Maybe my husband is attracted to bigger women???
Replies
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It seems you are trying to close out your post, but I just had to get my comment in. You look fantastic! You have done such a great job and your family is beautiful. Best wishes to you. :happy:0
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ask the husband. including using WTH!0
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I have nothing to add other than you look amazing!!!0
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Maybe ignoring me isn't the right word, its more like, ignoring the weight loss. ive told him, and hes like, ofcourse i notice, you look great... i guess i just thought he would be super excited having a wife that was not obese anymore...
I haven't read all the responses, so excuse me if I'm repeating.
He could not want to comment because he is afraid to offend you, if that makes sense. If he gets too excited about your hot new body, he might be afraid you go crazy on him to the tune of "So what? You didn't think I was hot before?" Men think about these things because BBC: B*tches be crazy.0 -
Have you set him up yet? A night where the kids are a sleep or away, and on your bed is a plastic sheet and a bottle of baby oil? :happy:
And I think it is smart of him to be honest. I have known some women that got very upset when their husband acted like you want yours to act. Then when they gained their weight back, they got super DUPER insecure.
I think your problem is more in your head. You had this expectation and it has led to a resentment. The man loves you for you, no matter what. You are a very lucky gal indeed. You should read through some of the threads about couples who start becoming un attracted to their spouse after they refuse to get healthy with the other. There are loads of people talking about they love their spouse no matter what. He did not make a big deal out of you being fat, now he is not going to make one out of you being thin. Simple as that
So make a plan, lay some sexy on him and tell him you wanna make him scream. Betcha that will get his attention.0 -
the thing is... MY HUSBAND IS HOT!!! i don't know how he could be insecure!!! lol
From your picture, you are looking pretty hot yourself, yet you are feeling insecure. Hot people can be insecure too.
Is it possible that because lots of people are commenting on your weight loss, he has chosen not to? I have noticed the more people tell me how great I look, the less my husband does. On the other side, when I am not getting those compliments outside, he is very reassuring and complimentary.0 -
omg this is what happen to me, I lost a bunch a weight i got very thin (flat boobs/flat butt) and i think thats why.
When we started dating I was around 150# with a big butt so even though for my height thats overweight I never looked it. So dropping to 117 was a big shock for him, he then told me that being with me sexually was not like before
so i stopped working out and gained weight not realizing it, we went through our problems so i fell off track had no motivation!
well now that I have some back to me and got a boob job he has no complaints...I didnt do it for him but I do feel more confident, I still want to lose weight but not get so thin that I have no curves.
Talk with him and see whats really going on.0 -
Sounds like you need to have a talk with him. The one thing that you CANNOT let happen is to allow this to derail your progress!!! When I was at my smallest weight last summer (5'10", 165lbs), within a week both my ex and my FWB told me that I was getting too small. I was nowhere near my goal and rationally I knew that they were just trying to put me back in the mental box that they had had me in for years. But I really think it messed with me subconciously because within weeks both my diet and training were out the window. Thank GOD I have snapped out of it and am back on track before ALL of my hard work was erased.
Remember you have to do this for YOU, anyone else who benefits is a bonus.0 -
Do you think it's possible that he doesn't want to show you how excited he is because he's afraid he may make you feel bad? Just follow my train of thought.. Lemme tell you. Guys notice, we always notice. Don't think he hasn't noticed. And don't think he doesn't like it.
HOWEVER
It's very possible that he doesn't want to make too big of a deal out of it because he doesn't want you to feel you were less attractive/loved/important when you were heavy. One reason for that may be because he doesn't want to make you feel less attractive to/loved by him if you gain weight again. And in his mind, the best way to show that he loves you no matter what, is by loving you no matter what and not getting too excited if your appearance changes dramatically.
Perhaps part of it is also that he simply doesn't know how he should act around you having lost so much weight. It may warrant a casual conversation to get him thinking.0 -
Have you set him up yet? A night where the kids are a sleep or away, and on your bed is a plastic sheet and a bottle of baby oil? :happy:
And I think it is smart of him to be honest. I have known some women that got very upset when their husband acted like you want yours to act. Then when they gained their weight back, they got super DUPER insecure.
I think your problem is more in your head. You had this expectation and it has led to a resentment. The man loves you for you, no matter what. You are a very lucky gal indeed. You should read through some of the threads about couples who start becoming un attracted to their spouse after they refuse to get healthy with the other. There are loads of people talking about they love their spouse no matter what. He did not make a big deal out of you being fat, now he is not going to make one out of you being thin. Simple as that
So make a plan, lay some sexy on him and tell him you wanna make him scream. Betcha that will get his attention.
I would just like to say.. You have amazing legs. I want your legs. That is all.0 -
yeah, i have had talks with him, he thinks im crazy. he says i look great, he says hes proud of me... i just don't feel like he acts like it, or shows it... i don't know, im sure its 100% completely in my head, just wanted to get some other perspectives on it, and all of you seem to be on the same track... that's actually very encouraging to me! thanks again!0
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Will echo response below. Some spouses are insecure when their spouse is losing the weight, and even may encourage their spouse to overeat so they appear to be less attractive to others. On the other hand,as you slim you may be more attractive to some people while becoming less attractive to others. There are many health benefits (less wear and tear on the organs, the lower back and the leg joints) to weight loss as long as it is not too excessive because at some point, you will have to adjust your nutritional intake (eat a little more to maintain your good weight. I lost about 20 pounds, the gut is gone and my Wife is very Happy! Take Care!!0
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Could be right; I've known a few like that. One man told his wife not to lose weight because his ideal for a woman was that she be exactly like a big soft pillow he could sink into and forget his day.
