Guys in relationships.

I asked him "why did he invite me to his house if his girlfriend lives him", she was apparently baker acted for two weeks and has emotional issues, suicidal and all that jazz (hence why he can't break up because she has threatened to kill herself.) He said he never intended to like me, but once he started to get to know me he started to like me more and more. I don't know what to believe since I've been played and lead on in the past, but I feel he genuinely is a good guy since he has never made a move on me and respects his girlfriend enough, but now it's like... I like him and he likes me too. I feel like I should just back off, but I feel bad for his (apparent) situation at home being in a destructive relationship with a suicidal girl who he supports and takes care of financially. I know I should just lay low and stay aloof and let him decide his own decisions, but I told him if you don't love her it's better you break up with her instead of leading her on and digging a deeper hole. I don't want to make it seem like I'm egging him on to break up for my own selfish reasons, but it is true.

Sounds like you are making excuses for him. He's a big boy. If he is unhappy with his girlfriend, regardless of her mental state, he needs to either break it off with her before pursuing anyone else or, as I say, "suck it up buttercup" and deal with his crazy girlfriend and keep his wiener in his pants. Not to mention, who knows if he's even saying the truth. For all you know his girlfriend is completely sane and he simply got tired of her **** and is too much of a coward to dump here. Either that or he wants the best of both worlds. All that aside, the main question here is "DO YOU RESPECT YOURSELF ENOUGH AS A WOMAN". You did nothing wrong falling for him, but given his "situation", out of respect for yourself, it's best to walk. Do you want to be a side chick? Because he already told you he can't break up with her, which means he wont, which in turn means you are accepting the fact that if your relationship continues, you will only be the side chick. If you are ok with being someone's secret, go for it. Personally, that **** don't fly with me...neither does stupid drama and unnecessary baggage, which he seems to have alot of....

I have a friend who is in a similar situation with a married man. She will not listen to a word of advice because 'she is in love'. He will never leave his wife.
Don't be a sucker. This situation will not end well for any of you three (unless you back out NOW).
Let him and his girlfriend sort out their drama. If and when he's single and ready for another relationship you can resume business. If that never happens count that as a lucky escape. There are other guys in the world who are respectful, funny, charming etc you can meet without extra baggage.
(PS probably best to avoid co-workers as a rule - some relationships do work out, but when they don't, it can get very ugly).

A cheater is a cheater. Women cheat, men cheat. Everyone will give reasons to cheat but its never good enough.

Honestly, I'd just call the girl and let her know.

Thats not very wise.

Oh come on! That always ends well . . .

yeah this just sounds like a messy situation all around. Especially more so since he's a coworker. There are plenty more fish in the sea girl, I would say pass on this one so you're ready for the next one (and clear of the cluster**** that this guy has gotten himself into!). Trust me, there are plenty of nice guys out there who do not have the baggage this dude has and who will be ready to give you what you need.

Thanks, yeah I just needed some guidance since it's hard to express myself to people I know without being judged or scolded at lol.
It's so hard to find a guy that isn't only thinking about "sex" I genuinely think he is a great guy since he hasn't made a move on me or has tried to kiss me or flirt! We were talking like friends, about video games, music, geeky related topics about movies and tv shows. I really started to like him because he wasn't like most guys I've met. Then, yesterday he told me he likes me a lot, but he has a girlfriend.. So I didn't know if I should just keep talking the way we do since it was very simple and no flirting involved really.

Personally, if I like someone who's in a situation like he is, it just colors my judgment and I make bad decisions. It would be cool if you only had platonic feelings for him, but since you guys are obviously into each other it could just go too easily down the wrong road. I think what you said earlier is perfect, just let him know you can't do the talking all night and hanging out after work until he's single. Totally justified and, IMO, a smart call. Once he's single and he's still the same guy you can go for it without the girlfriend issue. I just see it ending with him leading both of you on if he's still living with her. Who knows, cutting back on the contact might be the push he needs to get out of the bad relationship.

eta: And also, if he still says he really likes you and does not break up with her after you stop talking to him, you kinda know that he was feeding you a bunch of BS. You're giving the guy an easy out ffs, so if he doesn't take it you know that things are not the way he says with his girlfriend. That or he's a more of a baby than I thought which isn't good either.

