Creepy guy at the Gym
Replies
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My definition of creepy is crossing boundaries, either explicitly stated ones, such as if you ask him to leave you alone and he doesn't, or generally understood social boundaries, such as approaching a stranger and making a sexual comment. If all he did was introduce himself, I don't think that's creepy. If him using the machine next to you makes you uncomfortable, move to a different one. If he then follows you, then he's starting to cross the line into creepy.
(Edit was to fix a typo)0 -
You know, I don't get this at all.
A guy speaks to you, asking you about running, which you were doing previously to him speaking to you and you think he is being creepy???
Seriously, why is it that when a bloke speaks to a female he does not know, he is being considered "creepy" or "strange"l I have even seen somebody suggest on these forums a while back in a similar circumstance (guy talking to a female in the gym whom he didn't know) to be maced!!!! It borders on the absolute ridiculous and insane and I am beginning to wonder just who really is the "strange" one in some of these circumstances!
I mean, what the hell is this?
Look OP, if somebody speaks to you, answer them and go on with your business, there is nothing creepy about one adult speaking to another at all, it is merely human interaction.
If you don't want to speak to him in future, be short and sweet with all answers, he will get the message in the end.0 -
I need to get on the good side of the God. I know what to do. I shouldn’t, but I must. Its for the greater glory of my weight. I must conquer the creepy bro at the gym.
We know this bro. He’s the one that spends 2 hours doing nothing but checking out the girls and working his upper body. And anytime a girl makes the mistake of looking in his general direction, he walks up to them. Creeping them. I must make the sacrifice of creeping the creeper. It must be done. When he walks up to the girl, I grab the weights he’s been lifting and sweating over and start licking them and start rubbing his Olympic bar between my thighs and making eye contact with him. I do it until he leaves the poor girl alone. Small sacrifice to make the weigh scale God happy.
Now this was taken from one of taunto's threads...creep the creeper I say FTW.0 -
pfft trolls be trolling0
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It honestly doesn't sound like this guy was creepy at all. To me, it sounds like you are extremely self conscious and can't handle someone bothering to look in your direction. In that case, run outside in the rain.
I have to agree with this. OP...you commented that everyone 'turned their head' when he started talking to you? Maybe everyone else is creepy too if they have to turn their heads whenever people are talking in the gym or approach someone else.0 -
You were running, he asked you about running, maybe he appreciated the speed you were going, your technique, or how you found it so easy. or maybe he wanted to ask you out cause he liked you and thinks you are single? he could be doing a sponsored run/half maraton/full marathon and wanting tips.
Creepy is when someone takes his breaks while you are working out, looking down your top while squating and deadlifting, then looking at your *kitten* in the mirror at the same time (then he goes red when is caught on! but that ended up funny)
You could of atleast talked to him about running, since you obviously dont know the motive he had to talk to you in the first place if you thought he was creeping.
It would be bad if he was a shy guy, that just had his confidence crushed though.0 -
OK I've read about 10 responses, and I'm bored already. Are you a little girl? Or are you a grown woman? Because if it's the latter, you don;t need to bring a friend or boyfriend for "protection." Just tell the guy you're there to work out and don't want any socializing. Period. If he creeps next to you, move to another treadmill. If he continues, then you've got a true creeper. Then you talk to management. But right now, he's a friendly guy. This gym could possibly be one of these with a rep for hook ups. Make it clear you're not there for that, and the dude will go away.0
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I do think it's a little strange that he had the courage to talk to you once, but now, in your eyes, follows you around without saying a word. I can see how that might been seen as "creepy." But, even if the guy is shy and/or his intentions are innocent, that doesn't take away your right to feel the way you feel about the situation. Don't listen to other posters who dismiss your discomfort, you are allowed to feel uncomfortable in any situation that you feel uncomfortable in. I have a friend with severe social anxiety, I would never tell her she shouldn't feel uncomfortable in a crowd because the situation is "innocent," if she feels uncomfortable, that is how she feels and we try to avoid those situations. That being said, the first thing you should do is just try to remove yourself from the situation, either by moving to another treadmill or by telling him that he is making you uncomfortable. He may just apologize for the misunderstanding and explain himself or get out of your way. If he continues to follow you around after you have made it clear you are uncomfortable, then it is okay to speak with management as he is clearly violating the boundaries you set.
