Guys in relationships.
Replies
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He invited me over to his house, we played video games and literally talked all night. He never made a move on me, we aren't together or anything etc.. He just told me after work yesterday that he really likes me, but he has a girlfriend. That's it really.The fastest way to resolve the situation to see if he will leave his wife for you or not is to fake a pregnancy.
Of course from your post I just got that this guy talks to you at work. Then he talked to you at night about his failing relationship. What I didn't get out of this is that he has put the moves on you, or that there is a relationship going on.
Honey, he's making a move some can have the best of both worlds. That line about "She's gonna kill herself if I dump her" is a load of crap used by guys who want an excuse to stay with the old while banging the new. Right up,there with "I'm only with her for the kids" and "She's sickly and needs my support". I'm sure it came with such things as "we've been living like roommates" and "I never felt about her lime I felt about you." He's testing the waters to see if you'll become the other woman. Trust the old gal, guys have been doing this for centuries.0 -
Also, I'm shocked that everyone is calling him scum, a *kitten*, a cheater, etc. He hasn't made a move on her. Her hasn't tried to kiss her. He hasn't flirted with her.
He admitted he has feelings for her and told her that he has a girlfriend.
How on earth does this make him a bad guy?
Oh, please. If you are in a happy, well adjusted relationship, at some point you use the words "we" "my girlfriend and I" etc and present yourself as a couple. By avoiding use of all couple terminology, he sounds a lot like he's testing the water to see if he can hook her emotionally before springing the gf thing on her. They live together, they've done things together, and yet he manages to have hours of conversations with her without letting on he's attached? Really?0 -
Also, I'm shocked that everyone is calling him scum, a *kitten*, a cheater, etc. He hasn't made a move on her. Her hasn't tried to kiss her. He hasn't flirted with her.
He admitted he has feelings for her and told her that he has a girlfriend.
How on earth does this make him a bad guy?
He shouldn't be dragging other people into his BS drama-fest with his current girlfriend. Staying up "all night" to text back and forth with someone that is a potential romantic interest while you are in a relationship = CHEATING. But to each their own, I am sure people will agree/disagree with that.
OP should quit wasting her time with this troll. There are plenty of other "geeks" with "similar music interests" and whatever else under the sun that aren't going to falsely allude that they are available.
Also, don't sh-t where you eat.
I have friends that I text late at night that are of the opposite sex and that I don't have romantic interest in. I doubt he went into it LOOKING to develop feelings. He probably just thought she was a cool chick, MAYBE had some attraction, but was more interested in her personality.
At least let the guy do something wrong before assassinating his character.
What I perceive as wrong may not be the same for you. What he is doing is wrong in my book, hence my comment. Trying to make any assumption about his intentions to begin with is pointless; we aren't in his head.
Just sayin' what I think is wrong, just as you are saying it's right. NBD
Funny how opinions can tend to change though when a person is in a committed relationship. And as I said before, simple truth: don't sht where you eat. It leads to nothing but drama and stress.0 -
Also, I'm shocked that everyone is calling him scum, a *kitten*, a cheater, etc. He hasn't made a move on her. Her hasn't tried to kiss her. He hasn't flirted with her.
He admitted he has feelings for her and told her that he has a girlfriend.
How on earth does this make him a bad guy?
Oh, please. If you are in a happy, well adjusted relationship, at some point you use the words "we" "my girlfriend and I" etc and present yourself as a couple. By avoiding use of all couple terminology, he sounds a lot like he's testing the water to see if he can hook her emotionally before springing the gf thing on her. They live together, they've done things together, and yet he manages to have hours of conversations with her without letting on he's attached? Really?
He isn't in a happy, well adjusted relationship by his own admission.0 -
Yeah.. The girlfriend is at fault for not wondering why he is talking to someone all night.
Yes, because I am clearly assigning blame to her. Way to leap to a conclusion.
No leaping to a conclusion necessary. A quote from you:" if she doesn't know then I'd be curious as to why, considering that they live together. "
Yes, because if they live together and he is on the phone with the OP all the time, then at some point I'd assume that she'd ask who he has been on the phone with the whole time.
