Wife says I need psychological help !!!!

2

Replies

  • bdeezy3396
    bdeezy3396 Posts: 89 Member
    Thanks everyone - I went ahead and setup an appointment with my Dr. to have a sit down and discuss my health, and what my goals should be going forward.
  • deksgrl
    deksgrl Posts: 7,237 Member
    BMI is not the best measure. My bf at 6' tall according to the BMI chart should be about 190. He would look sick at 190 because of his muscle mass.
  • timkane46
    timkane46 Posts: 29 Member
    BMI scale has never been a good measure. If you carry more muscle you would be seen as overweight even with low BF%. I would suggest you go by BF%, if you don't have a way to get that go by how cloths fit and how you look in the mirror.

    THIS ^^

    MY BF IS 12 % AND BMI SHOWS ME BORDERLINE OBESE
  • bnorris2013
    bnorris2013 Posts: 256 Member
    Bluntly? It's none of her damn business. This is your body, and she is wrong.

    I wanted to comment on this this is so far beyond WRONG - They are married which means EVERYTHING he does is HER business as is Everything she does is his business - Its a marriage a partnership and this is definantly a journey that his spouse should be supporting him with because its extremely hard to do this without the love and support of your spouse






    To the OP I think your wife was just trying to help you - I myself have lost alot of weight and still have a closet full of 4x which some of it I still wear and people kept saying I should get new clothes and finally I broke down and got some stuff that fit and what a world of difference it made Now I am still losing weight so I only got a few things but it will hold me over for this level of weight loss

    If money is tight then go to a thrift store you could get several pairs of jeans for what you would pay for 1 pair - If that is not your thing then perhaps just get 1 pair for this phase of you losing weight
  • BeachGingerOnTheRocks
    BeachGingerOnTheRocks Posts: 3,927 Member
    Your profile page is pretty bare, so I don't know what sort of exercise program you're on, but if you haven't, please add strength training and body recomp as your goals.

    I'm also in my 40s, and having high lean body mass and low fat will serve you well as you continue to age. It'll be better for bone strength and mobility.

    You've lost a lot of weight and I understand the desire to hit that target you've set for yourself. You are not to skinny or emaciated at all. She's just become accustomed to you looking a certain way, and you don't anymore.
  • saxmaniac
    saxmaniac Posts: 1,133 Member
    I wanted to comment on this this is so far beyond WRONG - They are married which means EVERYTHING he does is HER business as is Everything she does is his business - Its a marriage a partnership and this is definantly a journey that his spouse should be supporting him with because its extremely hard to do this without the love and support of your spouse

    You miss the point. When married you don't have authority over your partner's body. Imagine if your husband demanded that you not lose any weight at all. Or if you, can't get a tattoo. Or pierce your ear. Or cut your hair.

    We consider their opinion and try to please them, of course, but they don't have the right to tell you what weight you should be.

    I think the wife in this case is incorrect because she doesn't know what a healthy weight is. So she is wrong in that regard, and she's wrong for asserting authority over his body.

    I agree with that she is trying to help, but sometimes people can mean well and be wrong.
  • itsanatalia
    itsanatalia Posts: 56 Member
    From the point of view of a girlfriend, I'm going to try and graciously side with your wife and give her the benefit of the doubt that she's not trying to hold you back.

    You did say you're losing pant sizes fast (which can be normal, especially for a guy), but may be a bit shocking to someone else, such as your wife, especially if they're use to you being a certain size. I can say if my boyfriend was suddenly losing weight fast, and I wasn't too involved with how he was doing it, I might be concerned he's not staying healthy.

    I think it's OK to sit down with her and say that you're staying healthy, eating right, exercising appropriately, and you want to get down to your goal weight. I also think it's OK for both of you to go to a doctor's appt, where the doctor can either confirm that you're on track to more weight loss or advise against.

    You're married, you're a team. Yes, it's your body, but that doesn't mean she can't genuinely be worried. We're silly like that ;)
  • CycleGuy9000
    CycleGuy9000 Posts: 290
    I was out shopping with my wife the other day and she wanted to buy me some new pants as I only have one pair now that fits me decent. As I dropped down sizes fast I'm still wearing pants that are too big, but are not falling down so they work for me. To save money I told her lets wait because I still needed to lose about 20 more lbs, and the pants I have now would hold out until then.

    My wife looked at me with this confused look and said if I thought that I needed to lose another 20lbs then I need to seek psychological help. At first I thought she was joking, so when I asked her if she was she said no and she truly thinks I need help. I explained to her that at 5'10" my BMI is currently at 27.8 which still has me in the medium-high range of being over weight, and that losing 20 lbs would put me just at the high range of a normal BMI. She didn't want to hear it, she thinks that I would look sickly, and is really angry with me.

    Maybe me being big for so long she got used to being as the normal? Is the the BMI still a good measurement to go by? What are your thoughts?

    She might be feeling weight loss envy.
  • hep26000
    hep26000 Posts: 156 Member
    Thanks everyone - I went ahead and setup an appointment with my Dr. to have a sit down and discuss my health, and what my goals should be going forward.

