My 9 year old daughter thinks she's fat. What to do?

I hope you called grandma and told her she won't be spending any more time with her granddaughter.


You handled it well with your daughter. You really need to have a conversation with that grandmother, though. She needs to be put in her place.

Like the others, I think what you said to your daughter was perfect. You may need to have a chat with Grandma, though.

Have a respectful talk with Grandma and see what happened there. In Grandma's defense, the convo may have gone down in a different way than your 9 year old daughter explained it. Who knows.

Encourage your daughter to be more active but other than that, a little tummy on a 9 year old is nothing to be concerned with.

I have a 14 yr old daughter who kind of thinks the same but she's far from it (5'2 & 115 lbs). I swear some of this is media/ads and peer pressure etc. There's a fair share of kids (some who are overscheduled) that are plenty active but there are also plenty who are too sedentary! It sounds like you said all the right things...and I agree, discussing your concerns with the grandma would be a good idea. Perhaps if your daughter mentions this again, ask her if it's bothering her? If she's not participating in any extra-curricular sports, perhaps you could encourage that avenue...as simply a way to get her moving more? Good luck!

Wtf, Grandma?

I think you handled it well.

I notice with my 7-year-old daughter that she tends to gain a little weight, to the point she looks a bit chubby, and then she grows 2-3 inches and leans back out. I mostly focus on the health aspects of eating and the fun aspects of exercise and active play without mentioning body weight.

I agree with others, though. I would tell grandma to keep her mouth shut from now on, and if I heard of her saying anything like that to my child again, she wouldn't be spending time with her.

First off - talk to the grandma and tell her never never never to use that word again. The "F" word to a 9 year old girl is about one of the WORST things you can say to her. Nine is the start of the tweens - that dreaded age where hormones start to kick it up a notch and all of a sudden our "my little pony" loving girls go from sweet and carefree to totally body conscious (mom of a 12 year old girl here).

Secondly, never use the word diet or loose weight. Great phrases that work is tying to how we feel and not how we look. I feel healthy, food is fuel so we want to make sure we are fueling our bodies with healthy food, stuff like that.

Thirdly, summer is tough, there are alot of great food but there are also alot of temptations. Up the veggies in her lunch, fruit as snacks, that sort of stuff if there was a slip in healthy eating. I always have a couple of tupperware containers full of fresh, cut up veggies - carrots, peppers (in 2 or 3 colors), celery, cucs and I have fresh fruit (in many varieties) avaialble in-season.

But if I didn't mention this GRANDMA CANNOT USE THE "FAT" WORD - that needs to be nipped in the bud. Actually in our household "FAT" is a bigger curse word than the f-bomb. The girls now-a-days are under way more pressure to feel like they not only need to be thin - but model thin. This is how ed's start.

Good luck.

As most others have said, talk to Grandma, but please be respectful and firm. Her intentions may have been good, but were misdirected. What you said was very loving; I wouldn't talk about it again unless she brought it up. Just start making time to do active things together as a family or during your special "daughter" time. Have lots of healthy food choices available; in other words, lead by example. Keep a close eye on her in case she starts any unhealthy diet trend.

Apparently, her grandma told her she's "getting fat and needs to lose weight".

WHAT!? Your mother said this? That would be the last time my kid went there. End of.

She's nine, right - they go out and then they go up at that age, and again at age 12. And nobody mentions it. Ever.

It's normal for your daughter to have put on a little weight at this age. She is starting to have the hormonal shifts as she moves towards puberty (happens at different ages for different kids). Just keep her active (fun) and have her not undereat, and when she is full it's ok to stop eating.

Some people, women (Grandma) can be so tough on kids. They think they are doing the right thing to help them not get fat as they get into their teen and young adult years. But, it can cause problems. Girls have enough to deal with, they don't need the women (mothers/grandmothers) in their family telling them to be careful not to get fat. They forget that these girls are still growing (physically, mentally and emotionally).

I think what you said was good. But I would definitely stress to your daughter that her grandma did something wrong and and if she does it again to make sure she tells you.

Then you tell grandma that her access to your daughter is contingent upon her treating your daughter well and what she did was a serious breach of your trust.

It sounds to me like you dealt with it perfectly at the time. However it sounds like she may need her self esteem boosted a little, so try to make an effort to give her lots of compliments for little things, about how she looks and also the things she does, just to help her feel more like herself again.

And even more importantly than that- you MUST speak with her grandmother and tell her to never speak to your little girl like that again. Tell your daughter that if grandma says any more horrible things that she's to tell you.

Definitely speak with the grandmother about how she made her grandchild feel and tell her to never say anything like that again. I think you said the right thing to your daughter and also, in the future, just make sure you tell her how beautiful she is all the time. If she keeps complaining about her appearance, tell her that if it bothers her, you can show her some healthier food choices and leave it at that. I think you're doing great so far with what you said. :-)

Maybe since you are already looking to lose weight maybe address any food issues in the house like eliminating junk food for healthy alternatives as well as packing better school lunches or educating her on what could be healthier foods instead of fries.. but not in a way that makes it seem like weight may be an issue.
Also maybe you guys can take up a activity together.. father/daughter bike rides, nature walks, anything that involves being more active.
Just a thought.

I like this response. The reality is that she WILL be judged on her appearance. Tell her she is beautiful to you - that will mean a lot. But don't let her think that getting fat is OK too - because we all know it is slippery slope - i.e. the reason we are on here. Encourage good habits, encourage exercise and encourage her to read packages of food before she eats them - that has changed the way my 10 and 8 year old look at food.
Grandma could have said it nicer - BUT it is nothing that she is not going to hear at school if someone she loves is saying it to her. Help her fix it now....she will REALLY appreciate your support and remember to tell her how pretty she is to you!

First off - Grandma is a B***. I hope she's the mom's mom and not your mom because then I feel sort of bad. No wait, I don't!

If you notice your daughter is gaining weight and she is getting upset about it, there really isn't anything "right" to say. Just keep being supportive and positive BUT It's not up to a 9 year old to make herself fat or thin - it's up to the parents. Her weight is in your hands. You buy the groceries and prepare the meals. You make her lunches for school. You enroll her in activities (or don't). The best thing you can do for her is lead by example, keep junk food out of the house and make sure she has an active lifestyle. And also tell Grandma to butt out!

My mom was always concerned about health and weight as I grew up but she never said a word about it to me. She made sure we never had pop, sugary snacks, sugary cereal etc in the house. Fast food was a treat. She made sure I had a winter sport and a summer sport so I was active all year round. All 5 of us kids stayed fit (until one of my brothers and my sister moved out and went to uni).