Why do we as humans have a tendency to dislike fat people?
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The usual reasons, greedy, smelly, ugly, out of control, selfish, unprofessional...its interesting to see how career prospects open up and superiors in work start to appreciate your ideas once you look like a gym bunny...thats the most ridiculous part I have experienced so far...its all nuts; however we loose weight for health reasons...thats the only real reason I see...the rest is just human BS...Animals e.g. cats or dogs do not care what weight we are...and in most ways cats and dogs are a hell of a lot smarter than people; I don't see them taking antidepressants and worrying what people think of them...so I guess, be like a cat!0
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When I was a lot younger and naive I gradually gained about 7kg (15lb) after getting comfortable in a relationship of two years (as you do!) - my boyfriend (naturally a thin guy) actually got to the point in the last two months of our relationship that he refused to sleep in the same bed as me as he found me repulsive because of my weight gain. As the silly young girl I was I said I'd lose the weight - I got all 15lb off in 6 weeks, then he dumped me anyway.
I reckon looking back at it he had other issues and other excuses to end the relationship - he used my weight as an excuse - I've never forgotten that - and it did scar me because after we broke up I gained 20kg (44lb).
I will never let a guy determine whether I'm good enough or not because of my weight. I lose weight for me!0 -
Well that's very Fiddler on the Roof ...
But to answer the question, it's human nature to appreciate things that are pleasing to the eye. While this is a subjective concept, there is a general consensus these days that fat is not attractive. There are some people who are really into obese men and women, but for the most part, "fit" (or at least thin) is preferable to fat.
There is also the subconscious judgment that a fat person probably has undesirable character and personality traits (lazy, socially awkward, etc.). Studies have been done that have proven we associate physical attractiveness with success, a strong work ethic, a congenial personality, a sense of humor, and an ability to get along well with many different types of people, among other things. This is why people like your prospective husband's family and friends may not want you around.
Then there are the plain old biological signals ... a fit, attractive person is viewed as a better candidate for reproduction than someone who looks unhealthy. And this is not just about being fat ... people with bad hair, bad skin, people who are too thin, etc., are viewed in the same way. The appearance of being unhealthy sends a signal to potential mates that your offspring would be sickly and unlikely to survive. This is innate, so in terms of romantic partners, it's not that they don't like you. It's that they don't want to be physically intimate with you.0 -
People still do arranged marriages? What? People don't dislike fat people. Some just don't have as much respect for them. I have several overweight family members that I love dearly, but I do wonder why they don't care enough about themselves to do something about it. I feel uncomfortable mentioning it to them because they are unhappy with themselves and take it as someone being mean if their weight is mentioned. My advice is take care of your self. Don't worry about a relationship until you are happy with you. And for Pete's sake don't get married unless you are head over heels stupid in love with someone, not because your parents picked someone for you.0
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IN for all the funny comments about fat people smelling.:noway: I have never in my life thought that fat people smelled more than any other sized person.0
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There is so much tragedy in this thread I think. I really can't put a finger on all of it. I don't understand the arranged marriage thing if it's a culture thing or just like your parents took it upon themselves. Anyways, I can sort of relate even if I don't understand my mom tried to get me married off several times starting when I was 14 and people wonder why I didn't get along with her at all. And then the assumption that people are disliked for being fat. It is true that fat discrimination exists, I have seen enough 20/20 and programs like that where they covered that issue going into malls and sending the same person for a job interview only the second time going in that person wasn't wearing the fat suit. In many cases fat people weren't waited on or they didn't get the job. But, in many cases prolonged exposure to an individual fat person ie when people get to know you they like you just fine. In my case, I never had a problem getting raises or stalkers err interested parties, and I don't get a lack of attention when I am shopping, clerks are usually more than helpful.
My advice is to let your personality shine and you will do ok whether you lose weight or not. If you want to lose hopefully you will learn to want it to be healthier and more active rather than just worrying about how you look and how other people perceive you. It really is more important for you to love you than to have other people love you just because of how you look.0 -
It's because everybody knows that fat is a direct byproduct, in a vast majority of cases, of eating too much (=greed) and moving too little (=lazyness, lack of willpower). In our culture, both gluttony and lazyness are considered negative qualities, and we make this association subconsciously, even if we don't expressly "dislike fat people".
