"Don't lose any more weight!"

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  • LucyT4dieting
    LucyT4dieting Posts: 284 Member
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    I actually had my doctor say this to me, and this was BEFORE I got to my goal weight.....crazy, huh?
  • Legs_McGee
    Legs_McGee Posts: 845 Member
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    The only person I've ever had say this to me is my mom and I think it's because she lives in another state so she was just hearing numbers and not seeing me in person and binge assured that I'm healthy. But I pointed out that I've weighed less in years past and she thought I looked good then.
  • SaraC1977
    SaraC1977 Posts: 51
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    People say this to me all the time and I can honestly say it has never been out of concern. I've decided on a few reasons why....

    1. This is their way of complementing you. They are actually really impressed with your weight loss and want you to know that you look fantastic just the way you are.

    2. You're a lot smaller/skinner than you think. At 5'7 and 155 pounds, I still could lose a few pounds. However, when I looked at a photo of myself the other day I was so tall and skinny, it startled me. So I could understand why telling someone I want to lose an additional 10 pounds would be like..."whyyyyy?"

    3. It's their way of acknowledging your weight loss. Believe it or not, talking about weight is very awkward for people. They want to give you praise for it, but sometimes just don't know how.

    4. I usually get this compliment when I tell people how much I lost. Which makes me believe they don't understand how much 1 pound of fat looks like. When I say 101 pounds, some people could imagine a 101 pound child. That's a lot of weight and I understand when people say "you don't need to lose anymore." It's hard to comprehend. lol

    I think you're reading too much into it. I usually smile and appreciate the fact that someone notices my hard work.


    I AGREE with all of the above. I think that's definitely a way of complementing. Also, while it is indeed no one's else business how much you lose or not, I have had other friends that lost weight and keep going to the point of anorexia. It's euphoric and people enjoy the attention so they keep going not realizing it's too much. Sometimes, if you love someone, you have to step in and say "enough is enough" even if it ticks them off. I know that's not your case, but may be for others.
  • autumnsquirrel
    autumnsquirrel Posts: 258 Member
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    Why do people think its okay to say this? People would never have turned and said to me "please don't gain any more weight" but the number of friends, family members and patients that say "please dont lose any more weight" to me is astonishing! I'm not even skinny!! I'm a nice healthy 142-145 at 5'4 and at the top end of a 'healthy BMI'. I dunno.....it just annoys me! Anybody else encountering this or criticisms for losing?!
    I would love for someone to say this to me, LOL!!!!!! When i was pregnant with my son, I was barely in the first trimester, when someone told me "Don't get fat".
  • jchadden42
    jchadden42 Posts: 189
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    I have actually said, "Why? Do you keep finding it?"
  • anw120
    anw120 Posts: 6 Member
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    I think it also has a little to do with a change in perception people have, we live in a society that has more people who are overweight than at their bodies healthy weight, so many of them start accepting it as a new norm. Many overweight women around me tell me that I don't need to loose weight because compared to them I am little, but for my body structure I am pushing the high end of normal weight and carry it almost all in the tummy which is not ideal for health purposes. I too try to take it as a compliment and just remind myself of what my goals are.

    Plus that comment is better than the other common question/comment I get which is "When are you due?".
  • jessicamariedow
    jessicamariedow Posts: 1
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    I totally feel your pain! I get this from my parents, kids, boyfriend, you name it they've all said it, it is the most annoying thing in the world to me! I need support from these people while I struggle with weight loss. I guess the best thing to do is explain to them how much it bothers you and that you would appreciate their support. Good luck
  • 1linde
    1linde Posts: 34 Member
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    Definitely a backhanded compliment - they just can't say "YOU LOOK GREAT!" You know you probably do look great as you are but you want to look better for you. Go for it and just smile. I think when you change in a positive way and others are stuck in their old habits - like they are overweight - they feel defensive and guilty. We all know it takes time and commitment to lose a great deal of weight and it isn't always easy.

    Congrats on your fantastic accomplishment.
  • sweetpea129
    sweetpea129 Posts: 755 Member
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    I get this all.the.time. now. And my goal is still 10-15 lbs away. Its so rude and annoying. Yes, it may be compliment from some people but its absolutely jealousy and rude from most people I get it from. They say it every single time i see them. I got it, you think I should stop losing weight now. And i think you should start losing weight but I dont say that.
  • tallulah81
    tallulah81 Posts: 15 Member
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    Do you think they are jealous type people?
  • 40mpw
    40mpw Posts: 75 Member
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    People say this to me all the time and I can honestly say it has never been out of concern. I've decided on a few reasons why....

    1. This is their way of complementing you. They are actually really impressed with your weight loss and want you to know that you look fantastic just the way you are.

    2. You're a lot smaller/skinner than you think. At 5'7 and 155 pounds, I still could lose a few pounds. However, when I looked at a photo of myself the other day I was so tall and skinny, it startled me. So I could understand why telling someone I want to lose an additional 10 pounds would be like..."whyyyyy?"

    3. It's their way of acknowledging your weight loss. Believe it or not, talking about weight is very awkward for people. They want to give you praise for it, but sometimes just don't know how.

    4. I usually get this compliment when I tell people how much I lost. Which makes me believe they don't understand how much 1 pound of fat looks like. When I say 101 pounds, some people could imagine a 101 pound child. That's a lot of weight and I understand when people say "you don't need to lose anymore." It's hard to comprehend. lol

    I think you're reading too much into it. I usually smile and appreciate the fact that someone notices my hard work.