Personally: This happened to me surprisingly often in the US. There was one guy who came in one day, got on the treadmill next to me and said "hey" and did one of those head nods toward me with some sort of weird face (I think he was trying to make some sort of "suave/cool" head nod at me, but it came off in a super awkward, kind of funny way). I just nodded and went on with my workout, ignoring him. He started to do the same thing every day (with the awkward nod and everything), even when all the other treadmills were empty (and the gym had about 20 treadmills all along the wall so there were plenty of spaces). I mostly just ignored him until one day he came in reeking of cologne, so much so that I couldn't breathe. Just as he was jumping on the treadmill next to me to say "hey" I had to jump off and move to the end of the row of 20 treadmills just to get away from the smell so I could breathe. He got the picture, and even though I was obviously not interested, I felt a little bad. I wanted my space, of course, but I didn't dislike him so much that I needed to move 20 treadmills away, it was just to escape his cologne!0 -
I think staring at her all the time and constantly taking the treadmill next to her has crossed the line to creepy. She hasn't expressed any interest in him, yet he keeps doing those things.Honestly doesn't sound like he's crossed the "creepy" threshold just yet. Next time he takes the treadmill next to you move. He might get the hint just from that.
Yeah, this.
You may want to consider that in fact he is just being friendly.
Not every man expects he will have sex with every single woman he talks to during his day. I know, its hard to believe but true.
Telling management would be a spineless, douche-bag move.
Part of me sympathizes with you, and the male part of me is slightly annoyed that members of the opposite sex paying attention to you is a "problem" at the gym. Must be nice....
"You know this one time this woman at the gym kept looking at me and tried talking to me. What a creeper." It sounds just weird. Double standards man. Double standards.
That isn't "paying attention" to her. That's borderline stalking. It IS creepy.
Imagine yourself in this situation with a woman. She's not particularly attractive to you and you have been polite but cold, yet she follows you everywhere and stares at you constantly. You'd be flattered by that?0 -
Ok so... help me out, what is a good approach?
You're hot, I'm digging it, we're at the gym. What would at least not cause you to immediately go home and blog/forum post about my creepiness.
I've always been curious at that.
She would have to be in to you. And perhaps hoping that you would say something to her. You would approach her in exactly the same way, but in one instance the police should be called and in the other you get the digits. All you have to do is read minds. Or look like a movie star.
The flip side is that if she's hoping you approach her but you don't she's going to come on the forums and accuse you of being gay0 -
Ask him in front of everyone to please stop staring at you it is making your workouts not nice. Be sure to say BEFORE you ask him this that you know he is going to deny that he has been staring at you but you want to ask this of him anyway. If he insists on denying it then don't bother calling him a liar but say ok whatever but please stop staring at me I have as much right to be here as anyone else. Please don't make me have to make a formal complaint about intimidation.
Having been a woman that men stared at constantly up until a few years ago, I had to deal with this **** from the age of 11 to the age of early 40's. I'm so glad to be not stared at anymore it was super annoying and oh so NOT FLATTERING at all.
Don't be afraid to look like you are not a nice person, you have the right to work out without feeling uncomfortable.0 -
You were running, he asked you about running, maybe he appreciated the speed you were going, your technique, or how you found it so easy. or maybe he wanted to ask you out cause he liked you and thinks you are single? he could be doing a sponsored run/half maraton/full marathon and wanting tips.
Creepy is when someone takes his breaks while you are working out, looking down your top while squating and deadlifting, then looking at your *kitten* in the mirror at the same time (then he goes red when is caught on! but that ended up funny)
You could of atleast talked to him about running, since you obviously dont know the motive he had to talk to you in the first place if you thought he was creeping.
It would be bad if he was a shy guy, that just had his confidence crushed though.
