I feel unsupported when ______________.

Options
1235»

Replies

  • bwright9752
    bwright9752 Posts: 125 Member
    Options
    If you really want him to support you you could always explain to him that the better you feel about you the more self confidence you'll have and the more self confidence you have the more action he'll get . . . at least that's how it works in my house. The better i feel about more, the more likely I am to be nekked.

    He doesnt want her to have self confidence. He wants her to feel she can do no better than him so she will never leave him.

    This is so simple, most men are very insecure when it comes to their wives/gfs/SOs, whatever. He is sabotaging your weight loss because he sees a few potential outcomes...
    -You get in shape and other guys start showing interest in you and his insecurities make him think you will show interest back.
    -You get in shape and he doesn't and you will see that you are actually the stronger (emotionally at least) person or even worse, he tries to diet with you and you succeed where he fails and it proves you're stonger.
    -You feel enpowered by your weight loss and begin to stand up to him in all aspects of your relationship and no longer "try so hard" to please him.

    Bottom line is, he doesn't want you to lose the weight because he does not see a positive outcome. You need to subtly show him how he benefits from your changes. Help him see the positives of your weight loss and he will slowly come around as he gains confidence that you won't leave him for someone else.
  • jljshoe1979
    jljshoe1979 Posts: 325 Member
    Options
    You should ask him if he would like to join you on your journey... My hubby also eats the junk... but whatever I make for dinner.. he will eat... within reason... he is picky... so we always have basic dinners like chicken, fish turkey, pasta, rice, potatoes, carrots, broccoli... and I measure my food but I let him eat however much he wants (he has a pretty fast metabolism). I also told him that this is a lifestyle choice for me and if he didn't like it or support me in the ways that I needed him that our relationship may be at risk of not working because being healthy is now a part of who I am.... He loves going to the movies and eating out... so we made a deal that twice a month... we go for dinner and a movie but only if I do well with my eating and exercising. Now, he makes sure I do well so can eat out :)

    Hope this helps! Good luck!

    Thanks - I like the way you two work together!!
  • caribbeangel
    caribbeangel Posts: 6
    Options
    ...my 10-month old crawls around my legs, giggling, pulls and flips my yoga mat and chases after my shoe laces, as I'm in some intense workout, sweating like a pig, visioning my future fit and toned self, all the while jumping up and down, sideways, changing positions, so that I don't step on his tiny fingers or kick his head. Sabotage much??? ⌐_⌐


    @OP: All I can say is, hang in there!


    see it as extra calories burnt. my three girlfriends and I do zumba at home together, in the living room, with 5 kids under 7 running around, between and under us. it was frustrating at first, but we adapted, n now get a cool workout
  • jljshoe1979
    jljshoe1979 Posts: 325 Member
    Options
    My ex husband use to sabotage my diets as well. He use to say that he liked me chunky. Truth was he thought if I was bigger then no one else would look at me and he could feel more secure. You would think being with him 20 years would have been security enough.

    And after all that and the extra 100 pounds I gained in our relation ship he is the one who cheated. smh!!
    Now I am single and losing all this extra weight!! :smile:


    Men (well truth is people in general) are funny that way. For the first 10 lbs I lost, I didn't say anything about "losing weight" or "dieting" to my husband. I wanted to see if I could even do it. After those 10, I was very proud and told him what I had been doing (and that it had worked). After that is when he started doing all these little things. I don't think it's on purpose so much as sub-conscience, but that doesn't make it any less annoying. I don't know if he is insecure or not....maybe...any subject brought on in that context is well "touchy".

    Good luck on your weight loss journey!!!! :smile:
  • jljshoe1979
    jljshoe1979 Posts: 325 Member
    Options
    The good news is that she loves yogurt, sees it as a type of ice cream, so she just made a face at him and kept on eating it. I have seen a change in the vegetables she eats, though, and that might be where the problem starts

    Good for her!!! As far as changes in her taste...we all go through our taste buds changing from time to time. I don't know if you can get your husband to stop, but talk to her about it. I'm pretty sure a four year old will tell you if she doesn't like something because "she wants to be like daddy" or if she genuinely doesn't like it anymore (just don't ask her in front of your hubby, it may make her uncomfortable.)
  • jljshoe1979
    jljshoe1979 Posts: 325 Member
    Options
    If you really want him to support you you could always explain to him that the better you feel about you the more self confidence you'll have and the more self confidence you have the more action he'll get . . . at least that's how it works in my house. The better i feel about more, the more likely I am to be nekked.

    He doesnt want her to have self confidence. He wants her to feel she can do no better than him so she will never leave him.

    This is so simple, most men are very insecure when it comes to their wives/gfs/SOs, whatever. He is sabotaging your weight loss because he sees a few potential outcomes...
    -You get in shape and other guys start showing interest in you and his insecurities make him think you will show interest back.
    -You get in shape and he doesn't and you will see that you are actually the stronger (emotionally at least) person or even worse, he tries to diet with you and you succeed where he fails and it proves you're stonger.
    -You feel enpowered by your weight loss and begin to stand up to him in all aspects of your relationship and no longer "try so hard" to please him.