    Great! I think this is the best thing to do so you can show your wife from a medical point of view that you are doing everything the right way.
    And congrats on the amazing weight loss. Truly an inspiration.
  • lik_11
    lik_11 Posts: 433 Member
    You're married, if she doesn't think you need professional help, you're not doing it right.

    Sorry to not comment on the post- but this is the best line EVER!!!
  • disasterman
    disasterman Posts: 746 Member
    There are 2 issues to tackle here. The first is the BMI measurement. I disagree with the whole thing. I think if you are comfortable, athletic(to a degree) and not haveing any significant reason not to, go for the extra 20 lbs.
    The second is the psychological help piece. You're married, if she doesn't think you need professional help, you're not doing it right.

    Keep up the good work.


    Aboslutely agree with this! A third issue is the pants. You have to consider whether you really need to save money so badly that you can't buy a pair of pants that fit. It's fine if you do, but otherwise, maybe the baggy pants look isn't for you?
  • annebubbles
    annebubbles Posts: 83 Member
    It's your body. Do what you want. I weighed 255 pounds & started dieting. When I had lost 50 pounds my husband divorced me! So whatever. I will share my hot sexy body with a new guy that will support me. Yeah, I'm lonely now, but I feel better & I like my body again. Now I can find a new guy that wants sex with me instead of one that I have to talk into in & try to persuade to get naked. Thin is BETTER. I'm@ 91 pound loss now.
  • AnninStPaul
    AnninStPaul Posts: 1,372 Member
    what's your body fat percentage? if it is in a healthy range, BMI is telling you to drop muscle.

    as for the pants...perhaps a pair or two from a thrift store if you're continuing to change sizes.
  • ninerbuff
    ninerbuff Posts: 48,993 Member
    BMI is the standard guide for the medical and insurance industry. Personally I chuck it out the window. I'm more concerned with my clients overall body fat % rather than BMI.
    According to BMI for my height, in 29.8 just shy of obese. It's obvious I'm not. The high end of BMI for me would be 147lbs. So I'm considered overweight by 43 pounds according to BMI.
    But I'm at 17% body fat.

    A.C.E. Certified Personal/Group FitnessTrainer
    IDEA Fitness member
    Kickboxing Certified Instructor
    Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
  • HeidiCooksSupper
    HeidiCooksSupper Posts: 3,839 Member
    Bluntly? It's none of her damn business. This is your body, and she is wrong.
    I wanted to comment on this this is so far beyond WRONG - They are married which means EVERYTHING he does is HER business as is Everything she does is his business - Its a marriage a partnership and this is definantly a journey that his spouse should be supporting him with because its extremely hard to do this without the love and support of your spouse

    This. I want my hubby to have a healthy, long life to share with me. He wants the same for me. We are invested in each other. Not all loving support is controlling.
  • sarahrbraun
    sarahrbraun Posts: 2,261 Member
    I was out shopping with my wife the other day and she wanted to buy me some new pants as I only have one pair now that fits me decent. As I dropped down sizes fast I'm still wearing pants that are too big, but are not falling down so they work for me. To save money I told her lets wait because I still needed to lose about 20 more lbs, and the pants I have now would hold out until then.

    My wife looked at me with this confused look and said if I thought that I needed to lose another 20lbs then I need to seek psychological help. At first I thought she was joking, so when I asked her if she was she said no and she truly thinks I need help. I explained to her that at 5'10" my BMI is currently at 27.8 which still has me in the medium-high range of being over weight, and that losing 20 lbs would put me just at the high range of a normal BMI. She didn't want to hear it, she thinks that I would look sickly, and is really angry with me.

    Maybe me being big for so long she got used to being as the normal? Is the the BMI still a good measurement to go by? What are your thoughts?

    honestly, sometimes it isn't a good measure. A friend of mine is a trainer. He's 5'11" and weighs 180lbs. His BMI is like 24.8, he is VERY close to the overweight range...but he has 11% body fat.

    I have read that some bodybuilders actually DO have BMIs that say they are obese, despite the fact that they have body fat in the single digits.

    Buy a second pair of pants! If nothing else, it means you have one to wash and one to wear. Or instead of buying new, go to goodwill and buy them for $5. You will feel much better when you have clothes that fit--and not just in the waist.
  • luckyshilling
    luckyshilling Posts: 229
    BMI will give you an idea, do you see a family Dr? What does he think?

    ^^Good idea. If you aren't a lifter maybe start. Relocating the 20lbs instead of losing it. You will still be her big strong man, but with a smaller waist and bigger arms.:bigsmile:
  • firstsip
    firstsip Posts: 8,399 Member
    She's just jealous of your success.
  • verptwerp
    verptwerp Posts: 3,659 Member
    Just buy some new pants already :drinker:

    My hubby was being "frugal" (a/k/a cheap) and wouldn't buy new clothes ...... honestly, he looked like Bozo the Clown ......

