My friends want me to drink?!

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  • gramarye
    gramarye Posts: 586 Member
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    If it's applicable, offer to drive. While I try to never take advantage of my non-drinking friends as the automatic driver, I find it's a) a great way to the deflect the "Why aren't you drinking?" conversation, and b) it's a major bonus to the road if you have friends who make bad choices.

    That said, as a much younger adult, I was totally the, "Why aren't you dri~nking?!" girl. We can't help it. We're really terrified you won't have a good time if you're sober. (Or that you'll remember antics that we'd rather forget.) That's not an excuse for being a bother, but it just sort of happens. >_>;
  • daftthoughts
    daftthoughts Posts: 88
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    As someone who has been in the same situation many times, I can relate and let me tell you, it's ANNOYING!

    I'm a social drinker who likes to, *occasionally*, enjoy some alcohol. But this is mostly at home with just one or two close friends or my boyfriend, and maybe only once every 2-3 months. I may have one or two shots of something for its flavor like I enjoy the occasional can of coke, but honestly, in general I don't really like drinking in crowds/bars/clubs/etc.

    It's always met with a lot of confusion. I grew tired of being pressured all the time and didn't bother going out anymore at some point because while saying "I don't want to, stop pressuring me" worked on most people, it usually only lasted for that day. The next time it would start all over again. In the end the people who pressured me have been extremely unimportant in my life and I don't miss them at all.

    Like everyone else is saying, just hold your ground and be firm about it. If they're friends you see outside of these social events, sit them down and tell them how this bull makes you feel and that you've made up your mind and that's it - no amount of pressuring will convince you. If they still continue to do this, I'd seriously reconsider my relationship with them if I were you, because real friends will not continue to pester you to drink.

    Real friends accept your decision.
  • MyJourney1960
    MyJourney1960 Posts: 1,133 Member
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    Does any of you have any idea how to make them get it or at least make them stop pressing me about it? Some of you would say that they are not good friends and so on but I think that they just don't give a fffff about clean eating, working out and so on.

    So yeah sorry if I ranted a bit but I am interested in your opinions :)
    yes - stop making it their business. stop discussing it. stop getting pulled into conversations and explanations and justifications. you're in college, think of this as your 'training' for the real world when you get a job and have annoying colleagues with annoying questions:laugh:

    so for example - "friend" says "hey why aren't you drinking", you say "dude? seriously? not that old thing again. so anyway, i saw RoommateOne kissing BestFriends'Boyfriend - what's up with that?"

    or "let it go." and change the subject

    Or "later" and change the subject

    Or "why do you keep asking me that? do you have a substance problem?" and change the subject.

    Or... you get the point. give a Non-Reply and then change the subject. sometimes you may have to walk away from a conversation. they'll eventually get bored and find someone else to badger. the important thing is not to get pulled into a discussion about your drinking habits. they don't care about your eating clean or your diet. but they do want you to be like "the old you".

    Remember - it's rude to comment on someone's eating/drinking habits, so you aren't being rude -THEY are.
  • iceflow
    iceflow Posts: 17 Member
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    Probably jealous of the dedication you've put in for your weight loss program. Don't let them bring you down.
  • Nicolee_2014
    Nicolee_2014 Posts: 1,572 Member
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    I have the same problem & I'm 33 & my friends are mostly older!
    Last time I went to my friends place she was pouring me wine - every time she went inside I tipped it into the garden.
    Some people just don't/can't understand how you can actually go out without being totally wasted. I think some of my friends should try it some time.
    The only advice I have is what was already suggested, pretend you are drinking alcohol but just have soda (or for me if I drink wine I get half wine, half lemonade & take for ever to drink it). Don't go out with them as much - which can be hard.

    Good luck :flowerforyou:
  • Denziee
    Denziee Posts: 527 Member
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    Does any of you have any idea how to make them get it or at least make them stop pressing me about it? Some of you would say that they are not good friends and so on but I think that they just don't give a fffff about clean eating, working out and so on.

