What is your key to a long successful marriage ?

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Replies

  • supplemama
    supplemama Posts: 1,956 Member
    Don't hassle each other! i.e don't nag or nitpick your husband/wife. talk to them with respect and kindness. When you don't apologize for being rude. Always give them your emotional best! If you only have one smile in you for the day, they get it! Don't go out in the world being pleasant to people at work and total strangers on the street and then come home and give the grit face and stank attitude to your spouse.

    Good sex! Frequently! No more needs to be said :love:

    Space! give your spouse space. You can do things apart sometimes and have different interests, different friends.

    Privacy! This goes along with space, but is a little different. Married or not every single person deserves some privacy. Don't go through your spouse's phone, email, diary, etc. And for god's sakes let them go to the bathroom ALONE. I know couples who routinely walk in on each other in the bathroom. I would never do that to my husband and he has never done it to me. I mean really! WTF you can't let someone take a *kitten* alone??

    Trust! If you can't/don't/won't trust your spouse you have no business being married. Either they are untrustworthy (in which case you should not have married their trifling as*) or you have trust issues (in which case you need therapy). In any case you cannot control what they do. Trust and believe in your spouse that they will not betray you. If they are a liar and/or a cheater you being jealous and controlling will not change that. If you find someone who is a good person and not a cheating, lying skank type (and these people reveal themselves in other ways) then trust them and believe in them.

    Humor & Fun! being a fun and friendly person to your spouse and vice versa goes a LONG way. You two should be a party unto yourselves LOL. My husband and I have a lot of fun together, in many ways it feels like we are still dating. He cracks me up, and often catches me by surprise with his humor.

    Communication! TALK to your spouse! Don't go asking your friends, your neighbors, your co-workers, etc. about issues affecting your marriage. You have a problem, talk to your spouse! and keep other folks OUT of your business. Nobody needs to know every thing that goes on in your marriage, and some things should be private just between you two.

    I've been married since 1999. Been with my husband since 1996. Met in 1994. We've got a bit of time in :flowerforyou:
  • chani8
    chani8 Posts: 946 Member
    Married for 20 years. What changed my hard marriage into a very happy one, was determination, and lots of reading.

    Books that changed our marriage, were:

    - acceptance of personality differences/types, both Myer-Briggs and Enneagram
    - positive thinking, especially Dr Burn's books on Feeling Good
    - marriage and love, the best book ever, The 5 Love Languages
  • mayonie1
    mayonie1 Posts: 296 Member
    Been married for 2 years, and staying far from each other...not much experience but I would say the key so far is to think for your family not for yourself anymore...looking sexy always is what I want to achieve.

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  • mamadon
    mamadon Posts: 1,422 Member
    23 years here. Accepting and loving each other because of your flaws, oddities and inperfections, NOT in spite of them.
  • sunman00
    sunman00 Posts: 872 Member
    20 years here;

    wake up each morning and think; 'how can I make my wife's life better today?'
  • paint_it_black
    paint_it_black Posts: 208 Member
    Been together for 20 years, and married for 8.

    Being honest and open and mature and blah de blah blah blah will lead to a successful marriage I guess but it sounds like a recipe for boredom to me. The most important thing is to never stop having fun together, if you and your SO have fun and want to be around each other everything else comes naturally.
  • JLN1974
    JLN1974 Posts: 104 Member
    Don't expect not to row, you are human, you are different from one another and you will have differences of opinions, bad moods, irritability...but always talk things out and work out your problems together with mutual love and respect.

    Support each other through the hard times, laugh together, cry together, be each other's best friends.

    If you have children and you have different opinions on how to bring them up, discipline etc., don't argue in front of them, don't undermine each other, talk things out when you are alone and come to a compromise, then present a united front.

    I have been with my husband 14 years, married 13 next month. We have been through so many things together & while we don't always see eye to eye we will always be there for one another.
  • iwannabeonthebeach
    iwannabeonthebeach Posts: 146 Member
    21 years next month. When I figure it out I'll let you know. :laugh:
  • LetsTryThisAgain54
    LetsTryThisAgain54 Posts: 381 Member
  • jonsey_s
    jonsey_s Posts: 222
    Not getting divorced seems important......
  • cruzcrzyMarie
    cruzcrzyMarie Posts: 251 Member
    My parents have been married for 24 years. They say humor =}

    We've been married 30 years. When I read your title the first thought was "laughter".
  • amsipub
    amsipub Posts: 84 Member
    Never getting married.
    Marriage is the transfer of wealth from men to women.

    http://www.lifesitenews.com/news/young-men-giving-up-on-marriage-women-arent-women-anymore/

    Not really, it's been reported that 40% of women make more money than their husbands. I also am one of those women.