Another reason is cultural and aesthetic: our modern Western culture actively prizes thinness and slenderness and has done so for some time now, a century at least. The ideal flapper girl of the Twenties was thin and lithe (can't dance all that Charleston when you're 80 lbs overweight after all); and it's not true that pin-ups and popular actresses in the Forties and Fifties were "chubby". They were hourglass-shaped, yes, but generally they were not fat in any way (although some of course would be considered on the heavy side in our plastic Hollywood-subjugated culture, see Marilyn Monroe at some points of her life). While the criteria for conventional attractiveness may have been more lenient before the ultra-thin/fitness revolution of the Seventies, severe overweight and obesity haven't been "in" for some centuries now.
Why it is so, one can only guess. I think some of it has to do with the fact that we are literally overflowing with food in our Western society. While obesity may be a sign of wealth and prosperity in places where food is scarce, like Mauritania, in our culture where food is abundant the opposite is true - being thin is associated to stronger willpower (the ability to say no to food and be active) and correlated to a series of other positive qualities, i.e. wealth (the ability to have a healthier diet made of healthier, supposedly pricier food; the ability to exercise, probably with expensive equipment... etc. etc.).0 -
It should be all about what is on the inside BUT that is NOT the way it is!! Especially with men!!
Yes, because women aren't shallow At. All. Especially men? Really? Why don't we just group everyone of the same gender, pretend they are all the same and blame them for our own flaws. It's not us. It's them.
Seems legit.
This amuses me because I know more women than men who would dismiss men based on certain...physical attributes, with weight being one of the more common factors. There seems to be this stereotype of women where we'll 'settle' physically and date below our league but I don't know many chicks who actually do that.
And I would have to say i've witnessed the exact opposite. All of the women I know chose their partner because of how well they got along, what they had in common etc not based on looks. Yet the men I know....especially those who are now divorced and looking are only dating women based on their looks. Every conversation with these men is the same.... oh she's so sexy, hot etc. THey don't have a clue about who she really is and in most cases don't know what they even do for a living. I have 2 divorced male relatives who only talk about the looks of the girl they've dated or are currently dating. Its all about their looks. Yet what gets me is they're far from handsome. So apparently these women are not concerned about looks because as my husband says they could do a lot better.0 -
Ditto about it being cultural, not a 'human' thing.
There's a line in 'If I were a Rich Man' from Fiddler on the Roof:
"I see my wife, my Golde, looking like a rich man's wife, With a proper double-chin"
So in that culture, weight means riches and wealth etc...
In our culture, with our surplus of food, thinness is revered as a sign of restraint.
Or something like that.0 -
I think 2pac said it best! "Thats just the way it is"
I think Bruce Hornsby said it best... First ;-)0 -
Less so domestic animals, but plenty of other animals do go to some effort to use their body to attract a mate..its all nuts; however we loose weight for health reasons...thats the only real reason I see...the rest is just human BS...Animals e.g. cats or dogs do not care what weight we are..
A good reason of me wanting a good looking body is for that - partly because I'm attracted to women with 'fit' bodies, so seems reasonable to offer the same
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As for being treated differently - these days there's a general belief that being overweight isn't good for you.
The vast, vast majority of people can lose weight if they make an effort by eating less.
It does take a fair bit of dedication over a long time to get a 'gym' body.
Doesn't seem unreasonable to me that people would view such attributes positively and the opposite negatively.0 -
Just looking from a perspective of procreation purposes, being overweight likely means there may be signs of illness or disease. We still retain animal instincts of wanting to pass on our genes, so finding a mate that has good genes helps to ensure continuation of our lineage. Physical features (in body and face) attract the opposite sex and having offspring with the same will help ensure continuation too.Being a fat girl ever since I was in college, nobody was interested in me and couldn't find a guy for myself for which my parents decide to start looking for a life partner for me. We have this family friend whom we know since many years. My relatives asked them if they would like to move ahead and accept me as their daughter-in-law to which their son and his mom seemed to be okay, but his dad and his sister were not interested as I am a fat girl. I have been rejected by many guys because of the same reason.
Not only that, I have many times notices a change of behavior in my friends and relatives for me.
Not that am getting emotional or anything else here, but I always wonder why do people differentiate based on looks. Shouldn't a person's nature hold more importance over his/her looks.
