Guys in relationships.

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  • asmylie80
    asmylie80 Posts: 60 Member
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    If he cheats on her he will cheat on you... Eventually
  • vtmoon
    vtmoon Posts: 3,436 Member
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    If you are okay with being THAT girl, then go for it. Also, you are giving him a green light to shop around if you guys end up in a relationship and it has a bad patch.

    Just walk away from the situation, being in a work relationship is tricky, being a "home wrecker" would be even trickier.
  • DrunkenFaeGirl
    DrunkenFaeGirl Posts: 107
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    You've talked to him not slept with him. Friendship isn't cheating.
  • corinnelapolt
    corinnelapolt Posts: 57
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    You train people how to treat you. If you continue this you are training him to treat you like a "chick on the side". Do you want to be the chick on the side? If not, it's up to you to let him know that you're main chick material only and if he want's a chick on the side he need's to look somewhere else.

    Love this! True that!
  • steveinct
    steveinct Posts: 140 Member
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    Scummy dude.
  • steveinct
    steveinct Posts: 140 Member
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    You've talked to him not slept with him. Friendship isn't cheating.

    Friends don't hide that they are in a relationship. The dude is scum.
  • just_Jennie1
    just_Jennie1 Posts: 1,233
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    While I am not of the "once a cheater always a cheater mindset" (because lets face it: People cheat for a plethora of reasons. YOU might not know why but there are reasons and just because someone took the cowardly way out and cheated on another doesn't, in my opinion, mean they should wear a Scarlet C on their shirt and be deemed a cheater for life) I don't think you should pursue.

    He isn't being straight with you. While he could be telling a (semi) truth that things aren't good between him and his girl it seems that by not wanting to tell her to leave means he's using her as a safety chain so he can play the field but have someone to come home to when things go bad between the two of you. He's thinking the grass is greener but wants to test the waters before he commits.

    IF he is serious and he likes you and things really are crap with him and his GF then wait and see what happens but don't put yourself into "the other woman" position. Unless you really want that (which no commitment? Sex whenever? HELL YEAH)! :laugh:
  • littlesis412
    littlesis412 Posts: 314 Member
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    You seem to be torn because he seems nice and hasn't tried to make a move on you yet. Just because he doesn't right of the gate, don't think it isn't on his mind. He might be trying to get a feel of how far he can go with you and make you comfortable with the situation first. If he tried to jump you on the first night and told you he had a live-in girlfriend, you probably would have walked right then. But, he's being smart about his GAME and slowly working up to it. You're still there, see? I'd suggest respectfully backing off and telling him to call you when he's single and living alone, if he's serious.
  • just_Jennie1
    just_Jennie1 Posts: 1,233
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    You've talked to him not slept with him. Friendship isn't cheating.

    Friends don't hide that they are in a relationship. The dude is scum.

    She didn't say how long she has been working at this company and has been talking to the guy. For all we know it's been a week to maybe a month. All she said was she found out "yesterday" that he was in a relationship. Hell I've worked and been friends with people that I never knew were gay until years later.
  • steveinct
    steveinct Posts: 140 Member
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    You've talked to him not slept with him. Friendship isn't cheating.

    Friends don't hide that they are in a relationship. The dude is scum.

    She didn't say how long she has been working at this company and has been talking to the guy. For all we know it's been a week to maybe a month. All she said was she found out "yesterday" that he was in a relationship. Hell I've worked and been friends with people that I never knew were gay until years later.