    http://www.nytimes.com/2013/05/30/business/economy/women-as-family-breadwinner-on-the-rise-study-says.html?_r=0
  • AmyMgetsfit
    AmyMgetsfit Posts: 636 Member
    I have been married 37 years. We married pretty young. I was 20 and he was 22 and had our first baby and bought our first house within the first year. So a lot of stress for a young couple. We had only dated 7 months when we got married. It could have been doomed from the start. The main thing is we are both committed to making this work. Marriage can be hard work at times. There are times I don't really like him and find him annoying and the same thing goes for him towards me. But we do love and respect each other, that never stops. We both have the same values. We both come from families where our parents were married a long time before once of them passed. My parents were married 45 years when my mom died and his parents were married for 58years before his dad died. So we both had good role models for marriage and commitment. We also communicate pretty well.
  • mockchoc
    mockchoc Posts: 6,573 Member
    If successful means till death do we part then you'd best start to learn how to forgive and remember that when you fell in love you believed it was forever.
  • todayis4me
    todayis4me Posts: 184 Member
    Celebrated 13 years on Monday......we agreed in the beginning divorce was not an option....its been long, hard, happy, silly, sad, exciting, hot .....would not change it for the world. He is my best friend. You have to work together to make it work.......and Sex. Sex is great, simply great.
  • simsburyjet
    simsburyjet Posts: 999 Member
    Been married 22 years now and I think the key to a long marraige is
    I have no idea.. The time just flew by and we fight like cats and dogs.
  • PhillyPhatGirl
    PhillyPhatGirl Posts: 3 Member
    Humor, love, friendship, understanding, forgiveness. Holding hands. Still wanting to be with that person every single day and still finding lots of stuff to talk about.
  • Twisted_sista
    Twisted_sista Posts: 127 Member
    For my husband and I laughter and silliness is a daily occurrence in our household. We love to joke and tease each other!
    I think affection is important too!
    We've only been married 8 years though so ask me that again in 10 years I might feel differently lol
  • Twisted_sista
    Twisted_sista Posts: 127 Member
    My parents have been married for 24 years. They say humor =}

    We've been married 30 years. When I read your title the first thought was "laughter".

    My first thought was laughter as well!
  • Twisted_sista
    Twisted_sista Posts: 127 Member
    My parents have been married for 24 years. They say humor =}
    My parents have been married for over 50 yrs. He wore a uniform when they married and she was a brilliant cook. So he got a better deal as he retired from the army a few years back.
    But I think patience plays a lot in a marriage.
    Hence I'm single :laugh:

    Haha patience is a good one. I sure need it most days lol
  • Trust and faithfulness =)
  • hbrittingham
    hbrittingham Posts: 2,518 Member
    Married 21 years and together 2 years before that.

    Understand that marriage takes work. A good marriage doesn't just happen.

    Communicate with each other and listen to each other.

    Let your spouse know you find them sexually desireable and have sex often. Not only is it fun, the intimacy brings you closer together outside of the bedroom.

    If you are having problems in your marriage, don't be afraid to seek out marriage counseling. That can help iron out the bumps in your marriage.

    Fight for your marriage when things are bad. Don't give up on it, there's a reason you got married in the first place.

    Laugh together! Have fun with each other. My husband and I spend all of our free time together because we are best friends and like spending time doing fun stuff, and not so fun stuff, together.

    Treat your spouse like they are a friend. You treat your friends with respect and don't get all nasty and snarky with them, treat your spouse that same way.

    Mutual love and respect. Don't do things behind your spouse's back that you wouldn't do right in front of them.
  • lisaanne1369
    lisaanne1369 Posts: 377 Member
    My parents been married for 49 years and in there younger harder years....Who ever "wants out", gotta take the kids !
  • eric_sg61
    eric_sg61 Posts: 2,925 Member
  • kelsully
    kelsully Posts: 1,008 Member
    Not getting divorced.

    That sounds snarky but we just did not quit when it would have been really easy to the last few years. We have made it through the other side of a long journey but always said that we were married and that divorce wasn't really an option, even though we knew it was and even though we both wanted to at different points in the three years (been married 13) we said no divorce. Mind you there was no cheating or abuse just unhappiness but we fought hard, and are fighting hard to be happy married people instead of unhappy married people.
  • sjmitchner
    sjmitchner Posts: 121 Member
    Communication. Almost every problem my hubby and I have had came down to poor communication. Be clear about what you want, need, expect, desire, fear, ect. The rest will fall into place, imo.
  • dancingj2
    dancingj2 Posts: 4,572 Member
    25 years for us :) I think a few things have helped.

    Humor - If you can't laugh at life together from time to time it is lots tougher.

    Talking - this helps keep us keep connected and understanding each other.

    Going to bed mad - I know this goes against most advice but when we wake up the next morning we really can't remember why we were so mad and can work out any issue that may need to fixed.
  • fannyfrost
    fannyfrost Posts: 756 Member
    Most things were mentioned the 2 keys:

    Don't sweat the small stuff - no reason to flip your lid over a dish not cleaned or a spot on the carpet. It's stuff just move on.
    Take time to be together and have fun. Stay friends
  • gatorginger
    gatorginger Posts: 947 Member
    Compromise, trust, and a relationship with God. One thing I will say is when a married couple have a problem the only way to get through it is to come up with a resolution to solve it or else you will continue to fight about it over and over and over.
  • lyngoode
    lyngoode Posts: 197 Member
    Live in separate houses