She's not responsible for his confidence. Chances are her intuition is spot on. If she felt he was creepy then he was creepy.0 -
Creepy is when someone takes his breaks while you are working out, looking down your top while squating and deadlifting, then looking at your *kitten* in the mirror at the same time
That's the definition of creepy, then? Nothing else can be creepy?
Women need to trust their instincts. If they're feeling creeped, they're probably being creeped. I suspect there would be fewer sexual assaults if women trusted their instincts and stopped worrying about being polite to men who can't take a hint.0 -
On a serious note, because it has happened to me... just be honest with him and tell him it is creeping you out and you don't appreciate it. I'm always upfront and honest, and when I said that, the guy left me alone. If he doesn't then report him....especially if you have talked to him about it and told him you liked your personal space. Seems kinda simple if you are the type of person that doesn't mind confronting her/his problems upfront. Personally that is the best way to be.
THIS!0 -
It sounds like you're extremely self conscious. "Everyone" turned their head? really now?
A man talking to a woman he doesn't know about an activity she was specifically doing is considered creepy now? Its not like he asked you what you wore in bed last night.0 -
I suspect there would be fewer sexual assaults if women trusted their instincts and stopped worrying about being polite to men who can't take a hint.
No. There would be fewer sexual assaults if sexual assaulters quit sexually assaulting.0 -
*sigh*I suspect there would be fewer sexual assaults if women trusted their instincts and stopped worrying about being polite to men who can't take a hint.
No. There would be fewer sexual assaults if sexual assaulters quit sexually assaulting.
Yes, the way to not be a victim is to expect that by telling bad people not to do bad things will stop them from donig bad things.
As I'm walking down a dark alley alone one night and a rapist jumps out, I'll just say, "Hey, don't do that. It's mean." I'm sure that will work.0 -
Give him your #0
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A lot of pretty harsh responses to this post! OK, I think the OP is overreacting. Talking to someone about an obvious interest is not creepy per se. However, it is difficult for the OP (who, for whatever reason, does NOT want to talk to this man, as is her right) to just tell him so - there is a wealth of social pressure brought to bear on women to 'be nice' - that is, to be passive, receptive, and accomodating. Even one of the comments above suggests that she 'entertain his conversation' when she has made it clear she does not want to - would you tell a man he has to 'entertain the conversation' of some bore who starts talking to him at the gym? Or is it only women who have to diplomatically negotiate unwanted approaches from men so as not the hurt their feelings?
It is difficult to fight all that conditioning and just turn around and say "I'm sorry, but I don't want to talk to you, please don't talk to me again", or to ostentatiously move machines when he come over to her. It is hard to do this, as the guy and other people will think you are "a *****", or God forbid, "full of yourself" - something we have trained out of us from little girls upwards, never to be 'vain' or arrogant (read, have a good opinion of ourselves). To say that you're 'not interested' implies that you think that they Are interested - in you! Arrogant! Full of yourself! *****!
Personally, I think the gym is a weird place to approach a stranger. They're there to work out, not to make friends or dispense advice - that's what the trainers are paid to do. I once had someone approach me in a swimming pool(!) at university; after a circuitous, awkward, floating, nearly naked conversation, he asks for a date - I politely refused and asked him to let me get on with my swim. This guy ended up mildly stalking me for the rest of my time at university - coming to the pub I worked in every week, getting drunk and seizing my hand across the bar and going on and on about how much he liked me, trying to give me mix CDs and gifts, getting offended and weepy when I refused to let him buy me drinks (didn't want to encourage him you see).
It's not vanity or paranoia that makes women go automatically on the defensive; it's not wanting to give, or be seen to have given, 'mixed messages' - think of that obnoxious Blurred Lines song. A concerning number of men think that they 'know you want it' when actually you're just being polite; and then when you are forced to make it explicit that you do not, you either get abuse and denials - "like I'd touch you with a bargepole, you ugly *****" - or sulking because you 'led him on' (i.e. gave him the time of day).