    This is funny to me. She said " we have the most amazing conversations and have stayed up all night just asking each other questions"... So.. They stay up all night talking but this dude never mentions he has a girlfriend? Really? You can defend that? Have you noticed all the guys in this thread so far know exactly what he is doing? We have all seen guys play this game and know the lines.
  • MireyGal76
    MireyGal76 Posts: 7,334 Member
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    Walk. Walk....no. RUN. I heard all the same lies from a man recently. I invested time. Things seemed to progress in the right direction and I ignored every damn rational thought I had about it not being right. A man who can't leave a woman he's unhappy with is not a man you want, trust me, he'll use you to ease his boredom, his loneliness and as entertainment at his convenience. He'll run and rip your heart out the moment you start expecting a real relationship from him. He had the same situation....a marriage where he never left because she had issues, it wasnt her fault, he felt wrong for abandoning her. He said he asked for a separation, supposedly moved out but then things started to backslide. He couldn't call at night anymore. He stopped calling period. Then most of the communication was through text or messaging. There was always something in the way from him seeing me. And now nothing. Last I heard from a message was he needs time. When I messaged a follow up for clarity, I got no response. So get out while you can. I put in 7 months for nothing.

    *great big hugs to you*
  • usernameMAMA
    usernameMAMA Posts: 681 Member
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    walk! a real man leaves his current situation before starting a new one!

    I second this
  • whierd
    whierd Posts: 14,026 Member
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    I'm not going to pass judgement on him, because relationships are complicated things.

    I recommend not getting involved with him, romantically, until he breaks it off with his current girlfriend. From the sounds of it, you two have just been enjoying each others company and crushing on each other, which is fine. But moving beyond that with the current situation makes you both look bad. If he truly likes you (and it sounds like he does, considering how you both have have been talking so much and have so much in common), then he will find a way to end it with his current girlfriend so he can move forward with you.
  • whierd
    whierd Posts: 14,026 Member
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    Also, I'm shocked that everyone is calling him scum, a *kitten*, a cheater, etc. He hasn't made a move on her. Her hasn't tried to kiss her. He hasn't flirted with her.

    He admitted he has feelings for her and told her that he has a girlfriend.


    How on earth does this make him a bad guy?
  • _firecracker_
    _firecracker_ Posts: 185 Member
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    You've talked to him not slept with him. Friendship isn't cheating.

    Sex doesn't have to be involved to become emotionally invested. I always wait to get physical and still got my heart broken. If she can't separate her feelings and keep from "wanting" him, there's a good chance it won't end well.
  • thefragile7393
    thefragile7393 Posts: 102 Member
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    Also, I'm shocked that everyone is calling him scum, a *kitten*, a cheater, etc. He hasn't made a move on her. Her hasn't tried to kiss her. He hasn't flirted with her.

    He admitted he has feelings for her and told her that he has a girlfriend.


    How on earth does this make him a bad guy?
    Uh, because you don't do the stuff that he did if you have a girlfriend? If you are secure in your relationship, you don't go getting feelings and attachments to someone else. If you are in a relationship that you are done with, you get out and move on. You don't continue a relationship that you aren't committed to while forming attachments elsewhere and then make the excuse that you're staying with them because you feel sorry for them. Good lord. Relationships are NOT that complicated. You are both either on the same page or not. If you're done, get out. It's only complicated if you make it that way.
  • thefragile7393
    thefragile7393 Posts: 102 Member
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    You've talked to him not slept with him. Friendship isn't cheating.

    Sex doesn't have to be involved to become emotionally invested. I always wait to get physical and still got my heart broken. If she can't separate her feelings and keep from "wanting" him, there's a good chance it won't end well.
    Emotional cheating is just as bad. That's what you are in a relationship for. If you have to go elsewhere for emotional needs, you are in the wrong relationship.
  • Warchortle
    Warchortle Posts: 2,197 Member
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    Sounds like drama.
  • Ginastern1
    Ginastern1 Posts: 21 Member
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    run away fast.....as Maya Angelou said "when people show their true selves, believe them..." You deserve so much more than a liar and a person who omits the truth...... Run!
  • Melissa22G
    Melissa22G Posts: 847 Member
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    Forget the whole drama of him being in a relationship-


    Why would you start a relationship in the workplace?

    The times it has worked out vs the times it hasn't isn't worth the odds.

    Find a cute geek that doesn't see you 9-5 and has a girlfriend. Don't justify him to meet your own needs.

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