bleh! but it takes all kinds0 -
Oh dear..I left my boyfriend after 4 years relationship. He wasn't happy and supportive about my new life and ways in my opinion.. I got a feeling he found me less attractive? Maybe he just got fed up with my weight problems...we can be difficult at times.0
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You may have to get aggressively naked and wave the changes in his face. My own DH thought he was being so supportive--and he was,if I brought the subject up-- but he didn't realize until I pointed it out that he said never a word about it unless I mentioned it first. Never occurred to him. That's a man for you.0
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I'm going through the same thing right now...it's like he doesn't notice me at all. He's not the most supportive person either. I could walk around naked and I don't think he would notice!0
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one of my problems with the get naked and jump on him thing is that i have very low self esteem from years of being over weight. i still lock myself in the bathroom to change, i still wear big bulky sweats and tshirts to bed... i don't even know how to seduce a man, let alone, getting naked without all the lights off and the black out curtains shut! lol0
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one of my problems with the get naked and jump on him thing is that i have very low self esteem from years of being over weight. i still lock myself in the bathroom to change, i still wear big bulky sweats and tshirts to bed... i don't even know how to seduce a man, let alone, getting naked without all the lights off and the black out curtains shut! lol
Oh honey! If you aren't flaunting it and showing off your new confidence (which you should have and earned) then how is your husband supposed to act different. It's kind of the same situation. He's not jumping your bones because of the weight loss and neither are you. Go out there and buy some hot lingerie and flaunt the hell out of your body. You earned this, you both should be enjoying it!
At least buy some cute sleep clothes. Those work well too.
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one of my problems with the get naked and jump on him thing is that i have very low self esteem from years of being over weight. i still lock myself in the bathroom to change, i still wear big bulky sweats and tshirts to bed... i don't even know how to seduce a man, let alone, getting naked without all the lights off and the black out curtains shut! lol
Oh honey! If you aren't flaunting it and showing off your new confidence (which you should have and earned) then how is your husband supposed to act different. It's kind of the same situation. He's not jumping your bones because of the weight loss and neither are you. Go out there and buy some hot lingerie and flaunt the hell out of your body. You earned this, you both should be enjoying it!
At least buy some cute sleep clothes. Those work well too.
Yep. Hit up Victoria's Secret and wear it to bed. No more seduction necessary. :flowerforyou:0 -
Just ask him what's going on?
Silly person...
...actually talking to your spouse about stuff is not the MFP way.0 -
My husband preferred me bigger. He met the boy's girlfriend before I did, and when I asked what he thought of her, he said nice curves... like you used to have.
He was 'ignoring' me for a while, but I think he realized it was futile so he's paying attention to again. LOL0 -
Just ask him what's going on?
Silly person...
...actually talking to your spouse about stuff is not the MFP way.
lol, I have asked him several times, he thinks its all in my head...0 -
Just maybe your husband loves you just the way you are and the changes you've made are just not that big of a deal to him.
Very true... He always told me I didn't need to lose weight, even though I knew I needed to... maybe he just doesn't even see my "outside" anymore... that makes sense... I wish he noticed tho... would be nice.
That's a pretty big change not to notice. I'd say it's more like he feels insecure. Make him feel more secure. =D0 -
So, start to change little things at first, maybe not the VS right away if it makes you feel uncomfortable, but show more skin. Change your bedroom attire into a little tank top and shorts. Change your shirt in front of him. Baby steps to build your confidence, so that when you do show off your VS, you will be completely confident in your own skin....one of my problems with the get naked and jump on him thing is that i have very low self esteem from years of being over weight. i still lock myself in the bathroom to change, i still wear big bulky sweats and tshirts to bed... i don't even know how to seduce a man, let alone, getting naked without all the lights off and the black out curtains shut! lol0 -
Some men like bigger women. It doesn't make him insecure (even though that seems to be the prevailing thought.), it just means he has a preference. Some guys like tall women, short women, muscular women, thin women, and blonds or redheads or whatever.
However just because he is more inclined towards bigger women doesn't mean he can't also be attracted to you.0 -
myb it is then?Just ask him what's going on?
Silly person...
...actually talking to your spouse about stuff is not the MFP way.
lol, I have asked him several times, he thinks its all in my head...0 -
myb it is then?Just ask him what's going on?
Silly person...
...actually talking to your spouse about stuff is not the MFP way.
lol, I have asked him several times, he thinks its all in my head...
yeah, I figured that, that's why I kinda wanted to get some other perspectives from my peers... see what some other interpretations could be... looks as though im just being extra sensitive...0 -
would hang...hard, alot.
There ya go.0 -
Maybe ignoring me isn't the right word, its more like, ignoring the weight loss. ive told him, and hes like, ofcourse i notice, you look great... i guess i just thought he would be super excited having a wife that was not obese anymore...
so he has noticed and has commented on your weight loss. **the following is a serious question, no smartazz involved** What is it you want him to do [exactly]? you say you thought he would be super excited.....maybe his version of super excited isn't the same as yours?0 -
Just maybe your husband loves you just the way you are and the changes you've made are just not that big of a deal to him.
Very true... He always told me I didn't need to lose weight, even though I knew I needed to... maybe he just doesn't even see my "outside" anymore... that makes sense... I wish he noticed tho... would be nice.
In a way, it's a good thing. He loves you for you and not what you look like. Still, we all like to feel sexy and desired. I know he thinks it's in your head, but you could tell him that he needs to tell you that he's attracted to you if he wants you to feel that way. Also, a weekend away without the kids could always ramp things up
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