Stop blaming husbands, wives, SO's, friends, etc.!!!

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  • jillianbeeee
    jillianbeeee Posts: 345 Member
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    awesome post! agreed! In addition, we need to SEEK OUT people to support us with like interests. So we do have support groups. Our families my not be interested in what we are doing, it doesn't make the wrong or right, it just makes them human!
  • tmauck4472
    tmauck4472 Posts: 1,783 Member
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    Okay, I'll tell my husband that he should sit down next to me to eat an entire package of pepperoni, bag of chips etc etc etc and hold it out to offer me some every few minutes more often. I mean, someone on MFP said that it's okay for him to do it so I shouldn't get annoyed when he does. Good to know.
    No, I don't take the food but there's not supportive and there's attempted sabotage. What's true in your world is not true in everyone's.

    Well you see it as sabatoge and he may see it as being nice to his wife, or habits are hard to break so it continues. He also may be doing it just to see if you take it, to see if your really serious about losing weight, after all how many times have you started and stopped. He's probably very happy you don't take his food, but is it true sabatoge? doubtful
  • WhitneySheree88
    WhitneySheree88 Posts: 222 Member
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    Monday I was cooking 2 different meals, one for myself and the other for my family and I told my husband "Cooking two different meals is hard it sucks seeing you get to eat whatever you want when I cant, you guys are ruining my diet" and he looked at me with this WTF look and said "No one can ruin your diet but you. If you want to lose weight YOU have to do it." and while that is common sense to most people hearing him say the words was a real game changer. He went on to say "Your just looking for me to tell you it's ok for you to give up and it's not. I wont do it" At first I had hurt feelings I felt like he had been very harsh but then I realized he was right (shhhhh don't tell him I said that! lol). When I cave in and eat something I know I shouldn't eat, it is MY decision not his. I am the one giving in, giving up and that has really opened my eyes! Good post, and very true.
  • laele75
    laele75 Posts: 283 Member
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    Bumping logical post of logic. Any post that calls the victim mentality for what it is deserves to be stickied. You decide what goes into your mouth. Period.
  • jen_zz
    jen_zz Posts: 1,011 Member
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    Sometimes I do get mad at my family for having all thee food around, then I catch myself feeling this way, and tell myself don't be ridiculous. No one's force feeding me.
  • in_therain
    in_therain Posts: 37 Member
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    This topic reminds me of an "incident" I had early in my relationship. My boyfriend at the time (now husband) and I were walking through the local shopping mall. We strolled past a certain store and I commented (in typical fat-shaming talk) "I love the clothes there but I'd have to lose 50 lbs to even walk through the door." My sweet bf lovingly replied "You can lose weight if you want to!". After a few moments of staring at him in disbelief, I broke down crying. What he had intended as a supportive statement, I had selfishly manipulated into a comment about my lack of self-control.

    I have learned since then to monitor my fat and self-shaming talk. Of course, I still want to lose weight (I'm here, aren't I?) but I have to break the chain and stop baiting my husband and friends for comments, positive or negative. My husband is supportive in everything I do, it's up to me to monitor my inner thoughts and willpower.
  • Mslmesq
    Mslmesq Posts: 1,001 Member
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    Well, I don't disagree with you op, but codependency can be a little more complicated then 'just stop'. And sometimes sabotage efforts are deliberate by a spouse whether it is with food, alcohol, drugs, over or under exercising, whatever. That said, dealing with codependency issues and getting help is never a bad thing.
  • mcflat29
    mcflat29 Posts: 2,159 Member
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    Hi there... I heard there was cake??

    tumblr_miwf1uBxgc1s5h9x0o1_500.gif

    Great post OP.

    Although, when you tell your mother in law that you don't want a slice of cake thank you, but no... and then she brings you the biggest slice she can manage, twice the size of everyone else's with three scoops of ice cream and a wicked grin, you know she's up to something. I just said thank you and sat it to the side. Then, when she ranted about me wasting cake, I politely pointed out that I had asked NOT to have cake. She's a demon though and beyond the realm of logical reasoning. LOL :laugh: :laugh: I just don't let her affect my choices. :wink: :drinker:
  • Cindyinpg
    Cindyinpg Posts: 3,902 Member
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    Hi there... I heard there was cake??

    tumblr_miwf1uBxgc1s5h9x0o1_500.gif

    Great post OP.