    So yeah sorry if I ranted a bit but I am interested in your opinions :)
    yes - stop making it their business. stop discussing it. stop getting pulled into conversations and explanations and justifications. you're in college, think of this as your 'training' for the real world when you get a job and have annoying colleagues with annoying questions:laugh:

    so for example - "friend" says "hey why aren't you drinking", you say "dude? seriously? not that old thing again. so anyway, i saw RoommateOne kissing BestFriends'Boyfriend - what's up with that?"

    or "let it go." and change the subject

    Or "later" and change the subject

    Or "why do you keep asking me that? do you have a substance problem?" and change the subject.

    Or... you get the point. give a Non-Reply and then change the subject. sometimes you may have to walk away from a conversation. they'll eventually get bored and find someone else to badger. the important thing is not to get pulled into a discussion about your drinking habits. they don't care about your eating clean or your diet. but they do want you to be like "the old you".

    Remember - it's rude to comment on someone's eating/drinking habits, so you aren't being rude -THEY are.

    this!!! I also find its rude for people to constantly ask if you are pregnant because you choose not to drink. You're lucky you are not at the "prime age" and marital status for this constant questionning. My new response to "are you pregnant" is to say yes i'm due in about 3 weeks and then just turn on my heel and walk away.

    Stick with it. Your closest friends will get bored of asking you about it soon. And try not to be too hurt when someone close to you accuses you of being boring. It happens. xx
  • poma91
    poma91 Posts: 181 Member
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    I have to say huge thank you guys I love all of your advice. Some of your posts really made ma laugh :) I'll definitely try some of the suggested ideas!
  • JoRocka
    JoRocka Posts: 17,525 Member
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    Don't engage them- just completely ignore the question like it was never asked.

    (This will usually spark ANOTHER discussion- in which case I would say- it's my business/dont' you have ANYTHING better to talk about? MIley Cyrus? War in Syria? Alegbra homework?- clearly you have an issue because YOU keep bringing it up so I'm just going to refuse to acknowledge it because we have other things to do)

    personally I would just get new friends. (not even of the none drinking variety- but of the "more adult and mind my own business kind)

    My darling BF doesn't drink. He just doesn't like alcohol nor feeling drunk- or out of control. It is what it is. I rib on him occasionally for not drinking- all in good fun. But ultimately it's none of my business what he chooses to put in his body.

    Period. We are both adults- it's his business not mine.

    You have immature friends- get new ones.
  • poma91
    poma91 Posts: 181 Member
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    Don't engage them- just completely ignore the question like it was never asked.

    (This will usually spark ANOTHER discussion- in which case I would say- it's my business/dont' you have ANYTHING better to talk about? MIley Cyrus? War in Syria? Alegbra homework?- clearly you have an issue because YOU keep bringing it up so I'm just going to refuse to acknowledge it because we have other things to do)

    personally I would just get new friends. (not even of the none drinking variety- but of the "more adult and mind my own business kind)

    My darling BF doesn't drink. He just doesn't like alcohol nor feeling drunk- or out of control. It is what it is. I rib on him occasionally for not drinking- all in good fun. But ultimately it's none of my business what he chooses to put in his body.

    Period. We are both adults- it's his business not mine.

    You have immature friends- get new ones.