We should be beyond how people look to accept them, but media and Hollywood influence so many out there.
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Been in fitness industry for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition0 -
It should be all about what is on the inside BUT that is NOT the way it is!! Especially with men!!
Yes, because women aren't shallow At. All. Especially men? Really? Why don't we just group everyone of the same gender, pretend they are all the same and blame them for our own flaws. It's not us. It's them.
Seems legit.
This amuses me because I know more women than men who would dismiss men based on certain...physical attributes, with weight being one of the more common factors. There seems to be this stereotype of women where we'll 'settle' physically and date below our league but I don't know many chicks who actually do that.
And I would have to say i've witnessed the exact opposite. All of the women I know chose their partner because of how well they got along, what they had in common etc not based on looks. Yet the men I know....especially those who are now divorced and looking are only dating women based on their looks. Every conversation with these men is the same.... oh she's so sexy, hot etc. THey don't have a clue about who she really is and in most cases don't know what they even do for a living. I have 2 divorced male relatives who only talk about the looks of the girl they've dated or are currently dating. Its all about their looks. Yet what gets me is they're far from handsome. So apparently these women are not concerned about looks because as my husband says they could do a lot better.
I know both men and women who are only focused on looks and I know men and women who focus on things such as personality, work ethic, and intelligence... because people are different, they have different preferences and different motivations.0 -
Yeah, still love you.Well that's very Fiddler on the Roof ...
But to answer the question, it's human nature to appreciate things that are pleasing to the eye. While this is a subjective concept, there is a general consensus these days that fat is not attractive. There are some people who are really into obese men and women, but for the most part, "fit" (or at least thin) is preferable to fat.
There is also the subconscious judgment that a fat person probably has undesirable character and personality traits (lazy, socially awkward, etc.). Studies have been done that have proven we associate physical attractiveness with success, a strong work ethic, a congenial personality, a sense of humor, and an ability to get along well with many different types of people, among other things. This is why people like your prospective husband's family and friends may not want you around.
Then there are the plain old biological signals ... a fit, attractive person is viewed as a better candidate for reproduction than someone who looks unhealthy. And this is not just about being fat ... people with bad hair, bad skin, people who are too thin, etc., are viewed in the same way. The appearance of being unhealthy sends a signal to potential mates that your offspring would be sickly and unlikely to survive. This is innate, so in terms of romantic partners, it's not that they don't like you. It's that they don't want to be physically intimate with you.
A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness industry for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition0 -
Evolutionists will argue that our brains are hard-wired to find the healthiest available mate for the purpose of procreation and any severe deviation in weight either way (boney / obese) is an evolutionary turn-off as it suggests poor genetic stock.
Psychologists will have a whole host of theories... they might say it's something to do with values we learned as we grow up ("mum was always on a diet"), or "ingroup-outgroup behaviour" or self-loathing that's projected onto others...
Sociologists will say it's all about power structures and discrimination, and how the corporate world, marketing and advertising shapes our views of what is acceptable....
Feminists will say it's all men's fault....
In reality it's probably a bit of this and a bit of the other...0 -
It's a cultural thing, and not a "human" thing. In previous times, chubbiness was prized. It represented wealth and fertility and the ability to endure during famine. In today's world, it is more extreme, and there is a cultural bias against people with more fat. But it is a culture thing, and not a human thing.
However, it sounds like you have some self-worth issues to look at. It's how you feel about yourself that matters,and just from your post I get the impression you undervalue yourself. Those feelings you have about yourself may be sending out signals to others that you don't value yourself and therefore, they don't find value in you, either. Change your attitude about yourself. Good luck! :flowerforyou:
^ This...The next thing is that you really have to see yourself for who you really are. You are a person of value. If you don't accept this about yourself there is no way that anybody else is going to perceive that about you. You have to respect yourself... You have to accept yourself for who you are... a person of value... a person who has something to offer.
Many times we assign our problems as being caused by excess weight when really they are problems associated with self-image. If you cannot see yourself as a person of value with something to offer, you cannot project that image to others... The weight can contribute to this but really, I suspect that if the weight were gone, you would still struggle with seeing yourself as you are and hence projecting that image out to others.
... and ^ this.
