A question for all you MEN!!!!!! (From a chick)
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Just a side note-- I have three daughters and a wife. 2 Granddaughters. 2 Sisters. 3 Sister-in-Laws. 4 nieces. My boss is a woman.
I am surrounded by women and I still don't have a freakin' clue.0 -
God I love being married. I was never good at the dating thing and am quite happy I don't have to think about it any more.
For the record, everyone's mind is complex. Men's thoughts aren't complex, but the way they work together is. I know for me, the only thing that comes in when figuring out if I like a girl is "She's kind of cool, and pretty hot/cute." There's nothing more. No over-thinking about the future, because why should one think about the future when the first date hasn't even happened? That's a man. He'd not simple minded, he just thinks efficiently. Thats why it might take a couple dates for him to really think about what this could eventually be. Women think about that stuff all the time. My wife thinks about everything that could possibly ever happen, and then gets worried about the consequences of things that haven't even happened yet. It's kind of annoying for someone like me who tends to stay more in the here and now. Men, I think, tend to let things flow more naturally, as opposed to forcing things or over-thinking everything.0 -
Just a side note-- I have three daughters and a wife. 2 Granddaughters. 2 Sisters. 3 Sister-in-Laws. 4 nieces. My boss is a woman.
I am surrounded by women and I still don't have a freakin' clue.
Amen to that...:drinker:0 -
:laugh: Gotta love honesty!Just a side note-- I have three daughters and a wife. 2 Granddaughters. 2 Sisters. 3 Sister-in-Laws. 4 nieces. My boss is a woman.
I am surrounded by women and I still don't have a freakin' clue.0 -
I agree with roaddog no games. It just prolongs the inevetable. Also guys just take longer to "mature". I feel like my husband is my 4th kid. They take longer to want what we want. And it does take a special man to take on a woman with kids but he is out there. Wait for him. Good luck to you girl. Just another frog you kiss to get to that Prince.
My wife had two daughters when I met her. Two little girls -- 7 and 5. They are now 27 and 25. I love them as much as the 16 yr old we had together. If your having children is a factor, then he is not the man for you.
Btw, I notice a lot more women answering this question for MEN. Women have no more clue about the inner minds of men, than men do of women. It's a wonderful mystery. I don't want to solve it.
I think women who have been around the block enough times have enough experience (and many of us have a lot of male friends who have given us good insight) to have an idea of what may be going on. We're not idiots. :-)
As for women with children, well, I had my daughter when I was 17. I have never had a problem finding men who wanted to date me, even when I was that young. If there were men who didn't ask me out because of it, I don't know who they were and I didn't miss them. It's never been an issue (I'm 33 now).
It may be a question for men, but the situation is pretty common that most women who have dated have encountered. It's a simple situation, he said he's not up for a relationship, end of story. So why is there need for a discussion on the mind of men? I really don't understand why we do this.
There's so much bs out there about dating and all the blah blah that would be so much simpler if we all (especially us chicks) would stop over analysing the situation. And that holds true in relationships not of the romantic kind too. What happens between people is really simple, but we'd hate to admit that because we don't want to face the reality (like our faults or saying bye) or miss out on a great book opportunity.
But hey I'm a cynic. There's more people out there. Why do people think they have to click with everyone they meet?! It's liberating once you realize you don't.
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“The fear of loss is greater than the desire for gain”. If a man is fearful of losing what he has that will drive him more than the desire to be in a relationship. The one that decides you are worth overcoming that fear of loss to be with is the one you will connect with in the end.
Be kind to yourself. :flowerforyou:
WOW! this is the best advice I've ever heard. this is exactly what I needed to hear.0 -
Ok coming from someone who just got married (that's right, committed lol), I'll tell you to look at it a bit differently.....he did you a favor of not wasting any more of your time. It was going nowhere for whatever reason, and the reason itself doesn't matter. There can be a million different possibilities (oh, she has a kid omg, oh geez she's wanting to move too fast, or just because we're going on a date means we're automatically in a relationship......he could be childish and want to play stupid games, or just cruisin for a hookup.....does it really matter?) The fact is you are who you are, and you're going to find someone who likes who you are.....good, bad, whatever. In the meantime, remind yourself that you're the prize, so there's no need to try fitting a square peg in a round hole, ok?0
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It may be a question for men, but the situation is pretty common that most women who have dated have encountered. It's a simple situation, he said he's not up for a relationship, end of story. So why is there need for a discussion on the mind of men? I really don't understand why we do this.