    I agree with all of the above and I'd like to add one more:

    5. Change is hard for people. The people around you are accustomed to seeing you look a certain way. A change in your appearance can be jarring. Their brain pouts, "This is not what I am used to!" If your "normal" for years has been 35% body fat and your inner circle sees you whittle it down to 25%, you do not look "normal" to them anymore. However, just like you, they will process the change and adjust to your new normal.
  • LBNOakland
    LBNOakland Posts: 379 Member
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    I think I'm going to take the tack: "OK I won't if you won't gain any more either!" next time. OK not really but man would it be satisfying :laugh:

    :laugh: Or you could say, "Why? Tired of gaining what I lose??" That will shut them up!
  • lornathommo
    lornathommo Posts: 16
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    I also do not understand why noone made a peep when i was at my heaviest... im 5'2 and was 204 pounds... and i WISH that someone would have shaken me and screamed "GIRL WTF, youre getting chubby!! stop it!"
    Ive always been a tom-boy and never cared much about my own appearance or fashion.. but looking back at pictures of myself from 2011...holy hell! i looked TERRIBLE. And noone who claimed to love me...ever said a word.

    Everyone bubbles now, on and on, about how crazy it is that i lost 30+ pounds or how good im looking... where were they when i needed a kick in the head??

    Totally with you on this one!!!
  • lornathommo
    lornathommo Posts: 16
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    So today I had my first 'you haven't gone anorexic have you?'comment. FFS!!!!!!
  • ysanne88
    ysanne88 Posts: 16 Member
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    I hate the doubt standards when it comes to weight! People think its fine to say things like "You could do with abit more meat on you", the reverse of that would probably be met with a right hook.

    And when people refer to curvier, bigger women as 'real women'.

    I used to get cast out of conversations when I worked in an office, like I was never allowed to say how much I'd eaten if I felt like a pig that day, or discuss how I was staying clear of certain foods or anything like that, just because I wasn't massive.

    So long as you know you're being healthy, let it go in one ear and out the other. If it really does bother you just say you find it offensive, if they carry on after that they are clearly *kitten*!
  • NattyJayne1991
    NattyJayne1991 Posts: 25 Member
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    Perhaps they feel intimidated by how much you have achieved? Sometimes it takes time for other people to adjust to the changes but it shouldn't let it get to you. Be proud of your achievements and do this for you :)
  • whitebalance
    whitebalance Posts: 1,654 Member
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    I got it from my mom a few times... "You look great, but you're done losing weight, right, you're not going to lose any more? Please tell me you don't want to lose any more weight."

    Then we went out to eat together for a friend's birthday. I ordered my usual healthy fare and ATE ALL THE FOODS, including a portion of the so-so birthday dessert. I had pre-logged it all; I knew it was fine and I wasn't agitated over what to order. There was room for it. In addition to real food at every meal (over 100g protein a day), my diary often includes a bigass cookie, an 8-12 ounce cup of frozen yogurt, or something else splurgey.

    After that dinner, I told her that's what I do: I eat, I move, I log. Offered to show her my diary here on MFP, and at some point I will sit her down at the computer and walk her through a few weeks to give her some peace of mind. Because she's my mom. She's seen me through a mild bout of boyfriend-induced anorexia; even though that was over 25 years ago, she's still entitled to worry a little and get some reassurance.

    Anyone else, I just say, "Yyyyyeeeah... Tell ya what, let's go to lunch!"
  • theseus82
    theseus82 Posts: 255 Member
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    Apologies: I'm not going to read 7 pages of post. I just wanted to add my experience with OP:

    I've struggled with this problem too. I've discussed my ideal weight and BMI with my doctor. But my mom has continually expressed concern when I've told her my target weight. I always remind her that my goals were discussed and seconded by my physician.

    I even had modified my target weight to avoid the headache of explaining all of this repeatedly to my mom. But in the last week I've decided to return to my original target weight goal. It's my body and I feel it's my right to stay with the goal that I chose with the support of my doctor. My mom will just have to come round to the idea that I've weighed my decision and that the appropriate care has been given to making my goal.

    By BMI, I'm actually going to be on the upper end of the "normal" range. But I *am* factoring in excess skin weight as well.
  • MickeyBoo
    MickeyBoo Posts: 196 Member
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    I also do not understand why noone made a peep when i was at my heaviest... im 5'2 and was 204 pounds... and i WISH that someone would have shaken me and screamed "GIRL WTF, youre getting chubby!! stop it!"
    Ive always been a tom-boy and never cared much about my own appearance or fashion.. but looking back at pictures of myself from 2011...holy hell! i looked TERRIBLE. And noone who claimed to love me...ever said a word.

    Everyone bubbles now, on and on, about how crazy it is that i lost 30+ pounds or how good im looking... where were they when i needed a kick in the head??

    I brought this up with my mum, why didn't she tell me I was so overweight, I had 50kg to lose and she said nothing, didn't she care? But she made a valid point when she asked if it really would have helped or made me feel judged and worse about myself, taking into consideration my headspace and very fragile self esteem, and yes she was right, it would have made me feel like **** and I would have binged on a bag of chips to stuff it all down a little further and not done anything about it until I was ready on my own.
  • 2woof
    2woof Posts: 65 Member
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    I have spent my whole life being thin at the end of a long line of hefty brothers and sisters. First it was 'at 20 you'll be fat' then 25, 30, 35, 40 - still waiting!! I have come to the conclusion that the current trend of blaming everything on genes has been ruined in my family by me so no one has an excuse for being couch potatoes (they really are, I am not being unfair).

    It also appears to be perfectly acceptable to be told you are too thin by people you have just met too. They are then surprised that I comment honestly on their weight, not unkindly but in the same unbelievably bad mannered way they have spoken to me. This is no more acceptable than someone calling a person fatso in the middle of the street.

    Sorry, turned into a small rant. :blushing:

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