    Yeah well I agree on the immaturity thing but I don't want to be too rash or rude to them. Of course they are rude about asking me and pressing me about alcohol in first place but I don't think they realize that. I take it as if I have to explain it to a child. And finding new friends is not that easy. I mean I haven't changed and started new activities I just became more aware of my health and my body image :bigsmile:
  • perrinjoshua
    perrinjoshua Posts: 286 Member
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    I don't drink at all. I used to drink occasionally when younger, drank probably more than I should have after a divorce and came to the realization about 13 years or so ago that it's just not something I need, want, enjoy, etc. I am constantly being asked if I want a drink and when I say I don't drink, they say but it's only wine that should be OK. I do know I went to a high school reunion this spring and there was a lot of drinking going on. At the end of the night I was one of the few people on the dance floor still dancing up a storm, feeling wonderful and having a blast. Drinking is not what makes a party. On the flip side of drinking I guess is eating and people will do the same thing to you when you are trying to watch your weight or make healthy food choices. They will insist it is necessary for you to have some of whatever they are or you are a party pooper. Again, my healthy food choices have allowed me to have no cholesterol, high blood pressure and, now, weight problems, so I think my judgement on these two counts may be better than theirs. Stick to your guns. There is so much more to do with your time than drink. Just my two cents.
  • 81Katz
    81Katz Posts: 7,074 Member
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    My advice. DON'T mask your drink to make it look like an alcoholic beverage. What is this 3rd grade where Jenny, Sally and Katie all have pink hair bows so now you have to have one too?

    You don't drink, period! They'll just have to accept it. I agree with others, you not drinking makes them question their own drinking and they don't like that (maybe they drink TOO MUCH?)

    Sorry, end rant. So sick of the "just a little" type mentality or "fake it" so people get off your back. No. If you don't want to do something, don't do it!
  • onwarddownward
    onwarddownward Posts: 1,683 Member
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    I just don't drink. If someone wants me to drink, I tell them no. If that doesn't work, I start thinking, why the heck am I hanging around this loser?

    How would you deal with someone trying to get you to do drugs or engage in sexual behavior that you were not interested in? Same deal.
  • Senneth12
    Senneth12 Posts: 72
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    I don't drink. It's more accurate to say that I can't drink.

    I get questions sometimes, but not as often as before.

    My friends like always having a sober driver :)
  • lithezebra
    lithezebra Posts: 3,670 Member
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    You are experiencing peer pressure. It's completely fair to hold a glass of water and pretend that you're working on a tumbler of vodka, to get people to shut up.
  • Famoux
    Famoux Posts: 5
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    Few things are harder than staying away from alcohol. Even after you have succeeded in self discipline, your friends are there and ready to make you fail. I know first hand cause i've tried to stay away from alcohol, my friends did enough to make me become a bad influence on myself.
  • garber6th
    garber6th Posts: 1,894 Member
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    A LONG time ago I decided not to drink much, if at all, because I didn't want to be the obnoxious drunk chick everyone talks about the day after the party, because, um, I ended up being that on more than one occasion. Sometimes I do tell people that's why I don't drink, but people don't really push the issue about me drinking with them, maybe because I am older.
  • NonnyMary
    NonnyMary Posts: 982 Member
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    My advice. DON'T mask your drink to make it look like an alcoholic beverage. What is this 3rd grade where Jenny, Sally and Katie all have pink hair bows so now you have to have one too?

    You don't drink, period! They'll just have to accept it. I agree with others, you not drinking makes them question their own drinking and they don't like that (maybe they drink TOO MUCH?)

    Sorry, end rant. So sick of the "just a little" type mentality or "fake it" so people get off your back. No. If you don't want to do something, don't do it!

    That may be true, however, sometimes you just dont want to be bothered with all the drama and so its easier for a person to do that.
  • NonnyMary
    NonnyMary Posts: 982 Member
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    if someone offers you wine, you could say "oh no thankx, but i will take a Pepsi"
  • jerryvo
    jerryvo Posts: 66 Member
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    Since you can't control the people around you (beyond finding new people) I think you should reevaluate your answer to the question. By saying "I don't want to" you are opening up way to many questions for people: Is she a party pooper, a recovering alcoholic, etc... I would give a reason (though you shouldn't have to). Too many calories is a great one. It will address their inquiry directly and limit the scope of any follow up questions so you can come up with more stock answered when needed.

    I also think it is a good idea to fit in. If everybody around you is in party town don't stand there with your can of diet coke. Pour it into a keg cup and garnish it with a lime. This will defuse most questions before they are asked. I'm not saying to get crazy and put lemonade in a beer bottle but try and blend in a bit.

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