Feeling defeated

There are no secrets or tricks that work for everyone.

What will work for everyone is eating at a calorie deficit and increasing your activity level.

Set a reasonable calorie goal for every day and stick with it. Plan your meals accordingly.

Do not spend time sitting around and watching TV unless you've already got your daily exercise in. Don't make excuses for not getting up and moving.

Losing weight isn't easy and it won't come rapidly. Be consistent and be patient though and it will come off.

It can take a lot of practice to break old habits. For me, setting small goals always works better than big ones. I have a tendency to get overwhelmed by the big picture.

Take it day by day or week by week. When you wake up in the morning tell yourself that you're on a diet today. Remind yourself at every opportunity that you're on a diet today, no matter what happens tomorrow you'll be good today. And then do it all over again tomorrow and the next day.

Leave room in your diet for treats. Don't think of this as nothing but rabbit food and boiled chicken. If you know you're going to crave pizza then find a way to work it into your day or make a healthier pizza at home!

Find small, non-food rewards as you progress. I gave myself a sticker on the calendar for every day I was good. Maybe you've been eyeing something you want to buy or want to treat yourself to a spa day if you're good for a couple of weeks. Pick something to work towards.

Whatever it is that works for you, I know you can find something. Remember, most of us are constant works in progress. Sometimes you slip up, but you have to get right back up and do better.

Hi everyone. I was never overweight as a child and teenager. I didn't start gaining weight until I hit my twenties. My weight went up and down through most of my twenties. I went from 120 - 200 and then joined weight watchers. Lost a little bit and went down to 179. Then it was up again to 260. Lost some again and reached 192. Gained it all back again and went up to 267. Went on a ridiculous shake diet that got me back to 192 yet again. Then I started having bad panic attacks and would self medicate by eating. Now I weight about 355 and I feel so disappointed in myself. I've been trying to start this program who knows how many times and I dont know why I cant just stick to it. I always have all the foods I need to stick to my calories, but everyday I end up ordering dinner out or drinking lots of sodas and thinking "oh well I'll start tomorrow" My husband and I really want to have a baby but my doctor has told me it isn't safe at this weight. I need to get to a healthy weight for my height of 5'4. Has anyone else struggled or have any tips where I can just stop and do this? I try thinking of all different things. I don't even look or feel like the same person anymore.

I'm similar. Gained weight in my 20s...but I never tried to lose any until now. The thing you have to learn, live and NEVER forget, it's a lifestyle, not a diet. 'Diet' implies there's an end...and I'm sure you realize what happens when you quit your diet. I started with changing one bad habit at a time. Until June 2012, I lived on pop/soda. I eliminated that, ate in moderation, walked 3 days a week (30 mins/day) and I lost 20 lbs. I did fall off track for nearly a year, but I didn't gain anything back - I never went back to living on pop.

I got back into it May 2013 and I've lost another 29. I've just been eating in moderation and walking/mowing the lawn. MFP has been a great help with keeping track of my cals. I eat 3 meals a day and stop when I 'feel' full, not necessarily when my plate's empty. I started working out 5 days/week and that slowly crept up to 7 days/week b/c I began to crave exercise!!

Don't push yourself too hard...that's when you give up and go back to your old ways. All you can do is try. Take it one day at a time. I agree with "BeachIron," everyone is different. You have to experiment to find what works for you. We're all a work-in-progress and it's a matter of trial and error.

Exercising - no matter how you feel - just do it! Some days are easier than others...but this is something you should work on doing faithfully if you want to change. Consistency is key.

I live with GAD and have panic attacks as well. The ONLY remedy is exercise. I've been living a nightmare of anxiety since 2008 and only learned to manage it a few months ago. Start being active regularly...YOU WILL FEEL 50x better within a week or two...soooo much better that you could not possibly think of stopping. At least that's where I'm at.

Good luck!