Also, the OP said that she has been to the guy's house to play video games. How the hell she managed that and still doesn't know he is dating someone is beyond me.0 -
You train people how to treat you. If you continue this you are training him to treat you like a "chick on the side". Do you want to be the chick on the side? If not, it's up to you to let him know that you're main chick material only and if he want's a chick on the side he need's to look somewhere else.
^ Wow, this is fantastic advice!! Thanks. :flowerforyou:0 -
:indifferent:0
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RUN AWAY.So I started a new job, this guy and I have been talking (ugh I know work relationships are the worst.) and I started to like him... a lot. We have so much in common, we are both geeks, similar music interest, we have the most amazing conversations and have stayed up all night just asking each other questions; enjoying each other's company. I just recently found out (yesterday.) that he has a girlfriend of almost 3 years. I was devastated, because I felt like THAT girl that everyone talks about and hates (if that makes sense?) I've been cheated on before and I feel terrible... He said his relationship has been deteriorating for quite a while, but he can't break up, because he lives with her and pity's her (made me feel worse since that's apparently how my ex felt about me.)
It's not right for a man to be in a relationship with someone if they don't love each other and especially if you pity her..
Has anyone been in this situation? Advice would be nice.
You haven't done anything wrong, but any guy who claims he's with a woman out of pity is a liar. And he's already shown he'll lie about other things. Even if he and the GF split up, this is not a man you want to be with.0 -
The guy was a *kitten* before he met you otherwise he wouldn't be all over you he'd be fixing up his current relationship or ending it to be with you. This has nothing to do with you other than if you accept being a fling, he'll be happy I'm sure.You train people how to treat you. If you continue this you are training him to treat you like a "chick on the side". Do you want to be the chick on the side? If not, it's up to you to let him know that you're main chick material only and if he want's a chick on the side he need's to look somewhere else.0 -
I say you end the 'emotional' relationship you are having with him now. Tell him that if he wants things to go further or continue with you, then he has to end it with her. If he does not end it with her, then he is not man enough for you. Be the bigger person. I agree that you do not want to be THAT girl, which is a hard choice at times.0
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So I started a new job, this guy and I have been talking (ugh I know work relationships are the worst.) and I started to like him... a lot. We have so much in common, we are both geeks, similar music interest, we have the most amazing conversations and have stayed up all night just asking each other questions; enjoying each other's company. I just recently found out (yesterday.) that he has a girlfriend of almost 3 years. I was devastated, because I felt like THAT girl that everyone talks about and hates (if that makes sense?) I've been cheated on before and I feel terrible... He said his relationship has been deteriorating for quite a while, but he can't break up, because he lives with her and pity's her (made me feel worse since that's apparently how my ex felt about me.)
It's not right for a man to be in a relationship with someone if they don't love each other and especially if you pity her..
Has anyone been in this situation? Advice would be nice.
Easy.
Marry me - Make Sandwiches - LoTR Marathons - Star Wars Pot Lucks - Zombie Bed Sheets - Happily ever after.
Next question.0 -
A cheater is a cheater. Women cheat, men cheat. Everyone will give reasons to cheat but its never good enough.
Honestly, I'd just call the girl and let her know.
Not quite sure what planet you're from, but that's how you get stabbed on this one...0 -
As a male i live by the 'don't dip your poem in company ink'0
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Just break up.0
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RUN AWAY FAST! what a jerk!0
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Back off and let him respect you. If and when he dumps his lady, perhaps. He just after the cat.0
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Great Advice!Run away fast from this guy:
1.) He wasn't open and honest with you by telling you he had a gf until recently. (That's a red flare warning sign!)
2.) He has the ability to break up with his girlfriend, but hasn't yet. Until he does, he is a cheater. Do you want to be with a cheater?
3.) He will either stay with her and you'll end up being that girl, or he will end up leaving her and then potentially cheat on you later if things go wrong with you, and he won't tell you because he feels bad about breaking up with you because he has no courage. He's a coward.
Do you really want this guy? And if you do, leave him alone, and let him break up with his girlfriend and earn you back - prove to you that he won't be like that with you if he does end up breaking up with his girlfriend.
