Stop blaming husbands, wives, SO's, friends, etc.!!!
OtiWanKenobi
Posts: 340 Member
Just stop. Please.
You are accountable for your own actions... not anyone else. You were born into this world alone and not attached to anyone else to feel like they owe you their support.
Yes it's tough when the people closest to you don't "support" your efforts...but ultimately you're the one that's on this journey (not them) and have to learn how to deal with these obstacles. Losing weight is just not a journey of physically losing weight but is also a MENTAL/PSYCHOLOGICAL journey and all these struggles are what make YOU stronger.
Don't blame you husbands or wives or whomever for sabotaging you and stop resenting them because they don't want to eat like you do or exercise like you do.
I lived with my boyfriend, now husband for 3 years before we were married and of those two I started my weight loss journey. It was tough for me because he ate whatever he wanted meanwhile I starved. At first I resented him...but then I was unhappy and I made him unhappy and that made our relationship suffer.
I realized this quickly and learned that this is MY journey. If he wants to be healthy he will do it on his own terms....and I will set an example by living the life and not preaching it or forcing it down his throat.
Present day, we're married, I lost 50lbs and out of his own accord has started watching what he eats and is losing weight. Now I can cook for the both of us instead of preparing separate meals....and we're just as happy as we were before. Nothing's really changed except that we have one more thing in common.
Essentially...you're going to be presented with obstacles your entire life and how you deal with them is going to determine if your journey is successful. This is what makes WILL POWER stronger.
Ok I'm done.
You are accountable for your own actions... not anyone else. You were born into this world alone and not attached to anyone else to feel like they owe you their support.
Yes it's tough when the people closest to you don't "support" your efforts...but ultimately you're the one that's on this journey (not them) and have to learn how to deal with these obstacles. Losing weight is just not a journey of physically losing weight but is also a MENTAL/PSYCHOLOGICAL journey and all these struggles are what make YOU stronger.
Don't blame you husbands or wives or whomever for sabotaging you and stop resenting them because they don't want to eat like you do or exercise like you do.
I lived with my boyfriend, now husband for 3 years before we were married and of those two I started my weight loss journey. It was tough for me because he ate whatever he wanted meanwhile I starved. At first I resented him...but then I was unhappy and I made him unhappy and that made our relationship suffer.
I realized this quickly and learned that this is MY journey. If he wants to be healthy he will do it on his own terms....and I will set an example by living the life and not preaching it or forcing it down his throat.
Present day, we're married, I lost 50lbs and out of his own accord has started watching what he eats and is losing weight. Now I can cook for the both of us instead of preparing separate meals....and we're just as happy as we were before. Nothing's really changed except that we have one more thing in common.
Essentially...you're going to be presented with obstacles your entire life and how you deal with them is going to determine if your journey is successful. This is what makes WILL POWER stronger.
Ok I'm done.
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Replies
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Logical post.
Those are rare here.0 -
:flowerforyou: :drinker: :flowerforyou:0
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Logical post.
Those are rare here.
QFT
That's probably why anyone has barely commented. LOL. :drinker:0 -
It is kind of depressing to see how this "Everyone must strive to make my life easier because the world clearly revolves around me" attitude has permeated every segment of society.
I do expect the people who love me to support me, but for me, that simply means that they respect my choices and that they don't intentionally interfere with my goals. I don't expect them to bend over backward to accommodate my lifestyle, and I certainly don't insist that they do it with me. I also don't assume that anyone who tries to get me to eat a piece of cake is trying to sabotage me. I like cake. I think people who offer cake are nice. If I can't eat it for some reason (fasting, not enough calories left, etc.), I'll say "No, thanks, but you're awesome for offering me cake," rather than "How dare you?! Why don't you want me to be successful?"0 -
Great post! So true0
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But it's sooooo easy!
Too much logic....mind exploding.0 -
Personal responsibility is hard. Easier to blame other people for not catering to my needs and just stay fat.0
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People will give themselves excuses to fail, and this is one of the most common. It's a safety blanket. "Oh no, I gained 10 pounds! If only my husband was more supportive!" :sick:0
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I also don't assume that anyone who tries to get me to eat a piece of cake is trying to sabotage me. I like cake. I think people who offer cake are nice. If I can't eat it for some reason (fasting, not enough calories left, etc.), I'll say "No, thanks, but you're awesome for offering me cake," rather than "How dare you?! Why don't you want me to be successful?"
this is why you rock, Casey! :bigsmile: :flowerforyou:0 -
OP makes a good point! Well said!
For myself, I would be upset that my other half wasn't interested in MFP, rather than just that they were not eating healthy. (Does that make sense?) Really just because it is such an important thing in my life, it is how I keep it real with myself.