Personally, these days, I make it clear, polite and explicit from the outset - "I'm sorry, I'm busy"; "I'm sorry, I don't want to talk to you / get a drink with you / go out with you"; I would never say "I'm sorry, I have a boyfriend" (even though I do) because to some men, this is seen as a 'challenge' rather than an insurmountable obstacle.0 -
Go in at a different time of day0
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I am a long distance runner and normally run on the roads..but because its raining and it can get hot at times I been running in treadmill at the gym. The Gym is small and I am always conscious about myself as everyone is watching everyone else .So I am a on with my earphone listening to music ..After my one hour run I was stretching ..this random dude walks to me and tries to talk to me..everyone at the gym turns there head. He ask some question about running basically he was trying to introduce himself
I was answering without being friendly nor being rude. After that I was trying to avoid any kind of eye contact with him and stay away from him. After that day he has been checking me out and staring all the time when I stretch and always taking the treadmill me next to me even if the rest of the treadmills are empty . This is really disappointing me and I cant concentrate on my run
Did anyone has same experience ??
Have you told him that while you're flattered, you aren't interested? You know, just own and control the situation?
well said0 -
Act like you have a really nasty cold and wipe your nose with the back of your hand. I bet he'll leave you alone.
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Creepy was the day that I found a handwritten note on my car at the gym that read "I have been watching you..." At least you know who is watching and you have the opportunity to advise him that you are not interested! I would try subtle hints as others advised such as moving to another machine or mentioning that you don't prefer to converse when working out. If he persists then be direct and say thanks but that you are simply not interested. If he still continues to pursue you it is harassment and management should get involved.
This seems like a reason to call the cops.0 -
Honestly doesn't sound like he's crossed the "creepy" threshold just yet. Next time he takes the treadmill next to you move. He might get the hint just from that.
Yeah, this.
You may want to consider that in fact he is just being friendly.
Not every man expects he will have sex with every single woman he talks to during his day. I know, its hard to believe but true.
Telling management would be a spineless, douche-bag move.
Part of me sympathizes with you, and the male part of me is slightly annoyed that members of the opposite sex paying attention to you is a "problem" at the gym. Must be nice....
Yes, this I think. My attitude is "check me out baby!!". Women can be a bit weird about this kind of thing. Don't give them any attention and they are not happy............give them attention and they are not happy. Personally, I lap that sh1t up
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I only read the original post!
I Hate when I talk to a guy and he assumes all of sudden that means I am opening a door for the love doctor to get to work.... I am married... and I can be friendly to the opposite sex with out wanting to date them... I have had guy friends my entire life without dating them.... Be cautious because I know as a girl who has guy friends... Just because a guy talks to you, or thinks your personality is cute or fun... does not mean he is interested in you as a date!
If you don't like him... move away.. and bring a "boyfriend" to the gym once or twice so that he will see it.0 -
I have to say that I think the guy is just taking a chance. Unless you have a ring on, there is no way we would know that you are not interested unless we try. I think we have to be careful assuming that just because a guy is talking to you and being nice, he must want something else. I can assure you that is not always the case.
Now with that being said, if the guy gives you a creepy vibe, just mention a boyfriend or husband.0 -
I think a lot of "I'm being watched" is in peoples heads. A lot of people who go to the gym might watch what you are doing but it might be and usually is I would say so that they can learn something. I'm not one for going up to a random chic at the gym, but conversation between work outs isnt a bad thing. It has been said before, but not ever guy that talks to a chic is trying to get something else out of it. Sex might be on my mind 24/5, but just because I strike up a conversation don't mean I'm trying for it right then and there.0
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not even a tiny problem. Just get a HILLARY 2016 shirt and ERA shirts. you won't have to say or do anything. he'll leave you alone -
or at least I'm pretty sure that's the reason they leave me strictly alone
Feminazi. they hate that (doesn't have to be true, just put it out there and let them draw their own conclusions)0 -
A few years ago I had a creepy gym friend. I was pretty skeeved out for awhile but I made it clear that I wasn't interested and he ended up being a pretty fun person to hang out with at the gym.0
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I love the judgyness of people who have never had a close call, never been grabbed or attacked or intimidated. it must be lovely to come from a perspective of never having been in sexual danger and tell those who have that they're silly ###'s for following their gut instinct when somebody makes them uncomfortable.0
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