Now that is profound. Excellent advice, Tropicalkitty. You are wise for one so young.0 -
Ok coming from someone who just got married (that's right, committed lol), I'll tell you to look at it a bit differently.....he did you a favor of not wasting any more of your time. It was going nowhere for whatever reason, and the reason itself doesn't matter. There can be a million different possibilities (oh, she has a kid omg, oh geez she's wanting to move too fast, or just because we're going on a date means we're automatically in a relationship......he could be childish and want to play stupid games, or just cruisin for a hookup.....does it really matter?) The fact is you are who you are, and you're going to find someone who likes who you are.....good, bad, whatever. In the meantime, remind yourself that you're the prize, so there's no need to try fitting a square peg in a round hole, ok?
ahhh i have heard this a lot. while excellent advice its much easier said than done especially for women.0 -
I left my husband 15 months ago. The Florida divorce system is just REALLLLLY slow. I think 15 months is enough time to start dating...?You left your husband, are going through the divorce at the moment, and are looking for a relationship that hard already?
If I was looking for a relationship, I would find that a bit intimidating..0 -
I left my husband 15 months ago. The Florida divorce system is just REALLLLLY slow. I think 15 months is enough time to start dating...?You left your husband, are going through the divorce at the moment, and are looking for a relationship that hard already?
If I was looking for a relationship, I would find that a bit intimidating..0 -
Thank you guys for all you're imput..
He said he was "sick" on Thursday, and he want's to go out again this Tuesday.. What I don't understand I guess is why he wants to keep going out, if he doesn't want a relationship.. But maybe he will change his mind. I know I shouldn't be out LOOKING for a relationship, and yes I know that I am still young. Yes I got married at 19, and the man I married ended up being physically, mentally, and verbally abusive. So I was STRONG enough at 22 years old to leave him. I know I should give myself time to heal, but I miss having someone there.
But yeah, you are all right. And my son is the most important thing in my life, and he is my best lil friend, so I try and focus and do what's best for him, but at the same time, I miss having a man in my life too.. Oh well, I guess I will keep on doing what I do, and focusing on my son, school and work, and forget about boys, and then maybe one will come one day..0 -
If you're going to continue to hang out with him, by all means go ahead, as long as you understand that "it is what it is" (companionship, a date, a friend, whatever)....but if he's not interested in a relationship, you're probably wasting your time thinking he's going to change his mind. And, since you're not in a relationship, it would be wise to be open (not looking, just open to the idea of.....) to dating other people, since you haven't found someone on the same page as you. Otherwise, you're blocking out other possibilities of finding the right person for you.
Oh, and all the posts about "He's just not that into you".....yeah, there is truth....not all.....but definitely enough to think about when it happens0 -
Thank you guys for all you're imput..
He said he was "sick" on Thursday, and he want's to go out again this Tuesday.. What I don't understand I guess is why he wants to keep going out, if he doesn't want a relationship.. But maybe he will change his mind. I know I shouldn't be out LOOKING for a relationship, and yes I know that I am still young. Yes I got married at 19, and the man I married ended up being physically, mentally, and verbally abusive. So I was STRONG enough at 22 years old to leave him. I know I should give myself time to heal, but I miss having someone there.
But yeah, you are all right. And my son is the most important thing in my life, and he is my best lil friend, so I try and focus and do what's best for him, but at the same time, I miss having a man in my life too.. Oh well, I guess I will keep on doing what I do, and focusing on my son, school and work, and forget about boys, and then maybe one will come one day..
You may want to seek counseling and give it some time before getting involved, if possible. I was strong too, but I think the things in my past made me more accepting of certain behaviors that I wouldn't put up with now at all. Take some time for yourself to heal as well. Strength or not, you have been unknowingly affected by your abuser. I thought I was ok but I am now able to look back and see things I couldn't then.Good luck to you. Sincerely, i wish you the best.
