Maybe my husband is attracted to bigger women???

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  • Scarlett_S
    Scarlett_S Posts: 467 Member
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    I've had the same problem off and on for the last two years. People are just adverse to change in general and it makes them insecure, I think. My husband is fit and athletic and has been his entire life, but never bugged me about my weight. After I lost it; and became a gym junkie, it seemed to bother him more and more. I think I finally got through to him when I told him as GOOD as he's always felt when he is in good shape, working out, eating right.....I want to feel that way too and was unable to experience that for the last 12 plus years at 250 lbs. Its a slow process but he is accepting it. I'm sure your husband will too as he sees how much happier and content you are with the new you.
  • thrld
    thrld Posts: 610 Member
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    Could be he sees your working out as a hobby that he can't relate to , that is not only changing you physically, but is something that is foremost in your interests, takes up formerly shared time and directs your day-to-day life (diet, schedule) in ways that don't include him. He could just need time to get used to the changes and until then he is reluctant to acknowledge they exist for fear of encouraging them. And finally, he may feel guilty for not being as motivated or committed to making a positive change in his own life -- which is not to say his life needs improving, just that he feels guilty for being content.
  • CallMeCupcakeDammit
    CallMeCupcakeDammit Posts: 9,375 Member
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    If he ignores you the more you lose, I have to wonder if he's feeling insecure about you losing weight. He probably feels a little threatened that other men are noticing/commenting on your weight loss. Have you tried talking to him about it?

    My husband once told me that he would be afraid if I lost a lot of weight because he might lose me. Maybe your husband feels the same way..................

    ^^This is probably what's going on but really... he will have the answer for you =)

    I think this happens a lot. My daughter recently called her dad a chubby chaser. :laugh:
  • mandasalem
    mandasalem Posts: 346 Member
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    ... But he was this way before my weight loss. It is really hard because I do get attention from men, and they are like " your hubby must be all over you" and so fourth! when really he just doesn't care!

    No matter what I say or do makes no difference to him. I have even considered the possibility that he is gay!!!

    That's not necessarily a sign that he doesn't care-- or that he's gay. Sexual appetite is a spectrum. Some folks have a ton of sex drive, some have a little, and some people have none. That match can be pretty important because it can make one partner feel insecure or like their spouse doesn't care, but sometimes it's just mismatched drives. Or low testosterone is also a possibility, I suppose.
  • ashandloggiesmom
    ashandloggiesmom Posts: 92 Member
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    If he ignores you the more you lose, I have to wonder if he's feeling insecure about you losing weight. He probably feels a little threatened that other men are noticing/commenting on your weight loss. Have you tried talking to him about it?


    That is exactly what I think. I actually started feeling a little insecure about my husband when he lost 30lbs and women used to ignore him now notice him. And unfortunately there are lots of stories of folks getting in shape and more confidence that led to them having affairs, but I think that there must be some underlying level of mistrust to suspect that. Talk to him honestly and see, he could just not think about it too much.
  • wannabpiper
    wannabpiper Posts: 402 Member
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    If he ignores you the more you lose, I have to wonder if he's feeling insecure about you losing weight. He probably feels a little threatened that other men are noticing/commenting on your weight loss. Have you tried talking to him about it?

    Maybe ignoring me isn't the right word, its more like, ignoring the weight loss. ive told him, and hes like, ofcourse i notice, you look great... i guess i just thought he would be super excited having a wife that was not obese anymore...

    I have to say, you were cute when larger, and cute now, so he's just not seeing the difference like you are. You feel awesome now because you've accomplished something really big and important. He's not feeling it because he loved you just as much before. I'm told that men are literal, so that's what I'm thinking.
  • MinMin97
    MinMin97 Posts: 2,676 Member
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    You're guessing, and driving yourself crazy with your own thought processes....why not ask him how he feels?
  • Mcgrawhaha
    Mcgrawhaha Posts: 1,596 Member
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    Well thanks everyone! I figured it was just my mind messing with me. ive always been over 200 pounds since we have known eachother, so, maybe that's just all hes ever known and doesn't even see my weight... we have 5 kids, so, seeing me get heavier and heavier after pregnancies was maybe just a natural thing to him that he didn't even realize? i think my expectations were different, therefore i felt let down... makes sense... thanks again...
  • The_GingerBeard_Man
    The_GingerBeard_Man Posts: 197 Member
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    The best way to get more compliments and attention is to give more compliments and attention.

    Perhaps he just doesn’t understand what you would like. Show him how you want to be treated, and I am sure he would be happy to do it.
  • mandasalem
    mandasalem Posts: 346 Member
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    Well thanks everyone! I figured it was just my mind messing with me. ive always been over 200 pounds since we have known eachother, so, maybe that's just all hes ever known and doesn't even see my weight... we have 5 kids, so, seeing me get heavier and heavier after pregnancies was maybe just a natural thing to him that he didn't even realize? i think my expectations were different, therefore i felt let down... makes sense... thanks again...