I can't say I know how you feel,, but I can imagine that I might feel the same way,,, a lot. I don't have a magic cure, but I'm trying some tricks I've used for other things that seemed impossible and slowly I'm getting there. 3 lbs down and 27 more to go for me. But, the change's I've already made - cutting out sodas, exercising a LOT, and focusing on getting all my fruits and vegetables have me feeling actually pretty good and I know I look better, even if it's just from sitting up taller or from actually defining some muscles that are buried in there What I know does not help anything is self-effacing down-talk. And, I know from past experience that it can take a billion and one attempts before we finally do something that works. One trick I have learned in breaking an addiction though, which maybe this is something you're struggling with, is to take that same kind of energy and put it into something positive that you really want to do. A while back I needed to quit smoking, for example, and was having the hardest time do it. So, I ran a marathon. It took all of my concentration, ambition, and dedication to do it,, and there was no way I was going to get across the finish line if I was smoking. That seemed to break me of that particular addiction. Now I'm working on something to focus on for this food issue I seem to have developed. I already run so that's not going to "cure" me,, and you can't just quit eating, so now it's about focusing on how healthy I can actually eat in a day. Instead of focusing on what I can't have, I'm focusing on what I need to eat, drink, exercise, eat, etc.,, I'm still working on making it now be out of control. That seems to at least have me feeling better. So, there's my thoughts. Don't know if they help much, but I can tell you that there is way way more to you than just a woman who needs to lose weight, right? Please don't let it take over your entire character. That ould be sad.

Hello - please don't continue to beat yourself up over your past. That, of course, is easier said than done, but I'm asking you to please try not to look back. There is only TODAY and the choices you make TODAY.

I tried to get on this whole fitness/weight loss thing for about a decade and it never stuck. I would start, feel defeated, like I failed, stop, eat lots of food, feel terrible ... and a few months later, try again ... same result. I don't really know what made it all stick 4 years ago but here's what worked for me:

- decide on one thing you can remove from your diet from now on, just one thing ... for me it was pop. I replaced it with water and bought myself nice reusable water containers. And every time I drank water from them I felt good about myself ... I was making a good choice ... when you have to drink 4L of water a day or so, you can pat yourself on the back 10 times a day for that great choice!

- embrace the struggle ... it IS hard to start and keep going ... it isn't easy for anyone else either ... so the struggle you are having is the same one we are all having ... soothe oneself with something unhealthy while sabotaging ourselves ... we all do it to one degree or another ... When you are struggling, it is because YOU'RE DOING IT .... you are failing because you struggle! It's like when women in labour reach tough spots in their labour and say "I can't do it!" and I can confidently answer ... you are doing it right now!

- although I hear others using the term "diet" ... Don't think of it as a temporary thing ... you aren't ON A DIET, you are eating healthy and being active, that's all ... a diet is just what you eat ... right now you have an unhealthy diet ... tomorrow you can have a health diet ... you are not ON or OFF a diet .... that kind of thinking contributed to my feelings of failure if I stepped OFF a diet ... bah ... i just ate something that wasn't really a good choice ... that's all. It's all about the little choices to pick something up or turn your back on it ...

- buy smaller portions and shop more often. I loved choosing good foods at the store and experimenting with yummy healthy recipes I found in healthy cookbooks.

- I had to stay away from anything that promoted ONE way of being ... that included any trademarked type of "diet" like Paleo or Clean Eating ... I borrowed from everything instead of trying to sign on for ONE type of "diet" ... again, as soon as I made a bad choice, I felt I'd failed by stepping OFF that diet.... pfft.

Best of luck, stick around here and add friends here who will keep you accountable or check in with you regularly ... and do your part to keep THEM accountable, too! Just because you aren't at your goal weight doesn't mean that you can't keep someone else accountable to hit theirs ...

Heather

Before I really embraced this thing I had a hard time accepting incorporating the concept of patience into daily life. Commitment needs to be 100% as a starting point for you to not go nuts when small mishaps of overeating happen on individual days; you need to realise that a minor setback doesn't completely "ruin everything". You also have to accept that for the major change to happen, all the small steps that are daily-life actions are necessary. Cheating in the form of fad diets, which were already mentioned, just doesn't work. What you can do, however, is to commit to log in daily and immerse yourself in good advice, start small with just one task that you focus on; drinking enough water daily for instance.