    At least now he looks normal ...... and if he ever loses more weight, that's his business .....
  • DashDeV
    DashDeV Posts: 545 Member
    I would lose the 20 lbs then trade her in for a hotter, younger model.
  • adorbis
    adorbis Posts: 11 Member
    Let her buy you the pants that you think that will fit comfortably after the next 20 lbs drops off and call it a day. She's happy, you get new pants. It's a win-win.
  • ryry_
    ryry_ Posts: 4,966 Member
    I was out shopping with my wife the other day and she wanted to buy me some new pants as I only have one pair now that fits me decent. As I dropped down sizes fast I'm still wearing pants that are too big, but are not falling down so they work for me. To save money I told her lets wait because I still needed to lose about 20 more lbs, and the pants I have now would hold out until then.

    My wife looked at me with this confused look and said if I thought that I needed to lose another 20lbs then I need to seek psychological help. At first I thought she was joking, so when I asked her if she was she said no and she truly thinks I need help. I explained to her that at 5'10" my BMI is currently at 27.8 which still has me in the medium-high range of being over weight, and that losing 20 lbs would put me just at the high range of a normal BMI. She didn't want to hear it, she thinks that I would look sickly, and is really angry with me.

    Maybe me being big for so long she got used to being as the normal? Is the the BMI still a good measurement to go by? What are your thoughts?

    She might be feeling weight loss envy.

    Without knowing anything else, this was my gut reaction as well
  • Polly758
    Polly758 Posts: 623 Member
    As far as quick and easy measurements go, height-to-waist-ratio is better than BMI. See what that one tells you.
  • mjenson17
    mjenson17 Posts: 13 Member
    The weight loss envy route was actually my first reaction because to be honest, I've been there. My husband is tall and pretty lanky. He is 6' and currently around 160. When he gained weight a while back he was around 180. He didn't really change his diet too much but just started running a bit more. All of a sudden he lost it all. I've cut out almost all sugar, I am on a 1200 calorie diet, I work out usually 3x a week, and haven't lost a pound. Damn hormones.
    So it could be that if you both have been overweight for some time, and she sees this happening, it could be a little jealousy. Ask her kindly if there is really a reason she thinks you should seek mental help? There might be an underlying reason for her aggression.

    Good luck and good job with your weight loss.
  • dirty_dirty_eater
    dirty_dirty_eater Posts: 574 Member
    Every married man needs psychological help. They've got to deal with their wives don't they?
  • MinnieInMaine
    MinnieInMaine Posts: 6,400 Member
    Add me to the chorus of BMI is BS - especially for most active men and some active women. The most fit guy I know is at the high end of overweight according to BMI and he's not even hugely built, he's just a very athletic active young man. The most fit gal I know is only about 5 pounds away from being "overweight" on BMI but you wouldn't know it by looking at her - she's practically fitness model material.

    OP, I'm glad to read you're planning on going to talk to your doc about it. I think that's the smartest idea. And please for the love of pete go get some pants at the thriftstore or consignment shop if you don't want to spend money for new ones! Not sure what you do for a living but IMHO, wearing clothing that's far too big for you is as unprofessional looking as wearing clothes that are too small for you. I think you'd feel better about how you look in clothes that fit better too.

    Best of luck to you!
  • saxmaniac
    saxmaniac Posts: 1,133 Member
    This. I want my hubby to have a healthy, long life to share with me. He wants the same for me. We are invested in each other. Not all loving support is controlling.

    Did you read the post? Let's review.

    "if I thought that I needed to lose another 20lbs then I need to seek psychological help."
    "She didn't want to hear it, she thinks that I would look sickly, and is really angry with me."

    This is not "loving support". That is either ignorance or being controlling. I'm willing to give the wife the benefit of the doubt here.
  • sharonfoustmills
    sharonfoustmills Posts: 519 Member
    I think your wife is right, you need to see a psychologist or counselor, TOGETHER. There is something going on here, if not with you then with her.
  • CooperSprings
    CooperSprings Posts: 754 Member
    I remember a time when my mother was losing weight and working out.
    She just kept wanting to lose more and more. She was on the high range of her BMI but looked fantastic.
    She decided she needed to continue to lose weight and just got thinner and thinner...
    She was your age and in shape, but the more she lost she really did look kind of sickly.
    We thought she was anorexic or obsessive or something was seriously wrong with her and the family all sat down to talk with her about it... it was kind of an uncomfortable conversation to say the least.
    She decided to listen to us and gained back the 20 she had lost that made her look like a skeleton.
    She now looks very healthy but is still self conscious.... I'm not sure if what we said to her was right or wrong...
    Maybe just talk with her about losing only 10 more instead of 20. And keep her up to date with what your doctor thinks it best.
    She said it because she cares.
  • sabified
    sabified Posts: 1,035 Member
    Thanks everyone - I went ahead and setup an appointment with my Dr. to have a sit down and discuss my health, and what my goals should be going forward.

    Great going :) Hope it helps!!

Categories