I feel unsupported when ______________.
Replies
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I feel unsupported when.....im not wearing a bra.
But to the OP, my husband does that all the time. Ill be snacking and he grabs a handful of my food and munches on it. Ive told him ill fix him a snack too, but it never stops him. So now, i put extra on my plate if i know its something hes going to grab (cheese, ice cream, snack mix). I count out the extra so i know to stop when theres X amount left. Then i go, "oops. Made too much. You want the rest?"
Im also the ziploc/tupperware queen...and i hide my premeasured food. Dont get me started when soneone drinks out of my measured jug, especially when there are 3 more next to it.
Make extra, label the snacks (not even his and hers, just measured or free).
Eta: if all else fails-booby trap. We had an ongoing issue with hubs drinking my favorite koolaid, even though he had his own jug. So one time, i made it with splenda+fiber. I said, "the orange koolaid is mine. I made blue since its your favorite."
Lo and behold, i got 2 cups out of the whole stupid gallon. And he got 80+g fiber in 12 hours. When he couldnt get off the toilet, i casuslly told him through the door, "i told you not to touch my freaking koolaid."0 -
I know its hard to believe. I cant believe I went from a size 4 to a 16 in one year either. I want and intend to fight back, but its hard because physically, I've already become one of them. I need to start holding my ground, but its hard for me to be motivated when I'm already FAT.
Just think about how the sooner you start resisting, the sooner you'll be back to your old size. =D0 -
I feel unsupported when my grandma KNOWS I'm on a diet but she is always trying to shove things like ice cream and sherbert and soda down my throat. I know she is just older and trying to help, but it's so annoying and frustrating when she keeps offering after I say no because she KNOWS I am on a diet.0
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...my 10-month old crawls around my legs, giggling, pulls and flips my yoga mat and chases after my shoe laces, as I'm in some intense workout, sweating like a pig, visioning my future fit and toned self, all the while jumping up and down, sideways, changing positions, so that I don't step on his tiny fingers or kick his head. Sabotage much??? ⌐_⌐
@OP: All I can say is, hang in there!0 -
My issue is actually with coworkers. They see my progress and they always compliment me.. but it seems NOW more than EVER they ask me to order food with them, make fun of the foods I choose to eat, BRING IN cakes and pastries and If I don't take it, I fear they will get offended. Once, I took some cake, but I threw it out.. SOMEONE literally checked my trash and told me that next time I need to eat it!
WHO DOES THAT?!
Freakin people I swear..0 -
When my mom goes on diets, my dad seems to bring home cherry pie or buys her a bag of chips on his way home from work. We're not sure why.
its a just in case measure or a sympathy snack or this is his way of saying he loves her no matter what0 -
I feel unsupported when.....im not wearing a bra.
But to the OP, my husband does that all the time. Ill be snacking and he grabs a handful of my food and munches on it. Ive told him ill fix him a snack too, but it never stops him. So now, i put extra on my plate if i know its something hes going to grab (cheese, ice cream, snack mix). I count out the extra so i know to stop when theres X amount left. Then i go, "oops. Made too much. You want the rest?"
Im also the ziploc/tupperware queen...and i hide my premeasured food. Dont get me started when soneone drinks out of my measured jug, especially when there are 3 more next to it.
Make extra, label the snacks (not even his and hers, just measured or free).
Eta: if all else fails-booby trap. We had an ongoing issue with hubs drinking my favorite koolaid, even though he had his own jug. So one time, i made it with splenda+fiber. I said, "the orange koolaid is mine. I made blue since its your favorite."
Lo and behold, i got 2 cups out of the whole stupid gallon. And he got 80+g fiber in 12 hours. When he couldnt get off the toilet, i casuslly told him through the door, "i told you not to touch my freaking koolaid."
Thank you - I like your idea of labeling it "measured or free"...as for putting extra food on the plate, I am afraid I may not have the discipline to not eat it, once it's there (I measure in the kitchen, put everything away and then carry it to the dining table or the living room to eat). The koolaid story - not sure I could do that, but it was really funny...did he touch your koolaid after that?0 -
People say to keep going. Eff off mother truckers! I've lost over 100lbs. Can't you just say WOW! Or good job?0
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You sound like a joy to live with.
Tell me, do you use red tape to separate your side of the bedroom and bed from his?
Wow is that what you got from my post? Dang, now I'm crying...I try so hard to work around my husband's wants. I am not capable of making him happy. I bought him food he wanted, but didn't eat. I had made the soup for supper and the "leftovers" were for my lunch. He has eaten my preplanned/premeasured food before, and at those times I didn't say anything because I did not tell him my future plans for it. This time I "communicated" to him what I was doing with it - communication isn't that what all the therapists say to do? I don't go out much during the day...I try to stay home and eat at home to save money. What was I supposed to do??? I do want to be a good wife, does that mean letting him walk on me too?