    Although, when you tell your mother in law that you don't want a slice of cake thank you, but no... and then she brings you the biggest slice she can manage, twice the size of everyone else's with three scoops of ice cream and a wicked grin, you know she's up to something. I just said thank you and sat it to the side. Then, when she ranted about me wasting cake, I politely pointed out that I had asked NOT to have cake. She's a demon though and beyond the realm of logical reasoning. LOL :laugh: :laugh: I just don't let her affect my choices. :wink: :drinker:

    Did someone say CAKE!!! I don't see one, so I brought my own.
    perfect-endings-bakery-peanut-butter-cake.jpg
    Just kidding. :laugh: Great post btw.
  • zyxst
    zyxst Posts: 9,134 Member
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    Hi there... I heard there was cake??

    tumblr_miwf1uBxgc1s5h9x0o1_500.gif

    Great post OP.

    Although, when you tell your mother in law that you don't want a slice of cake thank you, but no... and then she brings you the biggest slice she can manage, twice the size of everyone else's with three scoops of ice cream and a wicked grin, you know she's up to something. I just said thank you and sat it to the side. Then, when she ranted about me wasting cake, I politely pointed out that I had asked NOT to have cake. She's a demon though and beyond the realm of logical reasoning. LOL :laugh: :laugh: I just don't let her affect my choices. :wink: :drinker:

    Did someone say CAKE!!! I don't see one, so I brought my own.
    perfect-endings-bakery-peanut-butter-cake.jpg
    Just kidding. :laugh: Great post btw.

    Marry me? :flowerforyou: :love:
  • ColetteM6
    ColetteM6 Posts: 138 Member
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    It is kind of depressing to see how this "Everyone must strive to make my life easier because the world clearly revolves around me" attitude has permeated every segment of society.

    I do expect the people who love me to support me, but for me, that simply means that they respect my choices and that they don't intentionally interfere with my goals. I don't expect them to bend over backward to accommodate my lifestyle, and I certainly don't insist that they do it with me. I also don't assume that anyone who tries to get me to eat a piece of cake is trying to sabotage me. I like cake. I think people who offer cake are nice. If I can't eat it for some reason (fasting, not enough calories left, etc.), I'll say "No, thanks, but you're awesome for offering me cake," rather than "How dare you?! Why don't you want me to be successful?"
    This^
  • athene_circe
    athene_circe Posts: 34 Member
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    Great post, OP.

    It's probably a good idea to also remember that when a person is trying to lose weight and become fit that takes up a LOT of their energy and attention. We become kind of obsessed, don't we? Other people are not necessarily trying to sabotage you, they just aren't inside your head so they are not thinking about it 24 hours a day like you are. You can't seriously expect your co-workers not to eat pizza or your friends not to bake cake because YOU are watching what you eat. The rest of the world is just doing what they do - you were one of them once and how seriously did you take people who were dieting? I work in an office that is primarily female and someone is ALWAYS on a diet - and then they're not a week later! You offer them a doughnut because you never know whether they are on or off the wagon. Life is so much less stressful when you don't try and force the world to revolve around you!
  • itsjustdawn
    itsjustdawn Posts: 1,073 Member
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    :flowerforyou: You are awesome, OP!!! :drinker:

    Blaming others is just another excuse. If they wanted it bad enough then what others do/say wouldn't affect them *shrug*.
  • TattooedNici
    TattooedNici Posts: 2,141 Member
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    It is kind of depressing to see how this "Everyone must strive to make my life easier because the world clearly revolves around me" attitude has permeated every segment of society.

    I do expect the people who love me to support me, but for me, that simply means that they respect my choices and that they don't intentionally interfere with my goals. I don't expect them to bend over backward to accommodate my lifestyle, and I certainly don't insist that they do it with me. I also don't assume that anyone who tries to get me to eat a piece of cake is trying to sabotage me. I like cake. I think people who offer cake are nice. If I can't eat it for some reason (fasting, not enough calories left, etc.), I'll say "No, thanks, but you're awesome for offering me cake," rather than "How dare you?! Why don't you want me to be successful?"

    I agree! It's my responsibility to take this weight loss/adopt a healthier lifestyle seriously, not someone else's. If I feel that someone's trying to genuinely sabotage me, I remove them from my life, period. I can't dictate what others eat or do, nor can someone do that to me. This is my life and body, so the responsibility falls on me.
  • Iron_Lotus
    Iron_Lotus Posts: 2,295 Member
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    Fantastic post!
  • Cindyinpg
    Cindyinpg Posts: 3,902 Member
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    Hi there... I heard there was cake??

    tumblr_miwf1uBxgc1s5h9x0o1_500.gif

    Great post OP.

