Afraid To Be Too Attractive

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wendle81
wendle81 Posts: 10
in Introduce Yourself
Anyone else feel like they'd be on top of the world if only they were thin? I mean on top of the relationship aspects, career, networks, opportunities, abilities, energy, influence....etc..

I have a feeling that since I have been overweight all my life, that I will not know how to deal with the added attention I'd get.

I'm somewhat between very introverted and a slightly extroverted, so being center of attention already feels uncomfortable. I've been pretty even though I'm bigger, but not FINE...or what someone might call HOT. And I know it'd get like that. My confidence would soar. I'd walk taller and prouder.

This fear is unconscious, of course.

Anyone feeling similarily?

I'm new to this site, wouldn't mind a couple buds on here. Send a pm if you want to talk a little bit.

---wendy
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Replies

  • Cp731
    Cp731 Posts: 3,195 Member
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    really? really? lol
  • Gorgeousaurus
    Gorgeousaurus Posts: 23 Member
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    I totally understand this! I know that part of me getting big and staying big was fear of getting hurt again, so my fat has been my shield. I'm fat it's unattractive and it keeps people away from me. I am so scared of people paying attention to me. I am so used to being invisible!

    It is so peculiar, but this is a legitimate fear of mine.

    The flip side of it is I fear that I will never see myself as attractive. I feel like "I'd be pretty if I just lost weight" but I worry that I will never gain the self esteem boost I so desperately need.
  • JenCatwalk
    JenCatwalk Posts: 285 Member
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    Well I get to feeling funny when I'm jogging, or just walking around in a store and dressed real nice, and some fat girl looks in my direction. I feel guilty and a pity for them. I used to be a fat girl and I know when I looked at skinner women I got insecure and all sorts of jealous, so I can only imagine what they're thinking. I dont flaunt in front of them. I'd help them if they wanted it. Go jogging, lift weights with them, or just a real good conversation on what it takes to lose, if they were willing to listen.
  • golfergirl92
    golfergirl92 Posts: 79 Member
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    I feel the same way....I'm pretty introverted and very slightly extroverted in certain situations. I've been overweight pretty much my entire life with the exception of high school sports. My boyfriend loves everything about me and I can't help but think he'll leave me for someone prettier/thinner. I feel like I've missed out on a lot because I'm not as thin as I want to be! Working on changing that though :)
  • eblakes93
    eblakes93 Posts: 372 Member
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    I totally understand this! I know that part of me getting big and staying big was fear of getting hurt again, so my fat has been my shield. I'm fat it's unattractive and it keeps people away from me. I am so scared of people paying attention to me. I am so used to being invisible!

    It is so peculiar, but this is a legitimate fear of mine.

    The flip side of it is I fear that I will never see myself as attractive. I feel like "I'd be pretty if I just lost weight" but I worry that I will never gain the self esteem boost I so desperately need.

    This.
  • Cp731
    Cp731 Posts: 3,195 Member
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    well I got news for ya, im "skinny" actually im fit w/a lean body mass but still feel invisible, or maybe its that I walk around w/a puss on my face and pretend not to notice anyone else.

    I don't receive any attention that I don't want, and if im approached and not interested I let it be known.
    sounds harsh

    im not like this all the time but a good 85% of the time..its not a self esteem issue either, maybe its arrogance, im naturally arrogant
  • MelMoly
    MelMoly Posts: 1,303 Member
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    you wont notice it... if you don't put yourself out to get noticed they wont...
  • IpuffyheartHeelsinthegym
    IpuffyheartHeelsinthegym Posts: 5,573 Member
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    I've always been skinny and came here to get healthy and fit. I don't really put myself out there, so I don't get attention I don't want. I could, if that's what I wanted, but its not, so I don't. Do you for you and you will be fine.
  • HeyGoRun
    HeyGoRun Posts: 550 Member
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    I get more attention curvy than when i was thin, i dont think just being thin gets you on top of everything!
  • PanaMericann
    PanaMericann Posts: 47 Member
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    Since losing weight, people that normally ignored me started talking to me, acquaintances wanted to get to know me and strangers are much more polite to me upon talking to them. I don't consider myself attractive but I feel being thinner/more fit has made people nicer toward me. I guess it sucks that society judges on looks.
  • danholden4006
    danholden4006 Posts: 66 Member
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    The flip side of it is I fear that I will never see myself as attractive. I feel like "I'd be pretty if I just lost weight" but I worry that I will never gain the self esteem boost I so desperately need.

    I completely understand this ^^ because it's a fear of mine but my other fear is what happens if it goes to my head? I've always considered myself below average. I'm told a lot that I'm not but try convincing my brain of that. I think the last time I was small was when I was 5. I've gotten accustomed to being larger. I don't like. Not at all but it's become a way of life. I want to change that. I like the way I look 30 pounds lighter in the mirror. I wanna see what I look like when I lose more.

    But what if I don't stay the same mentally? What if I become egotistical and self centered? I don't want that to happen and I hope that my friends will help keep me grounded. I just wonder if that fear is what is slowing me down from hitting my goals faster.
  • SW1388
    SW1388 Posts: 24
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    If your body is the only thing keeping you from being a jerk then you're already a jerk. If you're a nice guy you'll be fine. Don't worry yourself over something that hasn't happened yet. That mental space should be reserved for BEAST MODE lol. You'll be fine man ill see you at the finish line
  • wendle81
    wendle81 Posts: 10
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    Exactly. Some people seem to not understand and that's ok. When one has been overweight for SOOOOOOOOO long... getting looks, compliments, and way beyond that is like getting a haircut when you've been wearing your hear down to your *kitten* for most of your life. Eventually, sure, one could get used to it. And, OF COURSE, feel better about themselves.

    Anywho... I started the post because I know others feel the same.

    Thanks for your responses. :)
  • rgugs13
    rgugs13 Posts: 197 Member
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    I understand how you feel! I work in a very male dominated field in Alaska, and unwanted male attention is pretty constant, even when I'm 40+ pounds overweight and wearing sweatpants and xtra tuffs covered in fish goo! My thinner friends get even more attention, which is kind of terrifying as a relatively introverted person! I've decided I can't let that problem keep me from getting healthy, but can be pretty intimidating.
  • amtru2015
    amtru2015 Posts: 179 Member
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    Girl, dont be afraid of it---work it!! I hate being the center of attention too, but the confidence boost inside my own soul is worth it. Embrace what comes!
  • Chadomaniac
    Chadomaniac Posts: 1,785 Member
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    LOLLL'D
  • RoninLife
    RoninLife Posts: 64
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    I think I understand what you are saying... I have read stories (not on MFP) where women gain weight and unconsciously try to be unattractive so that they don't attract male attention due to some traumatic experience. Okay, that's an extreme example but, there are women who do fear that kind of attention.

    The question is... why are you so afraid of it? What do you think will happen if people start viewing you in a different light?
  • harphy
    harphy Posts: 290 Member
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    Your confidence will boost with shrinking of your body. Some people who loose weight go even too far and become incredibly arrogant and mean towards other overweight people. But me as a normal skinny can tell also that "fat" people were incredibly mean to me for no other reason but my figure. We are making Sartre's hell on this Earth for each other,
  • HollieDollieeeex
    HollieDollieeeex Posts: 116 Member
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    I can relate.. I would be on top of the world if I was lean. That's all I want and all that matters to me.
    You will get more confidence the further you progress through your journey. :bigsmile:
  • mcibty
    mcibty Posts: 1,252 Member
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    really? really? lol

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