    Bottom line is, he doesn't want you to lose the weight because he does not see a positive outcome. You need to subtly show him how he benefits from your changes. Help him see the positives of your weight loss and he will slowly come around as he gains confidence that you won't leave him for someone else.

    That was very well said. I do have a hard time imagining him as being "insecure" or weak because to me he is so strong. I thought I had conveyed that I was doing this for me. I don't ever feel like "guys check me out". I used to get attention (mostly because of the way I dressed, but now, I don't want that kind of attention and have been that way since before we were dating)...I am not sure how to subtly show him the benefits of this for him...the only one I can think of is "try to be sexy or more confident" but I am afraid that will back fire and not be seen as a benefit by him. I will give it some more thought though, this is really good advice.
  • DavPul
    DavPul Posts: 61,406 Member
    Options
    He doesnt want her to have self confidence. He wants her to feel she can do no better than him so she will never leave him.

    This is so simple, most men are very insecure when it comes to their wives/gfs/SOs, whatever. He is sabotaging your weight loss because he sees a few potential outcomes...
    -You get in shape and other guys start showing interest in you and his insecurities make him think you will show interest back.
    -You get in shape and he doesn't and you will see that you are actually the stronger (emotionally at least) person or even worse, he tries to diet with you and you succeed where he fails and it proves you're stonger.
    -You feel enpowered by your weight loss and begin to stand up to him in all aspects of your relationship and no longer "try so hard" to please him.

    Bottom line is, he doesn't want you to lose the weight because he does not see a positive outcome. You need to subtly show him how he benefits from your changes. Help him see the positives of your weight loss and he will slowly come around as he gains confidence that you won't leave him for someone else.

    Yeah, that's it. It's definitely not because the guy is hungry, there's tasty food already made, and he's a bit of an insensitive jerk. Nope, it's GOT to be that all men are sabatoging their women because we don't want a hot wife, we want an insecure wife that will never leave us because she's too fat to be attractive to anyone. Yep, he's not insensitive, he's actually a conniving, duplicitous schemer that just wants to keep a girl down.

    FEyeMSU.gif
  • Labouffecestbon
    Labouffecestbon Posts: 182 Member
    Options
    ...my 10-month old crawls around my legs, giggling, pulls and flips my yoga mat and chases after my shoe laces, as I'm in some intense workout, sweating like a pig, visioning my future fit and toned self, all the while jumping up and down, sideways, changing positions, so that I don't step on his tiny fingers or kick his head. Sabotage much??? ⌐_⌐


    @OP: All I can say is, hang in there!


    see it as extra calories burnt. my three girlfriends and I do zumba at home together, in the living room, with 5 kids under 7 running around, between and under us. it was frustrating at first, but we adapted, n now get a cool workout
    Yup! That's how I see it :-D

    I'm actually not frustrated with him. He's a funny little dude! The post was a little joke lol.
  • caribbeangel
    caribbeangel Posts: 6
    Options
    The good news is that she loves yogurt, sees it as a type of ice cream, so she just made a face at him and kept on eating it. I have seen a change in the vegetables she eats, though, and that might be where the problem starts

    Good for her!!! As far as changes in her taste...we all go through our taste buds changing from time to time. I don't know if you can get your husband to stop, but talk to her about it. I'm pretty sure a four year old will tell you if she doesn't like something because "she wants to be like daddy" or if she genuinely doesn't like it anymore (just don't ask her in front of your hubby, it may make her uncomfortable.)

    She is very bright, and has started reading, so I recently bought her the book Green eggs and ham by Dr. Seuss, and she finds it funny, so I am trying to call the food she doesn't want to eat green eggs, and most of the timeshe will try it. I'm just worried she''ll develop her dad' eating habits later.
  • carakit
    carakit Posts: 126 Member
    Options
    It sure seems like he is trying to sabotage you. Some people feel threatened or insecure when the people they are close to change. I don't know him so I don't know why he would feel like that but maybe you need another talk with him.

    If he wants to eat your food that's great, throw his food away and make everything your way. Less work than trying to maintain two different eating styles in the same household.

    I agree with what she said. But I wouldn't throw his food away b/c then you are just being as childish as he is. Sounds like he's just insecure.
  • shandarr
    shandarr Posts: 9 Member
    Options
    I'd be upset if my husband ate food I specifically prepared and measured out for a diet. That's very disrespectful. You shouldn't need to label your diet food if you've told him about it.
  • JoRocka
    JoRocka Posts: 17,525 Member
    Options
    It's EFFING RUDE AS HELL.

    even my completely bone headed dense childish selfish *kitten* of a roommate doesn't eat my food.

    Seriously- he is the single most selfish person I have EVER met. Granted we are neither dating nor married- but he definitely doesn't touch my food.

    Boundaries- don't touch someone else's food- that's like a top 5 rule of living with someone. seriously- that's a deal breaker if you cant' figure that out.

    Now if only I could train him to not drink the vokda... which may be getting spiked here in the upcoming few weeks.

Categories