I don't blame others for my choices, because like you said, it is YOUR CHOICE!!!0 -
Word0
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I also don't assume that anyone who tries to get me to eat a piece of cake is trying to sabotage me. I like cake. I think people who offer cake are nice. If I can't eat it for some reason (fasting, not enough calories left, etc.), I'll say "No, thanks, but you're awesome for offering me cake," rather than "How dare you?! Why don't you want me to be successful?"
this is why you rock, Casey! :bigsmile: :flowerforyou:
but they made cake because they want you to be fat! not out of the kindness of their hearts! how do you not see all the sabotage?!?!0 -
I totally agree! While it's more difficult if your spouse/ SO is not supportive, you are still a grown-up and can make your own choices. My husband is very thin and fit, and he can eat anything he wants. He loves chocolate donuts, Hershey Kisses, and brownies. I do not have the metabolism to support eating whatever, whenever, but I don't deprive him of the things he loves and can eat without consequence. I buy him the treats he likes but I make sure that either I don't eat it or I eat a little bit within my calorie allotment. It is my job (not his) to make sure I'm monitoring what I eat and when I exercise. That being said, my hubby has been really supportive of me and my efforts. He helps me to make time to work out and compliments my progress with my weight, my strength training, etc. That means a lot, but the ultimate responsibility for me is ME!!0
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How an I stop blaming them when it's all their fault0
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I also don't assume that anyone who tries to get me to eat a piece of cake is trying to sabotage me. I like cake. I think people who offer cake are nice. If I can't eat it for some reason (fasting, not enough calories left, etc.), I'll say "No, thanks, but you're awesome for offering me cake," rather than "How dare you?! Why don't you want me to be successful?"
this is why you rock, Casey! :bigsmile: :flowerforyou:
Cake?!? I love cake!
QFT0 -
Best post I have read in a long time!
OP: YOU ROCK!
ROLL TIDE
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:drinker: :flowerforyou:
I was thinking the exact same thing :happy:0 -
This thread rocks
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It is kind of depressing to see how this "Everyone must strive to make my life easier because the world clearly revolves around me" attitude has permeated every segment of society.
I do expect the people who love me to support me, but for me, that simply means that they respect my choices and that they don't intentionally interfere with my goals. I don't expect them to bend over backward to accommodate my lifestyle, and I certainly don't insist that they do it with me. I also don't assume that anyone who tries to get me to eat a piece of cake is trying to sabotage me. I like cake. I think people who offer cake are nice. If I can't eat it for some reason (fasting, not enough calories left, etc.), I'll say "No, thanks, but you're awesome for offering me cake," rather than "How dare you?! Why don't you want me to be successful?"
THIS.
And if you bring me cake, i'll love you forever. Speshcially a decent victoria sponge, raspberry jam not strawberry. Cheers.0 -
I get what the OP is saying. But I happen to have support from absolutely everyone important around me, and I can still empathize with someone who doesn't have a supportive spouse, for example. My husband is SO supportive, and I think this helps me to realize how much more difficult it would be if he weren't.
No, I don't think (most) people are trying to sabotage anyone, but I do see how an unsupportive network would be more challenging.0 -
I agree with the OP
btw...I love cake but it doesn't love me back so we had to part ways.
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Its all on me. No one is force feeding us. I have the most control over my actions.0
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I also love the posts where people whine, "I want new MFP friends because my current ones don't support me and they post pictures of food and sabotage my day"!! Accountability people!!0
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Okay, I'll tell my husband that he should sit down next to me to eat an entire package of pepperoni, bag of chips etc etc etc and hold it out to offer me some every few minutes more often. I mean, someone on MFP said that it's okay for him to do it so I shouldn't get annoyed when he does. Good to know.
No, I don't take the food but there's not supportive and there's attempted sabotage. What's true in your world is not true in everyone's.0 -
It's nice to see something like this every now and again.0
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My wife is totally supportive, but my MFP friends sabotage me by posting pictures of pizza and ice cream. ISN'T THIS A FITNESS WEBSITE??!?!?!0
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Love it! You have a great story too. My husband is a skinny man who eats what he wants. I often have to prepare two sets of meals for everything, but so be it. I like looking and feeling good and he does too. Just because we're married doesn't mean we have to do everything alike and together. We're the only people who can make ourselves fat. Unless you have someone tying you to a chair and force feeding you. At least it's nice of them to let you use the computer? lol.0
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I understand all about personal responsibility, the OP makes an excellent point.
When you decide to make a drastic lifestyle change something somewhere in your life is bound to suffer. I was lucky, my husband has always supported me from the very beginning and loves when I cook made from scratch pure healthy meals for our little family, but along the way of losing almost 100 pounds I have received criticism and even lost some friends because they could not handle the new me and my new way of life.0 -
Best post I have read in a long time!
OP: YOU ROCK!
ROLL TIDE
CamoChick, your profile, ticker, and post all say Roll Tide. You are my new favorite person. Especially since I saw a picture of Leo Decaprio in an Auburn hat. Sad day
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I think some people do deliberately try to sabotage efforts to be healthy. That is a big fat signal that they need to be out of your life, ignored or otherwise disarmed. Sometimes all it takes is a good honest talk. But honestly I agree...no one can do this but you. My DH is a hard one to be around because he is skinny and loves to bake and cook and eat! He was actually sad when I dieted because he couldn't feed me ..lol. Once he understood just how important it was to me, he got on board. He helps, not by not eating, but by telling me earlier what he is cooking so I can determine if it fits or alter my portion or make a supplemental side dish. He bakes for parties and spreads the calories around a little. I asked him for these specific changes. He still did not do them until he saw how determined I was. Take yourself seriously and others usually will too. I don't argue with the food pushers or explain. I just say Thanks, not right now!0
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