Oh, and I say this from personal experience: I've been hit on and/or in this type of situation before, and it was always heart breaking for me, but the longer I let the flirtation continue, the worse it was for me because the more I became attached to someone I couldn't date.0 -
Walk he has already cheated on you with his GF. So chances of him doing the same in the future are high only this time it could be you. Relationships take time to build and once they are built everyone assumes OK work is done...ha! Work has just begun, a good relationship is worked on by both people all the time....maybe not every minute but good relationships take time, effort, and sometimes that effort feels like nothing and other times the effort feels like a ton. I am married and my wife knows about all my relationships female/male no matter what, Nothing hidden.0
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The fastest way to resolve the situation to see if he will leave his wife for you or not is to fake a pregnancy.
Of course from your post I just got that this guy talks to you at work. Then he talked to you at night about his failing relationship. What I didn't get out of this is that he has put the moves on you, or that there is a relationship going on.
1. It's his GIRLFRIEND..NOT wife.
2. Really?? fake pregnancy??? WTF! I see you're a "drama queen."0 -
If he wanted to leave, he would have already done it. Keep it professional from now on and look for someone who is 100% honest and doesn't try to justify their bad behavior... otherwise it'll happen to you all over again.0
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If I wasn't in a relationship I would totally date me!0
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I'm sort of in a similar situation. The guy put time and effort into getting to know me. And was extremely nice. When it moved on from friendship to just flirtation/kissing etc I thought things were going well. Then he tells me that he has a child. I'm okay with that. Lots of people have kids from previous relationships. Then he tells me that he's still living with the child's mother for the sake of the child. I somehow lost all my sense and believed this. He tells me they are not in a romantic relationship and they have separate rooms. I believed this. He was very convincing. Then during a conversation about having children in general, he mentions that he is expecting another one. With the girl who he lives with. The mother of his other child. And that he's very sorry but she got pregnant before he realised how much he liked me. I'm so glad I never went any further with him. I can only imagine what other lies he has told to me and others. And he seemed like such a nice guy initially. I thought we had so much in common. I just feel really sorry for his actual girlfriend. She has to put up with him and his cheating. And now they have another baby on the way and he's still trying to be with other girls. At least I can walk away.0
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agreed0
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Walk away. If and when he is totally free, then pursue it.0
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If he can cheat her, he can surely cheat you, and he most likely will.0
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He wants you to be a side chick. If a guy suggests that type of relationship, he doesn't respect you. You can do better.0
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It's a shame for anyone to be dishonest with the person they're with and the person they're courting (if they're two different people). This isn't a men's problem, this is a person's problem.
Advice? I'm not even certain why you're looking for advice, I would think the answer is obvious . . . **** his brains out, take a video, and send it to the girl because that's what you'd want the girl to do if you were in her shoes.0 -
Classic. I'm quite a bit older than you - but cannot count the number of times I've heard that exact scenario come out of a man's mouth who is trying to "get to know me."
Walk away. Now, before you get hurt.
You will get hurt.
This. There is no happy ending to come out of this situation. There never is.
Possible outcome 1: You start seeing this guy because you like him and want to believe him. You become 'the other woman', while he spins you lie after lie about how he can't leave his girlfriend for x reason, for however long you are prepared to listen. When it comes to an ultimatum, he will leave you.
Possible outcome 2: He leaves his current girlfriend. Even if you don't end up ultimately paranoid that he will do the same thing to you as he did to his ex, which subsequently causes distrust and arguments and leads to a split, he probably WILL do the same thing to you, because they rarely change.
Possible outcome 3: You realise that there are in fact plenty more fish in the sea and that the chances of you never finding anyone else you connect with are slim. You find someone more eligible, leave this guy to it and live happily ever after.0 -
1) Never trust a guy who tells you his girlfriend/wife/mistress/whatever is a "psycho" or has psychological issues. 9 times out of 10, what she has is "tired of being cheated on-itis." This is how a *kitten* defines when the significant other dares to cry or get angry when someone is cheating. Cheaters love to toss around the word "psycho."
2) If a guy does in fact have a girlfriend/wife/mistress who has been Baker Acted, then stay as far away from that guy as possible, even if he is a complete saint with nothing but altruistic motives. A person who has been Baker Acted is not stable and can harm you or herself. Most definitely not the kind of drama you want in your life.
3) Presuming 2 is true, don't trust a guy who unloads another person's very personal, very private, problems on you. She's obviously trusted him to not tell the world, and he's betraying her by sharing her medical and emotional issues with you.0
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