Just break up.
Seriously. If eating food in the house is "walking on" you then, well, just wow.
It's not the eating of the food, it's choosing to not follow a simple request - I don't ask for things like that often. "Walking on" in the sense of disrespecting boundaries...if you ask someone to do something that would not hurt or affect them, and they choose to do the opposite and then laugh at you about it - wouldn't you feel a bit walked on/disrespected? I can honestly say, when I typed the above post it hurt the sentence you made about "joy", but you don't know everything, as I chose to not type everything. I do think you are in the wrong topic area as what you said was neither supporting nor motivating. There were about 20 other things that happened during that same week...as I said in the original post, it was just the final straw...the small thing that made me say enough. The thing that made me mad enough to seek out others in this format to try to vent off some of the frustration/anger I've been feeling over these types of ongoing actions.0 -
My issue is actually with coworkers. They see my progress and they always compliment me.. but it seems NOW more than EVER they ask me to order food with them, make fun of the foods I choose to eat, BRING IN cakes and pastries and If I don't take it, I fear they will get offended. Once, I took some cake, but I threw it out.. SOMEONE literally checked my trash and told me that next time I need to eat it!
WHO DOES THAT?!
Freakin people I swear..
Oh, checking in your trash??? that is kinda far...if they told me I needed to eat it, I would have had to ask, "Why?"0 -
People say to keep going. Eff off mother truckers! I've lost over 100lbs. Can't you just say WOW! Or good job?
Wow - congrats!!!! 110 lbs lost that IS awesome!!!!!0 -
As long as what I am doing seems reasonable, my family and friends are right behind me. When I lost more weight than I wanted to and found it hard to stop losing, that support turned to threats to force feed me, which is still support. Members of my family have said insensitive things at times, but I think they're more thoughtless than unsupportive.
As for whoever was eating 'only 2-3 donuts a day', if that's in Addition to eating normally, that could easily be an extra 1000kcal a day!0 -
Oops! Double post!0
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I feel unsupported when I tell myself that I can't accomplish my goal. I feel unsupported when I blame my problems on the actions of others. I feel unsupported when I waste time complaining about problems instead of solving problems. I started having success with my goals when I realized that it was all on me. Others can and have helped, but the ultimate responsibility lies with me and me alone.
I've made special meals for myself and had my wife and kids eat them. Frustrating. So I learned to make enough for all of us. It was sort of ridiculous for me to expect to not share food with my family in the first place. It's the equivalent of using a marker to write my name on a gallon of milk.
Sometimes they eat my food. Sometimes they don't. Sometimes they order pizza and eat it while I'm suffering thru chicken and rice. Sometimes I say fk it and enjoy the pizza with them.
The point is, just because I decided to make a change doesn't mean my whole family had to change with me. We shared all our food before so we can share it now. Or they can eat the regular meals while I change my diet. They don't have to eat cauliflower pizza crust* just because I am.
*Kidding. I'll stay fat before that shurlit ever crosses my lips
Just to be clear...I was not just upset at him eating it...it was him eating it, after I had made a point to say that's my lunch for tomorrow (I had already done the work measuring it out and putting it up). He ate it as a snack (for me it was a whole meal) AND on top of that I was trying to accommodate something he wanted by planning ahead to meet my goals/needs. It's not like we didn't have anything else in the house he likes to eat. I don't expect him to change (we've already been down that road, and it's not pretty). To me, his decision to eat it AFTER I had made it clear it was for me was simply disrespectful to me.
So you aren't upset because he ate it.....you were just upset because he ate it?
giggle0 -
You should ask him if he would like to join you on your journey... My hubby also eats the junk... but whatever I make for dinner.. he will eat... within reason... he is picky... so we always have basic dinners like chicken, fish turkey, pasta, rice, potatoes, carrots, broccoli... and I measure my food but I let him eat however much he wants (he has a pretty fast metabolism). I also told him that this is a lifestyle choice for me and if he didn't like it or support me in the ways that I needed him that our relationship may be at risk of not working because being healthy is now a part of who I am.... He loves going to the movies and eating out... so we made a deal that twice a month... we go for dinner and a movie but only if I do well with my eating and exercising. Now, he makes sure I do well so can eat out
Hope this helps! Good luck!0 -
What's the big deal with labeling food that you want to make sure is saved for you? I live with only my husband and I label stuff with my name all the time. Also, I label food that I want HIM to eat.
I wouldn't recommend throwing away your husband's "junk" food, as that's just immature and then you're kind of encouraging him to eat even more of the stuff you're saving for yourself.
So this - my boyfriend and I label my our foods because I have food allergies. And if he wants some of mine he asks. He doesn't mind that I calorie count either, because he knows it doesn't affect him (mean I don't force him to eat better, he can eat whatever the hell he wants, it's his life.)0 -
My dad brought home COOKIES.0
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My ex husband use to sabotage my diets as well. He use to say that he liked me chunky. Truth was he thought if I was bigger then no one else would look at me and he could feel more secure. You would think being with him 20 years would have been security enough.