    A lot of guys don't notice things that we think they would. I'll get all decked out and have to prod my husband to tell me I look nice. But honestly, I could be wearing pajamas and he'd see it the same way. Take it as a sign he loves what's on the inside. :)
  • georgiapeach1965
    georgiapeach1965 Posts: 27
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    It seems you are trying to close out your post, but I just had to get my comment in. You look fantastic! You have done such a great job and your family is beautiful. Best wishes to you. :happy:
  • morticia16
    morticia16 Posts: 230 Member
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    ask the husband. including using WTH!
  • So_Much_Fab
    So_Much_Fab Posts: 1,146 Member
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    I have nothing to add other than you look amazing!!!
  • iamkass
    iamkass Posts: 122 Member
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    Maybe ignoring me isn't the right word, its more like, ignoring the weight loss. ive told him, and hes like, ofcourse i notice, you look great... i guess i just thought he would be super excited having a wife that was not obese anymore...

    I haven't read all the responses, so excuse me if I'm repeating.

    He could not want to comment because he is afraid to offend you, if that makes sense. If he gets too excited about your hot new body, he might be afraid you go crazy on him to the tune of "So what? You didn't think I was hot before?" Men think about these things because BBC: B*tches be crazy.
  • Lesa_Sass
    Lesa_Sass Posts: 2,213 Member
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    Have you set him up yet? A night where the kids are a sleep or away, and on your bed is a plastic sheet and a bottle of baby oil? :happy:

    And I think it is smart of him to be honest. I have known some women that got very upset when their husband acted like you want yours to act. Then when they gained their weight back, they got super DUPER insecure.

    I think your problem is more in your head. You had this expectation and it has led to a resentment. The man loves you for you, no matter what. You are a very lucky gal indeed. You should read through some of the threads about couples who start becoming un attracted to their spouse after they refuse to get healthy with the other. There are loads of people talking about they love their spouse no matter what. He did not make a big deal out of you being fat, now he is not going to make one out of you being thin. Simple as that

    So make a plan, lay some sexy on him and tell him you wanna make him scream. Betcha that will get his attention.
  • Shari325
    Shari325 Posts: 196 Member
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    the thing is... MY HUSBAND IS HOT!!! i don't know how he could be insecure!!! lol

    From your picture, you are looking pretty hot yourself, yet you are feeling insecure. Hot people can be insecure too.

    Is it possible that because lots of people are commenting on your weight loss, he has chosen not to? I have noticed the more people tell me how great I look, the less my husband does. On the other side, when I am not getting those compliments outside, he is very reassuring and complimentary.
  • HeyGoRun
    HeyGoRun Posts: 550 Member
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    omg this is what happen to me, I lost a bunch a weight i got very thin (flat boobs/flat butt) and i think thats why.
    When we started dating I was around 150# with a big butt so even though for my height thats overweight I never looked it. So dropping to 117 was a big shock for him, he then told me that being with me sexually was not like before :(

    so i stopped working out and gained weight not realizing it, we went through our problems so i fell off track had no motivation!

    well now that I have some back to me and got a boob job he has no complaints...I didnt do it for him but I do feel more confident, I still want to lose weight but not get so thin that I have no curves.

    Talk with him and see whats really going on.
  • mamacita721
    mamacita721 Posts: 194 Member
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    Sounds like you need to have a talk with him. The one thing that you CANNOT let happen is to allow this to derail your progress!!! When I was at my smallest weight last summer (5'10", 165lbs), within a week both my ex and my FWB told me that I was getting too small. I was nowhere near my goal and rationally I knew that they were just trying to put me back in the mental box that they had had me in for years. But I really think it messed with me subconciously because within weeks both my diet and training were out the window. Thank GOD I have snapped out of it and am back on track before ALL of my hard work was erased.

    Remember you have to do this for YOU, anyone else who benefits is a bonus.
  • Ajjf
    Ajjf Posts: 27
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    Do you think it's possible that he doesn't want to show you how excited he is because he's afraid he may make you feel bad? Just follow my train of thought.. Lemme tell you. Guys notice, we always notice. Don't think he hasn't noticed. And don't think he doesn't like it.

    HOWEVER

    It's very possible that he doesn't want to make too big of a deal out of it because he doesn't want you to feel you were less attractive/loved/important when you were heavy. One reason for that may be because he doesn't want to make you feel less attractive to/loved by him if you gain weight again. And in his mind, the best way to show that he loves you no matter what, is by loving you no matter what and not getting too excited if your appearance changes dramatically.

    Perhaps part of it is also that he simply doesn't know how he should act around you having lost so much weight. It may warrant a casual conversation to get him thinking.
  • iamkass
    iamkass Posts: 122 Member
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    Have you set him up yet? A night where the kids are a sleep or away, and on your bed is a plastic sheet and a bottle of baby oil? :happy:

    And I think it is smart of him to be honest. I have known some women that got very upset when their husband acted like you want yours to act. Then when they gained their weight back, they got super DUPER insecure.

    I think your problem is more in your head. You had this expectation and it has led to a resentment. The man loves you for you, no matter what. You are a very lucky gal indeed. You should read through some of the threads about couples who start becoming un attracted to their spouse after they refuse to get healthy with the other. There are loads of people talking about they love their spouse no matter what. He did not make a big deal out of you being fat, now he is not going to make one out of you being thin. Simple as that

    So make a plan, lay some sexy on him and tell him you wanna make him scream. Betcha that will get his attention.

    I would just like to say.. You have amazing legs. I want your legs. That is all.

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