowerforyou:
  • LorinaLynn
    LorinaLynn Posts: 13,247 Member
    She just kept saying "What is WRONG with you for not starting chemo? I'm so glad I'm not like you. My animals will always come first." Sorry but as much as I love my dog, I do NOT want her to suffer at all.

    Ooh, that makes me want to smack your friend.

    If it was something that would definitely save her life or improve her quality of life, that's a different story. If it's something that would just prolong her life, that's putting your own needs first, not the dog's.
  • Trechechus
    Trechechus Posts: 2,819 Member
    There's nothing any of us can say that will make this better. I'm so sorry that you have to go through this and I'm sending healing thoughts to you, your family and your puppy.
  • bipsqueen
    bipsqueen Posts: 57 Member
    I am so sorry, we lost our dog in January to red blood cell cancer. We lost one about 10 years ago to breast cancer. We've also lost a cat to feline leukemia. It is so hard. I can tell you the pain does lessen, however, I am typing this with tears in my eyes. It is surprisingly difficult to lose a pet, you just aren't prepared for the level of emotion that you feel. So go ahead, be sad, cry buckets. I hope they are able to treat your dog. That would be great. We tried with the breast cancer to have surgery, it didn't work. With the other two they said there wasn't any chance. My kids were devastated. When the cat we have is gone, I won't have any more pets, it's just too hard to lose them.
  • EmilyJackCO
    EmilyJackCO Posts: 621 Member
    So yesterday my dog was diagnosed with having cancer of the lymph nodes. The vet is 99% sure she has lymphoma, but took some slides of the inside of the tumors to send away anyway. Husband and I were gone for 2 weeks in Germany and Ireland and when we got back we noticed all her lymph nodes were swollen. Now she's vomiting and not eating. She is a 12 year old German shorthaired pointer. We got her when she was 7 weeks old. Not sure yet if chemo will help her or not. We need to talk to an oncologist to see if chemo is worth it for only a few more months. My 7 year old daughter is not taking this well and woke me up 3 times last night crying.

    So now I'm crying just thinking about life without our beloved doggie. We will miss her so much.

    Sorry, just needed to vent.

    Lisa

    This is such an incredibly personal decision, for you and your family. And no one can make it any easier. I'm *SO* sorry that you're facing this. All I can really do is share my story and hope that it helps guide you to that decision.

    In 2011, my younger kitty Nykka, 1/4 Burmese, 3/4 Siamese, all feistiness, appeared to be eating and drinking less. She was 11 years old. And one day, I noticed a hard bump on her belly, but figured I was imagining it, because I couldn't find it later in the day. I checked for a couple of days and another one appeared. And I freaked out. I talked to some vets that couldn't get her in for weeks. So my friend had me take her to a country vet and get her checked out. My girls had never been to a vet, they never needed to go. I was raised on a ranch, you only took animals in if you HAD to, and the vet came out and did rounds now and then, usually in foaling.

    He had to knock her out to take blood and xrays, and I was in near hysterics by this point. And of course, the news was not good. It was kitty breast cancer. She had six large tumours, but he thought he could get them cut out and she should be fine. They would test them for malignancy and let me know. The surgery would be extensive, and not very cheap, but as a farm vet, it was half what I would have paid in town. So I decided to have it done, and if it came back as malignant, I would make the decision then.

    We went home for a week and I set up everything including a week out of work to care for her. The surgery went well but my little girl was in so much pain, I had to give her liquid pain meds and I couldn't get her to eat or drink much, and I was terrified. My 20th reunion was that weekend too, so my friend stayed with her, and she started getting better, more active, eating lots of soft food, and I thought all would be well.

    But before we even got the results back from CSU - she stopped eating again and started losing weight rapidly. She would sit in my arms and just stare. I had to make the call right then and there to not let her suffer anymore. The surgery gave her six more weeks...