And after all that and the extra 100 pounds I gained in our relation ship he is the one who cheated. smh!!
Now I am single and losing all this extra weight!! 0 -
....She went to the store on Monday and there just so happened to be a sale on Little Debbie snacks, so she bought 12 boxes. I am NOT exaggerating. 12. TWELVE. Granted she did keep them in her room, but I still had that temptation. I understand that there will always be temptations.
She had the weight loss surgery and doesn't want me to have it, claiming that I'd feel better if I lost it all on my own.
Ummm....12 boxes of freakin Little Debbie snacks that she keeps in her room???? Let me guess....she also says weight loss surgery doesn't work, right??
No, she doesn't say that. She actually is at a healthy weight. She doesn't eat the snacks. Just makes sure nobody eats all of them in one night.
I'm not trying to dog on my mother by any means. Just difficult to explain.0 -
The good news is that she loves yogurt, sees it as a type of ice cream, so she just made a face at him and kept on eating it. I have seen a change in the vegetables she eats, though, and that might be where the problem starts0
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If you really want him to support you you could always explain to him that the better you feel about you the more self confidence you'll have and the more self confidence you have the more action he'll get . . . at least that's how it works in my house. The better i feel about more, the more likely I am to be nekked.
He doesnt want her to have self confidence. He wants her to feel she can do no better than him so she will never leave him.
This is so simple, most men are very insecure when it comes to their wives/gfs/SOs, whatever. He is sabotaging your weight loss because he sees a few potential outcomes...
-You get in shape and other guys start showing interest in you and his insecurities make him think you will show interest back.
-You get in shape and he doesn't and you will see that you are actually the stronger (emotionally at least) person or even worse, he tries to diet with you and you succeed where he fails and it proves you're stonger.
-You feel enpowered by your weight loss and begin to stand up to him in all aspects of your relationship and no longer "try so hard" to please him.
Bottom line is, he doesn't want you to lose the weight because he does not see a positive outcome. You need to subtly show him how he benefits from your changes. Help him see the positives of your weight loss and he will slowly come around as he gains confidence that you won't leave him for someone else.0 -
You should ask him if he would like to join you on your journey... My hubby also eats the junk... but whatever I make for dinner.. he will eat... within reason... he is picky... so we always have basic dinners like chicken, fish turkey, pasta, rice, potatoes, carrots, broccoli... and I measure my food but I let him eat however much he wants (he has a pretty fast metabolism). I also told him that this is a lifestyle choice for me and if he didn't like it or support me in the ways that I needed him that our relationship may be at risk of not working because being healthy is now a part of who I am.... He loves going to the movies and eating out... so we made a deal that twice a month... we go for dinner and a movie but only if I do well with my eating and exercising. Now, he makes sure I do well so can eat out
Hope this helps! Good luck!
Thanks - I like the way you two work together!!0 -
...my 10-month old crawls around my legs, giggling, pulls and flips my yoga mat and chases after my shoe laces, as I'm in some intense workout, sweating like a pig, visioning my future fit and toned self, all the while jumping up and down, sideways, changing positions, so that I don't step on his tiny fingers or kick his head. Sabotage much??? ⌐_⌐
@OP: All I can say is, hang in there!
see it as extra calories burnt. my three girlfriends and I do zumba at home together, in the living room, with 5 kids under 7 running around, between and under us. it was frustrating at first, but we adapted, n now get a cool workout0 -
My ex husband use to sabotage my diets as well. He use to say that he liked me chunky. Truth was he thought if I was bigger then no one else would look at me and he could feel more secure. You would think being with him 20 years would have been security enough.
And after all that and the extra 100 pounds I gained in our relation ship he is the one who cheated. smh!!
Now I am single and losing all this extra weight!!
Men (well truth is people in general) are funny that way. For the first 10 lbs I lost, I didn't say anything about "losing weight" or "dieting" to my husband. I wanted to see if I could even do it. After those 10, I was very proud and told him what I had been doing (and that it had worked). After that is when he started doing all these little things. I don't think it's on purpose so much as sub-conscience, but that doesn't make it any less annoying. I don't know if he is insecure or not....maybe...any subject brought on in that context is well "touchy".
Good luck on your weight loss journey!!!! 0 -
The good news is that she loves yogurt, sees it as a type of ice cream, so she just made a face at him and kept on eating it. I have seen a change in the vegetables she eats, though, and that might be where the problem starts
Good for her!!! As far as changes in her taste...we all go through our taste buds changing from time to time. I don't know if you can get your husband to stop, but talk to her about it. I'm pretty sure a four year old will tell you if she doesn't like something because "she wants to be like daddy" or if she genuinely doesn't like it anymore (just don't ask her in front of your hubby, it may make her uncomfortable.)0 -
If you really want him to support you you could always explain to him that the better you feel about you the more self confidence you'll have and the more self confidence you have the more action he'll get . . . at least that's how it works in my house. The better i feel about more, the more likely I am to be nekked.