Personally I don't put it as "You have to want this desperately" but instead I say "You have to need this desperately". I've been on and off for a few years already, lost about 15 kg, then gained all and a bit more back, because I did it the wrong way and not as a lifestyle change either. Simply put, my mind wasn't in it at the time. Something clicked about ten days ago and I finally found peace, the acceptance of the slow speed that I sorely needed. It gets easier after that but I still recommit to the process every day.

Edit: typo

Reading your plea for help, I think of my struggle and how desparate I was and still am about losing weight. There are many issues here that's causing you to over eat, and delay action. Since you never had a weight problem until adulthood, I'm guessing you didn't know what eating healthfully looked like, and what it took to maintain a healthy weight. Losing weight is a journey to self discovery and you've already started to make progress, you'd identified your self talk of procrastination, which leads to ordering out and the motivation to lose weight; having a baby. Since you're chosing to order out instead of preparing the healthy food you've purchased, you don't believe that healthy food can be delicious and satisfying, don't want to cook, etc. I recommend the following:
1. identify and assess;
what fruits and veggies do you like and find receipes for them.
what is your daily schedule like? what times can you prepare food?
what meals do you like and swap unhealthy ingredients and cooking methods for healthy althernative ei. vegetable oil/ grape seed oil, deep fry / saute

I should add my point about want versus need. People buy lots of stuff and only some of it is what they truly need; most is what they want. When I thought about this and applied it to my lifestyle change, I realised I'm much benefited when thinking about this as something I need very badly - it helps me prioritise over other actions I could take. Since it is a need the same way as sleep etc., there is no question when I schedule my running training, meal planning and similar activities in the calendar. I use iCal and the particular calendar for these tasks is called Health. It is the part of my life that gets first priority above anything else.

You'll get there. Believe in yourself and put yourself first! Here's a challenge for you. In two weeks get a paper bag or two. Fill the bags with canned/packaged food items until you've matched the weight you've lost. Then drive to the nearest food shelf donation site and park in the furthest spot from the door. Carry that "weight" you lost across the parking lot and when you drop those bags into the donation bin feel how much lighter you are without that extra weight. Do this again in six weeks. It's such a great feeling to donate that food and realize how much better you feel without that extra weight. I am pretty certain once you drop off at the donation site you will not want to put that weight back on.
You are much stronger that you think you are.

Hello,

I gained weight in my 30's. Almost 100 lbs. I know the struggle. I tried all the "diets" too and all the excersise videos etc. The one thing I have learned is it is not a "DIET" it is a life change. One step at a time. I still have days where I over eat, but i have learned that if I use MFP even when I have bad days I stay on track. Love yourself........That is a big one because you are worth it! Exercise is another big one. I started out walking. A few miles a day and then increased the distance and my speed. Today I jogged 4 miles without stopping. I have been at it for a year and I have had setbacks and gained, the key is getting back on track and learning from those setbacks. If you need to chat or moral support let me know. Sending you a friend request now. Good luck!

Laura (walzllw)

I completely understand ..I have yo-yo dieted for years now and ive gained and lost 70 lbs at a time..I think that you have to find it in yourself to not want to feel bad anymore. That is what happened to me just a few weeks ago. I got angry and decided to take action. It is a terrible thing to feel big and uncomfortable in your own skin. I have been very motivated by the fact that I do not want my children to grow up without a mommy just because I like to eat. I tell myself that I have had enough bad stuff for a lifetime. Of course I allow a cheat here and there but I found my children are the best motivation for wanting to get healthy not just slim. Good luck on your journey and may you find the inner strength to be good to your body for yourself and your kids.

Do not spend time sitting around and watching TV unless you've already got your daily exercise in. Don't make excuses for not getting up and moving.