While external obesity is an observable characteristic, I think "Fat" is more of a mental perspective in a lot of ways. You can ask a lot of people who look relatively in shape/slender/thin/what have you, and I bet you they will still tell you that they feel "fat" or dumpy or sluggish on some days. It's a mental perspective and having that perspective, truly believing it, gets translated in the way you carry yourself, how you interact with others, the ways in which you demand you are treated. I know a lot of people think "but I do respect myself, I do demand to be treated well", but I don't really think so. It's an amazing thing when you absolutely refuse to be treated less than the best (which is what you deserve). You may find you get exactly what you want.0 -
Well that's very Fiddler on the Roof ...
But to answer the question, it's human nature to appreciate things that are pleasing to the eye. While this is a subjective concept, there is a general consensus these days that fat is not attractive. There are some people who are really into obese men and women, but for the most part, "fit" (or at least thin) is preferable to fat.
There is also the subconscious judgment that a fat person probably has undesirable character and personality traits (lazy, socially awkward, etc.). Studies have been done that have proven we associate physical attractiveness with success, a strong work ethic, a congenial personality, a sense of humor, and an ability to get along well with many different types of people, among other things. This is why people like your prospective husband's family and friends may not want you around.
Then there are the plain old biological signals ... a fit, attractive person is viewed as a better candidate for reproduction than someone who looks unhealthy. And this is not just about being fat ... people with bad hair, bad skin, people who are too thin, etc., are viewed in the same way. The appearance of being unhealthy sends a signal to potential mates that your offspring would be sickly and unlikely to survive. This is innate, so in terms of romantic partners, it's not that they don't like you. It's that they don't want to be physically intimate with you.
^^^ This, pretty much.0 -
Evolutionists will argue that our brains are hard-wired to find the healthiest available mate for the purpose of procreation and any severe deviation in weight either way (boney / obese) is an evolutionary turn-off as it suggests poor genetic stock.
Psychologists will have a whole host of theories... they might say it's something to do with values we learned as we grow up ("mum was always on a diet"), or "ingroup-outgroup behaviour" or self-loathing that's projected onto others...
Sociologists will say it's all about power structures and discrimination, and how the corporate world, marketing and advertising shapes our views of what is acceptable....
Feminists will say it's all men's fault....
In reality it's probably a bit of this and a bit of the other...
What she says!0 -
Size10Again seems like the most logical answer to the question. I would also like to add that people are born to be a--holes and parenting and society should teach us to be better than that. We live in a fallen and broken world.
Discrimination has a very broad reach.
I am married, 47 years old and have no children. I love children but have never had a burning desire to be a mother. When I tell people I do not have children, I get this sympathetic response, as if I have missed something in life. When I am around parents and their children, I sometimes get treated like I am invisible because I can't compare parenting stories. I get that children are wonderful, I understand the maternal instinct, and twice I miscarried. However, I am not devastated over it. I love my life and I did not miss life's big secret to happiness by not becoming a parent.0 -
It should be all about what is on the inside BUT that is NOT the way it is!! Especially with men!! My ex husband was thin and looked down on me when I put on so much weight! and let me tell ya he was NO prize as far as looks go but I didnt love him for his looks!!
One ay in line at the grocery store he told me that he wished he was with one of these smaller woman that was standing around waiting in line and then asks me why I cant look more like them!! Grrrr
I was always the chubby girl from the age of 10 but my personality won over my boyfriends and my first husband!! He never l;et my weight bother him one bit but things didnt work out for us and then the second marriage was a real blow to my ego and I went feeling as ann outsider in my own home for about 5 years until my son was 18 and I asked for a divorce! NOW I am on a journey to lose the weight for myself and my health and to get my hip fixed and live an active life from here on out and IF there comes a day when I find another man to fall in love with then he will except Me for Me or NOT at all!!
I wish you all the best things that this life has to offer and I wish for you to fin True love with a man that will really know how great you are inside and out!!! :flowerforyou:
Especially with men!!? Not true
I'll say this...and I've seen it go both ways too, soo...meh.
Sometimes, if you are good looking, you. can. say. anything....and it goes over stupidly well. Other times, if you are not, not so much :huh:
We were in our early 30's around 90's or so and I was the only one married with children in the group. We were tight knit and dependant on each other in & outside of work....it was a animal hospital & if you know anyone who's ever worked in one, they can be a crew that can only be tolerated by each other for a variety of reasons. Because of this, we worked and played closely together.