    Although, when you tell your mother in law that you don't want a slice of cake thank you, but no... and then she brings you the biggest slice she can manage, twice the size of everyone else's with three scoops of ice cream and a wicked grin, you know she's up to something. I just said thank you and sat it to the side. Then, when she ranted about me wasting cake, I politely pointed out that I had asked NOT to have cake. She's a demon though and beyond the realm of logical reasoning. LOL :laugh: :laugh: I just don't let her affect my choices. :wink: :drinker:

    Did someone say CAKE!!! I don't see one, so I brought my own.
    perfect-endings-bakery-peanut-butter-cake.jpg
    Just kidding. :laugh: Great post btw.

    Marry me? :flowerforyou: :love:
    Hehe...:laugh: Marriage is not necessary but, apparently, $85 is the asking price on this beauty.
    http://www.williams-sonoma.com/products/perfect-endings-peanut-butter-cup-cake/?pkey=cfood-desserts&
  • mom2sons02
    mom2sons02 Posts: 111 Member
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    I get what the OP is saying. But I happen to have support from absolutely everyone important around me, and I can still empathize with someone who doesn't have a supportive spouse, for example. My husband is SO supportive, and I think this helps me to realize how much more difficult it would be if he weren't.

    No, I don't think (most) people are trying to sabotage anyone, but I do see how an unsupportive network would be more challenging.

    This is where I am. Husband makes fun of me for trying to eat better, family tells me I am being unhealthy. (I am doing 5:2).
    However I am the kind of person that instead of saying poor me, I think, I will show them! So it makes me even more motivated than before. I will be healthy and thin and they can all still be fat.
  • kittenful
    kittenful Posts: 318 Member
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    The way I see it is: You are the only person that can sabotage your diet. You make your own choices. SO made a dinner you feel is sabotage? Make yourself something else. If SO is offended, explain that you are trying to fit within the means YOU set up for yourself. Plain and simple, guys and gals. You control your choices, not your SO or anybody else.
  • zyxst
    zyxst Posts: 9,134 Member
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    Hi there... I heard there was cake??

    tumblr_miwf1uBxgc1s5h9x0o1_500.gif

    Great post OP.

    Although, when you tell your mother in law that you don't want a slice of cake thank you, but no... and then she brings you the biggest slice she can manage, twice the size of everyone else's with three scoops of ice cream and a wicked grin, you know she's up to something. I just said thank you and sat it to the side. Then, when she ranted about me wasting cake, I politely pointed out that I had asked NOT to have cake. She's a demon though and beyond the realm of logical reasoning. LOL :laugh: :laugh: I just don't let her affect my choices. :wink: :drinker:

    Did someone say CAKE!!! I don't see one, so I brought my own.
    perfect-endings-bakery-peanut-butter-cake.jpg
    Just kidding. :laugh: Great post btw.

    Marry me? :flowerforyou: :love:
    Hehe...:laugh: Marriage is not necessary but, apparently, $85 is the asking price on this beauty.
    http://www.williams-sonoma.com/products/perfect-endings-peanut-butter-cup-cake/?pkey=cfood-desserts&

    WTH? "7 1/2" diam., 2 1/4" high (serves 10)." I can get a Reese's peanut butter cup that size! :laugh:
  • madtownjeremy
    madtownjeremy Posts: 249
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    Hi there... I heard there was cake??

    tumblr_miwf1uBxgc1s5h9x0o1_500.gif

    Great post OP.

    Although, when you tell your mother in law that you don't want a slice of cake thank you, but no... and then she brings you the biggest slice she can manage, twice the size of everyone else's with three scoops of ice cream and a wicked grin, you know she's up to something. I just said thank you and sat it to the side. Then, when she ranted about me wasting cake, I politely pointed out that I had asked NOT to have cake. She's a demon though and beyond the realm of logical reasoning. LOL :laugh: :laugh: I just don't let her affect my choices. :wink: :drinker:

    Did someone say CAKE!!! I don't see one, so I brought my own.
    perfect-endings-bakery-peanut-butter-cake.jpg
    Just kidding. :laugh: Great post btw.

    You posted a picture of cake. Therefore my failure is all your fault.

    In other news, I only ate one quarter pounder meal today at snack time instead of my usual two. Wheres the love?!? :). :sigh:

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