    And if I had it to do all over again, I wouldn't have put her through the surgery and recovery. I would have made what time I had with her the best that I could and I would have let her go. The end result was the same. So when her mother fell ill about the same time my own mother did last October, that's what I did. I took her to the vet, and they declared it old age - she was 14 - and probable cancer, and I took her home and spent as much time with her as I could once my mother passed. I made the dreaded appointment for New Year's Eve, because my mother's wake was the 29th. I just asked Sabine to hold on to get me through that. I came home from the wake to find Sabine had passed away while I was gone for those few hours.

    And it still hurts so much, but I try to think that I did as right as I could by both of them. And that's all you can do for your baby.

    *HUG* SO much love and comfort, my dear. I really wish I could say or do something to make it better - but only time will. And you will ALWAYS have that love that you shared.
  • PikaKnight
    PikaKnight Posts: 34,971 Member
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  • TribeHokie
    TribeHokie Posts: 711 Member
    We put my golden down almost four years ago and I still miss him and cry a bit sometimes. Fortunately (I guess) he went downhill within a matter of days, so we really didn't have any hard decision to make. I'm sorry you and your family have to go through this.
  • Lisa1971
    Lisa1971 Posts: 3,069 Member
    Thanks so much again everyone and thanks for the PMs I've been sent. You guys are awesome!

    I'm not going to worry about my friend's stupid comments anymore because this was the same friend who used to have a huge nasty German shepherd and she actually called me laughing to tell me that her dog just BIT her daughter in the face and that it was the day before picture day at school!:noway: So she said "Well my daughter DID try and kiss my dog on the face so that's why she was bit." What???? Oh, and did I mention she was laughing?

    Nice.
  • Lisa1971
    Lisa1971 Posts: 3,069 Member
    amazing-gifs-pt4-cat-hug.gif

    SO SWEET!
  • CyberEd312
    CyberEd312 Posts: 3,536 Member
    Sorry to hear this.... We just put down 2 of our 5 fur kids 2 weeks ago.... Our Rottweiler (11years old) tore his cruciate ligament this past winter and already had severe joint degeneration and was on double dose of Novox. They could not repair the knee cause of his age and weight (130 lbs.) so the last 7 months he had been getting around on 3 legs. Our Lab/husky (11 1/2 yrs. old) was diagnosed with cancer 3 months ago and we had her on massive meds for treatment and she was doing pretty good til a week before we put her down. Her blood count drop to 16 and her organs were starting to shut down.. So we discussed it and decided it was time for them both to go cross that rainbow bridge... So we took them in together ( they had lived their entire life just shy of a few months together and felt it was the right thing to do.... It was heart wrenching saying goodbye but knew they would no longer be suffering and we would see each other again one day...... I wish you the best during the days ahead...........
  • Lisa1971
    Lisa1971 Posts: 3,069 Member
    Sorry to hear this.... We just put down 2 of our 5 fur kids 2 weeks ago.... Our Rottweiler (11years old) tore his cruciate ligament this past winter and already had severe joint degeneration and was on double dose of Novox. They could not repair the knee cause of his age and weight (130 lbs.) so the last 7 months he had been getting around on 3 legs. Our Lab/husky (11 1/2 yrs. old) was diagnosed with cancer 3 months ago and we had her on massive meds for treatment and she was doing pretty good til a week before we put her down. Her blood count drop to 16 and her organs were starting to shut down.. So we discussed it and decided it was time for them both to go cross that rainbow bridge... So we took them in together ( they had lived their entire life just shy of a few months together and felt it was the right thing to do.... It was heart wrenching saying goodbye but knew they would no longer be suffering and we would see each other again one day...... I wish you the best during the days ahead...........

    Oh so sad. I'm so sorry but I'm glad they were able to go together into doggie heaven.
  • l0vedim0
    l0vedim0 Posts: 42 Member
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    I am sorry about your dog. Dogs are such great companions if trained and treated right. There's no better friend a little kid can have. Your dog passing is also teaching your child a valuable lesson that loved ones do pass on, but life will go on and the pain will mostly be gone in time.