To top it off, it was a 24 hour emergency clinic, so we were quite well bonded after going through so much together on a regular basis.
One of the girls was really funny and I liked her a lot, as did the rest of the girls, she got on well with most of the group but was sometimes hard to deal with during a crisis (of which we faced elbow to elbow often). :blushing:
The guys we hung out with didn't favor her much. There was one who just hated her, it was embarrassing, but it was how he felt. :frown: In other words, he was happy to be chivalrous to the rest of us, but kind of curl his lip up at her. :noway: We used to lie to her and pretend it wasn't happening because it was awkward and we didn't want to make her feel bad.
Then there was one of us who was much MORE of more, pretty, young, blonde etc. She was really good at work but o.my.god. it was a nightmare when we went out. She started fights with girls around us, took off her clothes alot, did offensive things, got it on with any male she got near, making out with unknown men at the bar while waiting for drinks if no one was watching her, etc. (hence the fighting with other girls) yet, people fell all over themselves for her.
She thought it was hilarious and on the regular got us things for free & stuff like that...being a wee bit older, I found all of it just weird. They were my crew & I loved them, but as a student of human nature, it was bizarre to watch. Approval or disapproval was all about the delivery. Pretty blonde was absolutely hilarious when doing really dumb things :laugh: The other one, not so much...
OP; people are funny creatures & there are lots of subtle nuances to their behaviors. Forget them for a moment and think of yourself. If you are not happy, change it...but only change till YOUR happy with yourself and let the chips fall where they may. :drinker:0 -
oh and I saw the arranged marriage thing..Really???? That is like so 16th century ..me thinks this is troll thread....
Some of you really need to get out more.
OP - sorry you're dealing with this, I don't know if you're desi but this sounds like a typical Indian thing - don't let it get to you, some people are just idiots. Unfortunately in a straight up arranged marriage like this appearances (not just physical, but how you appear to the outside world - your education, manners, career, etc) are all that matters since there aren't really feelings involved, the family wants to show the girl off to the community. Its stupid and looking at your ticker you don't even have all that much to lose, so don't let this stupidity get to you. Lose weight for yourself if you want, and even if you are doing the arranged thing, you deserve much more than someone who is just "ok with you."0 -
and it's not true that pin-ups and popular actresses in the Forties and Fifties were "chubby". They were hourglass-shaped, yes, but generally they were not fat in any way (although some of course would be considered on the heavy side in our plastic Hollywood-subjugated culture, see Marilyn Monroe at some points of her life).
I'm going to have to object to using Marilyn as an example of heavy or chubby. She was overweight for maybe three months while filming "Some Like It Hot," and the reason for her full figure at that time was her pregnancy (she miscarried). I know that wasn't your main point, but it is such a common misconception about her. Her measurements were @36-24-34...hardly plus size.
Also, to the OP...most people don't hate fat people. Many fat people hate themselves, and it shows. Personally, I have never been thin, not even at my lowest weight, and yet the only time I had trouble attracting male attention or making friends was when I had a really sh*tty attitude in high school. Surprise, surprise. It's all in your attitude. Work on that first, the rest will follow. :flowerforyou:0 -
This is the answer. Thank you for typing it out for me so that I didn't have to do it. I am feeling lazy today.It's a cultural thing, and not a "human" thing. In previous times, chubbiness was prized. It represented wealth and fertility and the ability to endure during famine. In today's world, it is more extreme, and there is a cultural bias against people with more fat. But it is a culture thing, and not a human thing.
However, it sounds like you have some self-worth issues to look at. It's how you feel about yourself that matters,and just from your post I get the impression you undervalue yourself. Those feelings you have about yourself may be sending out signals to others that you don't value yourself and therefore, they don't find value in you, either. Change your attitude about yourself. Good luck! :flowerforyou:0 -
Hi I haven't read all the comments and I don't hate fat people or anything but I think attractiveness wise it can be partly due to the caveman sort of days where they'd be attracted to someone healthy, so anyone malnourished or overweight wouldn't be as healthy. I know plenty of overweight people who work out and are happy being larger.
Also don't forget about those men who pay to watch BBW s eat.0
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