Yes. Simple, but huge. I was really struggling with exactly this last week. It was the 5 year anniversary of the last time I saw my mom healthy and happy before she was diagnosed with brain cancer and given 3-6 months to live, and I was really missing her. I could not believe how sedentary I became almost overnight. I was disgusted with myself, but hardly got up out of bed/off the couch except for really wimpy workouts. To get going again I made myself do little things, anything, that would get me up even if only for a mi ute or two. Take out the garbage even if its not full, spend time chopping veggies I would normally put in the food processor, a short extra walk to the mailbox even though its too early, etc. any little thing to keep me from sitting or lying down. Ultimately it was telling myself that if I didn't pull out of it I was going to have to change my mfp activity level to couch potato that did the trick. I'm going to pick up a pedometer next time I'm at the store because I know it will really motivate me.

Losing weight isn’t fun.

I’ve been doing MFP for a little over a year and had success and you can too. You have to quit beating yourself up and just commit to doing it. Find an acceptable calorie range and start moving. Walk for 10 - 15 minutes everyday and build on that.

No tricks, tips or potions will replace appropriate calorie intake and exercise.

Good luck.

Ok, first things's first:

I was like you for a long time. Constantly yo yo dieting looking for a quick fix for the mess I had gotten myself into with my weight. You need to look at yourself and ask yourself, is this what you really want? You know you NEED to lose weight, but do you WANT to lose weight. The pressure of NEEDING to but not WANTING to is only going to constantly set you up for failure. Here's what I mean:

You were able to hold onto a shake diet long enough to lose a substantial amount of weight. There was a want there. It takes a HELL of a lot of willpower to stick to any crash diet because it goes against what you want to do biologically, mentally and emotionally. Eventually you caved and went back to old habits, but the important thing to remember is that you have the willpower. Your WANT just didn't stay in alignment with your want so you have up. You gotta deal with whatever is in your way before it clicks.

Seriously, just ask yourself, is this what I want? I am an emotional eater. It used to be so bad that if something set me off I'd eat close to 3000 calories in a matter of a few hours. My stomach was bottomless; but really I was feeling empty so I was trying to feel something; feel full. But, my self destruction wasn't working anymore. I had to make a change.

Ask yourself, is this what you want? We know you want to have children, we know you wanna be healthy, but do you want to do what it takes to get there? With your caloric goal you can still eat treats, but are you willing to turn down treats every once in awhile to make your goal? Are you willing to eat only the regular sized candy bar instead of the king sized one? Are you willing to exercise? Are you willing to deal with the life change? If not, then it's best you work on getting ready before you try losing weight. That could mean counseling, slowly cutting out the worst of your diet choices, self acceptance, whatever you gotta do. You will know you're ready because one day something in your mind will just click. You will feel it. It'll be an experience where you'll say to yourself enough is enough. That's what happened to me, and I'm sure a lot of other people on this site.

I often find that questions like this are looking for either miracle fixes or for a fix that will make someone change without any real effort on the will. Only YOU can come up with ways to stop overeating. Nobody can give you anything that'll stop you from overeating. Even people who have their stomach stapled still gain back all the weight because mentally they just weren't ready. Everyone on here can tell you to exercise, eat more fruits and veggies, but you gotta get up and do it every single day. You gotta WANT to do that. You can't do it for a little while then mess up one day, then let it go to hell. When you do mess up, which you will, you gotta hold onto your resolve and try again. You gotta mentally be in the right place to do that.

I have a friend, a beautiful woman. She's around 330 pounds. She's tried losing weight. We've walked together, she eats healthy, then all of a sudden she falls off. She told me she just had to accept that even though she needs to lose weight she doesn't want to yet. So now she just focuses on eating as healthy as she can. One day she will need to face the weight, but now just isn't that time. I have a ton of respect for her for being that self aware.

Your willpower is there. You know what you need to do. All you have to do is want it more than where you're at right now. Good luck. Trust your body. You can do it, if you want to.