    Jack died in 2004. Mc Donalds cheeseburgers were his favorite food LOL he wasn't fed that often, but the day before the vet we got 20 cheeseburgers and let him go at it. He demolished those burgers with the might of Thor's hammer.
  • rsgavin
    rsgavin Posts: 43 Member
    I'm so very, very sorry to hear this :-(

    As a dog person I know that they are every bit a part of the family as a spouse of child. We had to put our beloved Cleo down a few years ago and it totally gutted us all.

    The thing we struggled the most with was quality of the dogs life and whether or not she was in pain. After many a long tearful hour we finally came to the conclusion that prolonging life, even for a month or so, was more about us than it was about her. The vet couldn't say that she was in pain, but couldn't say that she wasn't in pain. We ultimately decided to send her off to a much happier place and to remember her as the loving, rambunctious dog that she was, rather than a broken shell of her formal self.

    I wish all of the strength in the world to help you deal with what lies ahead.

    God Bless!
  • Ophidion
    Ophidion Posts: 2,065 Member
    *HUGS*
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  • wellnesscoachmegg
    wellnesscoachmegg Posts: 68 Member
    Oh honey--so incredibly sorry to hear about your sweet pup. My husband and I recently lost our beloved doxie, and I think the hardest part was making the best decision for HER. We love our pets so much--they're family, and when they get sick and we have the responsibility to make decisions about their treatment its so hard. Sending you and your husband good energy, and the strength to give your dog what it needs. Much love, and my in-box is always open if you need/want support.
  • csuhar
    csuhar Posts: 779 Member
    Quite honestly, crying seems to be a pretty good thing to do.

    I remember when we put down my first dog. He was 14 at the time and on the fast-track to organ failure. He'd already become a shadow of his former self, and he was losing feeling in his feet to such a degree he literally tripped over himself. So we decided to end it before the truly painful processes began. I was the one who used my one "the family will go where you want to" day before summer ended and went to the shelter where we picked out the 4-month old pup. Max had been with me through some of the toughest points of my life- from puberty and high school all the way to lying beside my bed when cancer nearly killed me.

    I tried to keep my cool for a while, and I made it for about a couple weeks. But then I became physically ill and it didn't get better until I went home where I could drop the "big, tough, military cop" mask and let it all out.

    You're going through a tough, sad, scary time. Crying can be a very good thing. Anyone who's lost their beloved pet is probably crying with you right now.
  • stephross88
    stephross88 Posts: 846 Member
    Oh, honey, I'm so sorry. That sounds really rough. I think that putting her on chemo just to have her live only a couple more months would be only prolonging the inevitable and putting her though way more pain than she needs to be for longer than she needs to be. As humans we try to look for solutions to everything but most of the time it is for a selfish reason. It sounds like she lived a good life and you and your family love her very much. I think right now the most love you can give her would be to let her go with dignity and in peace. Best wishes and good luck.
  • El_Cunado
    El_Cunado Posts: 359 Member
    I went through something similar with my cat in '09. It's really a tough thing to go through. My thoughts are with you all.
  • LorinaLynn
    LorinaLynn Posts: 13,247 Member
    Having been through a lot of death in the past couple years (most recently one of my cats 3 weeks ago), I have realized one thing. Mourning their passing is horrible, but it's easier than the grief and dread you feel before they pass. Once the absolute worst happens, you can start to heal.
  • Lisa1971
    Lisa1971 Posts: 3,069 Member
    Thanks so much everyone. I think we will have our precious fur baby put to sleep within the next few days. She is barely eating and sleeps constantly. I took a bunch of pictures with her and the kids. We are keeping her as comfortable as possible and saying our dreaded goodbyes. My husband took her for a ride in the car yesterday and she LOVED it...riding along with her head out of the window enjoying the fresh air and sunshine.

    This is just so hard. Thanks again everyone for your kind words. I changed my profile pic to that of my beloved Recchi (she was named after a Flyers hockey player from long ago) and my 3 year old son, Dylan.
  • fishgutzy
    fishgutzy Posts: 2,807 Member
    Be careful giving advice if you live in New Jersey. The AG might have charge you with practicing medicine without a license. :bigsmile:

    My step-mother had 3 ****z Zus. One remains. Ironically, it is the one who had a form of dog cancer when he was younger.
    No children at home.