If nothing else, when you do meet someone look for those warning signs and if your heart tells you its not right then listen.0 -
Okay, here's my 2 cents (a very wordy 2 cents)...because I think everyone has gone through some stress when it comes to dating, haha.
I think that the idea of dating in itself needs to be revamped. Speaking from a female perspective, I'm pretty sure every woman has had a time in her life (past or present) where she felt desperate to find that great guy for a relationship. But I soundly believe that changing perspective can help bring such joy that soars right over the heads of a lot of gals.
Why do people date? Well, men surely can have vastly different reasons, but most of the time woman date to find companionship, connection, or even a future husband. Because what can I say? Woman always plan, it's in our nature (in general) haha. So, if you're looking for a relationship or a future husband, what do you want? Generally someone who can be your best friend, someone who can understand you--just "get" you. Women love to be listened to/understood (hint for men! we will love you forever if you try to hear how we feel.)
Start to enjoy getting to know people and stop rushing. I know it can feel lonely, but start paying attention to what you like and don't like in each person you date. No one is perfect, but everyone has those things that are "deal breakers". Find your values/ideals/things that you can't bend and stick with them. Everything else can be compromised. Just listen to your instinct, and don't let loneliness get the best of you.
What I've learned from the past is that every relationship teaches you something. Much like everything we go through makes us who we are. Just to open up a little, I've had a mentally abusive relationship when I was young which scarred me some, but I've also had 2 great relationships where I was treated well but we just didn't end up being compatible for marriage.
But overall I learned what I want to take from those and look for in the right person, and what I don't want. Look at it like an exciting adventure! You can go out and meet new people, get to know them and figure out what you truly want in life! Don't settle, but be flexible.
Lastly, if I learned anything in life it is that no matter how hurt or alone you feel there is ALWAYS another love in store for you, no matter how much you think it will never happen again. I don't believe you have one true love in life, you can love a lot of different people. It's just a matter of enjoying being yourself, enjoying being alone, and embracing the idea of someone complimenting your life instead of needing them to make you happy.
Good luck, keep looking and never give up!0 -
God I love being married. I was never good at the dating thing and am quite happy I don't have to think about it any more.
For the record, everyone's mind is complex. Men's thoughts aren't complex, but the way they work together is. I know for me, the only thing that comes in when figuring out if I like a girl is "She's kind of cool, and pretty hot/cute." There's nothing more. No over-thinking about the future, because why should one think about the future when the first date hasn't even happened? That's a man. He'd not simple minded, he just thinks efficiently. Thats why it might take a couple dates for him to really think about what this could eventually be. Women think about that stuff all the time. My wife thinks about everything that could possibly ever happen, and then gets worried about the consequences of things that haven't even happened yet. It's kind of annoying for someone like me who tends to stay more in the here and now. Men, I think, tend to let things flow more naturally, as opposed to forcing things or over-thinking everything.0 -
Hrmmm, ill try to be honest as I can, Well maybe its just a lack of confidence to stay in a relationship, Or the blokes just a wanker and wanted something to happen on the first few dates instead of just getting to know you better.0
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He may be afraid of losing a friendship if ya'll have been friends for 18 years. Or scared of comittment. I was with my ex for 4 years and had a common law marriage. (I have friends who don't know my maiden name..) We were getting ready to buy a house, had picked out rings, and baby names. The day he was supost to propose (he told my best friend and his, they told me) he acted like a jerk and told me he just couldn't do it. We are still friends (oddly) but I am happily married to someone else. I think men are just as confused about what they really want as us girls are. It may not get you the results you want, but you may just start out blunt and ask what the intentions are to start with. I saved some time with this, but it did leave me dissapointed at times.0
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Just a side note-- I have three daughters and a wife. 2 Granddaughters. 2 Sisters. 3 Sister-in-Laws. 4 nieces. My boss is a woman.
I am surrounded by women and I still don't have a freakin' clue.
Wow, thats alot of PMS for you to deal with. im so sorry! lol0 -
From the famous book and movie... He's just not that into you!
No point in questioning just move on to the next. Plenty of fish in the sea0
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