He doesnt want her to have self confidence. He wants her to feel she can do no better than him so she will never leave him.
This is so simple, most men are very insecure when it comes to their wives/gfs/SOs, whatever. He is sabotaging your weight loss because he sees a few potential outcomes...
-You get in shape and other guys start showing interest in you and his insecurities make him think you will show interest back.
-You get in shape and he doesn't and you will see that you are actually the stronger (emotionally at least) person or even worse, he tries to diet with you and you succeed where he fails and it proves you're stonger.
-You feel enpowered by your weight loss and begin to stand up to him in all aspects of your relationship and no longer "try so hard" to please him.
Bottom line is, he doesn't want you to lose the weight because he does not see a positive outcome. You need to subtly show him how he benefits from your changes. Help him see the positives of your weight loss and he will slowly come around as he gains confidence that you won't leave him for someone else.
That was very well said. I do have a hard time imagining him as being "insecure" or weak because to me he is so strong. I thought I had conveyed that I was doing this for me. I don't ever feel like "guys check me out". I used to get attention (mostly because of the way I dressed, but now, I don't want that kind of attention and have been that way since before we were dating)...I am not sure how to subtly show him the benefits of this for him...the only one I can think of is "try to be sexy or more confident" but I am afraid that will back fire and not be seen as a benefit by him. I will give it some more thought though, this is really good advice.0 -
He doesnt want her to have self confidence. He wants her to feel she can do no better than him so she will never leave him.
This is so simple, most men are very insecure when it comes to their wives/gfs/SOs, whatever. He is sabotaging your weight loss because he sees a few potential outcomes...
-You get in shape and other guys start showing interest in you and his insecurities make him think you will show interest back.
-You get in shape and he doesn't and you will see that you are actually the stronger (emotionally at least) person or even worse, he tries to diet with you and you succeed where he fails and it proves you're stonger.
-You feel enpowered by your weight loss and begin to stand up to him in all aspects of your relationship and no longer "try so hard" to please him.
Bottom line is, he doesn't want you to lose the weight because he does not see a positive outcome. You need to subtly show him how he benefits from your changes. Help him see the positives of your weight loss and he will slowly come around as he gains confidence that you won't leave him for someone else.
Yeah, that's it. It's definitely not because the guy is hungry, there's tasty food already made, and he's a bit of an insensitive jerk. Nope, it's GOT to be that all men are sabatoging their women because we don't want a hot wife, we want an insecure wife that will never leave us because she's too fat to be attractive to anyone. Yep, he's not insensitive, he's actually a conniving, duplicitous schemer that just wants to keep a girl down.
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Yup! That's how I see it :-D...my 10-month old crawls around my legs, giggling, pulls and flips my yoga mat and chases after my shoe laces, as I'm in some intense workout, sweating like a pig, visioning my future fit and toned self, all the while jumping up and down, sideways, changing positions, so that I don't step on his tiny fingers or kick his head. Sabotage much??? ⌐_⌐
@OP: All I can say is, hang in there!
see it as extra calories burnt. my three girlfriends and I do zumba at home together, in the living room, with 5 kids under 7 running around, between and under us. it was frustrating at first, but we adapted, n now get a cool workout
I'm actually not frustrated with him. He's a funny little dude! The post was a little joke lol.0 -
The good news is that she loves yogurt, sees it as a type of ice cream, so she just made a face at him and kept on eating it. I have seen a change in the vegetables she eats, though, and that might be where the problem starts
Good for her!!! As far as changes in her taste...we all go through our taste buds changing from time to time. I don't know if you can get your husband to stop, but talk to her about it. I'm pretty sure a four year old will tell you if she doesn't like something because "she wants to be like daddy" or if she genuinely doesn't like it anymore (just don't ask her in front of your hubby, it may make her uncomfortable.)
She is very bright, and has started reading, so I recently bought her the book Green eggs and ham by Dr. Seuss, and she finds it funny, so I am trying to call the food she doesn't want to eat green eggs, and most of the timeshe will try it. I'm just worried she''ll develop her dad' eating habits later.0 -
It sure seems like he is trying to sabotage you. Some people feel threatened or insecure when the people they are close to change. I don't know him so I don't know why he would feel like that but maybe you need another talk with him.
If he wants to eat your food that's great, throw his food away and make everything your way. Less work than trying to maintain two different eating styles in the same household.
I agree with what she said. But I wouldn't throw his food away b/c then you are just being as childish as he is. Sounds like he's just insecure.0
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