Help!! Skinny Husband wont change to healthy meals

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Replies

  • MommyisFit
    MommyisFit Posts: 139 Member
    Not saying what you are doing is wrong, because what you do works for you. The point is that as a married couple, you need to discuss what would work for both people. Give and take.

    Sounds to me like what the OP is doing ISN'T working. She's not happy about it. Her husband isn't willing to give, but she has to?

    I was actually referring to your post - what you are doing works for you.

    As for the OP, I originally suggested (in a prior post) that she sits down and explains to him how this is important to her and they come up with a meal plan together that works for both of them.
  • sncerdoc
    sncerdoc Posts: 1 Member
    let the man he what he wants. your problem is clearly that your just eating waaaay too many calories and are not workin it off over your life. yes his metabolism may be better, but you are clearly over eating (not tryin to be mean). you can eat what he eats but just eat smaller portions. count your calories.
  • Dbernier1981
    Dbernier1981 Posts: 39 Member
    My fiance luckily is not very picky but he hates tofu, which I like. When I cook it I tell him he can do his own thing that evening. Or if I have a late excercise class and won't be back until later, I tell him he should go ahead and make food for himself. Its ok to cook separately sometimes. I hope he would be amenable to work with you. Maybe there can be alterations you can do. Maybe make him a lo mein with beef and give him mostly beef and noodles while you load up on the veggies side of it....stuff like that?
  • sgwhit
    sgwhit Posts: 119 Member
    N
  • Wildflower0106
    Wildflower0106 Posts: 247 Member
    The advice about telling him to fend for himself is kind of sad. You are married...

    Completely agree.

    I concur! It is becoming clearer to me as to why the divorce is so high.

    For those who didn't put the time in to read all the posts: op states on page one that she was not going to stop fixing dinner for him because she enjoys cooking for him after he gets home for work. Anybody posting she should make him cook for himself are not being helpful. Read people...
    People get divorced because the wife won't cook a specific meal for her husband?

    Kind of sad, actually.
    Valid points made, but I think that by saying he should fend for himself, is taking an easy way out of solving the bigger problem here; a married couple not supporting each other. Strength is in numbers and she is obviously wanting support, as you stated, so her sorting it out for herself is obviously not the solution.

    Why? I eat what I eat. My SO eats what he eats. We don't really even discuss food beyond if one of us makes something we know the other will eat and offer it or discussing going to a restaurant. It really isn't complicated or difficult.

    (This has worked for eight-plus years, FYI.)

    Wow if that is all you got out of my post there is no use in talking to you. Look I am in a traditional marriage, it works for us, The OP said she didn't want to stop cooking for her husband so telling her to let him fend for himself goes AGAINST what she said she wants and enjoys...
  • Dbernier1981
    Dbernier1981 Posts: 39 Member
    Actually for me and my fiance doing separate food occasionally works for us. I have no idea where that would EVER cause divorce. It just means he gets a night to make his favorite chicken wings or order a pizza which he loves since I usually make a lot of healthier options, he likes to do some nights that are a little bit more his style. Now of course I don't word it like "hey dude you are on your own"...I usually say " Hey I am planning on making some tofu and veggies tonight...you wanna do something else or would you like just the veggies with some rice maybe". He may opt at that point for doing his own thing. On nights where I am working out later, I cannot expect him to want to wait until 730-8 for me to get home and cook...so he will do something on his own. This works out well, we have a healthy adult relationship where we talk about our meal plans for the week and do what makes most sense for us.

    This post is not for the original poster, since I understand it sounds like you like traditional eating together....this was for the person who referred to divorce when people mentioned eating apart every once in a while
  • crystalleez
    crystalleez Posts: 50 Member
    First you have to remember just because you are trying to eat healthy does not mean everyone around you has to do the same thing! This is something you will have to deal with for forever if you can't eat whatever you want like some people. It's a lifestyle change not just a diet. I don't think he is not being supportive just because he doesn't want to eat the same things as you. It sounds like you both need to sit down and have a mature conversation on what can make you both happy! As far as his comment on loving you the way you are but congratulating you on your hard work, that is his way of being supportive in my opinion. He does love you the way you are but losing weight is something YOU want to do for yourself and that makes him proud when you work hard at it! I hope you can find a way to make it more suitable for you and your family. Good luck and keep it up girl! :)
  • TheBraveryLover
    TheBraveryLover Posts: 1,217 Member
    You're still early in your progress, but as long as you stick with it, I can assure you that you'll have more self control. When I first began a couple of years ago, I needed all low fat, low cal, light this and that in order to stay on track. I eventually got to the point where I can accept the higher calorie food offered to me by friends and/or family. Only difference now is that I eat a small amount and then stop.