Thank you, yeah he's a bit of a mama's boy who I met ringing her up at the store lol. I know he's respectful, he didn't tell me he had a girlfriend which is understandable since work isn't the place to really talk about personal details n your life, I appreciate that he told me before my feelings extended, but I don't like that he stays with her out of pity and fear that she might kill herself. I'm going to try that though, if he does break up with her that would be a smart move if you aren't in love with someone anymore. If he doesn't then he's a coward and doesn't care about hurting someone and leading them on. I told him no matter how high you can jump (He jokes about me since I'm short and we had a jumping contest after hours at work. Childish I know, but so cute lol..) you still are digging a deeper hole by staying with her. It's hard for me to develop feelings for anyone really, so it bothers me that someone's feelings could potentially get hurt just by talking to their boyfriend.

let's boil this down so you can see it more clearly.

- he lives with a girl that he's been dating for 3 years.
- she pays his bills for him.
- he's having sex with her.
- he's trying to have sex with you.
- in an effort to have sex with you, he will say anything that helps him get to that goal (probably).
- if he does leave her, he will expect to move in with you and have you pay all of his bills (probably).
- if he does move in with you, he'll try to do the same thing to you that he is doing to her (probably).

is there any scenario where this works out well for you?

stop giving him the benefit of the doubt. there is nothing about his situation that says he is actually "available" for anything more than sex on the side (that he hopes his live-in girlfriend won't find out about).

If he cheats on her he will cheat on you... Eventually

You've talked to him not slept with him. Friendship isn't cheating.

Scummy dude.

While I am not of the "once a cheater always a cheater mindset" (because lets face it: People cheat for a plethora of reasons. YOU might not know why but there are reasons and just because someone took the cowardly way out and cheated on another doesn't, in my opinion, mean they should wear a Scarlet C on their shirt and be deemed a cheater for life) I don't think you should pursue.

He isn't being straight with you. While he could be telling a (semi) truth that things aren't good between him and his girl it seems that by not wanting to tell her to leave means he's using her as a safety chain so he can play the field but have someone to come home to when things go bad between the two of you. He's thinking the grass is greener but wants to test the waters before he commits.

IF he is serious and he likes you and things really are crap with him and his GF then wait and see what happens but don't put yourself into "the other woman" position. Unless you really want that (which no commitment? Sex whenever? HELL YEAH)! :laugh:

You've talked to him not slept with him. Friendship isn't cheating.

Friends don't hide that they are in a relationship. The dude is scum.

She didn't say how long she has been working at this company and has been talking to the guy. For all we know it's been a week to maybe a month. All she said was she found out "yesterday" that he was in a relationship. Hell I've worked and been friends with people that I never knew were gay until years later.

Walk. Walk....no. RUN. I heard all the same lies from a man recently. I invested time. Things seemed to progress in the right direction and I ignored every damn rational thought I had about it not being right. A man who can't leave a woman he's unhappy with is not a man you want, trust me, he'll use you to ease his boredom, his loneliness and as entertainment at his convenience. He'll run and rip your heart out the moment you start expecting a real relationship from him. He had the same situation....a marriage where he never left because she had issues, it wasnt her fault, he felt wrong for abandoning her. He said he asked for a separation, supposedly moved out but then things started to backslide. He couldn't call at night anymore. He stopped calling period. Then most of the communication was through text or messaging. There was always something in the way from him seeing me. And now nothing. Last I heard from a message was he needs time. When I messaged a follow up for clarity, I got no response. So get out while you can. I put in 7 months for nothing.

*great big hugs to you*

I'm not going to pass judgement on him, because relationships are complicated things.

I recommend not getting involved with him, romantically, until he breaks it off with his current girlfriend. From the sounds of it, you two have just been enjoying each others company and crushing on each other, which is fine. But moving beyond that with the current situation makes you both look bad. If he truly likes you (and it sounds like he does, considering how you both have have been talking so much and have so much in common), then he will find a way to end it with his current girlfriend so he can move forward with you.

You've talked to him not slept with him. Friendship isn't cheating.

Sex doesn't have to be involved to become emotionally invested. I always wait to get physical and still got my heart broken. If she can't separate her feelings and keep from "wanting" him, there's a good chance it won't end well.

You've talked to him not slept with him. Friendship isn't cheating.

Sex doesn't have to be involved to become emotionally invested. I always wait to get physical and still got my heart broken. If she can't separate her feelings and keep from "wanting" him, there's a good chance it won't end well.

Emotional cheating is just as bad. That's what you are in a relationship for. If you have to go elsewhere for emotional needs, you are in the wrong relationship.

run away fast.....as Maya Angelou said "when people show their true selves, believe them..." You deserve so much more than a liar and a person who omits the truth...... Run!