Boyfriend frustrations!
Replies
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...having to hear him complain about his appearance is a little tiring...
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Should I just let it go?
Or tell him to STFU when he starts complaining about his figure?
I don't necessarily disagree with the other advice, but no one should have to listen to a man complain about his figure.0 -
with my boyfriend it goes like this - i can push and push and push but it makes him back away even more, if u leave him be he may suggest to go for a walk...i would keep quiet for a few weeks and he may change his mind.0
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with my boyfriend it goes like this - i can push and push and push but it makes him back away even more, if u leave him be he may suggest to go for a walk...i would keep quiet for a few weeks and he may change his mind.
That's the plan.0 -
its time for you to leave. My X gf was similar.. constantly pushing against my efforts to cut down and get fit.. saying i was obsessed.. crazy.. etc. Constantly encouraging me to binge.. Basically came down to me choosing fitness or her.. guess what won?0
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He has to want to change. He doesn't. Just leave him alone.
And those hating on videogames are being ridiculous. There's nothing wrong with gaming.0 -
I feel horrible for you reading some of these comments that are being so rude to you!
Do you guys live together? If so, maybe you could offer to make him lunch to take to work some days, which would cut out some of his take out, but I guess only if he wants you to!
I agree that maybe if you keep up your new life style he might eventually start just doing stuff like walking with you, even if it's just to spend time with you.
Other than that, I'm not sure what you could do. Maybe ask if he will do it with you because you would like the motivation for yourself and the company.
All the best0 -
Get rid of him. He's a liability to you.0
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I personally don't think so. I understand because my mother is the same way. She claims she wants to lose weight badly for her own self esteem and self, but when I try to encourage her to be active/healthy or partake in such she chooses not to.
It is understandable on your behalf that it can become frustrated and, perhaps, annoying. Sadly, you can't force people into changing their lifestyles. Becoming active, getting in shape, and taking the steps to being healthier is a lifestyle change. A person has to be mentally ready to change his/her lifestyle.
You can leave words of encouragement and lead by example. That is the only suggestion I could give. A lot of time when people, especially those close to you, see the changes in your lifestyle along with the positive results they finally decide to make that change.
Patience
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I understand your frustration. I haven't been in that boat myself, but I know people that have been. This IS an area that tears relationships apart all the time. Two people being on two different pages with their health. You want to help, but you can't......helplessness is such a sucky feeling. So I know where you're at right now. All you can do is keep doing you and love him through him doing him. Does that make sense? You two are young enough that he still has time to change. People can and DO change all the time.....that's why so many of us are here. One way you can help is just by throwing out the information or what you're doing. Example: "Hey, I'm gonna take a walk if you'd like to join me.....if not, I'll see you in about an hour. Love you!" He will have to make the choice (surely someday he will) and you'll save yourself the hassle of what you're feeling now. Good luck!0
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I felt awful also reading some of the posts because you are reaching out for support and help. A few years ago something simalar was going on for me, what I found helped was I just gave up asking him to come out, if he would complain then I would just make the right noises you know " aww I know, poor you must be awful feeling like that about your weight, mmm and lots of head nodding" Then I would go out for walks on my own listen to audio books, go to the gym on my own and what I found was that he started to ask me where I was going? Could he come sometime? I still wouldn't push it eventually he just came along but I know you don't want to hear this bit but we did break up. You are still young and you are doing your best to motivate him, it will happen give it time and if it doesn't then you may find you drift apart. It's so difficult and I feel that in a relationship why shouldn't you encourage each other, don't give up on him just think out of the box to make him think its his idea hence the not asking him to join you for walks. You can still come back and flop on the settee with him and play games but don't let it demotivate you
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Hi,
Just wanted to say that I think you are great for caring about your partners health and do not deserve the negative reactions you have received.
Your boyfriend may be scared to commit to changing his lifestyle and it is good that you are aware that constant nagging is unlikely to get him to do so.
Maybe you need to find some form of activity that he would really enjoy. As a gamer paint balling may be a good choice - it is a real adrenaline rush and can be quite a good workout. This would get you both outdoors doing stuff and he may realize he enjoys being outside and active with you.
Other activities that might appeal could be canoeing, mountain biking and so on. This would make exercise fun rather than a chore.
Other than that just let him see that losing weight and getting fit is making you happy. If he is not completely insensitive he should think about this change in you and think maybe he wants a piece of the action.