    From a pet loss standpoint, our first dog was taken rather suddenly by a town dump truck. The second was put out of his misery suffering kidney failure.
    Since then I don't get attached to pets. We have dogs now and I'm sure my kids would not take hearing one of them is sick very well.
    But one of the lessons children inevitably learn from pets is learning to deal with loss. Seems heartless in the middle of it.
    Maybe getting a new puppy while you dog is still with you will help your child. Even my 17 year old son goes nuts over puppies.
  • Contrarian
    Contrarian Posts: 8,138 Member
    I'm sorry to hear this. Animals don't ask for much, but they give us all they have. They're wonderful.

    It is tough situation, as anyone who has been through it can attest to.
  • gkwatra
    gkwatra Posts: 431 Member
    Sorry your dog and your family are hurting.

    I am going to second what Mirey said. Look at the quality of life the dog will have for a few extra months. If it is in pain and is still going to suffer the hardest but kindest thing you could ever do is let it god.

    I know that sounds really cold but I had to put 2 of mine down a year apart and it is the hardest and most heart breaking thing to do but also the kindest.

    I wish you all the best in whatever choice you make.

    I agree with this also. It is very, very hard but this will be your final act of love for your dog. I also had to put my 15-year-old cat down last year after she suffered renal failure. If there is no chance of survival and the quality of life suffers, it won't be fair to your pet. Many hugs to you.
  • Pookylou
    Pookylou Posts: 988 Member
    So sorry, my family lost 2 of our springer spaniels to cancer (mother and daughter), was heart breaking especially as I had known the daughter since before she was born.
    You are doing the right thing in giving her a great last few days and enjoying this time with her. :flowerforyou:
  • MizAngie
    MizAngie Posts: 113 Member
    Hugs to you and your family. I am crying thinking of the pain you all are feeling..my advice is whats best for your pup.
  • So sorry to hear about your dog. We lost our first dog in October 2010, he was only three, and the grief still affects us to this day. People who are not dog owners might not understand the total love and adoration we feel for them.

    Remember you have had twelve wonderful years with her, she has been loved, and you have her best interests at heart.

    All the best.
  • literatelier
    literatelier Posts: 209 Member
    I am so sorry. My heart is just breaking for you. I went through this same thing with my cat last summer. I went away on vacation and when I came back my baby girl was refusing to eat. Two weeks later I had to put her down with lymphoma. It just all happened so fast. It was the hardest decision of my life, but in the end it was better for her. Best wishes for you and your family.
  • krouse83
    krouse83 Posts: 182 Member
    I am so sorry for what you and your family are going through. The death of a pet can be heartbreaking, and the agnoy of trying to determine the appropriate care can be stressful. Do what you and your family feels right. If you feel that chemo is right then do it. Don't do it because your friend is giving you a guilt trip. Go with your heart and give as much love as you possibly can, snuggles, puppy kisses, and puppy treats to your dog.

    I don't know if it will help but I have had some health scares with my dog. She is only 3, but has a bad heart murmur. The tests alone were a thousand dollars and the possible treatment options were extremely expensive. I am able to support myself, live comfortably, and care for my dog, but paying thousands of dollars on a test and treatment for my dog was and will never be an option. I however continue to get her check-ups and love her as much as possible. She is happy and enjoys life. Every day with her is a blessing. She is my best friend who understands me and always licks my tears without question. Cherish that while you can. You have many years and memories with your puppy, try to make as many more that you can!
  • AA1ex
    AA1ex Posts: 223 Member
    I almost started crying reading this. I'm so sorry for you and your family.
    In the past year my parents had to put down two dogs that I grew up with. The boxer was 15 years old and no one told me he was gone! I went home for my birthday and was like "where's Hooch?" and everyone just stared at me! Then my mom said after a couple seconds of awkward silence that they had to put him down because he started to puke blood and found out too late that he had an upper GI bleed. :cry: