Why such negativity ?

I love how this OP sent me a PM basically with what she said in this post because I told that woman not to be so sensitive.

So OP where do you get off trying to tell me how to talk on the Internet?

I already replied with some nice choice of words so please check your PM

Yes and you have been reported

In most forums, saying you've been reported actually is against the rules because it is said to incite even more drama overall. I'm surprised MFP doesn't do this. It's kind of ridiculous in a discussion to be honest. You want to report someone, just do it. No need to make a spectacle of it.

REPORTED

So I couldn't help but stumble across a recent post from a young lady who was upset over what two men shouted at her.

I was never given an audio option for MFP - has anyone else found this plug in? I believe it could really help with discussion to hear tone of voice and if this is a new feature I am missing out on, I would really like to upgrade as soon as possible.

I was shocked and upset to see how many nasty and hurtful comments she reviewed. I have to say what's really upsetting me about this is the fact that I have two young daughters aged 18 and 22.

Im very sorry that having two adult daughters of legal age is so upsetting for you. I like to believe that 18+ years is a pretty generous amount of time to get yourself and your family comfortable with the idea that your children will, at some point, reach adulthood. -knocks on wood-

This girl is 21 years old. If one of my girls came home crying because if a comment some idiot had made (whether she took it the wrong way or not) I'd be horrified and even more distraught to think she may have logged onto a site like this to receive some of these horrible comments.

I would also be quite horrified if I had an adult daughter of legal age who ran home crying because an anonymous account on a free internet site said something that she didnt like. It seems to me that what would be really helpful in this case, would have been to raise your children with the understanding that not every person they encounter will speak in their preferred tone of voice or use vocabulary that they happen to enjoy more than standard. It also helps to raise your children in a manner that will help them hear a message without becoming so preoccupied with the delivery method. Most children lean this in school - especially when encountering teachers and professors that they dislike. Perhaps it is their teaching method, tone of voice or simply their personality. As parents, when your children hated a mean teacher, Im sure you taught them that it is the information being given, the knowledge being transferred that is important.

Unfortunately, you would have had to teach this to your children as they grew older instead of just, all of a sudden informing them once they are in their twenties. What is the best way to remedy this now? Delayed social education can be a serious drawback for young adults, causing them to feel awkward among their peers, lowering their self-esteem and preventing them from being able to properly network professionally. Ideally, you would like your adult child to be able to proudly (and truthfully) announce that they get along well with others and can work seamlessly with many personality types. "Plays well with others" would be how they referred to this in grade school. Please remember that this does not say - in grade school or in the work environment - Works well with nice people. That is easy. That is expected. handling a vast array of personality types will enable them to go much farther. The best way to deal with this now would be repeated exposure to many different personalities that are not very similar to her own, to get her to understand what works with whom and how to carry that forward. The internet is an exceptional place for this kind of social experimentation.

The young lady has CLEARLY stated that she struggles with he esteem issues and also clearly explained why she made two posts. Yes it may look "attention seeking" but clearly she was in need of instant comfort and needed that support.

The most wonderful thing about self-esteem is its prefix. "Self". Self-esteem is our own responsibility and our own garden to cultivate or starve. No one else has access to it. Of course we all interact with others, but our perception of a situation is how we feed that self esteem. We filter and translate and present the information from the interaction to our esteem. If we choose to pull the negative from a situation every time, this will corrode our self-esteem. This is advice I often need to take for myself as well. Thankfully no one else has the ability to feed anything to our esteem. It is all managed directly by us.

There is also nothing wrong with seeking attention. Humans are social creatures and attention is something that we need - along with touch. Did you know that? I do not remember any source material because I learned this in high school- but lets just say my source is Dr. Keith Orgeron (he may have been lying though - he often stole my lunch and ate it in front of me when I was talking too much in class) - because he is the professor that told me about this.

ANYWAY - There was a study done in an orphanage in Russia in the early 90's among newborns who had lost their parents in some horrifying situation. They were very well cared for medically, physically and nutritionally. Fed healthily at all the correct times, changed, bathed, hydrated, given medication if necessary, kept warm in a comfortable atmosphere. Half of these babies were all in a room together. The other half were all placed in individual rooms or in smaller groups - even though they were just in their little beds. Of the babies in the room that were all together, half of them were picked up and rocked and spoken to and sung to by the nurses. Eye contact and smiles. The other half of the room was ignored socially, but were present when the nurses were singing and playing with the other babies.

The babies that were in smaller groups also either received special attention or were ignored and excluded from the affection.

The babies that were alone and received to attention or affection, although completely cared for - unfortunately did not all make it - as their health declined and the lack of interaction and stimulation was lost. The babies that were in the larger social room that received affection and personal attention thrived and ended up with spiked intelligence. Same with the babies that were alone or in the smaller group that received attention. Those that witnessed the attention were not far behind because they craved it and knew somehow that they wanted that touch and eye contact, and though it took longer - they eventually caught up with their peers.

There is nothing wrong with seeking attention, reassurance and affection. As humans we need in thin varying forms. For some it may be sex or hugs, for some it may be approval from a boss or society, for others it may be a raise or a smile or gift. For still others, it might be negative attention or notoriety that they crave. It varies between individuals.

Support, however, cannot be demanded from strangers who do not know you. If offered, it can be a wonderful thing but reassurance and affection and attention being demanded because you need it - should be directed as a request toward family and friends and coworkers or those who are actually in a position to provide satisfying and balanced attention. Parents are ideal for this. Friends (or your friends list if it is virtual reassurance that you need) are also perfect for this and a large part of the reason that people actually become friends.

If an adult logs on to a free internet site and demands affection from strangers of all walks of life, from around the globe, with differnt personality types and different agendas and different backgrounds and goals and methods of communicating - she will have to weed through a lot of responses that arent what she needs. having to filter those out simply delays the acquisition of the attention she needs- which can frustrate her even further and worsen her current mindset. This is extremely counterproductive to lifting her spirits. A better idea would have been to go to her support system and ask for help. To you, even, because parents' unconditional love can soothe the majority of booboos, mentally or physically.

I was bullied a lot when I was young and if back then I knew I could log onto a website and get some positive feedback like hell would I have.

I honestly wish that the internet had been as accessible as it is now, when I was in highschool. Shakes head. I had to write all my papers with encyclopedias instead of google. What a nightmare. Thankfully, my parents taught me how to make friends and build a support system so if I was bullied, I could go sit with my friends instead of feeling alone and ostracized. I was a ginger freckled Jehovah's Witness straight A prodigy with 6 foot long legs and that just begged for bullies to try their best. (They failed by the way, as I am incredibly awesome and wise and sht)

My point is, surely we all created our accounts for the same reasons: to seek advice, offer and receive support, ask for motivation as well as motivating others etc etc. I think "cyber bullying" is a bit of a strong term and thrown about too freely but I do get the impression that a lot of people like to sit behind their keyboard making negative comments and don't stop to think of the consequences.

I could absolutely not agree with you more. You are 1000% correct. The only thing you can do about it is remember that. Those people who you deem not worthy of your attention should not receive your attention. Let those babies sit alone in the dark and dont sing to them.

© UV

Holy Mind Screw Batman I just noticed this OP's account was created TODAY. This morning. Wha? :noway: I hope this doesn't mean what I think it means.

Holy Mind Screw Batman I just noticed this OP's account was created TODAY. This morning. Wha? :noway: I hope this doesn't mean what I think it means.

You mean possible catfish?

LMFAO.....now I don't know what THAT means. I mean the thing I think is so bizarro like I don't even dare say it out loud. But I think you know what I'm saying right?

Holy Mind Screw Batman I just noticed this OP's account was created TODAY. This morning. Wha? :noway: I hope this doesn't mean what I think it means.

You mean possible catfish?

LMFAO.....now I don't know what THAT means. I mean the thing I think is so bizarro like I don't even dare say it out loud. But I think you know what I'm saying right?

lol

It's ****ty because it seems to me that when writing posts on here you have to throw out some disclaimers like "I'm not looking for attention" or "this thread isn't me fishing for compliments" I mean, the fact that we have to do that is just sad. Why can't we just say what we feel without ignorant, rude, and mean people replying to it. I'm almost twenty years old and when I have a crappy day I'll shoot my mom a phone call and vent to her....maybe that young lady doesn't have someone to confide in and were all she has...what a great support system MFP, claps to you.

Totally agree with the bolded part above...

...but almost certainly not in the way you meant it.

Also, didn't we just do, "Why is everyone so mean here yesterday?" Shouldn't today be, "If I lift will I get bulky?"

Where did I put my schedule?

M- Lifting = Bulky
T - When is water water
W - Clean vs. Dirty
Th - Why is everyone so mean
Fri - Boobs

You forgot Wednesday is ... Is standing up and sitting down trackable as exercise.

What day is "what exercise will spot reduce my belly", oh wait...that's everyday...4 thread minimum.

I'm just kinda thinking that we can make fun of it and put it on the 'rotation' but I'd really like to see people become more conscious of the way they post and how their tone might be taken instead of blurting. When I think back of stuff I've slapped out there I cringe... so all I'm saying is, I'm trying for the good of civility..

Also, didn't we just do, "Why is everyone so mean here yesterday?" Shouldn't today be, "If I lift will I get bulky?"

Where did I put my schedule?

M- Lifting = Bulky
T - When is water water
W - Clean vs. Dirty
Th - Why is everyone so mean
Fri - Boobs

You forgot Wednesday is ... Is standing up and sitting down trackable as exercise.

What day is "what exercise will spot reduce my belly", oh wait...that's everyday...4 thread minimum.

I like how that one is usually phrased...

"I know that spot-reducing doesn't work...

...but what exercises can I do to firm up/tone/shrink my tummy?

ETA: Why is everyone talking about my diet and telling me to do squats??? Besides, I asked about reducing my tummy, not my legs!"

I agree with Olly.

We're all adults here, taking criticism is something we ALL have to deal with in life at some point.

If I needed someone to rationalize things for me everytime something negative happened to me, I would probably live within the walls of a mental health facility.