Good luck!0 -
I wouldn't push it, OBVIOUSLY you can't help someone that doesn't want to help themselves, but when my husband started asking me when I was going to start working out again, or saying it in a more delicate manner either way I was offended, defensive, and majorly stubborn thinking he just thinks I'm getting fat and just wants me to be a hot trophy wife, so I stopped doing anything and just maintaining my weight. I'm loosing more weight now, and he doesn't say anything unless its supportive and if I bring it up. Some people are just like that myself included.
That is one other thing though, we started walking on the beach every other morning, or doing things we wanted to do to make it more fun, not just a regular workout. I would try something he might like, or do something on his day off and see if that will start something0 -
The more you get fit and lose weight, he'll notice it.. HE will want to get involved because he'll see that you're looking great and other guys are going to want to steal you away from him.
Let that be the motivator.0 -
The more you get fit and lose weight, he'll notice it.. HE will want to get involved because he'll see that you're looking great and other guys are going to want to steal you away from him.
Let that be the motivator.
^^^this!!!0 -
I found this with my wife a while back. In the end I had to seperate my desire for her to be health from my own deseire to get fit (wanted to do it togther). So I started getting fitter and lossing weight. I would say positive things about ME ONY like how much better I felt, my energy etc. I got envolved with a running group and other things and was out and about. It was seeing the changes in me the made her start. She admitted it was partly fear of lossing me to some fit girl has I was getting more attractive. However that was her insecuirty but it got her moving. Eventually she tarted enjoying it and getting th benifts herself. That when she really changed her mind set.
Short answer - you can only ever change yourself not another person.0 -
Hello,
I am not trying to talk down about my boyfriend but I am just getting to the point where I have had enough. He is in no way motivated to do anything healthy or active with his life. Asking him to go for a walk is like mission impossible. I understand that I cant make him do what he doesnt want to do but having to hear him complain about his appearance is a little tiring when he doesnt want to do anything active for it.
Its like he goes to work then when work finishes its just time to relax watch tv and play games ONLY...I keep trying in a non pushy way to ask him to do things with me but he says Okay and then never does it... And gets annoyed if i ask again.
Am I really that bad of a person?
I hate that I feel like I am being pushy but I know i could be way worse if I wanted to be.
Does anyone else have a similar situation?
Should I just let it go?
Dumb him,0 -
Sounds like a standard man... if you dont like it, get a girlfriend!0
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Get a new one0
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The risk of making a change to your lifestyle is that many of the people in our lives will not understand. When we start to make different choices for ourselves, it makes even more apparent the 'negative' choices they are making. There's a fine line between caring about those choices and becoming judgmental of them.
I would sit down with your boyfriend and have an open, honest conversation about why you are concerned with his diet and lack of exercise. Once you've done that, leave it alone. Forcing him to change will only foster resentment between you. Don't ask him to go for walks or other activities. He will either see the changes in you and want to change too, or he will stay the same.
It's important for couples to be compatible - to enjoy enough of the same things to have a life together. If you've made serious changes to your lifestyle and he is comfortable where he is, are you still compatible in enough areas of your life that you want to stay with him? If you are, then make sure you spend time on those things to allow the relationship to flourish. If not, then it may be time to move on and find someone more in tune to who you've become.0 -
I had this problem. I had a very heavy boyfriend, who would complain about his gut and bad health, BUT would pick up three peoples worth of taco bell while I couldn't eat that many calories in my remaining meal and he'd have no problem eating it all in front of me. He didnt care enough to do anything, because he'd rather play video games and eat junk food and enjoy the flavor. I tried making healthier food at home, meals that tasted good to me (plenty of flavor) he'd gripe about and I actually remember saying to him: "Not every meal has to taste AMAZING." and he felt that it should, so he'd rather eat taco bell than my homemade food (I'm a pretty good cook actually!). I lost nearly 50lbs over a year, with that type of influence to live with.
I learned he was lazy, he had no ambition, didn't take anything seriously and would always be content with nothing. If it really bothers you either make it a huge deal and try to force him to change it. OR break up with him and move on. Do what you want to do and be happier. Maybe you'll meet a guy who is a bit more serious about his health.0 -
OP: I don't like to be nagged :noway:
It only makes me dig in my heels more & not want to budge.