    It took me about a year to get to that point (although I never ever assumed anyone was trying to "sabotage" me :grumble:) because in the beginning I just said "no" to almost everything offered that wasn't "planned" in my diary. It would behoove you, and make life a whole lot easier, to start practicing that now. The quicker you realize that losing weight does not require you to give up the food you ate prior to wanting to lose weight, the better off you'll be. My suggestion is to make what your man wants and you enjoy some of that too. *Some* of it. Eat a smaller portion of whatever you cook him that's higher cal, and then fill the rest of your plate with fruits and or veggies.

    Portion control and the right amount of protein, fat, and carbs are essential to reaching your goal as well as having a normal relationship with food. Nothing should be off limits except for food your dislike the taste of or are allergic to. You (not specifically, but in general) didn't get above your desired size because of eating 2 slices of pizza or a burger. You got that way by overindulging.

    You can do it. Live life, make your husband happy and keep him well fed, and enjoy food (as long as it fits your cals/macros).
  • TheBraveryLover
    TheBraveryLover Posts: 1,217 Member
    Interesting, I only read 1/2 the replies I will admit. However, I am amazed at the number of "let him cook his own food" type replies?

    Marriage is about compromise.

    There are so many ways to make our 'regular' menus healthier without losing taste and variety.

    Portion size for starters. Larger salads, vegetable portions. Less on the carbs. Correct protein portion.

    Substitution of ingredients. Low fat creams, sour cream, mayo, milk etc into recipes, Fat free cool whip. Low fat cheese. Healthier grains. Low fat soups. Slip cauliflower into mashed potatoes, with low fat cheese. Water with meals.

    For tacos etc, low fat ground beef is ok every now and then, as I know I can't get away with turkey! But there's only a small portion of meat in a taco. Buy low carb tortilla's, we actually prefer them! and top with healthier items. I place all the toppings on the table and do a make your own taco bar. Then you are in control of what you eat.

    Schnitzel does not need to be deep fried. I do mine on the griddle with a little olive oil. Have done for years and we used to live in Austria so appreciate good Schnitzel!

    Slowing down your eating habits. Putting knife and fork down between bites. Don't have bread on the table, or only the portion you are allowed. Drink between bites. Cut out alcohol.

    Check out some weight watchers recipes. You will need to weed through a lot of them but you will start to see the way substitution will work in your own recipes. Library has free books.

    My husband hates the idea of dieting. I just don't tell him he is on a diet and get creative with the meals. Usually, he ends up having 2nds of so called diet food, without even realizing I made a switch on him.

    Compromise and creativity will go a long way.

    Finally! A voice of reason! I was reading thru this thread and thinking "no wonder divorce rates are so high!" Apparently nobody wants to go out of their way to do anything nice for their spouse anymore.

    My husband is the same. He is 37 and eats whatever he wants and does not gain weight. Not only that, but still retains muscle definition without a significant workout plan. Not that I am complaining about that! ;) I just need to eat different foods than him. Not just when dieting, but always. I am a SAHM, so I do all of the meals for the household as part of my contribution. Usually, at the beginning of the week- I make one big batch of something (usually pasta with some type of meat) and it is there for him for a couple of dinners. Sometimes we have the classics, tacos for example, and he eats a billion tacos and I eat a taco salad. Sometimes I make 2 entirely different meals - but I usually make "non-cook" meals for me.

    Have you really communicated with him how important this is to you to have a little support? Maybe you can discuss a weekly meal plan that appeases both of you.

    I thought the same thing. I mean, to each their own, but the ones going on about "is this the 50's!!??!!? SHOCK HORROR!" are not very open minded themselves. Live and let live. I'm all about traditionalism and gender roles. My best friend is the opposite. Neither of us disparage each others' choice though.

    If OP wants to figure out a way to lose weight while pleasing her man, come up with suggestions; don't tell her to have him "cook for himself". That's not the point of the thread. Gee whiz.
  • gonnamakeanewaccount
    gonnamakeanewaccount Posts: 642 Member
    I make different meals for my boyfriend all the time. I enjoy cooking and don't mind it in the slightest.
  • Alluminati
    Alluminati Posts: 6,208 Member
    What annoyed me about this thread was the fact that because OP decided she wanted to change, and she expected everyone else to change too. I understand compromise but the hubs had certain expectations already in place. She can stop complaining and cook 2 meals, or learn to control her portions and eat with hubs. It's only fair because she did the overhaul, not him. In time he might want to follow the same path, but leave the guy alone for now.
  • theycallyoumister
    theycallyoumister Posts: 222 Member
    Cooking is a great life skill and everyone should learn to do it even from a young age. Although my wife is an excellent cook, I have learned to cook great meals and enjoy making them for my family. I don't mind making something for myself when I was focused on losing weight and I don't take it personally! :smile:

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