This being said, I missed the whole video game thing as I come from the generation of pinball machines :laugh: :laugh:
In the 80's we went to Dead shows & did other time wasting things like frisbee & drinking in the park :smokin:
I would let it go & make exercise activities 'me time'....if all he wants to do is play video games during his down time, it's HIS down time. I say respect it for what it is. Good luck :drinker: :drinker:0 -
Wrong, wrong, wrong.
You can't change your boyfriend, his goals or what he wants to do. If you can't accept him for his life choices long term...then it's time to part ways.0 -
video games. pfff great catch there.
I'd take the guy who plays video games over someone who judges someone for playing video games any day of the week. But then my husband and I play everyday. We're goofing our way through Dragon's Crown right now.
OP leave that man the hell alone. Either accept him as you found him or find someone else; he is under no obligation to change just because you choose to change. who he was used to be good enough and its not his fault it isn't anymore because you're the one changing the status quo.
TRUTH!
And just because YOU don't like gaming doesn't mean the significant other you chose isn't good enough because THEY do.0 -
Dumb him, hes an overweight gamer, there will be a line of women waiting to catch him I am sure0
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If you BF and his attitute remain the same do you think your BF makes you happy? Do you see yourself being with him in 5 years?
If the answer to both of these questions is yes then stay happy in your relationship and accept that your interests lie in different areas and therefore can't enjoy every interest together as a couple (this is a good thing!!)
If the answer to both these questions is no then it's time to split up.
If the answer to both these questions is yes but only if he...or yes if we had...or yes if anything then it's also time to split up.
Hopw that helps!
Exxx0 -
Lead by example:bigsmile:Okay I am coming across a lot different to what I am.
I am asking for help cos i want to help him not me. He works 9 - 5 mon - fri like a lot of people on here do.
But I will let it go if he complains about his weight or size I am just gonna shrug it off...he is eating junk food for lunch everyday decreasing his life span and time togethor I will just shrug it off cos I dont want to be that "nagging girlfriend" since diabetes runs in his family its okay Ill just shrug it off.0 -
video games. pfff great catch there.
Nice, seriously. :ohwell:
To the OP : I think i was that guy and my wife was you. I wouldn't do jack about my weight but would complain and be unhappy about it. She (and I think you) just wanted to help the person they love to not be unhappy, if i was happy doing what i was doing then she wouldn't have minded and wouldn't have been offering to help.
End of the day, like most people have said, you can't and shouldn't try to motivate him only he can do that. Offer the walk and other healthy things but don't take it to heart when he doesn't do it, and if he complains say well if you're unhappy you can come walking with me (in a positive way).
I am incredibly grateful my wife tried but we are both fully aware that i didn't take her up on it until i knew i wanted a change and if she had tried to make me it would have caused a fight. Coping with someone who is unhappy with themselves is hard, you have my sympathies. You may find you are in different places or want different things from life but give it your best shot and i hope it works out for you. you sound sweet.0 -
Hi,
Just wanted to say that I think you are great for caring about your partners health and do not deserve the negative reactions you have received.
Maybe you need to find some form of activity that he would really enjoy. As a gamer paint balling may be a good choice - it is a real adrenaline rush and can be quite a good workout. This would get you both outdoors doing stuff and he may realize he enjoys being outside and active with you.
Other activities that might appeal could be canoeing, mountain biking and so on. This would make exercise fun rather than a chore.
Good luck!
Agree with this person , other competitive "activities" for the gamer that do not sound like exercise ; Bowling, Go ape, Gokarting, kite flying.
Other Exercise hiding activities; waterskiing, Kite surfing, Wake boarding, Swimming Pools with loads of Chutes, snorkling,
Does he like Museums/ Arts/ music festivals/ treasure hunts/ disco dancing/ ballroom dancing (all a lot of walking involved without the "boredom")
Have you got A WI ?
Has he got any friends who are more active you could engage?
Sometimes it is easier to stay in an unhappy relationship than it is to move on, out of fear of the unknown, being alone etc, as long as these are not your reasons for staying with him, a 5 year old realtionship is worth fighting for, but not if it is a one person battle.
Good luck0 -
I used to have this problem with my husband.
do you know what worked? I decided to stop worrying about it, and I got out there and did what I wanted to do. If I wanted a walk, or went to the gym, and did it.
It wasn't long before he was asking to come along.0 -
How about going home and saying, let's go for a walk (now)? make it a question Don't make plans for Sunday because I know I rarely keep my plans if I wait too long and think about it. But ask once and if he doesn't want to go yourself It might take a while but honestly you can't change anyone , but you might inspire him. 0
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